game over
the final spin the bottle novel
a series of prequels to Everything Happens for a Reason... by
Daisy Jordan
copyright 2011 Daisy Jordan
Smashwords Edition
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To everybody who lives to play
previously,
in
spin
the
bottle...
*Disclaimer* - Whereas the “previously in stb…” section has in the past been used to refresh your memory, the excerpts included this time are clues. They foreshadow and hint at things that will happen in this book. Read them closely, look between the lines, be aware of any little thing that seems insignificant…everything means something. Enjoy, and good luck figuring anything out. ;)
“No matter what though, we have to stick together,” Hillary said to Jill, Lorylyn, and Sam. “Let’s all make a pact right now. Not just in cheerleading, but in high school.”
“Ooohh, good idea!” Lorylyn said with a grin. “Let’s do it!” She held out her hand, palm down, and the other girls piled their hands on top of hers.
“To forever friendship!” Hillary proclaimed, and they all lifted their hands in the air triumphantly, smiling at each other.
***
“I can’t believe you got to kiss Landon!” Hilton gushed later as she joined Jill and Hillary on the stone wall with a Coke in her hand. She hopped up next to Jill with her back to the lake and took a sip of her drink. “You’re so lucky! He’s so hot; I’ve had a crush on him since, like, elementary school!”
“Haven’t you ever kissed him?” Jill asked, surprised.
“No,” Hilton said, wrinkling up her face. “He always just plays around with me, like a friend or something. I think he sees me as, like, a little sister.”
***
Brooke wanted to scream. “I don’t understand! I thought you liked me! I thought there was something going on with us! How could you do this to me?!”
Brady sounded like he was starting to get annoyed. “Look, Brooke, I told you, I liked you both and I had to make a choice.”
“But...” Brooke sputtered, throwing her arms up in the air.
Brady was silent.
“Don’t just stand there! I deserve some kind of explanation! We had sex!” She would never tell him it had been her first time; she hoped he didn’t know.
***
“So we’re like, pretty good friends, right?” Todd asked.
“Yeah, why?” Jill was thrilled he considered her a good friend, and she wondered where he was going with this conversation. Oh my gosh! she thought. Maybe he likes me! Maybe he’s gonna tell me! She knew that probably wasn’t it, but her hopes were up now. Could that be it?!
Todd turned away and faced the lake again. “So don’t tell anyone I told you this, but my parents just started counseling.”
***
Every girl had her idea of a perfect guy, and Landon was Hilton’s. Her dream guy. But, she thought to herself now, where would I have left to go if I got my dream guy now? There’d be nothing left after that, no challenge, nothing to look forward to.
***
“But,” Ashley continued, “Lorylyn deserves to know her boyfriend’s past! I’m sure she had all these ideas of him being some virginal little goody-goody mama’s boy or something. She’s so naive. I mean, please!”
“Yeah…” Cassidy agreed. “I mean, she’s like, too innocent for any guy at this school!”
***
Hilton had plenty of experience with guys flirting and being all touchy-feely; she knew all the sophomore guys like Kevin and Matt who flirted with her found her attractive, and most of them would probably date her. But Landon was another story. For some reason, while she felt most of the older guys looked at her as an equal, she felt like Landon looked at her as a younger sister, or a younger friend to look out for, not a potential girlfriend.
***
“So where the hell are our favorite three people?” Lorylyn said.
Hillary looked at her. “Who?”
“You know, Blake and Tiffany and Stacy,” Lorylyn said in a fakely sweet upbeat voice. Then she giggled. “I think they missed out on skinny-dipping; I can’t believe it. They didn’t get to act like sluts in front of all the boys!”
“Oh, I dunno,” Hillary said. “I saw them going into the house like awhile ago.”
***
Landon leaned down to kiss her briefly again, then Hilton closed her eyes and laid her head against his shoulder. Things were going so wonderfully with him, and she couldn’t believe how he seemed to understand that she wasn’t ready to be an official couple yet.
***
Jill breathed deeply, and Todd’s eyes flickered to her tight T-shirt. Damn, she did have a nice body. Okay, he was just going to do it. He raised his head a little so he could lean over and kiss her. She moved a little bit again, and he froze, staring at her closed eyes. He stayed that way for a moment, poised above her, then suddenly he dropped his head back beside hers. Fuck it! he thought. I can’t do it. It’s too weird!
***
“Look, Brady...I wasn’t online and I didn’t call ‘cause Matt and I had sex last weekend, okay? So I don’t really...need this anymore.” Brooke gestured back and forth between the two of them.
“Oh,” Brady said, surprised. “So you don’t wanna do this anymore, since you and Matt are having sex now?”
“Yeah,” Brooke said.
***
“Jill!” her mom called. “I think it’s Todd,” she whispered as Jill took the phone.
“Hello?” Jill said, not wanting to get her hopes up that he was actually calling her on Christmas.
“Hey, Jill, guess what? My parents told me today that they’re done going to counseling, and they’re gonna stay together!”
***
“Do you guys know Kara Darson?…Well, she is a little fucking bitch,” Brooke declared loudly. “She hooked up with Andy.”
It took Hilton a moment.
“Lindy’s Andy?!” Tiffany asked, her mouth hanging open. She threw a quick glance at Stacy.
“How’d Lindy find out?” Stacy asked. She and Tiffany glanced at each other again. Hilton narrowed her eyes at them warily. There was something suspicious about those looks.
***
Hilton shook her head. “Dude, if Andy cheats, what guy doesn’t?”
“Oh, I’m sure Landon doesn’t,” Jill said.
“He fucking better not ever.”
***
Landon stepped forward and knocked tentatively on the door. “Lindy? It’s Landon.”
Silence.
“Hey, babe, listen to me, okay? Andy’s an asshole. You shouldn’t even be upset over a guy who would cheat on you. You deserve so much better than that.”
***
“They’re all so naive,” Hilton heard a voice say. She froze, trying to listen. This sounded sort of interesting. It sounded like Stacy who’d said that.
“Who?” That was definitely Blake Bishop’s voice.
“Lindy, Brooke, all of them. It’s just so funny that they have no fucking clue.”
Hilton heard muffled giggles.
