Part Two Merlin’s Quest:
Through the darkness I fall further and further into an abyss of emotion. My head begins to spin an upward spiral of heaviness of which I cannot find a place to conceal it. My heart longs for completion, for the finish line to be before me, for the end to take its rightful place in the underbelly of this universe so I can go on. Genuinely I am concerned that I cannot come back from this, that I will spiral downward until I am no more.
I cannot find my pulse, my connection to the reality I am in, nor can I find myself and the intuition that usually arrives inside my belly to destroy the darkness with everlasting light. Where is my sanctuary, and why has it not saved me.
Sometimes I wish I could be an ordinary man, a man with no magic, someone normal and sane. Why does it have to be this way every time? I come when I am called to help or heal but it never can be easy. I fall and I continue to fall until I fall no longer and then it begins again. Maybe a door opens, maybe a forest appears, and maybe this time I will land and truly remember why I have come. So here we go again.
I call out and no one has returned my message, I have measured my will against the elements only to be here still in a downward spiral with no way to be saved. Why is this happening? I am but a man, no one really of great importance, just a mirror image of a beast of immeasurable unimportance, coming as I always do and releasing myself when I am done, back to where it always begins. Am I done yet?
I have not saved anyone nor have saved myself, yet I survive. One could venture out into this and hope to know salvation but save this notion and do not, for you will only call out for sanctuary
There is deep depression of blackness with no doors, nor light to come inside. It is the darkness before the dawn, but to whose dawn will I be a part of this time?
Can I step outside myself; void the spinning that I have created and UN-create the spiral of emotion that I have been so caught up in? Take in and hold my breath so as not to breathe in the depth of this darkness, and shut my eyes to the blindness of the light as it enters my space in time. I will relief this burden I carry and begin once more. Choice states that I must choose the present time, yet where was I and where will I again be, after? This is the center of gravity where past, present and future is all one, for one exact moment.
How does one prosper when the end is near and the beginning has not yet arrived? No future to neither resist, nor present to submit my presence too.
Wait, I feel something, something is happening. The core of my being vibrates; it is evolving into a presence of energy once more.
I must have contained something, for I am at a door of light and sound, vision and third eye knowing. The energy dissolves my presence and I am.
I am beginning to evaporate...
Merlin echoed the voice in the distance thinking of who it could be. It helped him for a few seconds but then again he fell.
“I am Sanctuary, I am the cave beneath your breast, the sea within the emotion of your dreams, and I am your saviour.
No one knows really who I am, I just am. Not a man per say, nor an entity, but a reservoir of energy. Sometimes I am just the emotion of the motion of existence, and sometimes I am the very action in which you act upon. I am that is all, because I am your friend.
Once again Merlin listened, its rhetoric was complicated but he knew it is something he should know from the past so he continued to listen.
“Do we connect and at some point traverse the sea in which we are both a part of? You may reason this, or not, but we do on many levels of consciousness. A variable of events that bring into many lives so many conclusions; no wonder you have a hard time to commit to just one, let alone find the answer.
Just imagine your fate, as you have no idea what your fate is, yet imagine it is just that. What persuades you to continue to meet this destiny? Is it fate conjured up in your mind, one that can resonate hope, honour and appreciation for a life that you still continue to achieve?
How boring, to now know, to say what next when you already know what next. Ah that is why I exist. Sanctuary helps to heal; sanctuary helps to dissolve the tremors one finds in their heart as they pursue the challenges tested within the realities you find yourself connected to. Can I help you as you fall, hard to the ground, trying to recover from the fear of falling, not even knowing that I have caught you already and you are gently being placed on the ground softly.
Wake up to my calling; see it as it clearly happens from a soul’s point of view. You are not forsaken, not at all, but gently loved, unconditional to all that trespasses into your life, as it has many lives, and here you are still existent, still awaken, still in the arms of sanctuary.
Set sail with me; be a part of the unknown journey that we have begun so many times; sometimes failing, only to return, time and time again, responding to the soul’s calling you back to this earth. How much can you take? How much will you endure this time to make whole all the parts that come like a puzzle in a package? Let’s throw the pieces together onto a table and begin to build our castle, but let us first start with the foundation.
