BROKEN DREAMS How Quick Life can Change.
Written by Rasheeal “Ra Blaze” Dixon
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2011 Rasheeal “Ra Blaze” Dixon
All rights reserved.
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Table of Contents
Chapter 4 Thinking about the unthinkable…
Chapter 7 Dreaming, of better times…
Chapter 8 All things aren’t what they seem…
Chapter 9 The crazy days ahead…
Chapter 10 Life has to get better…
Chapter 12Walking a lonely road…
Chapter 15 In this to take it all…
Chapter 16 Getting things done now…
Chapter 17 Now the time has come…
Chapter 18 Everything has now gone bad…
Chapter 19 Some mistakes can’t be erased…
Chapter 20 The end was now around the corner…
INTRODUCTION
First I would like to introduce you into the world that I witness daily. This is a world of misfortune for many. I’m basically allowing you, as the reader to see how life can be hard and it can also be a little rewarding at times, and whenever the chips are down, and we feel like our backs may be against the wall that is when most of us come out with perseverance. In This book broken dreams you’ll meet a young man by the name of Justice Powell who once had big dreams, but because of many obstacles that he encountered some of his dreams ended up pushed to the side. You’ll also witness how he tries his best to stay positive in a world that’s filled with negativity, and how he was raised in a household with one other sibling by a single mother. This is a tale of a young man with hopes, of rising up and going far beyond where as a child he was told that he can go. This is a story of passion, love, and betrayal, so get ready to embrace a side of the world, and also a side of a human beings mind that many fail to explore.
Chapter 1
The Beginning
Today, is a new day for me, and as I write today’s journal entry I write it with all my passion hoping that I don’t hate today like how I did yesterday. I tried to tell my true feelings to this girl I liked yesterday and all she did was look at me then laughed and just walked away. I didn’t want anyone to see it, but deep down inside I was really crushed. I’m going to be fine though cause one day when I make it to law school and become an attorney that girl is going to wish that she was my wife, but then it’ll be too late.
I’m not going to even stress anything anymore at this moment in my life I’m just going to keep my head up in the clouds and stop worrying about the small things in life. I’m now as focused as I can be. My real priority and goal is to one day show my mother a great life one that she never thought that she would be able to witness in her lifetime. My mother named me Justice and when I asked her why did she name me Justice. The answer she gave me was that all she ever wanted out of life was Justice.
When I asked her to elaborate a little bit more she said that she felt as if I was the justice she received that changed her life. I love my mother and my other sibling. I have one older brother his name is Loyalty he’s only two years older than me, so growing up we were very close. She named him Loyalty because that’s what she felt like she’ll always have, for him since the second that she found out that she was pregnant.
She said once you put together the puzzle she created it goes as simple, as this. The loyalty she had to change her life was what brought her the justice that she needed to change it. Yeah that’s what describes me, my brother, and how we help to shape the wonderful life of our mother. My mother was and still is a very poetic person even her parents had a very real poetic ability. My mother’s name is Nile named after the Nile River in Africa.
I love to write that’s one of the reasons that I’m always writing in my journal. Since I was eight I started writing and since then I was never able to put down my pen and do anything else. It’s almost as if writing puts me in a world that I consider to be my real life, and when I stop writing that’s when I get back into a world that, for me becomes a nightmare. I grew up poor, and there were times I went to bed hungry, but my mom would work three different jobs just to put food on the table.
I remember times growing up when I didn’t even see my mom because she was always working, my brother, and I would go to our grandparent’s house to stay because our mom had to work. Sometimes I would be sad that I never would see my mom as often as I would like, but now that I’m older I’m able to understand that everything that she was doing was only to provide for my brother, and I. Now I look back at my childhood and say it wasn’t the best, but at least I did have a loving family, a few friends, and associates. For me it’s kind of hard calling just anyone a friend. I’ve been betrayed, so many times that I just stopped putting my trust into people and to me trust is like a paycheck you have to work hard to earn it from me.
I’m never going to just open my self up to others again, and one of the main reasons was because to me it seems like every time that I do this all I do is just set my self up, for serious disappointment. Either it’s me helping out a friend just to be betrayed later, or me opening my heart up to a woman only to let her break it. I reached a point where I built up a brick wall around me, and it’s hard for anyone to break it. My mother probably is the only woman that could penetrate the brick wall that I built, and maybe she’s the only one that could break it down. I’m becoming a young adult now, and with age come responsibilities and I’m just trying to become the great man that my mother wants me to be. Even, if sometimes that may seem a little difficult.
I’m currently finishing my last three months of high school, and then I’m free, as a bird. Truthfully I’m proud, of myself that I made it to finish. Most of the people that I remember entering high school with didn’t finish because they dropped out, ended up murdered, or is doing a long prison sentence. This is probably one of the major reasons why I think my mom is real proud, of me. She’s able to see how my drive to succeed is what pushes me and motivates me to go far, so one day we can move away from this neighborhood where we currently live.
