The Cat & the Nightingale Saga
3
‘Though Worlds May Change’
(From ‘They’ll always be an England’)
By
Carole McEntee-Taylor
Copyright 2011 Carole McEntee-Taylor
Smashwords Edition
Contents
England 29th December 1940
There had been an unofficial truce over the Christmas period, the relative lull giving them time to catch their breath. Although the bombing had resumed in force on the 27th and the air raid siren had sounded again the previous night, compared to earlier raids there had been little activity. So when its ominous warning sounded at just after 6pm on the 29th December 1940 Brenda hoped this would be the same.
She sighed heavily; she was curled up snug and warm under a blanket and right in the middle of a really good bit of her book and she certainly didn’t feel like putting her coat and shoes on and traipsing down to the communal shelter. It sounded cold and miserable outside, hardly an inviting night for a walk, even if, for their own safety, they were supposed to go straight to the nearest shelter as soon as the siren went off. Reluctantly putting ‘Pride and Prejudice’ down on the floor she stood up and shook off the comfort of the warm woollen blanket.
The sitting room was by far the warmest of the rooms in the house as it was the only one they could have a fire going in most of the time thanks to rationing and the cost of fuel, but even so, the room felt cold after the warmth of the blanket and she shivered. Taking care to switch off the light first, she cautiously peeled back the blackout curtain and peered outside. The windows were misted up and droplets of condensation had formed intricate patterns that had frozen onto the windowpanes. The heavy blackout curtains formed an effective barrier to the warmth of the room and she had to scrape the ice away with her fingernail to see through the glass. Outside the frost glistened on the pavement and she could feel the icy blast of the cold wind coming through the glass despite the extra protection afforded by the strips of tape there to protect the windows from blast damage and she groaned again. Did she really want to go outside in this? The answer was an unequivocal no. Otherwise she would have gone with the others when they had left earlier. Blow it, she’d do what thousands of others did every night and hide under the stairs. At least that way, if it went on all night, she might get some sleep. And if it was just a short raid she wouldn’t have had to go outside for nothing.
The communal shelters had been a godsend over the past few months but they did have their drawbacks. Not least that they were cold and damp and not designed for lengthy stays overnight. They were invariably noisy with children crying and people snoring, that was when they weren’t singing. She had nothing against singing; it did at least cheer everyone up and being with other people did lessen the fear. But having to go to work the next day after only one or two hours sleep, night after night, was beginning to take its toll. It wasn’t even as if she could take it easy at work. Although the numbers of injured service men needing nursing had decreased considerably since the summer they had been replaced by the thousands of injured and dying civilians, men, women and children, who were victims of the indiscriminate bombing of Hitler’s Luftwaffe.
Having made her decision she closed the curtain and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. Conscious of the precious minutes ticking away she grabbed ‘Pride and Prejudice’ from the floor where she had put it and throwing the blanket over her shoulder she went into the kitchen. There she grabbed a couple of candles and some matches, some water, a couple of biscuits and, of course, the chamber pot. After all she had no idea how long this raid would last and having to come out to go to the toilet would rather defeat the object of sheltering in the first place.
She opened the door to the cupboard under the stairs, bent her head and stooping down walked in. It was quite cramped but there was enough room for one and she quickly lit the candle and once she could see properly she shut the door behind her. Taking care not to cause a draft which would put the candle out, she sat down and pulled the blanket round her, glad that she also had her dressing gown on top of her clothes. She was only just in time. As the sound of the siren receded she could hear the muffled boom of the first bombs as they hit their targets somewhere in the distance. The sound of the shells was interspersed with the noise of the anti-aircraft guns as they fired round after round at the bombers trying to knock them out of the sky or at least deflect them from their target. In the distance she could hear the jangling of the fire engines as they raced to try and put out the numerous fires caused by the thousands of incendiaries that the bombers dropped along with their bombs. As she sighed and offered up a silent prayer for the poor people who would lose their homes that night and probably their lives, she couldn’t help adding a prayer that she too would survive another night.
The bombing was gradually intensifying as the planes came closer and closer and Brenda was now aware of a different sound adding to the cacophony of noise that was threatening to deafen her. She shuddered as recognition dawned on her that the new sound was that of falling masonry and bricks as buildings and houses collapsed. As she closed her eyes in fear her nostrils were now assailed by something that at first she couldn’t identify. The she realised that the acrid smell that was filtering through the closely fitting door into the confined space of the cupboard under the stairs was that of the flames from the many fires that were now raging in those buildings that had been hit. Feeling herself beginning to shake she wondered whether she had made the wrong decision; perhaps she should have gone to the shelter after all. A loud crash that sounded much too close for comfort made her jump and then the first wave of bombers had passed over and the noise began to gradually recede. Taking a deep breath she realised that she had been in danger of talking herself into a panic. The house was still standing, there was no smoke to be seen and she was still alive. Breathing a sigh of relief she waited for the all-clear that would signal that the bombing was over for the moment and that it was safe to come out, but as the minutes ticked past there was no comforting siren to be heard.