I will take you back to the beginning, to a beginning that comes with a man’s passion for life, an understanding of this man and the desire to know something more about the magic. We will do this simultaneously, because right now I have to save this man, save him from falling down into a void in which he has no connection. His only knowing is that he is falling into a dream in which this time he cannot help himself, but only calls out to someone who will help. No, this is me but it is not me either. You will see. I am evaporating......”
Merlin knows, Merlin knows, yet what does he know?
Merlin only knows he is falling and within this falling he is awake, yet dreaming he is falling too.
“I hate this, you know. Falling and not falling, which is it this time? Is it the magic that makes me fall like an unborn baby into this world without hope? Or is it a dream that I am a part of, awakened in a minute to be safely in my bed asleep? “How many doors will I pass before one opens for me?”
“Ok, I will fall gently into this darkness and come down like a feather in the breeze. I will be on the ground where I began and I will hopefully know where I am this time. My friends will be there to help me recover and I will find sanctuary under the tree, my tree, as always.
So with these many words Merlin floated around in the clouds, neither coming down nor going upward into the heavens. He watched the seagulls fly by, in their never ending battle with the winds and the insects who ventured above their center of gravity to be eaten by the same seagulls that flew by. He looked down at the ground so far below and craved having his feet touch the earth, grounding his energy at the base of his planet. Merlin smiled and when he did the sun came out from behind hidden clouds and acknowledged his presence.
So he took the time to think and as he thought his thoughts followed him like a puppy that follows his new master. He heard no messages nor brought no magic to his mind but only challenged his brain to understand, because it is usually a drop and he crashes to the ground, never falling as slowly as he is now. Like a time warp, and that he wanted to be his final answer.
“This floating business is nice but it is also boring me because if something is going to capture me or send me somewhere I hope it will be soon.”
The air beneath his body gently stroked his hair and he envisioned the energy that covered him from head to toe. It soon made his mind wander in and out of consciousness but he felt safe, safe to the point of not caring if he ever came down.
“Now I know I cannot stay up here forever. I know I have work to do, because I always have work to do. So I think I will have to come up with a plan to come down and find out where I am.
He placed his hands above his head to feel his hat, hoping it still there, and then took out the crystals he kept in his pouch to make some magic. His desire to make this opportunity work was strong and he knew his concentration would be commanded at will, he opened his palm and spoke in a tongue foreign to many yet known by a few.
The magic poured out of him, softly swirling the energy he knew so well. The colors transpired his vision to land somewhere safe and somewhere he knew well. His body began to fall downward into a spiral but a spiral of intimate knowing for a magician as great as he. He smiled and contained the laughter he wanted to belch forth and awaited his landing.
“Safe and sound, he repeated, safe and sound,” Until a door opened, and he fell again into another universe where a hand pulled him inside.
Serenity watched as the scenario unfolded, watching Merlin, watching the hand as it reached out and pulled him in. His arm extended ever so wide so as not to hit the man on the head as he came through the doorway. Holding onto Merlin he felt the strength beneath the aged old body that kept him outside the box. We all want to go let go sometimes but never do, I think that is when we have to understand that the magic is us and we are a part of the magic. It is not the age, the body, the calling, or the king that holds us where we are but the magic. This took him into a void of remembering when the body was the importance for him as well and the magic was just the thought. It seemed like a long time ago but yet ever so present in his mind, a mind that had no boundaries, no brain and no skull to keep him enclosed just the energy that still surrounded his spirit and the calling of the many he responded too. Everyone searched for serenity but serenity was never to be found but contemplated inside one’s soul.
In my life I have been many things, sometimes things in which I cannot describe to those whose eyes are here with me now, but let us not assume that it is to be known by no other, yet brought to the attention of those whose eyes lurk here in the darkness only to bring me back once again. I AM ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY, I am the light that shines, the light that takes you further into the distance and keeps you safe from the adversity that surrounds you. I am the unknown, the space between spaces, and I am here once again to be and to be of help. I shall ask Merlin’s mind if he remembers who I am and see what he thinks back to me. I will tell him a tale and he will continue this tale as he is once again rescued by this hand and brought down to earth to begin his next task, or shall I say our next task as I will be right here as always.