My mom is proud that I aspire to be an attorney, and it brings a smile to her face every time that I tell her that in a few years I’ll probably be the next big attorney in the United States. Hey who knows maybe I’ll be the next biggest attorney in the world. I’ve always been a kid with big hopes real dreams, and aspirations to one day prosper and make my mother real proud of me. My brother Loyalty is sometimes a real headache for my mother, but she still loves him no matter what. The unconditional love that she displays for us one hundred percent of the time is unbelievable. Times when I seen other parents abandon their kids she never did that to us she’ll always be in our corner.
Whenever I look at myself you know what I see everyday, well I see someone motivated on a path, and I see someone who will make it. This is what I tell myself all the time like right now, as I write this into my journal I’m thinking about my future. Yeah I see a future that sometimes no one else can see. Occasionally I come across those who want to project negative energy towards me, and say I’ll never make it just because of where I’m from, but I pay them absolutely no mind at all.
I’m almost like an angel notice I said almost because no one is perfect, but I’m surely trying to get there I guess. I really do need to chase after my goals, and I know I place plenty of emphasis on this, but that’s the only way I feel I’ll get there, and that’s if I write about it, and talk about it every minute of the day. I’m no saint even though at times I do pretend to be one. Things will go my way, and then I’ll prove many people wrong especially the dream killers who tried to tell me I’ll just be another statistic, and nothing but someone who is stuck here in the ghetto.
Poetry is also another method that I use to calm me, and I use it to bring me that inner peace that I deeply crave. So there will be times when I do put some poetry in this journal just to get some, of my close thoughts written down. I see myself, as a normal kid, but too bad the world doesn’t look at me like that. I just can’t deal with this torment that sometimes I feel that I’m going through, but somehow I’m able to maintain. I probably would be lost, if I wasn’t able to write as much.
I feel as if constantly I have so much that I need to get off my chest. I’m unable to physically cry and if you asked me why I would give you a true and pure honest answer. I would say that it’s probably because I’ve been so hurt and sad all my life that it’s almost as if my feelings, and emotions are gone. They must be completely wiped away, and erased the total destruction that I went through in life, is what damaged me, and left me in a state, of confusion. So it’s not hard to realize I’m not like most kids my age, I did have my fair share of foolishness that I participated in, but over all now I’m just trying to stay focused.
I’m sick, of seeing so much devastation. The agony, and grief that I come across daily really is heart breaking and sometimes hard to handle. I guess that’s probably exactly what deep down ruined me a little. Maybe what I witnessed is what killed my emotions. It’s real sad to say, but I don’t know what it feels like to be happy I really don’t. The only feeling that I have now is the one that I always had, and that’s one that became accustomed to this type of life.
My father was a great man he was the one who would support my mother, but he died when I was eight in a car accident. After my father’s death that’s when my family fell into real hard times man it’s still hard for me to even write this because I miss my father, so much even though I didn’t know him for that long. The memories that I do have, of him are great ones I just remember how he had a personality that could light up a room and he was always able to put a smile on the face, of anyone. Wow it’s even hard for me to write this down guess I need to take a second, and just relax. Maybe I should just think for a second, and just get my thoughts together because right now they’re just all over the place in my head.
Ok alright I’m back writing I had to just go think and pull myself together. I’m good now, and I’m feeling better It’s just that there are still little things that affect me. Hey I’m still only human and even though I don’t know what it feels like to be happy maybe one day I’ll learn what true happiness is. I once read somewhere that happiness is an emotion that makes a person feel joy and it also uplifts your spirit, and makes you feel better about yourself. I guess I need to come in close contact with happiness then, if it will make me feel uplifted and better about myself with pride.
I do have pride, but the kind of pride that I want is the same kind that a Wall Street executive have. That’s the kind of pride that I bet will make a person feel like they’re on top of the world. That exact feeling right there is what I’m chasing it’s my main goal to one day look in the mirror, and say that’s Justice Powell a true success story. A story book ending that’s exactly what I’m after, and I won’t stop until I achieve the goal that I’ve made for myself. Yeah I do encounter people who look at my dreams and may tell me that I’m dreaming too big, but they’re completely wrong. I see no dream as too big because for example just picture if President Obama, Nelson Mandela, or even Martin Luther king listened to people who said they’re dreaming too big. Exactly my point made then the world would still be a place of little progress, and when history is told I want my name to be written in the history books also.
I know in order to reach this set goal plenty of work is going to have to take place just, so that I can get near my goal. That’s just the beginning because the real work starts once I get towards it, and I probably would say that’s when all the fun starts. I was never any stranger to any challenge, and I never plan on being a stranger to any challenge not now, or never. I look at any challenge ahead and I’m ready to take it on in a way that I know how to because I feel like what do I really have to lose. I come from a place where everyone‘s life is hard, so what do I really have to lose currently I’m just going against the grain and putting everything on the line.