Then Blake asked, “Why Brooke? Her and Matt broke up.”
Then it was silent, but it was the kind of silence where Hilton could tell meaningful looks were passing between the girls. Then there were more giggles and Blake said, “Oohhh, duh!”
Damn it! Hilton wished she could see them! She was pretty sure it’d been Stacy, Tiffany, and Blake. She had no clue what they’d been talking about, but it didn’t sound good. She tried to piece it together a little. They’d said Lindy and Brooke had no fucking clue…well, Andy had been cheating on Lindy…maybe Matt had been cheating on Brooke too? Hilton frowned. That seemed doubtful; Brooke had always seemed in total control of that relationship.
***
Landon took Hilton to Don Pablo’s in Logan for Valentine’s Day, since it was her favorite restaurant. It was a surprise; she hadn’t known where they were going.
“Aww, yay, Landon, I love it!” She clapped excitedly as they pulled into the parking lot.
“Really? I did okay?”
“Of course! It’s my favorite!”
“Yeah, but I thought you might want something more fancy for Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh, I don’t care about that. I just wanna go out with you and have fun; that’s all that matters.”
“Okay, well that’s what I thought you’d want. I just didn’t want you to be disappointed. I wanna be a good boyfriend.”
Hilton laughed. He was always trying to impress her by doing sweet things, and he also always told her about good grades he got, or compliments his basketball coach gave him, or how he was going to work out a lot this summer and try to get more buff. She already thought he was perfect; he was smart and funny and a good athlete with a gorgeous body who treated her like a princess, and normally he was confident and sure of himself. But she thought it was so cute and sweet the way he was less confident around her and always tried to build himself up in her eyes. She’d seen other guys with Landon’s looks and athletic abilities and confidence be cocky with their girlfriends and treat them like shit, so Landon’s behavior showed her that he really cared and wanted her to think highly of him, and that he didn’t take her for granted.
***
“Hey, is Landon going to prom?” Lorylyn asked Hilton.
“Hmm, I don’t know. I hadn’t even thought of that. Why? Is Brady going?”
“Well, I don’t know. Tiffany asked him, but he told her no.”
“What?” Hilton asked with a smirk. “Why would she ask him?”
Lorylyn shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess just ‘cause she doesn’t have a date, so she just wanted to go as friends or whatever. But he said he didn’t wanna go with her, ‘cause she’s kinda annoying and a bitch.” Lorylyn giggled. “Isn’t that funny?”
***
“What, did you think I just said it because you did? Or ‘cause I felt like I had to or something?” Hilton asked.
“Um...yeah.” He still didn’t look at her.
“Oh my gosh, are you kidding me, Landon? I totally meant it. I meant it so much. I’m like, head-over-heels in love with you.”
Finally he turned to look at her. “Really?” He sounded shocked, and Hilton could tell he was raising his eyebrows.
“Yes! What did you think? We’ve been together a long time now. Did you think I just kind of liked you or something?”
“Well, I thought you liked me, but I didn’t think you loved me. That’s why I never told you before.”
“Aww, you wanted to tell me before?”
“Um, yeah, like a long time ago.”
“Awwww...Landon, of course I love you! I can’t believe you would think I didn’t.”
“Well, it’s just like, you’re way out of my league. I feel lucky just that you’d even date me.”
***
“I just know he’s gonna start liking her more than me. She’s so much prettier than me, and they’ve known each other so long.”
“Okay, first of all, Mel, you’re so pretty.” Jessica sat beside Melanie and stroked Melanie’s long blonde hair. “And you’re worrying over nothing. Because he has known Jill forever, and they never dated. So if he would’ve wanted to, he would’ve done it already. He obviously likes you. Does Jill like him?”
“No,” Melanie said reluctantly. Jessica’s reasoning was starting to make her worries seem stupid. “At least I don’t think so. She made out with this guy Detter last weekend at Landon’s.”
“See?” Jessica said. “She’s in that crowd with Landon and the cheerleaders, and I know how they are...they’re all partiers and they all get around.”
***
“Is Landon a virgin?” Hillary asked.
Hilton smiled cutely and nodded. “Uh-huh.”
***
“Dude, get the hell out of here,” Landon said. “Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?”
“What?” Andy was pissed. “What the fuck, dude? So we’re not welcome here anymore? Just ‘cause I have a new girlfriend?”
“Dude, you don’t just fucking have a new girlfriend. You cheated on your old girlfriend with her, and now you’re parading her in front of her face. Seriously. That’s pretty low, man. And don’t come here and yell at Brooke.” He scoffed and shook his head. “We’re all friends here, and I don’t want any of that shit at my house. And no, you’re not welcome here anymore, ‘cause you treated Lindy like shit.”
“Dude, that’s complete bullshit.”
Landon scoffed again. “Whatever. You just better be fuckin’ gone when we get back.” He grabbed Lindy’s hand and started for the house.
Lindy held Andy’s gaze for one last moment, then she turned and followed Landon, her hand still in his.
***
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Brooke, but you’ve suffered an incomplete miscarriage.”
***
“So, any good stories?” Landon asked with a grin. He had a few guys over to his parents’ lake cottage for a boys’ night, and it was a tradition at boys’ night to boast about sexual conquests.
“Dirk’s finally off his dry spell,” Bennett said with a grin, pointing obnoxiously at Dirk. “Actually for quite a while now, right, bud?”
Dirk grinned, but he looked kind of embarrassed. “Yep, all systems are go,” he said, and all the boys laughed. A couple of them reached over to slap Dirk high fives.
“So what was the deal with that anyway?” Bennett asked.
Dirk shrugged and rolled his eyes. “How the hell do I know? I don’t even wanna think about it anymore.”
Landon shook his head. “Damn, what was it man, like three months without? That shit sucks.”
“Yeah,” Dirk said. “Fuckin’ tell me about it. But whatever. It’s all good now.”
“Hey, where’s Cash?” Robbie Willis asked. “I thought he was in on this. And Blake.”
“Blake’s still grounded,” Landon said. “His parents are being really hard-ass about the whole getting busted thing.”
“And Cash is in love,” Matt said dryly. “With a chick who’s not even his girlfriend. He’s out.”