Frowning Brenda looked at her watch; it was now approaching 7.00pm and as the all-clear had not yet sounded there must be more to come. Although the bombing had stopped and the anti-aircraft guns had fallen silent she could still hear the fire engines as they sped through the streets trying to reach the burning buildings and the sounds of masonry and bricks crashing to the ground as homes, shops and offices collapsed into piles of unrecognisable rubble. As the minutes passed and the all clear still didn’t sound she wondered whether she should come out, but as they had been told to stay where they were until the all clear sounded she decided to remain where she was. She always dreaded coming out of the shelters after a bombing raid because you never knew what you might find. Whole streets had sometimes disappeared and walking back past bombed buildings was never a pleasant experience especially when it was obvious there were dead bodies in them. Like everyone else she had learned to ignore the pitiful sight of people’s lives and possessions strewn all over the streets. But even though she was a nurse, she still couldn’t get used to seeing the remains of the innocent victims of these bombing raids and the scattered body parts that were an inevitable result of these raids.
Sighing, she looked at her watch again, although ten minutes had now passed the all clear had still not sounded and she was sure that she could hear the underlying throbbing that signified that yet more planes were approaching from the south. But sitting quietly had given her natural common sense time to reassert itself and she tried hard to make herself relax. As it was too late to go anywhere now and she would have to sit it out, she would just have to find something else to think about to take her mind off what was happening outside.
As always, when she wanted something else to think about, she thought about Ted. It had been nearly a year now since she had last seen Ted and six months since she had received his hastily scribbled message telling his mum he was alive and asking her to wait for him. After that it had seemed like ages before she had received official confirmation and then there had been the long wait for his first letter from the POW camp in Poland.
Brenda sighed heavily, she missed him so much and even though she knew it must be worse for him she frequently felt very depressed and lonely. She knew that feeling sorry for herself would not help but that didn’t make it any better. She also knew that there were other people much worse off, but that didn’t help either.
She always found winter a miserable time anyway but this one had been truly awful so far. Not only was there the constant threat of invasion hanging over their heads, but the threatened Blitzkrieg had finally come to London and with it had come death and destruction on a scale previously unimaginable. Even now she did not know how she had managed to survive the constant nagging fear and moments of abject terror were now so common place they had almost become part of her normal life. And there was still no sign of it letting up as the constant raids and bombing continued night after night.
They had just celebrated Christmas 1940, although ‘celebrate’ was probably too strong a word to describe the festival that had just passed. It had been nothing like previous ones and although they had tried to make it a celebration there were just too many absent friends and loved ones for it to be really happy. Just thinking about it bought memories of Christmas 1939 flooding back to her.
It had been on Boxing Day last year that Ted had proposed to her, stuttering and stammering nervously; worried she would turn him down. Because he had been nervous and acting strangely she had begun to worry that he no long loved her so when he proposed to her the first thing she had felt had been a sense of total relief that he hadn’t found someone else. Of course that had swiftly been followed by sheer delight and she could still remember the feel of his body against her as they hugged, oblivious of the icy cold of one of the coldest winters in living memory. As she thought about it she unconsciously turned her engagement ring round and round on her finger remembering his concern that she might not like it. He need not have worried, it was beautiful and fitted perfectly and it was something tangible she could hold on to when she was feeling down. Just thinking about it all now could still make her smile, but it also made her sad to think of all the time that they could have shared that had been taken away from them. Sometimes she wondered whether they would ever regain that time or whether it would it remain forever lost to them.
In the distance the bombing had now started again and as the terrifying sound reverberated through the burning streets it was punctuated by the sound of the numerous anti-aircraft batteries as they fought to bring down the bombers before they reached the City. Brenda frowned; she could hear something else underneath the other sounds, a sound she couldn’t identify as she had never heard anything like it before. The noise Brenda could hear was in fact the sound of the biggest threat to London since the Great Fire of London in 1666. Unknown to her the wind had become stronger and starved of oxygen and whipped up by the wind the fires were beginning to join together to create a massive firestorm. The heat from the fires was now so intense that spontaneous combustion was taking place as buildings that hadn’t been hit burst into flames as a result of the intense heat around them. Fire fighters found themselves encircled by walls of fire as they fought frantically to contain the fires that were threatening to engulf the city. In the distance the persistent frantic ringing of the fire engine’s bells echoed off the wharves and jetties of the East End as they tried to prevent the whole of London dissolving into a massive fireball. As the bombing had now fractured many of the water mains and the supply of water had dried up the firemen turned in desperation to the Thames for water. But the Thames was at low tide and the pumps became clogged with mud and as the water pressure in their hoses dropped, the firemen struggled to gain any ground.
Instinctively closing her eyes to try and block out the sounds of the Blitzkrieg outside Brenda had no idea of the horrors taking place just a few miles from where she was hiding. She tried to take her mind of the horrendous noise by imagining what she would be doing now if Ted was with her but she couldn’t. Her life had changed so much in the last few months that she sometimes found it difficult to remember what she had been like before the war had started. For a while she had hung onto the hope that the Germans might release some of their prisoners before the end of the war but as it dragged on, in her heart of hearts, she knew that was unlikely to happen. In the back of her mind she sometimes had a terrible fear that when Ted did come back they would be complete strangers. Their lives and experiences had now diverged so much and were already so different that they might not have anything in common any more. Even more worrying there was certainly no sign that the war would come to an end in the near future which meant it would be even longer and they would be even farther apart when he did eventually come home.