The hand continued to pull and to pull against the forces that drive one into insanity, Merlin held on tight and hoped that he would not let go of the hand that too, held onto him. He braced his thoughts against his mind and held onto his heart which seemed to have fallen somewhere into his stomach. I hate these forever fallings, I do not think I will ever get used to them, he thought. It’s always one door or another that seems to open and I get swept through into oblivion and another adventure. Who will save me now and to what avail will I be able to save myself? It’s always one or the other and if it is not me then I begin again and find myself falling just like now. Maybe I should just relax and see who is behind the door, or maybe I should just bite this hand and see where I could actually end up with no doors opening? Well maybe not, I am not one to venture somewhere where I have not been or where my magic may not work.
Merlin’s mind did begin to wonder what if, and then he wandered right back into a dream, a dream in which he and some friends were in a forest and he was desperately trying to remember where he was and where he was about to go. He remembered a song and a man or was it a butterfly? Could have been a butterfly man, but that did not matter because he also remembered someone else, someone who entered his thoughts now and again, someone whose magic is close to his, close enough to be his twin. He could envision a cave and a crystal, magic and song, books of many sizes and energy big enough to put your head into.
He remembered his teacher; and this brought a smile and a tear to the old man’s face, a teacher who was also a dear friend. Serenity where are you when I need you, he called to the air that whisked past his face, where are you when an old friend needs some company. His eyes wide with these remembrances, came rushing back to him and along with the rushing came a voice.
“We are always one, my friend, always one and don’t step on my toes this time when you land it hurts the heck out of my foot.”
Once again Merlin and a hand were holding onto each other, and the door once opened closed not abruptly this time but gently as he stood once more in the Land of Nothingness, where he could not remember a darn thing.
The forest this time of year is abundant with fauna and tree alike. Rolling on forever within its beauty, a person is likely to get lost in its entirety. No wonder those of us who are familiar with its tenderness and its green energy tend to get lost in its maze and trance like qualities. Alas that is why we have called it Forest Of Forgetfulness, Serenity sensed his last connection to the man and his magic as the door closed once again into the this land and it’s many realities until they once again called on each other and their magic.
The Forest has been called this from when time began, as I have been told, each magician and their magic unfolding and folding again and again into its bliss until all consciousness had been lost and never yet found. One tree although can and does sometimes lift the fog off one’s mind revealing the answers to the questions asked and then unravels itself once again. If your magic is strong then you will remember why you had come to the forest and will be able to solve the mysteries that you have questioned. Few have done this and others have wondered about until someone, a friend perhaps, comes looking for them and then and only then they are found and returned to The Land of Nothingness. Not all get lost it is not a perpetual forest, like some others, but a forest of reasons and whys. If you are just traveler into these lands you will carry on as if it is nothing more than a forest you must travel through. It will not eat you alive or steal yourself worth but allow you to carry on into the next stage of your life. If life changes are meant to happen to you then you may discover its magic or the magician that truly does wonder about this forest always in search for something to begin and remember so it ends.
I can tell you many things about this forest but it is better to discover them by listening to the forest itself. Venture out into your soul and ask for the discovery and send yourself into the forest to find it. Then and only then can you understand what I say and what does go on here. Miracles you may ask? No not really, just a lot of questionable activity and a whole lot of friendship. The magic is great and steeped in illusion. Illusions that have saved the world more than once in many a lifetime and you will soon discover who those are that can come into the forest and leave again senseless in time but surrounded by Serenity.
The tree stood before him once again and he looked at it for a long time. Being the middle of summer its green leaves are abundant and its branches swayed gently into the wind. The bark of this old tree, no one really knew how old it was, ran in ripples along the tenderness of its underbelly, carefully protecting it from harm. Although no one knows if it has ever been attempted harm because no one knows anything more than pure love for this tree. The wind gusted up as if to say hello and then mellowed out again so this man could sit and think. A lot of thinking goes on under this tree because wherever one goes into this forest they always seem to end up under this tree in contemplation of their life and in wonder of where they were intended to go.