I have absolutely nothing to lose this moment in my life is the moment where I’m going for it all with no hesitation, or no procrastination. I know that I really have what it takes to succeed this is what’s in my veins implanted into my system. It’s something that I like to look at, as ambition sad to say, but ambition to me isn’t something that a person can develop either you have it, or you don’t. Ambition is a driving force that can bring someone to levels in life that is unimaginable. So I would say that those people in our society that are extremely successful must’ve had plenty ambition, and drive.
Even though there are a few exceptions to this I believe and when I say a few I mean that. What I’m trying to say, is sometimes some of us have the ambition but we may encounter many road blocks, and that may force some individuals to take a path that wasn’t their original set path. My path is one etched in stone I think, and no one will derail me from chasing what I’m after. Just watch me is what I tell everyone who may try to doubt me, and place a negative cloud over my head.
Everything, and anything is possible with a little ambition, and no matter how much I try we always end up back at that key thing and that’s whether an individual possess ambition. Well I don’t want to stay talking about the same thing even though I can because who is going to read this journal entry besides myself. Well maybe someone will read it I guess, but whoever looks at it I hope they see it as something that was well written by an extremely articulate, and brilliant guy. Yeah I had to throw the brilliant part in because I do think that I’m very smart I see no reason not to think that I am.
I never ask for too much just to enjoy myself, and to keep my eyes open to what’s going on in today’s always changing and fast pace world. Wow now this is exactly what happens whenever I start writing into my journal I always end up writing a lot, and just venting on everything. At times I tell myself that all I’m going to do is just write just one paragraph, and then one paragraph turns into two and then two somehow become three to five, or more. I should probably become an author instead of an attorney because I do have a real passion, and love for writing.
I love writing so much because it enables me to do what I love best, and that’s to create. Writing takes me into a world that I never thought I would ever know and for me that is a thrill it’s kind of hard to explain. Maybe one day when I find a real way to explain this I would. I think this probably led to me being a little antisocial, and it’s why I don’t really like hanging around large crowds that much.
Not trying to make any excuses, but just maybe it played a part in why I just rather being by myself most of the time. I just like being in a world that I created, and one that I have control over instead, of this world that’s completely out of my control. I always been like this, and if someone was to ask me why my honest answer would be I don’t know why. That’s my honest answer, if I could explain it better then that’s exactly what I would do, but unfortunately at this moment in my life I’m unable to give a better answer.
My ways are good well my mother did teach me well, and I learned plenty of valuable things from my grandparents, and everyone else that I grew up around. Hey I was always the type that would absorb any form, of knowledge that someone was willing to give me. I see knowledge as food for the brain, and my brain is always hungry for more of it. No one can ever have too much knowledge it’s impossible that’s almost like saying can someone who is wealthy be too rich, is there even a thing as having too much money. Exactly there is no such thing, so knowledge is also like that you can never have too much.
This is just me speaking my opinions only for me to come back, and read it. Who knows maybe one day someone else will read my journal besides me, and they’ll be intrigued. I would love, for that day to come when I’m the important figure who everyone turns to for advice. I know it’s not hard to ask for that, but it sure is hard to achieve it, but I see my own vision even if others don’t see it I could, and others don’t really matter much to me. Not to sound harsh or anything, but I’m just saying that because, for so long people been doubting me that I reached a point in my life where I’m not even focused on no one else, but myself, family, and close loved ones.
Right now I don’t want to elaborate too much on it, but maybe later on I’ll write about it in here. It’s just that right now I still have so much on my mind, and I’m not even in the mood to fully discuss everything. I really have no idea why because this is my journal, and it is my way of letting out any stress, or any issue that I may have on my mind. It is, but now I just don’t want to vent it all some things I rather just keep to myself. I always been like that, but hey it must be part of my nature. That was the only reasonable explanation that I could’ve come up with even though it made absolutely no sense.
It might make no sense now, but later it’ll all come together with every piece fitting perfectly in place like it was some type of puzzle, or something. I’m going to make it fit even if it doesn’t now that’s me with my turn nothing into something mentality. The condition that I grew up in, and the environment that I come out of, is what shaped me to have this kind, of thinking. I seen too many people become washed up with stories of how they once had dreams. I made a promise to myself to not become one, of those people!
I know that I won’t just for that same reason right there why I won’t. I don’t want to be another person stuck with dreams that fell to the side, and with hopes that crumbled and died. Hold on what I just said was a little poetic see I knew that I still had it in me, but with all jokes aside that’s just the plain truth. I really don’t want to be another lost soul talking about, or even thinking about what I would’ve been.
Yeah so, there it is all that I’m laying down, and exposing at this time. Wow I really did carry on for awhile I guess I had a lot to say. Today was kind of a weird day, but as human beings who don’t have those kinds of days. I wonder what tomorrow, is going to bring me maybe I’ll win the lottery well I wish I did then I would be out of this struggle fully. I’m not going to stress it though because no matter how long it takes I’m sure to leave it, and escape to paradise on earth.