She had found it difficult to wait for official confirmation of where Ted was and even harder to wait for his first letter. But once the excitement over the receipt of his letter had receded she had found that it was even harder to know what she should write in her letter back to him. If she talked about the normal every day things like what their friends were doing it only seemed to be drawing his attention to just what he was missing. Of course she couldn’t mention anything about the war, about the constant bombing they were subject to and her fears for his safety, but even the little things like telling him someone had got married or had a baby just reinforced how much of his life was passing by. And it wasn’t just his life, hers too was passing by and sometimes she felt angry with him for allowing himself to be captured even though she knew that was ridiculous. Then she felt guilty knowing his life must be a million times worse than hers. At least she had enough to eat and drink at the moment and she had her friends and family around her and most importantly she had her freedom. From the little Ted was able to say it seemed they didn’t give him much to eat and they kept moving him from camp to camp, which meant separating him from his friends. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how awful that must be and her heart went out to him.
She still prayed each night for his safe return and she still said goodnight and good morning to his picture by the bed but the real flesh and blood Ted was starting to fade. Sometimes she wondered whether the image she carried in her head was the real Ted or an imaginary one, dreamt up by her overwhelming need to be with him. In her more logical moments this worried her as she knew she was in danger of building him up into something he wasn’t, an idealised version which he would never be able to live up to. And then she would worry that if she was doing that, he might be doing the same to her which would mean that they would both have unrealistic expectations of each other - a recipe for disaster.
Then she would tell herself not to be so silly. Ted was Ted; he wouldn’t have changed that much, he would still be the gentle loving boy who had gone away to war. When he came home they would pick up where they left off, laugh at her silly fears and live happily ever after. After all the war couldn’t last for ever could it? It was just a matter of time and he would soon be home.
Yawning widely she stretched her arms upwards trying to relieve the stiffness from sitting in one position for so long. Glancing down she realised the candle was getting low and was just reaching for another one when there was an almighty crash that shook the whole building and showered her with dust. The candle went out and she was left in darkness.
The Threat of Invasion
Brenda
The threat of invasion that had hung over Britain since Dunkirk, had intensified considerably over the past few weeks. Everywhere she went Brenda could feel it. Life went on as normal but there was a tension in the air that hadn’t been there previously. Immediately after Dunkirk the sense of euphoria that had swept the nation had been similar to that experienced by troops after they have survived a battle, but that had not lasted long. Aware of the dangers of complacency and knowing just how serious the situation was, the newspapers had been full of what to do if the Germans invaded. Leaflets called ‘When the invader comes’ had been put through every door reinforcing the message. The news reported increased incursions by German planes over the south coast towns and although most were more to test the defences than a serious threat, their appearance brought home to most people exactly how serious their situation was. The weather was hot and airless and day after day the sun rose into a cloudless blue sky. At any other period in history people would have been taking their holidays and enjoying the most un-British like weather, and although some people took short holidays the majority were now working increasingly long hours, especially those in the factories making the weapons of war.
The character of the British countryside had also began to change, not only as a result of the hastily improvised defences but also as a result of turning more land over to agricultural production in order to produce much needed food.
Bridges became checkpoints and many areas of the coast became no go areas except for essential personnel. A Defence Zone, twenty miles wide, stretching from Rye to the Wash was formed that could only be visited by permit. Tourist towns closed and for many people on the channel coast evacuation went from being voluntary to mandatory. By the 14th July over half of Dover’s pre-war population had left and many of the medieval chalk caves had been turned into semi-permanent dwellings as people moved their furniture in and recreated their homes despite the chalk filled air which made them cough and sneeze.
Merchant shipping was continuing to take a pounding in the Atlantic despite the heroic attempts of the Royal Navy and the RAF to protect the convoys from the menace of German U Boats. Having been warned that there could be even more food shortages people were urged to grow their own vegetables for the coming winter. Suburban gardens, once havens of flowers and picturesque bushes, became mini allotments as people took notice of the government’s advice to Dig for Victory.
For all that they were under siege, the population continued to try and enjoy themselves as much as possible. London had become very cosmopolitan as soldiers, airmen and sailors from the Commonwealth joined those fleeing from the occupied territories. It was now possible to walk through the streets and not hear English spoken for several minutes. The people of London, at least those who were still living there, took all this in their stride. The London parks were still full of office workers at lunchtimes trying to get as much sun as possible in their shortened lunch breaks. They were often joined by soldiers on leave and their girlfriends trying to make the most of the time they had left together. Cafés and public houses were nearly always full despite the lack of beer, spirits and coffee; theatres and cinemas were often sold out in advance and long queues developed for popular films. Night clubs were often packed out long before midnight as people made the most of the time they had.