All the guys laughed again.
“Is he really out?” Robbie asked.
Matt nodded. “Since like August. Where the hell have you been?”
“Hey, more power to him,” Landon said with a shrug. “He doesn’t have time to waste hanging out with you assholes.” He grinned.
“Oh, fuck you, Kessler,” Robbie said. “Why don’t you go call your girlfriend?”
***
“You can’t tell anybody about this,” Brooke said. “You have to promise, Hillary.”
Hillary shook her head, still shocked. “No, I won’t. But, is it…?”
“No,” Brooke said into her pillow. “It wasn’t Brady’s. It was in Spain; he was just talking about Lorylyn the whole time, so I was really upset and I slept with this guy I met at a club. And I know that was the night I got pregnant, ‘cause every time I slept with Brady I was on the pill. The other guy was the only time I wasn’t. So please just don’t say anything. I never saw him again, and I just don’t want anybody to know about this. I’ve kinda been hooking up with Kevin now, so…”
Hillary nodded, relieved it hadn’t been Brady’s baby. “Okay, I won’t tell,” she promised. “Brooke,” she said after a minute.
“Yeah?” Brooke asked, still turned away from Hillary in the bed.
“You know that day at Planned Parenthood? I wasn’t getting my birth control either.”
Brooke sat up and turned to look at Hillary, her eyes wide. “What?”
Hillary shook her head. “Well, I kinda was, ‘cause after that appointment was when I first got on the pill, but that was my first time ever going there. And I went ‘cause…” She looked away, not sure how to say it. “I went ‘cause I cheated on Dirk. Over the summer. And so I went to get tested.”
“Did you have anything?”
Hillary nodded slowly. “Chlamydia,” she said. “Luckily only that. ‘Cause I just got a cream, and it only took like a week to get rid of it. But then after that, I just felt dirty and guilty and I still couldn’t do anything with Dirk for a while. It was horrible.” She shook her head. “I am never cheating on him again. Serves me right, I guess, for doing it in the first place.”
Brooke shook her head, still stunned. “Wow,” she said. “Well, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Now we’re even, I guess.”
***
“You never said one bad thing about her or acted jealous or possessive. He should be thankful to you for your presence bringing out Melanie’s bad side,” Hilton said to Jill.
***
“Damn it!” Landon cursed again, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I’m fuckin’ pissed! It said to cook it for thirty minutes. I thought I’d have plenty of time to come get you and-” He stared at Hilton, who was grinning at him, amusement sparkling in her caramel-colored eyes.
“Don’t laugh!” Landon sounded wounded. “I tried to make it perfect for you.”
“I know,” Hilton said, still giggling. “And you did it. It is perfect.”
Landon turned away. “Yeah right. I fucked it up.”
Hilton put her arms around his waist from behind and pressed her cheek into his back. “I love you so much. And it’s stuff like the fact that you messed up that makes me love you even more. You’re so cute.”
“Oh, yeah?” Landon asked, and Hilton could tell he wasn’t as upset anymore. “Well that’s good, I guess, ‘cause I mess up at a lot of stuff.”
“Yeah, but not the important stuff.”
“Well of course not the important stuff.”
***
“Are you scared?” Landon asked her, and she could see in his eyes that maybe he was a little bit. Or maybe he was just worried she’d regret it or not enjoy it. She felt more in love with him than ever.
“No,” she said truthfully. “I’m not at all. I’m ready.”
“I love you, Hilton.”
“I know. I love you too.”
A minute later when it happened, it was a little awkward at first, and it wasn’t as smooth as what she’d thought it would be. It was kind of uncomfortable and painful, but she didn’t even care. Because it was magical too.
***
When Todd drove her home, Jill asked if he wanted to come in and watch a movie or something. He declined her offer, saying he was tired. As Jill climbed out of the car, the realization hit her harder than ever that Todd didn’t like her or think about her as a possible girlfriend at all.
***
Jill didn’t want this horrible feeling hanging over her head of not being able to be with the guy she truly liked. Most high school girls were excited about the dates they went on and probably had relationships like Hilton and Lorylyn and Hillary. That’s all Jill wanted…just to be dating the boy who might be The One and to have that normal high school excitement in her life that was supposed to come with dating.
***
“Brooke! I got into UIC!” Lindy screamed into the phone. “I just got my letter! I’m so excited!”
“Me too,” Brooke said, but she knew her tone sounded glum.
“You will be,” Lindy said, “once you get your acceptance letter and we go up there. It’s like a fresh start; you’ll be able to get away from everything that’s happened here the last couple years.”
“Yeah,” Brooke said, thinking, If you only knew how much I have to get away from.
***
Brady and Lorylyn had already talked about next year, and he’d said there was no way he planned on losing her. He wanted them to visit each other as much as possible, and Lorylyn thought she’d probably apply wherever he ended up going, because she’d always thought she’d probably like to go to a small school anyway. She was already dreading the end of the summer, when he’d leave, but she knew it wouldn’t really matter being apart from him for a year as long as they were together as a couple. There was no way she wanted to lose him either.
***
Lindy was right. Brooke loved Chicago, and being away on a college visit didn’t allow her much time at all to think about her problems back home. Plus, those problems were all in the past now...except for Brady and Lorylyn being back together. She’d seen them in the halls at school, and she couldn’t even look at either one of them.
But being on a college campus and in the middle of the bustling city thrilled Brooke, and she wanted more than anything to be here permanently. She loved the campus, and she could absolutely see herself living here with Lindy. She could already feel how she’d be able to start over here, and how her problems from home would seem so far away, like part of another life.
***
Yet the tragic, unfulfilling end to Jordan and Nick’s relationship was one reason The Great Gatsby was so good. It was like real life, unsatisfying, depressing, no happy ending where all the loose ends got tied up.
***
Jill knew Todd didn’t like her and didn’t think about her that way…when was she ever going to stop getting her hopes up?
***
Jill closed her eyes and took a deep breath…all that mattered was that Todd didn’t have sex. If he did…it would ruin everything.
***
The door to Ms. Kirkwood’s room opened, and Ashley Cassleman came in carrying roses. There were five of them, one for each of the girls and one for Landon.