I know paradise on earth isn’t too far from me all I have to do, is believe that I can reach it. I really do believe that I’ll reach it, so there is no way I’ll doubt myself it’s all attainable everything that I’m dreaming about it’s all attainable. It just all comes back to that natural ability that some of us have, and that’s some good old ambition. That’s exactly what it all comes down to, but I’m not worried because that’s what I was born with, but anyway I’m going to head to bed now I got a long day tomorrow and plus I want to be on time for school tomorrow so I’m just going to head to bed, and call it a night now.
Chapter 2
It all starts now
Justice is suddenly awaken by his alarm clock which keeps buzzing in an annoying way, and all Justice wants is just five more minutes of sleep but he gets up in a weary tired way. One glance of the time on the clock and Justice realize that he doesn’t have much time, so he storms into the bathroom to get ready for school. In the kitchen was Justice’s mom, and she was eating the morning breakfast that she had prepared for herself, Justice, and Loyalty. Loyalty Justice’s older brother who was Twenty years old walks in the kitchen “Hey mom what you cook, for us this morning” Loyalty asked. “Well, if you check it out for yourself then you’ll know” Loyalty’s mother said.
“Come on mom you could’ve just gave me a little clue of what’s for breakfast” Loyalty now goes by the table, and sees that his mother made some bacon with pancakes, and eggs. “Mom I love this thanks” Loyalty then picks up a plate, and puts together some of the delicious breakfast that his mother made kisses her on the cheek, and says “How would I get by, if it wasn’t For you mom.” “I don’t know” Loyalty’s mother said whose real name was Nile, and she was a real beautiful proud woman. “Where is, your brother” Nile asked, Loyalty now looks at his mother, and says “I think he’s getting ready.”
“Ok, but I hope he is aware that it’s getting a little late.” Suddenly footsteps come in heavy with a quick rush, and it’s Justice who was now fully dressed and ready to leave, but first he comes in the kitchen. Nile asked Justice does he want any breakfast, and Justice says “I do, but I don’t have much time now to eat.” “Why don’t you take it with you,” “Ok mom I will.” Justice then rushes over to the counter where the food was and picks up some strips of bacon, and then heads towards the door. Rushing fast with one of his book bag straps on his shoulder, and the other hanging down.
After Justice left his brother then turns to their mom, and says “He’s one motivated person,” “Yeah I know and I love that about him.” Justice is now waiting at the bus stop frantically pacing, and looking at his watch hoping that he’s not late. “Come on come on” Justice said, as he waits for the bus and hopes that one will come sooner. As Justice was waiting he sees a car go by it’s a very high end luxury car it was a Mercedes. Justice now falls into a little day dream for a second, as he imagines one day driving a Mercedes.
Justice was now in a complete day dream, as he pictures driving this beautiful European work of art. Justice envisions all the attention that he would accumulate, if he was seen in this car. He sees himself with a beautiful woman next to him driving in the passenger seat, and having the top down in the summer with the cool summer breeze blowing. Justice was picturing himself in this car so good that it’s almost like he could really physically see himself driving the car right now, and he almost feels, as if he’s not even at the bus stop. Justice keeps on visioning himself in the Mercedes when suddenly the bus arrives at the bus stop, and Justice was brought back to reality.
The bus stops right in front of Justice, and he then walks on, and the bus driver then tells Justice “Good morning” and Justice replies back saying the same thing to the driver and then he pays his fare. Justice now walks to the first available seat on the bus which was located almost to the back of the bus, but not all the way in the back. Justice finds a seat, but before he sits he takes off his book bag and then puts it in his lap then after this was done Justice takes a seat. Justice looks out the window, and observes the scenery as the bus drives.
In Justice’s mind he sees a world of total destruction, and one that isn’t created to treat people equally. As the bus drives and Justice continues to look out of the window while in deep thought he glances down at his watch, and takes a look at the time. He now realizes that he doesn’t have much time, and in fact he’s shocked that he only has thirteen minutes to get to school on time, so that he won’t be marked late. Justice now mumbles to himself “Hurry up, hurry up, come on lets go I don’t want to be late.” The bus now finally reaches Justice’s stop, and he immediately gets up with his book bag in his hand, and rushes off the bus.
Running towards his school in a fast pace Justice took his book bag that was in his hand, and throws it over his shoulder so that he can head to school faster. He’s now racing to beat the time, and reach to class with only three minutes left before the teacher does attendance. Justice now reaches the front of the school where he rushes in, and heads to class with only one minute, and a half left. Justice runs down the hallway then up a flight of stares rushing, and staring at his watch, and observing that he only has sixty seconds left.
Justice finally reaches his class door when the door was just about to close when suddenly Justice sticks his hand up to stop the door from closing. Justice now walks in the classroom short of breath with the rest of his class already seated, and all Justice could think about in his head is that “I made it on time” Justice only made it on time by just five seconds. The teacher looks at Justice and said “I’m glad you could make it Mr. Powell.” Justice then looks at the teacher and said, “No problem I’m glad that I could make it too.”