Merlin grabbed his hat and sat down under the tree he knew well but sometimes did not remember he did. His hat still placed upon his head he reached under it to scratch his hair. Long and gray he usually knotted it up underneath as to have it not in his face all the time but today he had actually braided it nicely, just because he felt like it. Maybe he knew to that there could be an adventure coming and he wanted to look like a wizard and not an old hooded magician that could wave spells and magic as much as he liked. He loved this forest and the tree that stood over him and he smiled in recognition of that moment because he remembered if only for a second. “Now why am I here? Did I come looking for herbs or magical birds? Did I meet someone here recently or am suppose to soon. He would have checked his watch if he had one but magicians do not, nor does one care when or what time it is. Time is that is all, whatever time it is meant to be, it is. Hunger is time to eat, and tired is time to sleep, and intuition means time to know. So magic is timeless and that is all there needs to be.
Merlin looked around to make notes, mentally, for clues of what could have taken place. He could not make any, because there were not any to make. Obviously he has just arrived and will soon figure it out why he has come here in the first place. Maybe his dear friend Manion had asked him to meet him here, the giant of a man who walked these woods protecting the small of stature and the earth in all her wonder? Maybe another magician or witch has need of his abilities, or maybe he just wanted to be alone and wandered in here by himself. He never knew until the clues presented themselves, and he knew they would.
Serenity looked down on Merlin and smiled. He knew that he could not remember what had taken place only minutes ago and would not remember until he once again found himself once again in this time and dimension, so he just looked down and held his friend in consciousness.
“Hey anyone here” Merlin thought he would just throw that out there just in case, but no one answered except a bird that flew over head.
He heard a song in his head but he could not remember from where and sat down under the tree to take a nap.
“Black bird singing in the dead of night” the tune began to ring louder and louder in his head, “ take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you are only waiting for this moment to arrive.....”
Louder and louder into his head the song sang, his eyes closed and then opened to find a black crow sitting next to him with a big smile on his face.
“Hey you, what can I do for you? Yah lost or something?” Merlin, at least he hoped he is Merlin, looked down at his clothes and then looked over to the crow with the big smile and sighed. This is one big crow he thought, better not piss him off. I am not yet fully oriented so I may not have my full power, and he may have some too. So Merlin smiled back and waited for someone to start the conversation.
Ha, he does not remember me, figures, I thought he would? I do look very similar but maybe it’s the black crow look I got going instead of the multicolour look the last time we met. I wonder hummm..., where the butterfly guy is, he was funny I don’t think he knew exactly who he was or is. Ha funny stuff. Oh well I guess I will just have to be nice and not scare the pants off this old guy, yah never know when he could if ever, kick the bucket into never land. Hey I must admit I kind of like this black crow look, suave and Latino. The women just love that you know, cha, cha, cha.
Well, I better get to this situation; we are once again here like always it begins. He fell out of the sky and I know he does not remember anything, so I will take a few and put the pieces together and then I can start the story, for both of us.
So when was the last time we met and how did he end up here and falling from the sky? Who decided to put Merlin here and where is this other guy, Jack, or is it the butterfly man? He wished he could tell Merlin he is only joking but the crow had to let Merlin come to in his own way or all would be lost.
Hah, yeah, I like my sense of humour it gets me right here every time. He moved his hand over to his heart, which on a bird is in the middle, and stroked it. Yeah I am good. He laughed silently because the caw he could have made would have scared Merlin into another dimension.
Ok, sir crow, he jostled to himself. Let’s get this show on the road.
“Hey Merlin, what do remember?” The crow rolled his eyes right into the old man’s face to see if he could be asleep or just thinking. His eyes butted right up to Merlin’s nose and Merlin almost sneezed right into his black crow face. “Wow, no sneezing big guy, I’m just trying to see if you are awake or not. Hey, you know it’s me don’t you? I am your friend, your true and almost only friend. The one that always seems to show up when you fall from the sky?” The crow smiled once again and this time he showed his pearly whites, and his beak in between. “Ah come on Merlin get a grip here, it’s not like this is the first time this has happened. Remember where you are? You tend to fall out of the sky more than once a month if I am recalling correctly, and this time you landed pretty softly almost on the mark if I do say so myself.”