“Mine says secret admirer,” Jill said, looking at Hilton. She figured Hilton had done it so she wouldn’t be the only girl in SRT not to get one. But Hilton looked genuinely surprised.
“Does it say anything else?”
“No. You don’t know who sent it?”
“No.”
***
When Jill got home she was on cloud nine. That had been amazing…by far her and Detter’s best date ever. She couldn’t believe she’d just hooked up with a guy she wasn’t going to date anymore and been totally okay with it. In fact, it had been like the perfect ending.
***
“Aaaahhhh!” Blake Bishop squealed, running into the room and letting the door slam behind her. Jill flinched. “Tiffany is so getting it on with Colby in the bathroom over there!”
Jill’s chest tightened. Detter and Tiffany?
Hilton grabbed Jill’s arm for balance. “What a dirty whore,” she whispered.
Blake ran back out of the room, apparently having come over just to spread the news, and Jill wondered bitterly if Blake had done it entirely to upset her. That was something Blake would do. “Blake’s a dirty whore too,” she said in a half joking tone.
“Um, yeah she is!”
Jill giggled again, feeling better because of Hilton’s concurrence. She so wished she had whatever Hilton had that allowed her to not be friends with Blake and Tiffany and Stacy, but also to be off their radar. They would never fuck with Hilton, and even if they tried, it would never get to her.
***
Brooke made a point of staying away from Brady’s party all night, and it saddened her to think they couldn’t even talk anymore, and he would never know she’d been pregnant with his baby…
***
Jill suddenly felt slightly dizzy as she remembered what Hilton had said about making herself too available as soon as Todd broke up with Melanie. She had, and not just then, but ever since she’d known him. She was always around, always in every part of his life or trying to find out about the parts she wasn’t there for, and he probably didn’t want that. It was probably annoying to him.
And yet, even if it was, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to be around him all the time; it made her happy. She didn’t want to ignore him for a while or say she couldn’t go to some event that was really important to him just to make him wish she were there and want her. It was important to her not to miss any of those events. She couldn’t imagine missing one of his birthday dinners, or an important game, or anything else. Any time he asked her to hang out or do something for him or with him, she would, because she wanted more than anything to constantly be with him, to experience his life with him and be there for all the moments, big and small.
This completely sucks! she thought, blinking to hold the tears back. What the hell am I supposed to do?! It’s not fair that he likes Melanie, when she hasn’t been part of his life like I have, when she didn’t even do anything to try to make him like her. How can he not see?! Or maybe he does see, maybe he just is so uninterested in me that it doesn’t matter. But why would he wanna be with someone who hasn’t shared all the important moments with him I have? We have so many inside jokes, so many stories, so many funny memories…
But apparently, that didn’t weigh a lot for him.
***
Landon was on his way home from his lake cottage, unfazed by the snow and driving fifty in a thirty. He had scaled it down a little from his normal seventy, but he wasn’t at all worried about losing control in his Jeep. Then all of a sudden, without any warning, his right leg jerked spasmodically, causing him to jolt in surprise. The Jeep swerved. Before he knew what was happening, he was flying across the road and lurching down the hill on the other side.
He saw the tree coming and knew there was nothing he could do; at best, he could turn to one side so the tree wouldn’t hit as close to his body.
He hit it head-on. He was out of the Jeep a second later, running around to the other side. It looked like only the front had been damaged. Then he saw headlights on the road above. The car was stopping. Someone must have seen the accident.
***
“I just lost control of the Jeep and went in the ditch. I was driving home from the cottage, and you know how curvy that road is. I probably shouldn’t have been going as fast as I was,” he admitted.
“Oh my gosh.” Hilton knew her voice was shaky too. “What were you doing?! You shouldn’t have been trying to drive at all! Why didn’t you guys leave when it first started snowing?!” It’d been a boys’ night.
***
Lorylyn hadn’t even acquired a scratch in her wreck. But what had she done to deserve that luck? It was kind of like at the party last summer, when almost everyone had been busted but her. She hadn’t done anything to deserve that either….Her apparent invincibility scared her.
***
“Never again,” Landon whispered into her hair. “Never again.”
Hilton pulled back and gave him a confused look. “Never again what?”
“Never again am I gonna be that careless. I have way too much to lose.”
***
Melanie knew Devin didn’t really know Jill, which was great, because it was the complete opposite of Kelsey, who looked up to Jill and thought she was awesome and always stuck up for her. Melanie and Kelsey really barely even talked anymore. But whatever. Melanie wrinkled her nose as she thought about it. Kelsey and Jill could just go be best friends if they wanted. Whatever. She didn’t care. They could just kiss her ass.
***
“Hey,” Todd said to Jill in AP history on Thursday. “I don’t know if I can come over tonight. For Friends…I just don’t know if I should do that anymore, ‘cause of Mel, you know…” He looked at her apologetically, like he knew she was going to be mad, which pissed her off more than anything.
***
Landon got online and sent out an email on his school account to all the guys who regularly came to boys’ night.
hey guys, i just wanted to let you know i’m out. sorry, but after the wreck last week i just wanna spend more time w/ hilton. sorry you have to find a new place.....have fun w/o me. i’ll write down the lists and give em to somebody at school. or maybe you can still use the cottage…i’ll figure somethin out
***
“Look, it’s just Friends,” Todd said quietly.
“Yeah, you said that.”
“Well, then why are you mad?!” Todd threw up his hands.
“Because, Todd!” she hissed. “You told her you weren’t gonna stop being friends with me, but that’s exactly what you’re doing! Just because you’re with her doesn’t mean we should have to stop doing what we normally do! If you change that, then you’re changing our friendship, and that’s bullshit!”
***
Todd stormed in, walking immediately to her bed and sitting on it without looking at her. “My fucking asshole dad’s having an affair,” he said finally, his voice tight and infuriated in a way Jill had never heard. It scared her.
“I wasn’t gonna come here,” Todd said, sounding apologetic now. “ ‘Cause I know you’re pissed at me. I was gonna go to Mel’s, but then I realized she doesn’t even know anything about this, ‘cause when we first started dating my parents were good, like after their counseling you know, so I’ve never even told her about that at all. So I hope you’re not pissed I came.”