For Brenda, knowing that Ted was alive, or had been when he wrote the note, had gone some way to relieving her anxiety, and she felt a lot happier. Realising that she would be stupid to sit at home and mope every night she had allowed herself to be persuaded by her friends to go out at least once every couple of weeks. They often went to the local pub where they would join the other regulars in singing defiant songs and toasting the troops or to dances at local halls. She also found time to go to the pictures once a fortnight and even if the films weren’t much good it gave her an opportunity to catch up with the war news through the newsreels. Even if the news was very depressing, the chance to boo and hiss Hitler with everyone else and listen to some of the really funny heckling and comments from the other members of the audience was too good to pass up. The change in her appearance had been fairly obvious to anyone who knew her and now that she knew Ted was safe she was less worried about her friendship with Chris. Without realising it she gradually let down her guard and he had become part of her regular group of friends.
The hospital was still busy although not quite so frantic as it had been but she and Helen, her best friend, were still working in the emergency wards. Helen’s boyfriend, Jimmy, was now back in England and stationed at Biggin Hill. He had not had a very good time in France and although Helen could not get him to talk about it she guessed that he had lost some close friends. Although he had been flying Hurricanes in France he had now been reunited with his beloved Spitfires so was happy again, at least on the surface. Brenda detected an edge that hadn’t been there before and not for the first time she wondered whether Ted would still be the same person or would the war have changed him beyond all recognition. Helen also seemed happier and less frenetic now Jimmy was home but she was still worried about Annie, her sister.
Helen’s father had thrown Annie out when he discovered that she had got married without telling them and even worse was pregnant. When Annie’s husband John was killed at Dunkirk, his ship sunk with virtually all hands lost, he had still refused Annie permission to come home. So Annie continued to make the trip up once a week from Horsham, where she was living with John’s parents, to meet with Helen and her Mum at Brenda’s house and Brenda no longer felt the need to always leave them on their own. She had become good friends with Annie and like Helen and her Mum she was looking forward to the birth of the baby later in the year.
Sally, one of the girls she shared her house with, and her fiancée Peter were now busy planning their wedding and Brenda found it hard not to envy them. Peter was still recovering from the loss of his leg after the heavy fighting in France two months earlier but was due to be discharged from hospital soon. He was busy looking round for another job, ‘one that would be of some use to the war effort’ he said repeatedly to anyone who would listen. Sally had tried hard to get him a job at the Ministry of Information until he had said that he would prefer something that was actually helping the war effort. That had caused their first serious row and it had been a whole week before they had got over it and were talking again.
Ethel, the other girl she shared the house with, and her boyfriend Colin who was a fireman with the Auxiliary Fire Service, were still really happy together. But as pleased as she was to see her friends enjoying themselves Brenda couldn’t help envying them when she saw their happy smiling faces as they went to the pictures or just sat together holding hands and listening to the radio whenever Ethel had leave from the WAAF (Women’s Auxiliary Air Force).
She had only seen her other friend Pam a couple of times since she had moved to London from Dover in the last round of enforced evacuations from the port. She had met Pam when she first started nursing at Lambeth hospital two years earlier. Pam had been firmly established in her second year and was assigned as a kind of mentor. By this time Pam had become bored and disillusioned with nursing, realising that it was not for her. However, although she was no longer enjoying it she did not pass this on to Brenda, instead she went out of her way to do everything to help her young charge enjoy her chosen career. Although she had left shortly afterwards they had remained firm friends and it was to Pam she had turned during the dark days of June when she had no idea whether Ted was alive or dead.
She would have loved to have been able to write to Ted but she still didn’t know where he was. There had been no word officially that he was still alive so she could only hope that the message he had sent was not the last she would hear. His brother Cyril had now gone off to the RAF Regiment to begin training and her Dad had been sent to Lancashire with the Admiralty. If it hadn’t been for her brother Les she would have felt quite alone. Les was still working on the railways and despite his attempts to join up he kept getting refused. Eventually, out of sheer frustration he joined the Local Defence Force that had been formed to protect the railways. At least now he felt he was doing something a bit more worthwhile. However, he continued to reapply to all the forces in turn but the response was always the same. Although she knew it was selfish, Brenda was glad that he kept getting turned down. At least she had one relation to whom she could turn if she needed to.
‘Look’ Helen pointed upwards breaking into Brenda’s thoughts ‘I wonder if that’s Jimmy.’ Brenda’s gaze followed the direction that Helen’s finger was pointing and she watched the now all too familiar sight of British and German planes duelling in the cloudless skies above London.
The Battle of Britain, as it had quickly become known after Churchill’s speech on the 4th June, had begun properly at the beginning of July. Every day the Germans sent their Heinkels across the Channel from their bases in France to bomb the British airfields. The bombers were accompanied by their fighter escorts, the ME109s, and it was one of these that Brenda and Helen were now watching as it fought to the death with the Spitfire above their heads.
‘Yes’ Helen said delightedly as a puff of smoke appeared on the tail of the German plane and it began to plummet downwards. Obviously they weren’t the only ones watching as they could hear loud cheers from the other side of the wall of the hospital grounds where they were making the most of the hot weather during their lunch break.
‘Don’t you feel bad about cheering about someone’s death?’ Brenda asked looking concerned
‘Not really’ Helen responded ‘If the German plane was alright then the English pilot would be dead and I know which I prefer. Anyway, they started it, we didn’t’
Brenda nodded. She couldn’t really disagree with that statement and whenever she felt sorry for the German losses she only had to think about Ted and any vestiges of pity soon vanished. That in itself worried her. Surely, if she was a good person, it shouldn’t be so easy to put aside her Christian beliefs and to be able to justify killing the enemy. But if they didn’t kill the enemy the enemy would kill them so perhaps it was justified. Brenda sighed heavily and Helen looked at her in concern
‘Are you alright?’