Justice now heads towards his seat, and once Justice is seated he pulls out his notebook and pen ready to take notes. The teacher tells the class today is about ancient history, and Justice seems very interested. Nina a girl in the class who Justice has a crush on doesn’t look very interested in today’s lesson. Tanya a girl in the class who Justice knew for years was sitting next to Justice, but even though Justice thought that he knew her, and she was trustworthy later on he will come to find out that he can’t trust her at all.
Then there is karee he is a friend to Justice, and someone who Justice would share a lot of information with. Anthony was also a close friend to Justice, and most of the time it would be Karee, Anthony, and Justice hanging out. As Justice takes a look at the page in the textbook that the teacher told the class to go to he suddenly thinks about how happy he would be, if Nina would just talk to him for once. Justice doesn’t really stress this for long though because he tells himself that one day she’ll wish she was married to him.
The teacher asked the class what were three amazing cultures in history. Justice raises his hand, and the teacher picks Justice to answer the question asked. As Justice gets picked someone in the back of the class says “Who cares about any ancient society” Justice then turns around, and says “I do.” The teacher then says “Mr. Powell do you want to name the three.” “Yes I do the three are the Aztecs, the Ashanti people, and the Mayans.”
The teacher tells Justice good job on that, and then turns to the class and said “See there were many great cultures, and to list them all it would take us quite a while that’s why I said for anyone to just give me three.” The bell then rings indicating the end of the class the teacher then says class is dismissed. Everyone now gets up, and was storming out the door heading towards the hallway. As everyone leaves and Justice was the last one to exit the teacher looks over at Justice, and winks his eye then says “You’re special I think you have exactly what it takes to reach success in this world.”
Justice kindly says “Thanks,” and then walks off with his book bag over his shoulder heading towards the hallway. In the hallway there was a lot of commotion, and everyone was rushing to get to their next class. Justice sees Nina, and walks up to her to say “What’s up,” Nina then looks at Justice, and says “I’m fine.” Justice then asked Nina if he could walk her to class, but Nina’s response was “Not right now,” and then she walks off.
This moment was completely humiliating for Justice because he had his hopes high that for once Nina would see how much he cared for her. He thought that she would just recognize the genuine feelings he had, but unfortunately she didn’t see it. Now, as Justice goes to his next class he’s a little hurt at just being rejected. As the time ticks and the day goes by quick for Justice he just thinks about the day Nina will see him, and give him her total respect.
Justice was now at lunch in the cafeteria at school sitting around the table with his two friends Karee, and Anthony. Justice turns to his friend Anthony, and asked him what he plans on doing for the summer. Anthony turns back, and says he plans on going to the military, and everyone at the table was now shocked. Justice asks “Why do you want to do that for?” Anthony then states that this will be his only way to pay for college.
Karee looks at Anthony and said, “Do you really want to go to the military though?” Justice then says, “If this is what you really want then go for it, if you feel like this is what you must do then do it.” Anthony now says this was what he has to do to secure funding for his college education because it’s hard for him to get a loan. Justice then says “It sure is hard to even get a response I still haven’t received any type of feedback yet,” “Me too I didn’t get any feedback either” Karee said.
The bell then rings and it was time for everyone to now return to class, and as Justice gets up from a far he gets a little quick look at Nina, and he just shakes his head. With one thought in his mind all Justice wants to do is just make Nina know how much he likes her, but he finds it hard to let her know when she won’t even allow him to walk her to class. As the school day wind-down, and Justice was getting ready to go home he gets a tap on his back when he was coming out of class, and it’s from his friend Tanya. Tanya was the eighteen year old friend of Justice he knew her since the eighth grade.
Tanya always appeared to be a great friend to Justice, but deep down she was a person that was untrustworthy, and a person that had a heart of deceit. After Tanya tapped Justice on his back he now turns around, and asked her “What’s going on?” “Everything is fine with me I just wanted to see what’s up with you.” Justice tells her he’s good, and that he’s just been doing a lot, of extra studying just for these last three months of school. Tanya looks at Justice, and gives him a serious look as if the look she gave him was saying that he’s always focused.
Justice and Tanya walk towards the exit to head home, and the whole time they’re just talking. Tanya tells Justice how she’s headed to St. Johns University, and how excited she was when she received her acceptance letter. Justice then tells her congratulations, and how he’s proud of her. The two now reach the exit, and Justice opens the door then lets Tanya out first telling her “Ladies first!” Both Tanya and Justice laugh for a second after he says ladies first “You’re always such a comedian.” Justice then turns to Tanya with a smile on his face and said “I’ll always be one.” “Alright I’ll see you later, and don’t think that I don’t see you eyeballing Nina.”
Justice laughs and says “I see that you observe a lot of things huh.” “Yeah I do,” Justice and Tanya then say bye, and then go their separate ways. Justice was now heading towards the bus stop when he gets thoughts of success flashing through his head. He has a quick vision of where he is being asked plenty of questions by someone who appears to be a reporter, and he’s being asked was it a hard road to get here. Justice suddenly breaks his concentration and focus because someone driving by was playing loud music.