“Oh my gosh, Todd, of course I’m not pissed! I feel horrible you even hesitated to come.” She made a sympathetic and apologetic face at him. “I’m not even mad anymore...I hope you know you can always talk to me.”
“I know…or at least I thought so…that’s why I came.”
***
During SRT, all the juniors and seniors had to go out to the street running behind the tennis courts and football field and see a simulation of a drunk-driving accident. When they arrived, there was a smashed-up car rammed against a telephone pole. Most of the students near Lorylyn, several of whom were Blake Bishop’s friends, were laughing and making comments that seemed to Lorylyn insensitive and inappropriate. She was surprised when she turned and saw Blake standing quietly, not joining in the conversation.
***
Lorylyn still couldn’t shake the feeling that had come over her earlier when she’d once again been wondering why she’d been chosen to be so lucky….She couldn’t be this lucky forever. So that must mean something really bad was coming.
***
Jill studied Lindy and Robbie, wishing they would hook up. They had gone to Homecoming together too, but hadn’t ever dated. They were together all the time at school though, and she’d worn his jersey to school the Thursday before state and at the game. They made a cute couple.
***
At the moment, Jill felt friendly toward Brooke and nostalgic for their old friendship, and she wondered if maybe after everything that had happened, they’d all be able to get along and hang out together this summer. It seemed possible.
***
Over the last few weeks of school, Jill and Melanie started emailing each other back and forth on a daily basis, talking about stupid, irrelevant things. Jill had initiated it. Suddenly the idea of being Melanie’s friend was her new obsession, because she knew Melanie wasn’t thrilled about it but had to be super nice to her in order to not piss Todd off, and Jill loved the feeling of power she now had over Melanie.
***
Jill couldn’t wait to read what Landon and Brady had left to Hilton and Lorylyn in their senior wills. Both girls were begging the boys to let them read the wills, or at least their sections, ahead of time, but Landon and Brady adamantly refused, knowing it drove the girls crazy.
“I want you to read it next year,” Brady said at the commons the morning the wills were due. “When I’m not here anymore, so you can remember all the good times.” He winked at Lorylyn, knowing she was going nuts.
“Yeah,” Landon said to Hilton. “It’ll be better if you read it after I’m gone.”
***
The way Brooke saw it, she had two major options with her senior will; she could be nice, or she could be honest. She could make it funny and of course suggestive, or she could, on top of that, hurt people. She’d been torn between doing what she knew was probably the “right thing” and letting people know things she thought they should know.
“Get yours finished?” Lindy asked, sliding into her desk with a smile. “I can’t wait to read my section!”
Brooke smiled coolly. “Yep, it’s done.” She’d made her decision, and her words would be immortalized in the Senior Will Book and the yearbook. She just hoped she wouldn’t look back years from now and regret it.
***
Todd wasn’t the only one who’d voted for Jill for student council president. Detter had, just for fun, and knowing that would’ve made Jill smile. But she would’ve been stunned to know who else had voted for her. And she never would’ve been able to even begin to fathom the reason.
The girl sat at the back of the auditorium, glaring at Hilton as she and Jill took the stage. Sure, she’d liked Hilton just like everybody else all through junior high and high school, up until just recently. But then something had happened. Something that made her resent everything about Hilton – her looks, her intelligence, her skill in tennis, her power to start the gray sweatshirt trend, the fact that every guy at BC was half in love with her, and the fact that Hilton didn’t care, or even realize, these guys were in love with her, because she’d already found the perfect one.
And most of all, she hated how Hilton would always be the winner, how she would always be the one people chose.
As she watched Hilton, hearing her impromptu speech that made everyone laugh, she hated Hilton’s perfect life more than ever. So she decided to ruin it.
She thought about doing it this weekend – tomorrow – at Landon’s graduation party, because it would be so satisfying to do it as soon as possible. But no...because that would leave too much time for repairs and amends to be made, for Hilton’s perfect life to come right back to her after only having fallen off the track for a little while.
No, she would wait. She would give Hilton the summer. And then, when it would be too late to fix anything, she would bring Hilton’s perfect world crashing down around her.
game
over
“spin the bottle”
(part 4)
…well-played games, better-told lies, best-kept secrets
if only we’d had any idea
funny how a moment of realization could change everything
i feel like things meant so much less to him than they did to me
i guess maybe i never knew him at all
and she still loves him, she says she knows it’s right
and i still love him, but i feel like it’s wrong
how did we end up here?
looking back we never would’ve said
that pact would only last a month
it’s been so long, we’ve come so far
it’s almost done, we’re almost gone
it’s so crazy to think about
please don’t forget me, don’t forget what we are
i’ll remember you, and i’ll remember the scars
and now it’s that morning, time to leave
and everything i lost is yours to keep
summer
2000
funny how a single moment of realization could change everything
chapter 1) landon’s… the grad party after-party
Landon’s party was the Saturday after graduation, the same day as Hillary’s birthday. The baseball sectional championship was also that day, and Hilton was nervous that if BC lost, Landon’s party would be ruined a little. She thought it sucked how unless you won state, your last game of every sport your senior year would be a loss. At least Landon had won one state championship…he was way luckier than most people. And it had been in his favorite sport. But still, she wanted him to at least win sectional in baseball.
It was a close, high-scoring game from the beginning – 5-4 just at the end of the first inning. Hilton cheered loudly for all BC’s players, as did Jill and Lorylyn. Hillary cheered only for Dirk.
“Did you realize, this could be the last time we ever sit here and watch them play?” Lorylyn asked Hilton at the end of the fourth inning, when BC was down 8-7.
“Don’t say it,” Hilton said, not looking at her. “Don’t say it. We’ll be here next weekend watching them win regional.”
After five innings BC was still down one, and they brought Todd in to pitch in the top of the sixth. He’d been a closer all year, and Jill was hoping next year he’d be a starter, since Reed and two other starting pitchers were graduating. Hilton shared an anxious look with Jill, knowing how nervous Jill must be for him.
Todd struck out the first batter. The second and third both flied out, one to center and one to shallow left. Brady, the shortstop, made the catch in left to end the inning, and Lorylyn and Jill both jumped up, clapping and screaming.