‘Yes, sorry. I was just trying to work out why I find it so easy to say that its alright to kill Germans when I’ve always been bought up to believe that taking a life is wrong’
‘But if we don’t take their lives they will take ours and other people’s so of course its justified’ Helen said with total confidence and Brenda envied her the ability to see things in black and white. She wished she was as certain of her own convictions instead of continually questioning things.
‘Come on, back to work. Best thing is not to think about it’ Helen added. ‘Just ask yourself who you would rather was dead – a German or British pilot?’
Brenda nodded, although she wasn’t entirely convinced and the two girls went back to work. They had been expecting things to become a bit quieter once the Dunkirk evacuation had finished and although it was not quite as frenetic it was still quite busy.
‘Is Annie coming round tomorrow?’ Brenda asked as they went back in.
‘No, she’s feeling a bit sick and the heat isn’t helping. They’ve not had too much sleep either over the past couple of weeks thanks to Hitler’s planes flying over all the time. Because John’s parents are worried about the possibility of being bombed they are all having to sleep in the shelter every night which is really getting on her nerves.’
‘But they haven’t really bombed any towns yet have they?’ Brenda said surprised ‘They’re concentrating on the airfields and the RAF, or so it seems’
‘I know but having lost John, they’re not taking any chances with his son’
‘What if it’s a girl?’ Brenda asked
‘Oh I don’t think they’ll mind that much whether it’s a girl or a boy but Annie is starting to worry about how possessive they are. She’s starting to feel a bit like a prisoner, even if it is a prisoner in a very gilded cage’
‘I thought she seemed a bit quiet the last time she came up but I put it down to her just being tired’ Brenda looked worried ‘If they’re like that now what will they be like when she has the baby?’
‘Exactly’ Helen sighed heavily ‘Between you and me I think she is more worried than she is letting on. I’m beginning to wonder whether she hasn’t just jumped out of the frying pan into the fire’
Brenda looked at her friend with concern. ‘What on earth will she do if they don’t get any better?
Helen shrugged ‘Who knows. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. It might be that once the baby is born they’ll relax a bit. They might just be nervous because they’re frightened that something’ll happen before she has it.’
Brenda nodded ‘Let’s hope so. She really doesn’t need this does she?’
‘No. She’s had more than enough really. It doesn’t seem very fair does it? Still, maybe once the baby is born everything’ll be alright and we’ll all have been worrying for nothing.’
Brenda hesitated and then said ‘It is just because she’s tired that she’s not coming up isn’t it? I mean they’re not making it difficult for her or anything?’
Helen looked surprised and then thoughtful ‘To be honest I don’t know. I just took what she said at face value. I never gave it a thought that there might be something else behind it.’ Helen looked really worried now and Brenda almost wished she hadn’t said anything but she liked Annie and, daft as it was, she felt almost responsible for her. Probably because they all met quite regularly at her home and she had become quite involved in their lives.
‘I think…..’ but whatever Helen had thought was soon forgotten as a loud droning sound drowned out her words. Looking at each other in astonishment, their conversation temporarily forgotten, they rushed to the nearest window as the sound grew louder and louder.
In the distance they could see a German plane spiralling out of control towards the river, smoke and flames streaming from its tail. Following behind the familiar sight of a spitfire could be seen and as the ME109 disappeared beneath the waters of the Thames the Spitfire did a victory roll. As it flew off to engage another plane Brenda and Helen smiled at the sight of young men and women, some with children chattering excitedly, standing on walls and roofs and in the street below, cheering madly.
‘They don’t have a problem knowing who to cheer for!’ Helen said pointedly and Brenda smiled, her earlier doubts forgotten.
The rest of the day passed without incident and Brenda returned home looking forward to catching up with Ethel who had a twenty four hour pass. She hadn’t seen her for a few weeks so it would be good to spend some time with her before Colin came round. She had missed Ethel quite a bit. Sally was busy with Peter so she often spent the evenings on her own. However, that wouldn’t be a problem next month as she was due to start nights in August. It had been delayed because of the evacuation from Dunkirk but now the hospital had settled back into a more normal routine the rotas had been redone and she and Helen would start their first night shift for ages. To be honest she didn’t mind, at least it would be cooler to work at night although it wouldn’t be much fun trying to sleep during the day if it stayed this hot.
The house was hot and stuffy when she arrived home and she immediately opened the downstairs windows. A gentle breeze rustled the curtains and the heat began to slowly dissipate. Upstairs it was even hotter and as she opened her bedroom window the sounds of the children playing in the street reached her, bringing a smile to her face. Fleetingly she wondered how long it would be before she had children of her own and then smiled. Of course she had to wait for Ted to come home first and, if she was realistic, now was definitely not the time to be having children, however much she might want them. Thinking of children made her think of Annie and her conversation with Helen. She did hope that the behaviour of Annie’s in-laws was just a reaction to John’s death otherwise Annie was going to find it very difficult once she’d had the baby.