Finally Justice reaches the bus stop standing there, and just reflecting on his day and how it just went by fast, and thinking how a time will come when he’s loved, respected, and admired. The bus now arrives, and Justice gets on then heads directly to the seat on the bus that he loves sitting in. After a long ride, and plenty of thinking Justice finally reaches his stop. Once off the bus Justice goes home walking, and again observing the state of his neighborhood he just has one thought, and that’s he can’t wait until the day that he’s able to leave and never come back. Justice keeps walking while looking at all that’s wrong with his neighborhood.
The abandoned homes with windows that are boarded up, and the complete mess of a neighborhood that Justice sees, is a chilling reminder of the poverty in which he’s from. As Justice sees this stuff, and walked pass Patty who was well known, and had been well known, as one of the neighborhood drug addicts for years he still walks with his head up in the clouds. He walks almost as if he isn’t fazed by any, of the problems that surrounds him. Justice always felt like a soldier, and that he’ll be able to adapt, and survive in any environment no matter where in the world he might be.
Justice finally reaches the front door of his building, so now he opens the door then walks over towards the elevator, and pushes the button then waits for the elevator to arrive. The elevator now arrives after Justice waited about a minute, or so, and now Justice gets on pushes the number five for the floor in which he lives on and waits until the elevator arrive at his floor. When the elevator stops at the third floor to pick someone up all Justice could hear is the sounds, of a couple arguing, and cursing at each other.
The elevator continues going on, and finally Justice reaches his floor, and then walks off with his key in his hand, and right when he’s about to open his front door that’s when his door, is automatically opened. The reason his door was opened before Justice can insert his key into the hole and turn the knob was because Justice’s brother was exiting at the same exact time when Justice was about to insert his key into the door. The door is now open and Justice, and his brother Loyalty end up having eye contact with each other and they end up speaking briefly. “Hey what’s up” Justice said, Loyalty then replies by saying “Nothing much.”
Justice then asked his brother where was he going, and Loyalty says “I‘m going to the store do you want to come along.” “Of course I would love to come” Justice then rushes inside for a second to put his book bag down, and then he comes back out closing the door behind him as he leaves. Loyalty, and Justice are now waiting for the elevator to arrive, and Loyalty asked Justice “How was school.” “It was cool” “Yeah I understand exactly what you mean just a cool day.”
Loyalty and Justice are now on the elevator and as the elevator goes by the third floor you can still hear the same couple arguing that Justice heard arguing earlier. Justice and Loyalty look at each other once they hear the arguing and then they also shake their heads. Loyalty then says “Man I heard them earlier when I was coming up.” “Are you serious I heard them when I was coming up too, so then that means they probably were arguing all day.” “Yes they were” both Loyalty and Justice then laugh.
The elevator finally reaches the last floor Justice, and Loyalty then walked off to exit the building to head to the store. Justice turns to Loyalty and said, “Don’t you hate this place.” “Yes I do, but I can’t hate it too much because, if I did then I would hate a little of myself because I am from this place, and this place did mold me a little into the person that I am today.” “Good point, but I still hate it” Justice said, they both then laugh a little.
As Justice and Loyalty walk to the store they walk pass Patty who is one, of the neighborhood’s drug addicts. Patty now approaches Justice, and Loyalty asking them for some spare change and Justice says “Patty why are you always begging for?” Patty looks at Justice, and gives him a real and true answer by telling him “My life is a mess.” “You know what just for that honesty here I’ll give you a dollar.”
Patty then looks at Justice, and tells him “Thank you god blesses your heart” Loyalty then comes out of nowhere saying “Patty you should clean yourself up already.” Patty then looks at Loyalty, and just gives him a look as if she knew that he was speaking the truth. Loyalty then says “You know what Patty just enjoy.” Justice and Loyalty now continue to head to the store, and leave Patty, they’re almost near the store, and as they get near Justice says “This world isn’t ready for someone like me.”
“Why you say that?” “I have my reasons I know exactly why, and trust me bro soon you’ll know why also!” Justice and Loyalty now reach the store Loyalty was the first one in to open the door, and then Justice follows him in. Justice sees one of his friends in the store and walks over to him, and then engages himself in a brief conversation. Loyalty finally sees the item that he came in the store to purchase its some strawberry ice cream. Loyalty now walks up to the counter, and pays for the ice cream he then walks over to Justice and informs him that they can leave now.
Justice then tells his friend that he’s having a conversation with that he’s leaving and that he’ll see him later his friend then responds, and says “Ok later.” Loyalty and Justice now exit the store, and start to walk towards their building. “Finally I got it been craving for this all day.” Justice looks at him, and laughs “You’re funny you’ve been craving strawberry ice cream all day.”