“Yeaaaahhh, Toooodd!” Jill shouted, beaming as she jumped up and down.
“Yay, Brady!” Lorylyn squealed happily. Lorylyn held her hands out to Jill for a high five, and Jill smacked them.
In the bottom of the inning, Dirk walked, Landon bunted and made it to first when the third baseman bobbled the ball, and then Brady hit a three-run homer to make it 10-8.
The girls went crazy, even Hillary. Lorylyn was ecstatic, her glumness of this possibly being the last home game completely gone. She jumped up and down wildly, her short black ponytail bouncing and her voice going hoarse. All the girls laughed and hugged and giggled as they sat back down.
“Come on, Todd, one, two, three,” Jill begged anxiously as Todd walked back onto the field ten minutes later to begin the seventh. Her hands were folded as if in prayer.
Hilton looked down to where Melanie sat with her sister Jessica, who was home from college for the summer. It annoyed Hilton how Melanie never showed any emotion at Todd’s games; she just sat there, and she never even clapped or anything. It was like she was bored out of her mind and couldn’t care less and was only here because she had to be. Hilton was sure she probably did care, but it’d be nice if she showed it once in a while. When was Todd ever going to figure out how much better he could do and realize Jill was perfect for him? Hilton looked over at Jill, who was on the other side of Lorylyn and Hillary. Her eyes were glued to Todd as he threw his warm-up pitches, and her hands were still folded together, her face tight with nervous excitement. She cares so much about this, about him, Hilton thought. And that stupid bitch over there doesn’t even clap for him. Todd is so stupid. She felt a sudden flash of anger toward him, and almost wished he would do poorly this inning. But of course she didn’t really want that; she wanted BC to win. But still…why were some guys so completely clueless?
Todd did well; he struck out the first batter and walked the second but didn’t give up a hit; Landon, who was the second baseman, fielded the third batter’s blistering ground ball and tossed it quickly to Brady at second, and Brady threw it straight and fast and hard over to first for a double play to end the game.
All four girls jumped to their feet, screaming triumphantly and hugging each other.
“Todd got the win! Todd got the win!” Jill cried exuberantly. Since BC had been behind when Todd came in, the win would be attributed to him rather than to Reed, the starting pitcher.
Melanie probably wouldn’t even know that, Hilton thought to herself with a slight roll of her eyes.
The girls stood and watched as the players all piled on top of each other on the field, then a few minutes later, as the team started to come out of the dugout, the girls went down to meet the boys.
“Hey, baby!” Landon said, grinning as he wrapped Hilton in a bear hug.
“Hey, good job! You did awesome! I’m so happy for you!”
“Thanks.” He kissed the top of her head.
As Hilton stepped back, she saw Todd and Melanie embrace briefly as Mel’s sister looked on.
“Okay, we’re headed out,” Melanie said. “When are you coming over?”
“I just have to finish up here,” Todd said, taking his hat off and running his hand through his messy light brown hair. “And then I’ll go home and shower and stuff, and then I’ll be over.” He turned his hat around and put it on backwards.
“All right, see ya then.” Melanie stood on her tiptoes for a quick kiss, then turned to leave with Jessica.
“Bye, Mel!” Jill said brightly with a smile Hilton knew was fake, but it looked convincing. Hilton grinned.
“Oh, bye!” Melanie said in an overly sweet voice. “See you tonight.”
“See ya!”
***
Landon’s actual party was from three to seven; that’s what the invitations mailed and given out to all his teachers, coaches, relatives, and parents’ friends said. But the ones given out to his friends had an extra line on them: After-party, whenever the adults leave till Sunday morning.
Jill had felt special when he’d given her one, even though she knew that was probably stupid. But it would’ve been easy for him to just figure she’d know when it was from all the talking they’d been doing about it in SRT, so she had felt honored when he handed her the paper at lunch one day a couple weeks before school got out. She still sometimes found it hard to believe she was decently good friends with Landon Kessler. Of course, that was only because of Hilton, but still. She couldn’t believe where she was compared to three years ago, when she’d been just out of junior high. It sometimes seemed like mere months ago, but also a whole lifetime ago.
Jill went to Landon’s around 5:30 with Kelsey and Bennett, and she wondered if that pissed off Melanie. Kelsey and Bennett had originally been supposed to go with Mel and Todd, but Kelsey had told Bennett, “I am not going with them; she has been driving me up the fucking wall. I’m going with Jill.”
“Fine with me,” Bennett had said with a shrug; he wasn’t a huge fan of Melanie either because she was so jealous and controlling. He had originally helped set her up with Todd, but now he thought Todd was stupid for getting back together with her. He would never say that to Todd though; it was Todd’s own business to date whatever girl he wanted, and it didn’t really matter that much to Bennett either way.
Of course Melanie and Todd didn’t know that was why Kelsey and Bennett had changed their plans, but it still gave Jill a feeling of satisfaction. It was an empty satisfaction though, just a cover-up for the hurt and jealousy she felt regarding Todd and Melanie’s relationship, and she knew it.
Even though Landon’s party officially ended at seven, most of his relatives were still lingering at eight, and Jill was enormously bored. She just kept watching Melanie and Todd; she couldn’t make herself stop, and she wished the adults would leave so she could start drinking. She warned herself that might not be a good idea, but then she waved that thought away.
Most of the students had come earlier for half an hour or so and then left, planning to return around nine or ten. Lindy was still here, but that was because she and Landon had been best friends since they were like, five, so Lindy was hanging out with his extended family, whom she knew well. Jill, Kelsey, and Bennett had planned on staying for the long haul when they showed up at 5:30. Now Jill was feeling stupid for not realizing everyone would leave and irritated that most of her friends, including Hillary, had left. Lorylyn and Brady had just run to the gas station for more ice, and Jill hoped they’d hurry back. She was calculating in her mind how long they’d probably be gone…it was at least five minutes, maybe more, to the nearest gas station, then it’d take a few minutes there…she probably had at least fifteen more minutes of complete agony.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t having fun with Kelsey, but she felt like a total loser standing here with Kelsey and Bennett and no boyfriend of her own. When Lorylyn had been here, she hadn’t felt so stupid because Lorylyn had been talking to her most of the time while Brady socialized with Landon’s relatives and the Kesslers’ adult friends, many of whom he knew and who would also be at his graduation party tomorrow.