The sound of the front door closing bought her out of her reverie followed by the cheerful sound of Ethel shouting up the stairs
‘Brenda are you home?’ Not waiting for an answer she continued ‘Do you want some fish and chips?
‘I’d love some’ Brenda replied ‘Do you want some money?’
‘No, it’s alright, pay me when I get back. See you in a minute’ and she was gone, the door slamming loudly behind her. Brenda smiled, changed out of her uniform into a cool summer sleeveless dress and went back downstairs to lay the table.
Ethel was not gone long and the two girls sat down and in between eating hungrily caught up on each other’s news. As usual the fish and chips were delicious and as Brenda licked the last of the salt off her fingers Ethel said hesitantly
‘I’ve been thinking Bren….’
‘That sounds ominous?’ Brenda replied looking at Ethel’s serious face
‘It’s just that as we have no idea when this beastly war is going to end I wondered whether you wanted me to move out. No’ she continued as Brenda started to interrupt ‘It’s not that I want to, more that I’m worried about paying my way out of my wages. I’m already paying for my quarters so it just seemed that perhaps you should look for someone else.’
Brenda didn’t answer for a minute then said ‘The problem is that even if we do take in another person, the way things are now there’s no guarantee that they won’t be moved around.’ She thought for a moment then said ‘Maybe we could look for someone else who’s in the services or based somewhere else who just wants to come here on leave and you could then share the room and the rent with them. What do you think? That way you’d still have your room here. It would mean trying to coordinate leave but it could work’
Ethel breathed a sigh of relief ‘That sounds like a really good idea. I was worried you might be hurt or upset and I didn’t really want to move out; I just couldn’t see a way of paying for both Uxbridge and here’
‘Right then’ Brenda said ‘We need to talk to Sally first to make sure she agrees and then we can start to look round for someone. Do you know anyone?’ Ethel shook her head
‘No, but I can ask.’ A thought struck her ‘What about Helen?’
Brenda considered it for a moment then said ‘No, I don’t think that’s a particularly good idea. First of all Helen would need a full time flat not part time, but more importantly her Dad would then know about this address which would make it difficult for Annie and her Mum to meet here’.
Ethel nodded ‘Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Oh well I’m sure we’ll think of someone’ she suddenly smiled ‘What about Pam?’
‘I could ask her’ Brenda said ‘I’m not sure whether she would, but she may know someone even if she doesn’t want to. Good idea’ She was about to say more when there was a knock on the door ‘I expect that’ll be Colin’ she added to herself as Ethel leapt up from the table and rushed into the hall to answer the door.
‘Hello Bren’ Colin cheerful face appeared in the doorway
Brenda smiled back. She liked Colin very much and thought he was ideal for Ethel.
‘I’m sure you two have got plenty to talk about so I’ll clear up’ she said tactfully
‘No, don’t go Bren, we don’t want to push you out of your own home!’ Colin said
She smiled ‘It’s alright really. It’s such a nice evening I thought I would go for a walk in the park and it’ll give you both some time on your own, especially as Ethel has to get back tomorrow.’
‘Thanks Bren’ Ethel smiled at her, her eyes sparkling. ‘We’ll talk about the room later, when you come back?’
‘What’s this about a room?’ Colin asked
‘I’ll leave you to explain’ Brenda said laughing and not needing a coat she stepped out into the evening sunshine. It was still warm and there were several children playing hopscotch in the street. As she turned the corner she came across some more children skipping and for a little while she envied them their childhood innocence and ignorance of the real danger they were all in. Her thoughts returned to Ted. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. Was he missing her as much as she was missing him? As she walked she thought about all the things she wanted to say to him and decided that even if she couldn’t send him a letter there was nothing to stop her writing one and then, when she did have an address she could send it. If it was out of date then she could just write another one. Writing to him would make her feel closer to him because it would be a bit like talking to him.
Feeling better she began to take more notice of her surroundings. It really was a beautiful evening, the stifling heat of earlier in the day had now become more gentle and there was a slight breeze which rustled the leaves on the trees. She soon reached the entrance to Lewisham Municipal park and strolled contentedly along the tree lined path enjoying the heady scent of the lilies and other fragrant flowers in the beds nearest the entrance. She smiled at the sight of the children playing on the one set of swings that hadn’t been removed as part of the recycling metal scheme then frowned as she walked further in and the signs of the war became more evident. Beds of flowers gave way to rows and rows of vegetables fenced off and guarded by bored looking men wearing the uniform of the Pioneer Corp. Most of these had enlisted with the sole intention of fighting the Germans, many with more reason than most for wanting revenge. But because they came from countries like Germany and Italy they were not considered safe even though many of them were of Jewish origin or who had fled the rise of the Nazis and fascism. As a compromise they had been allowed to join the Pioneer Corp which released other troops for the fighting.
Lost in her thoughts she was surprised to hear someone calling her.
‘Brenda! Brenda!’ she turned round at the sound of her name and was surprised to see Pam coming towards her.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked in surprise
‘I could ask you the same thing’ Pam said looking rather secretive
‘I thought I would go for a walk and make the most of the sunshine and the park is so beautiful at this time of year’ Brenda replied wondering why she was having to explain her presence in her local park in the middle of summer. She was even more curious now. It was most unlike Pam to be secretive about anything.