Black crow, or sometimes not a black crow, took a quick look at where Merlin sat and acknowledged the very fact that Merlin sat under the tree as if he had been put there by someone. Ok, wait a minute, I get it, I know something he does not know, there came that smile again. Serenity has something to do with this I will bet. “Serenity if you can hear me, I do not know what you are up to but I think I know you are around.”
Once again he looked up and the top branches of the tree shook as if the wind whispered but crow knew better, he knew serenity could be up there and if he is laughing well he better let him in on the joke soon.
“Ah, I am feeling better now thank you.” Merlin felt the flush come back to his face and the thirst; from no water enter his mouth. I will definitely have to get some water either from this crow or from someone else who may know of a stream nearby.
Merlin shook off his unconsciousness and began to think like a magician again. He sensed he knew this black crow from somewhere and he also knew he would be told by him, if he asked. There are not a lot of strangers in these lands, especially if you have a connection to the energy and the magic of Mother Nature, so we must have met before.
“Hello there, have we met before?” It is always nice to start with the pleasantries, before you get into the hard questions. He thought. He wanted to make a nice impression on this magical creature and did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. “My name is Merlin and I seem to have fallen from the sky right into your forest, and I apologize if I am a stranger here, and do you mind if I ask you some questions.
Well, Merlin hardly got the last word out when he saw the crow start to roll on the ground in convulsions of undiluted laughter. He rolled this way and that. On the, this way he almost rolled right over the old man and on the, that way he almost fell into a ravine that melted into the grassy knoll.
The bird looked flabbergasted, I mean really Merlin thought. How could he laugh at me this way? I could have not been any more polite, and conservative. I could have taken his head and turned it into a monkey first before anything else. By this time the bird stopped his gasping and his laughter and rolled back to Merlin staring him right in the eye.
“Yeah, you know me you old fart; you know exactly who I am. Keep that thought if you can, and I will convince you and jar your brain into this dimension. Hold on one minute.”
The black crow sighed his biggest yet to date, turned around a few times, quickly so as not to get to dizzy and turned his all black feathers into a multitude of rainbow colors. He went from blackbird to parrot, in just a few quick seconds. “I still got it, Merlin, cannot you see it is still me, your old friend and buddy? Who am I, come on I know you know, many times many places?”
The bird held on and held his breath until he could no longer. “Merlin, it’s me Darkness? D- A- R -K –N- E -S, see I can even spell my name?”
Of which Merlin knew he could not but he would give it to him anyways, Merlin thought, and then Merlin smiled.
“I remember, I remember, Darkness my old friend, where have you been and why are you colourful? You are supposed to be black.”
“When did you get here and do tell me what I have missed.”
Darkness laughed and then Merlin laughed both jumping up and down because once again Merlin was half way back and that meant half way to another adventure.
Jack, half Butterfly and half man stood off to the side and watched from a distance what is happening before him. He still was unsure of what he too had seen and because now once again he is a man he would not walk away from what he needed to know. Why had this happened and why did he see all that he had seen or witnessed here in this crazy place. He could remember only minutes ago, well it seemed like minutes that he was hiking on a mountain top trying to figure out some dreams he had had, and he was being sent to see the wizard that lived in a cave to help him understand the changes he felt inside. The wizard he had as a young child, the one who held the magic of all time.
So now here he stood hiding in a tree overlooking some very strange circumstances and really felt bewildered. His body had changed back from a butterfly to being himself and he still felt strange inside and hoped that this metamorphosis did not once again overtake him until he had the answers he searched for.
He thought for a moment and decided to come down from the tree and face these two characters and find out what they know about this forest and how he came here, if they even knew. His heart told him they did and that they had magic to help, otherwise he might as well just sit here forever because going home and where was home, was not the best place to be either.
So one foot forward, Jack, now also known as the Butterfly Man, stepped down from the tree and into his own adventure, which he would find out is connected to Merlin, his falling out of the sky and the Darkness who decided to be whatever color he chose.
Little did he realize the wizard he sought and the once colourful crow were the two that stood before him.