Loyalty then looks at Justice and said, “Yes I have what is there a problem with that,” “No none at all.” As Justice, and Loyalty now walk and head towards their home for a second time they’re approached by Patty asking for money this completely angers Justice. Justice turns to Patty, and says “Come on now Patty don’t try to hustle me I just gave you money.” “Ok I’m sorry, but you can’t be mad at me for trying can you.” Loyalty then steps up and said, “Patty come on you been begging for years, if you saved up just twenty five cents from every quarter that you received over the years then you would’ve been financially stable now!” “Come on don’t be so harsh to me.” “Come on Patty I’m not being harsh just being real, you know what have a nice day.” Justice and Loyalty then walk off, and head towards their building, and once they’re at the building they now walk in.
As soon as Loyalty and Justice step inside the building the elevator was right there letting someone off. So Justice and Loyalty run to the elevator to catch it, so they won’t have to wait for it to come back down. In the elevator Justice turns to Loyalty and said, “Happy now your craving is satisfied” the two briefly laugh. The elevator finally reaches the floor where Justice and Loyalty was getting off at. Justice and Loyalty then get off the elevator, and head towards their apartment. Once by the door Justice reaches for his key, and then opens the door while stepping inside their home Justice says “I’m shocked that we didn’t hear those two arguing while we were on the elevator.”
“Yeah I know” Justice now heads towards his journal to go and write in it, but he realizes that first he must finish a project that he’s been working on. Loyalty looks at Justice and said, “So are you still going to write everything down about your day.” Justice comes up to Loyalty, “Why would I quit I love to express myself through my writings.” Loyalty cracks a brief smile, “Yeah I know you do just making sure.” Justice then heads towards his room with Loyalty out in the kitchen eating some ice cream.
As Justice reaches to write in his journal he sees the art project that he has been working on, for the last couple of weeks. It’s a painting that Justice drew, and it’s of a picture perfect city one where crime doesn’t exist and where money, or suffering doesn’t exist. This is a city that Justice always envisioned, and it felt like paradise to him. He saw this city, as a place where there was no poverty, and it was a place where everyone was treated equal. If there was a thing such as heaven on earth then this place that Justice drew, and envisioned had the same exact characteristics of that.
This was a place of total peace a place where Justice craved to live. It was the type of place that took Justice to another world whenever he drew it, or even thought about it, and quite frankly that’s the real reason why Justice was so focused. He focused on this place because it brought him to a perfect world, and one that was a million miles from where he was currently living. Only if the real world was like this was what Justice thought, as he looked at his drawing in a deep thought. Justice knew, and believed one thing, and that was that one day he would love to travel the world.
Justice seen too much to quit he also felt like he didn’t see too much of the world outside of his neighborhood. So that gave him enough motivation on why he shouldn’t quit. Justice now picked up his pen then puts his drawing to the side, and pulled out his notebook to write in his journal and wrote what he felt at the moment. The first thing that came to Justice’s head was how the world is ever changing, and he’s always dealing with not being able to trust anyone.
The trust thing was something that Justice felt was a real issue facing him in life. Justice thought that this trust problem was something that made him make poor decisions when choosing a friend. Justice writes with a serious emphasis on the fact that most people can’t be trusted, and he makes a quick mental note in his mind of how it’s better to do things alone. The only reason Justice thought that he should do things alone was if he did do things alone then there would be no one else there to mess anything up. Also, if anything did get messed up he would know that it was messed up because of his mistake, and not because of anyone else.
“Good times are ahead, of me” Justice writes and deep down inside he really believes that things will change for the good. Justice is a very optimistic person with a sharp eye on success. He’s one person that will always be completely focused on leaving the neighborhood where he grew up in. Justice really feels that his exit out of his current neighborhood is real close, and then he’ll be able to sit back, and enjoy the fruits of his labor. Justice now wonders if tomorrow will be, as smooth as today was, or is it going to be complicated.
Things like this was what Justice would think about before he went to sleep, or even before he left his house in the morning it was kind of a ritual for Justice. It was something that he practiced for years, and now that his days in high school are coming to an end real soon Justice now starts to realize that his life is just beginning. He knows that now it’s time for him to step up and be the first to graduate from high school, and eventually be the first person in his family with a college degree. Justice was now tired and starts to get ready to go to bed, but right before he went to sleep he falls into one more deep thought.
He just wanted to believe in his heart that he’ll see the other side of life, and no longer witness what he witnesses now on a daily basis. “I just want to find true happiness,” Justice says to his self “I want to know what it’s like to enjoy life, and have real joy.” Anyone would know that Justice was a person with a deep hatred, for society. He thought that the world was against him, and everything he tried to do always end up going wrong.
Justice never knew why, but he hated this and he vowed to change everything around only to be truly free, and not another statistic. “No one listens to me now, but one day people are going to beg me to listen to them” Justice said. “I know that I’ll be a major important figure it’s just a matter of time once the stars align perfectly for me then it’ll be my time” Justice says to himself. “Someone, as great as myself will be appreciated, and loved one day.” Justice was very confident that he’ll be remembered and venerated when his time truly comes.