‘Oh’ Pam said but she didn’t volunteer any more information and adroitly changed the subject.
‘No news of Ted?’
‘No, none. If I didn’t have the note I could almost think that I’ve imagined it. I spoke to someone the other day whose son was a POW. She had only just heard and he had been captured at the beginning of May so I suppose I’ll just have to be patient.’
Realising that Pam was not going to tell her anything she added ‘I’m really pleased that I’ve bumped into you as I wanted to ask you something’ she continued and went on to explain about the room.
Pam hesitated and then said ‘If you’d asked me a couple of weeks ago I would have jumped at the chance but I’ve got a possible job now so I’m not going to be around much after next week.’ she looked at Brenda pleadingly and continued ‘Don’t ask please, I’m not being funny but I really can’t say any more than that’
Brenda looked surprised but she was getting used to not asking questions so she didn’t pursue it other than to ask whether she was happy about it.
Pam grinned ‘Oh yes! It’s the perfect job for me, or at least I think it is! I’ll have a think about your room though and see if I know anyone who’s interested. Is that alright?’
Brenda nodded. She was pleased her friend was happy but, despite her attempts not to be, she couldn’t help being curious about this new mysterious job.
Pam suddenly looked at her watch ‘Oh I really have to go now.’ She exclaimed ‘Take care of yourself won’t you and I’ll be in touch’ she was just about to walk away when she suddenly turned back and gave Brenda a hug. Brenda watched in astonishment as her friend walked away and then shrugged. She was sure Pam would tell her eventually as she had always been dreadful at keeping secrets. The evening was gradually drawing in now and the shadows were beginning to lengthen. Feeling tired suddenly she decided that she would go back and begin her letter to Ted before she went to sleep.
Ethel and Colin were sitting in the kitchen when she got back and while Colin put the kettle on to make some tea she explained about Pam.
‘Oh well, there’s no immediate rush and I’m sure someone will come along’ Ethel said philosophically.
Brenda nodded, then taking her tea she said brightly
‘Right you two, enjoy the rest of your evening I’m going to take this upstairs and write to Ted’
‘Oh, have you heard from him?’ Colin asked in surprise
‘No, not since the message last month’ Brenda explained ‘But I just thought by writing to him it’ll make me feel closer to him. I know it sounds silly but…’ her voice tailed off and she shrugged ‘Well good night, have a safe journey back tomorrow ’she said to Ethel ‘I expect you’ll be gone before I get back. Take care of yourself and I’ll see you soon’ with that she went upstairs leaving them to draw the blackout and enjoy the rest of their short time together.
By the 15th the news was even more worrying as the morning papers reported that the axis powers were promising the invasion would start in four or five days time and the evening papers reported that Hitler was arranging a triumphant march in Berlin on the 27th to celebrate the defeat of Britain. Like most people Brenda outwardly laughed this off although inside she wasn’t so sure. Of more immediate importance for most people was the new combination of the butter and margarine ration which in effect reduced it to only 7oz a week and, horror, of horrors, tea was now to be rationed at 2oz a week. Brenda could vaguely remember that she had laughed at the thought they would ever ration tea and that was only a couple of months ago. As if in sympathy the stifling heat of the previous few days was now replaced by rain and thunderstorms adding an almost tropical feel to the air which was now humid and damp.
‘I hear Hitler’s giving another of his interminable speeches tonight’ Sally said looking up from her magazine as Brenda bought in two mugs of tea, made from the tealeaves that she had carefully dried out from the their previous use.
Brenda sipped her tea, grimaced at the lack of real flavour and nodded ‘I suppose we should listen’ she said without any real enthusiasm. Sally shrugged and then looked at the clock and said ‘Well we’ve got a little while yet but yes I suppose we should.’ Then she smiled and added brightly ‘Come on Bren, we could do with a laugh couldn’t we? And the ramblings of someone who should definitely be locked up are as good as any of the comedy films!’
Brenda smiled back and said ‘Talking of comedy films I thought I might go and see ‘Topper’ next week. They’re showing it again. I know I’ve seen it, in fact I went with Ted’ she stopped for a moment and then carried on determinedly ‘But it was funny and I love Cary Grant. Do you fancy coming with me?’
Sally nodded with alacrity, Cary Grant was really dreamy and although she loved Peter to bits, there was nothing to stop a girl having a bit of fantasy in her life was there!
Watching her face Brenda laughed and said teasingly ‘I’ll tell Peter!’
Sally smiled broadly and then frowning as she looked at the clock said resignedly ‘Oh well I suppose I’d better put the radio on’. As she switched it on Brenda noticed how dark it was becoming. There was obviously another shower on its way. Inwardly she wondered where the month had gone. It was already the 19th, soon the summer would be over, already the nights were beginning to draw in and the current weather, showers and the cool wind did nothing to lengthen the evenings even though they were on double summer time.
Hitler’s speech proved just as threatening as she had expected. His harsh voice rattled through the airwaves, the translator struggling to keep up ‘The die is cast. Britain has chosen her fate. The chilling words filled the room and then Brenda got up and turned it off. ‘Yes we have and it’s not to give into bullies like you!’ she said defiantly.