Hilton was here, of course, but for the last hour she’d been trapped at a table on the corner of the patio talking to Landon’s great-grandma. When Jill had crossed the patio on her way in to use the bathroom, Hilton had called, “Jill! Come here a sec!”
As Jill walked over, Hilton widened her eyes briefly to show she was going crazy, and Jill gave her a wry grin.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Hilton said to the very tiny, hunched-forward old woman. “But I wanted you to meet Jill. She’s my best friend. Jill, this is Landon’s great-grandma Darlene.”
Jill smiled pleasantly. “Hi, nice to meet you,” she said.
“Oh, so now will this be your maid of honor?” Darlene asked Hilton.
Jill stared at Darlene. She appeared completely serious.
“Yes, she would be my maid of honor,” Hilton said, widening her eyes at Jill again as if to say, Get me out of here!
Jill widened her eyes back in amusement and grinned at Hilton. “Okay, well I was on my way to the bathroom. Nice to meet you,” she said again.
Now, as she was standing with Kelsey and Bennett and thinking she still had more than ten minutes before Brady and Lorylyn got back, Todd approached with Melanie trailing slightly behind.
“Hey, we’re gonna go get something to eat. You guys wanna come?”
“Are you kidding me?” Kelsey asked. “I’m freaking stuffed. Didn’t you eat here?”
“Yeah, but I’m fucking bored out of my mind,” Todd said. “We didn’t know everyone was like, leaving.”
“Yeah,” Melanie chimed in. “This totally sucks.”
She sounds so whiny, Jill thought, mimicking Melanie in her head and then hoping her face hadn’t actually scrunched up and made it obvious what she was doing.
“Do you know what time they’re coming back?” Bennett asked.
“I think like nine or ten,” Jill said, repeating what Hilton had told her.
“Well, we’re going, if you guys wanna come,” Todd said, starting off toward the side of the house.
“Where you guys going?” Bennett called after him.
Todd shrugged. “I dunno, maybe like McDonald’s or something? We’re not really that hungry either.”
“You wanna go?” Bennett asked Kelsey.
She shrugged and looked at Jill. “I don’t care.”
“I’ll go,” Jill said. If she had a chance to keep Mel and Todd from going off by themselves, she’d do it.
“Yay, Jill!” Melanie said with a smile Jill was sure was fake. Jill smiled back.
Bennett, Kelsey, and Jill went in Bennett’s Jimmy, and Mel and Todd went in Todd’s truck. Jill was irritated they didn’t just all go in Bennett’s car; it had enough room if three people squeezed into the backseat.
When they reached the Caldwell McDonald’s, Todd, who had been leading, turned recklessly into the parking lot and swerved out into a big one-eighty, sliding to a stop and leaning out the window toward Bennett. Jill could tell Melanie was looking their way too.
“Dude, better idea! You wanna go TP-ing?” Todd called. Jill saw Melanie grinning and felt a flutter of excitement in her own stomach. That could actually be fun…she’d never been TP-ing before! And she loved doing risky, daring things whenever Todd was involved. And TP-ing was kind of risky in their county, because if you got caught, you had to pay a hundred-dollar fine for every roll of toilet paper in your possession.
“Are you serious?” Bennett asked. “It’s not even dark yet.”
“Almost!” Todd gestured at the sky. “By the time we go get some toilet paper.”
“Let’s do it!” Jill called eagerly, feeling left out because she was in the backseat and it restricted her from being as much a part of the conversation as everyone else. “Who’re we gonna get?”
Todd shrugged the arm that was hanging outside his window. “We didn’t get that far yet.”
“We can think of someone while we’re getting the toilet paper,” Kelsey said.
“Well, hey, I think we need to split up and get it,” Bennett said. “ ‘Cause if we go into the grocery store and just buy a bunch, I think they have to call the cops.”
“Are you serious?” Melanie asked incredulously, looking a little worried.
“Well it’ll be fine, I just think we need to be discreet,” Bennett said, grinning.
“Okay,” Todd said. “Well, we’ll go to Kroger, and then Wal-Mart. You guys wanna go to Brinkley and hit up a couple different places? And then we’ll meet up.”
Jill didn’t like that idea; she wanted to go with Todd, not with Bennett and Kelsey. But oh well…this was still going to be an adventure she shared with Todd.
“That’s cool,” Bennett said. “Where you wanna meet?”
“Ummm,” Todd said. “Meet at my house. Half an hour? Think about who to get. And get as much TP as you can without looking suspicious.”
“All right,” Bennett said, flashing Todd a casual thumbs-up, and Todd sped off.
“Aaahhh, I’m so excited!” Kelsey said, clapping her hands eagerly and turning around to share a giddy grin with Jill. “This is gonna be so fun!”
***
At the grocery store, Bennett, Kelsey, and Jill each bought a twenty-four pack of Charmin. They went through separate checkout lanes, thinking it’d seem less suspicious for one teenager to be buying toilet paper than three together. They also agreed it would look better to buy a more expensive kind, because most TP-ers would buy the cheapest kind they could.
Jill felt nervous as she went through the checkout, and she prayed it wasn’t noticeable and the checkout lady wouldn’t ask her why she was buying toilet paper. She had decided if the lady did ask, she would say her mom had sent her out to get it. But the lady merely asked her if she wanted a bag or not, then smiled kindly but in a disconnected fashion when Jill said no. She didn’t even wonder, Jill thought with a sigh of relief as she walked out to the parking lot, not looking at Bennett or Kelsey, who were both still at checkout counters.
They met up beside Bennett’s car, all grinning and slapping high fives, then went to Wal-Mart and did the same thing. Jill was having a blast, but she couldn’t wait to be with Todd again. She didn’t even care if they missed a lot of Landon’s party, as long as she was with him.