“I can’t allow myself to fall behind, and just exist I don’t want to exist I want to live,” is what Justice said. Life is hard, and it’s something no one asked for it just happens, but yet it can leave and be all over in a quick instance was what Justice thought. These were some of the things that Justice thought about regularly, but only sometimes he would actually say it to his self. “I need to find my way, and light up where was dark, so that tomorrow I’ll have a brighter day” Justice said.
Justice hears a knock on his room door he then says “Come in.” It’s his mother Nile she pushes the door, and then walks in his room and said “How are you?” “I’m fine just preparing for life” “I know you’re always preparing yourself.” Justice then says to his mother “One day I’m going to give you the world, and you’re going to be real proud of me.” “I’m already proud of you, but I do know that you’ll give me the world.”
“Ok I just wanted to check on you for a second nice to see that you’re alright ok goodnight.” “Ok later mom see you in the morning.” Glad to know my mom loves me was what Justice thought to himself, as he gets ready to go to sleep. “I just hope I have good dreams even though once I wake up I’ll be back in hell” Justice thought. As Justice slept he sees greatness, and no trouble which was always the ultimate vision that Justice had.
Justice was now in the world he would always day dream about, and this was a world that Justice seen as his personal paradise. In his dream Justice walked pass a guy that he sees in need. Justice turns to this guy, and says “What’s wrong.” The guy then turns to Justice, and said “This world is too perfect.” In complete shock Justice scratches his head, “What do you mean this world is too perfect?” The guy who was an older man around his late fifties to early sixties wasn’t really in need he just appeared that way.
He turns to Justice and said, “Look at everything,” Justice now looks around after the guy says to look around. “Ok everything is nice I love this place” The guy then says “I know this place is too perfect to be true you’re a big dreamer.” Justice is now shocked, and can’t believe that someone is actually calling him a big dreamer in his own dream. “Wow you’re someone that’s a real dream killer I can’t believe you just said that to me.” “Don’t worry I know this is the world where you would love to be I’m just playing I would love for this place to really exist in the real world also.”
“How is it possible that you’re in my dreams, and I’m able to speak to you?” The guy then says “Don’t worry everything is good with me my name is Deon I’ve been watching you for some time now I guess you can say I’m apart of you maybe I am you.” Justice then looks at this man named Deon, and thinks that he’s joking, but Deon gives Justice a real hard look. Deep inside Justice was starting to think maybe this man is his subconscious.
“It’s good to dream my friend because those who don’t dream, is hopeless.” Justice was now left thinking when his alarm clock rings.
Chapter3
Decisions of life
Justice was now at school, and the only thing on his mind was the dream that he had last night. Justice kept on having thoughts of it, and of this guy that went by the name of Deon. As Justice walks to the lunch room he sees Nina going by, and then he suddenly approaches her. “Hey how is everything going how are you?” Nina then tells Justice “I’m fine, but I can’t talk right now.”
Justice feels hurt, and his pride is a little crushed, but he accepts it, and just brushes it off and then proceeds to the cafeteria area. As Justice enters he sees his friends Karee, and Anthony around a table with some other friends sitting down. Karee says “Hey Justice come hang out with us.” “I’m coming I’m just going to go pick up some snacks at the vending machine first” “Ok we’ll be here when you’re done.”
On his way to the vending machine Justice feels a tap on his back, and when he turns around to see who it was, it was his friend Tanya. Both Tanya and Justice smile, and briefly laugh once Justice turns around, and sees that it was Tanya who tapped him on his back. “So what’s up boy how is everything going,” “It’s good you know even though things can be a lot better” Justice said. “Yeah I know what you mean.” Justice then enthusiastically says “I bet you can’t wait for graduation can you!” “I surely can’t wait.”
Tanya then tells Justice “I’ll catch up with you later though” “Ok later Tanya.” Tanya then walks off, and Justice walks to the vending machine where he purchases a bag of chips, and an orange juice. Justice picks up his items, and then walks over to the table where his friends were sitting, and then takes a seat. Justice greets everyone with a handshake, and everyone embraces Justice warmly.
Karee tells Justice “What’s going on man you been out of sight lately?” “No just been extra focus my friend.” Anthony then says “Yeah well I could understand that.” Karee was now smiling and said “So when are we going out on the town” Karee asked. “Well whenever I’m free just been studying, and doing a whole lot.”
“Wow you’re always studying never hanging out anymore like you once did huh” Anthony said. Justice looks at Anthony, “Yeah man I’m just trying to get out of this hell hole that I’m in.” “That’s completely understandable my friend I’m trying to do the same.” Justice then nods his head to acknowledge Anthony. While everyone was in a conversation at the table Justice starts to think, and slightly falls in a trance.
Justice was now thinking of all the changes he could make in his life possible only, if he had the right opportunity that he desperately craves. The right chance and the right decision can be the deciding factor. That would exactly be the drastic change that Justice feels he needs in his life. This change is a real drastic one that could finally put life on the terms that Justice wanted it to be on.