‘Hear , hear’ Sally applauded. ‘Right, I’m going to bed, I’ve got to get up early tomorrow. We’ve got a war to win!’ she continued getting up and heading towards the stairs ‘Night Bren’
‘Night Sally, see you tomorrow night as I probably won’t see you in the morning’. Brenda took the cups into the kitchen and leaving them in the sink until the morning followed Sally up the stairs and went to her bedroom. Her bravado had now gone and she had to admit to herself that she was actually quite scared. She had seen the appalling injuries caused by Hitler’s Blitzkrieg in France and it was unthinkable to even consider the same thing happening here. Not for the first time she found it difficult to sleep and woke feeling un-refreshed and tired.
By the 24th the papers had replaced the story of Hitler’s speech with stirring extracts from Lord Halifax’s response ‘….we never wanted war; certainly no one here wants the war to go on for a day longer than necessary. But we shall not stop fighting till freedom for ourselves and others is secure’
This response accurately reflected the mood of the people and Brenda was relieved to realise that although, like her, people were fearful about what to expect, the prevalent mood was one of determined defiance.
The rest of the month passed quite quickly and before long it was Ted’s Mum’s birthday. Brenda had managed to find some of Lou’s favourite bath salts which she had carefully wrapped and she also bought a birthday card which she signed from herself and Ted. Arriving at Lou’s she was surprised to see Cyril there.
‘Hello Cyril. I didn’t expect to see you. How long have you got? I must say you do look smart!’
Cyril smiled ‘Does that mean I normally look scruffy?’ he waved her protest away laughing and continued ‘To answer your question I’ve just got a twenty four hour pass. Things are too hectic to take any more.’ He frowned ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to put a damper on things’
Brenda patted his arm. She had seen more than enough wounded men over the past few weeks to know that things really weren’t going very well.
‘Hello Brenda’ Bernard gave her a hug
‘Hello Bernard or should I say ‘Ted’’ she said smiling
‘I’m getting so used to being called Ted now I’m beginning to forget to answer to Bernard!’ he answered laughing.
‘Hello Brenda, you’re looking well’ Lou was smiling happily at her proudly displaying a large birthday cake.
‘It’s a joint cake as there is a war on!’ she said laughing
‘Happy Birthday Lou’ Brenda handed Lou the small present and card and gave her a hug.
While she was opening it Cyril gave them all a small glass of port and as they raised their glasses he said clearly
‘To Ted, wherever he is, and may he soon return safely home’
Swallowing back her tears Brenda drank and silently offered up her own thoughts.
‘And it’s your birthday tomorrow so Happy Birthday Cyril’ Brenda said and they raised their glasses again. The rest of the evening passed quickly and all too soon it was time for Brenda to go home. Having said goodbye to Lou and Bernard she went to the front gate where Cyril was standing, glass in hand, looking up at the night sky.
‘Take care of yourself’ she said as she kissed him goodbye
‘You too Bren. He will be back you know. He loves you too much not to do everything in his power to get back to you’
Brenda smiled but she didn’t answer ‘Unfortunately it isn’t just up to him, is it?’ She thought sadly to herself as she headed home feeling rather dejected after the light hearted fun of the evening.
The house was quiet and Brenda suddenly thought that maybe it would be nice to have someone else sharing with them so that the house wasn’t always empty when she came home. Smiling, she thought what a misery she was becoming and yawning she went upstairs to bed, pleased that as she was still on nights and as this was her night off she wouldn’t have to get up early.
Her last thoughts before she fell asleep was that she was glad Sally had agreed to the idea of having another flat mate even if no one had yet sprung to mind. Still there was no rush; she was sure someone would come along. Fast asleep now, Brenda turned over and kicked her feet out of the bottom of the bed, her dreams, as always, full of complicated images that made little sense in daylight but that seemed perfectly reasonable when she was asleep. Whilst she slept, unbeknownst to her, fate was already moving inexorably on and had taken the decision out of their hands in a way that none of them could possibly have foreseen.
Poland July 1940
Into the Unknown
Ted
For Ted and Harry, seeing their numbers included on the list of those to leave Thorn had been a terrible shock. Even though the living conditions in there had been dreadful, it was a place they knew and it was where all their friend were. Cut off from their families and everything that was familiar to them, friendship was the most important thing they had left. But it was also vital for another important reason. The only bulky part of their meagre food ration consisted of a loaf of bread to be shared between six men and this was always given to one man to divide up. The person dividing the bread, using the edge of his identity disk as knives were prohibited, was always the last to take his share to ensure the portions were as equal as possible. Even a few extra crumbs could start the fiercest arguments and fights so it was important that you were part of your own combine with people you could trust. As the rest of their diet consisted of a watery barley soup with the occasional vegetable stalk or piece on unidentifiable meat the bread was vital to survival. The supply of Red Cross parcels was in its infancy at this stage and as its supply was continually interrupted by the fighting and bombing and occasionally theft by the Germans, the men were slowly starving. This was the main reason Ted and the others had all volunteered for work parties. At least being on work parties would give them the opportunity to try and scrounge or barter extra food with the Polish civilians, at least that’s what the more experienced POWs had told them.