When they got to his house, he and Melanie were waiting and came right out. They had both changed clothes and were dressed head to toe in black, Todd wearing a black Nike sweatshirt and Adidas windpants and a black baseball cap, and Melanie wearing a huge black hooded sweatshirt and black basketball shorts that were obviously Todd’s. She too wore a black baseball cap. Hers was turned backwards.
“Oh my gosh!” Kelsey cried, laughing. “You guys look hilarious.”
“Do you like it?” Melanie asked, batting her eyelashes.
Jill’s stomach turned. She hated seeing Melanie in Todd’s clothes, hated the fact that they’d probably changed together in his room, and suddenly hated her own outfit of jean shorts, a tank top, and a swimsuit, because it wasn’t Todd’s. Now a little part of the whole outing was ruined, because on this adventure she was supposed to be having with Todd, Melanie and Todd would be dressed alike. She had thought once they were actually TP-ing, the two couples wouldn’t really be paired off and she wouldn’t feel like the fifth wheel or Todd’s second best girl, but now his and Mel’s matching clothes would be a constant reminder. She looked away and tried not to think about it.
“So we were thinking we could get Dodson,” Todd said with a wicked grin visible only because of a nearby streetlight. It was now completely dark outside.
“Oh, nice. I like it,” Bennett said, and he and Todd slapped a high five and laughed.
“All right, let’s get this show on the road!” Todd said. “Do you wanna just all take one car, or stay with two?”
“Let’s just take two; our toilet paper’s already in there, so then we don’t have to move it,” Melanie said. Jill glared at her in the dark.
“I’d say one,” Bennett said. “Less weird-looking than two cars following each other around town.”
“Good call,” Todd said.
Jill felt a smug sense of triumph as Todd and Mel grabbed their TP and they all piled into Bennett’s Jimmy, the boys in front and the girls in back. Ha! she said to Melanie silently.
***
They parked three houses down from Dirk’s. There were lights on in some of the houses, but the street was quiet. There were two lights on inside Dirk’s house, and they could tell from looking through the window that his parents were sitting in the living room watching TV. The side of the house where Todd and Bennett said the bedrooms were was dark, meaning Dirk’s younger twin sisters must be asleep or not home, and Hillary and Dirk must not be here.
They got that side of the house first, and since there were only two big trees, they covered the bushes as well. Then they got the swingset and the one tree in the backyard. Finally Todd and Bennett snuck up to the window again, and after watching for a few seconds, determined the Dodsons were engrossed enough in the TV not to notice if they got the tree right in front of that window. So while the boys, who were much better at throwing the toilet paper high into the branches, got the tree, Jill, Kelsey, and Melanie crept along near the window and got the rest of the bushes, giggling silently but giddily the whole time. Jill felt a sudden bond with Melanie; she was truly having fun with her.
When they were done they surveyed their work. Because of Dirk’s lack of trees, they had only used about a fourth of their toilet paper, but they’d covered about everything there was to cover.
“We did awesome,” Kelsey said.
“Okay, get ready to run,” Todd said, and then with no further warning, he dashed up the front steps and pounded on the door.
“Todd!” Melanie screamed.
“Go, go!” Todd yelled, laughing as he leaped off the porch, skipping all the steps, and ran toward them. He passed them all, jumping into the front seat of the Jimmy as they raced after him. They threw themselves in, and Bennett started the car and gunned off down the street.
“That was AWESOME!” Jill shouted.
“I KNOW!” Kelsey and Melanie cried, and they all burst out laughing.
“Where now?” Bennett asked. “Doin’ it again?”
Todd glanced at the clock. “Nah, everybody should be back at Kessler’s by now. Let’s just save it for another night.”
Jill grinned. That meant they would do this again…she just hoped she’d be invited.
***
“Hey, where’d you go?!” Lorylyn asked when Jill got back to Landon’s. All the adults were gone now, and most of the students were back; the party was going in full force.
“We went TP-ing,” Jill whispered gleefully. “We got Dirk.”
“No way!” Lorylyn’s eyes were wide with laughter. “That’s so funny. Aww, I wanted to go! I’ve never been before.”
“Well, we have like, buttloads of toilet paper left over, so we’ll probably go again. Are him and Hill back yet?”
“No. Where’s Todd and Melanie?”
“They went too. They’re at Todd’s house changing, ‘cause they got all dressed up in black. They should be back pretty soon.” Jill closed her eyes briefly, thinking they better be back soon…she couldn’t stand the thought of them alone in Todd’s room…
Lorylyn’s eyes widened again. “Oh, how was that?”
Jill shrugged. “It was okay. She was fine.”
“Hey, Jilly!” Hilton said, coming to join them. “Where’d you go?”
“She went TP-ing!” Lorylyn said with a giggle.
“What?! Are you serious?”
Jill explained how it had happened, and Hilton laughed in delight, especially when she found out they’d gotten Dirk and then Todd had rung the doorbell.
“Oh, that’s great! Too bad him and Hill weren’t there!”
“I know! I wondered if they might be, but it was only his parents. They probably went somewhere to hook up. Hey, so what was that about me being your maid of honor?”
Hilton rolled her caramel-colored eyes exaggeratedly. “Oh my gosh, she was asking me why Landon and I aren’t engaged yet, since he graduated now, and she was saying how she was married as soon as she graduated high school, and she had just assumed Landon and I’d be getting married next summer. And then she was all saying how ‘young people these days wait way too long to get married; they’re so selfish about their careers, when that’s not the important thing.’ ” Hilton had scrunched up her face and taken on a nasal tone as she said the last part, making air quotes with her fingers. She giggled when she was done, and Lorylyn and Jill did too.
“Oh my gosh, that’s crazy,” Jill said. “Does she not understand he’s going to college?”
“Who knows,” Hilton said. “I mean, I’m not saying I don’t ever wanna be engaged to him.” She grinned. “But maybe in like four years.”
“Aahhh, that would be so cute!” Lorylyn squealed. “Like if he proposed to you when he graduated college, and then you got married the next summer after you graduated?”
“I’d need more time than that to plan the wedding,” Hilton said with another grin, and Jill and Lorylyn laughed. “So he can propose then, if he wants, but we’d probably have to wait till a year after I was out of college to actually get married. It’d be hard to plan everything while I was still in school.”