TRICK OR TREAT STORIES
John Gatehouse
Published by Little Lemming Books at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 John Gatehouse and Dave Windett
Cover Art - Dave Windett
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Chapter 1: A Halloween Story
Welcome, Fear-Fiends, to blood-chilling Monster Mansion…home to Gruesome Ghoulies, Demented Demons and Things That Go…Bump!...in the Night! Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaa!
“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!”
The dank, dark passageways of Monster Mansion echoed with the shrill, ear-rattling screams of Ralph the Mummy!
“Was’sup?” gasped his dead best friend, Oswald the Ghost, flying out of a wall beside Ralph. “Is Belladonna cooking dinner again?!”
“Worse than that!” groaned Ralph.
He pointed to a wooden door that had been smashed off its hinges, and was now laying in pieces on the floor. Where the door had once stood, there was now a gaping black hole, leading down under the Mansion.
“The Monsters in the Basement have escaped!”
“Oh, no!” wailed Oswald, horrified. “The last time they escaped, they destroyed the entire town!”
Ralph whipped out a cell phone from his rotting bandages.
“Who are you calling?” asked Oswald desperately. “The police? The Army? The Air Force?”
“No,” said Ralph. “I’m calling a cab! I’m outta here! Nothing can stop those monsters! Nothing!”
Through a whistling, chill autumn wind, the church bells chimed The Witching Hour - and a screaming-shrieking-gibbering horde of demonic, hellborn monsters rushed down Gallows Hill towards the defenceless town!
GRRRRRAAAAAHHHHH! they growled.
SNAAAARRRRRLLLL! they bellowed.
And came to a screeching halt when they saw another horde of monsters rushing towards them!
RRRRRRRRRHHHHHH! roared the new set of monsters.
“Waaaah!” screamed the frightened Monsters in the Basement, turning tail and fleeing back the way they had come!
Waiting outside Monster Mansion for their cab, poor Ralph and Oswald were trampled underfoot by the returning Monsters!
“Yaaah!” Ralph wailed, as the terrified Monsters rushed back inside the Mansion, and dived back into the Basement for safety.
“Wow!” gasped a shaken Oswald. “What on earth could have scared those Monsters?!”
“T-T-Take a guess?” gulped Ralph, pointing to the swarm of nightmarish monsters rushing up the hill towards them.
“Aaaaaah!” screamed both Ralph and Oswald, rushing off in a cloud of dust. ZOOOOM!
The monsters reached the top of Gallows Hill, and stopped for a rest.
“What’s wrong with those kids?” asked a young girl, pulling off his monster mask.
All the other townsfolk pulled off their masks, too!
“It is Halloween Night, after all!” said a young boy. “Everyone gets dressed up as monsters! Trick or Treat!”
THE END
Chapter 2: Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas....!“
‘Tis the night before Christmas and monsters do roam
Slithering down chimneys and under the doors of your home
Hissing and howling they make straight for your bed
To leave you a present…to turn you into one of – The Undead!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
**********
“Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-YEEOOWCH!”
Young Ralph the Mummy let out a blood-curdling “I’ve-just-been-stabbed-in-the-butt-by-a-twig-of-very-sharp-holly!” scream that echoed through the putrefying corridors of Monster Mansion!
“I said deck the halls with holly – not me!” he growled, scowling at the grinning Oswald the Ghost whilst gingerly pulling the holly out from his bottom. TWANG! “Oww!”
“Sorry, Ralph!” giggled Oswald, floating in front of him. “I, um, tripped!”
“Tripped?! You’re a ghost, Ossie! You can’t trip! You did that on purpose!”
A huge white hairy creature with a bad case of dandruff leapt out from the shadows!
“Grrrrrroooowwwwl!” it roared.
“Yaaaaaah!” screamed Ralph and Oswald, leaping back in fright.
The creature was wearing a yellow paper party hat and a necklace of sparkling red tinsel, and he was blowing on an extremely loud party blower.
PAAAAARRRRP!
“Now, now, boys,” Seymour chuckled. “It’s Christmas! A time for peace and love! So stop arguing – or I’ll pound your heads in!”
Seymour was Monster Mansion’s resident Yeti. He believed in kindness and goodwill to everyone – unless you upset him, in which case he would rip you to pieces!
“Seymour!” gulped Ralph. “If we weren’t already dead, you’d have scared us to death!”
Seymour chuckled. “Just getting into the party spirit, dudes! Oooh! Awesome tree!”
Seymour checked over the withered Christmas tree Ralph and Oswald had been busy decorating.
From its desiccated branches dangled giggling shiny shrunken human skulls – “Heeheeheeheeheeeeee!” – small bats’ wings, brightly coloured slimy tentacles and flashing bloodshot eyeballs that dripped real blood! Plop! Plop! Plop!
“Wicked!” cooed Seymour, very impressed. “But isn’t there something…missing…?!”
“I know!” cried Ralph excitedly, rushing over to the decoration box. “The Christmas Fairy! I’ll get it!”
Ralph stuck his arm into the box and – CHOMP!
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!” he shrieked, after a set of razor-sharp fangs had chomped down hard on his arm!
“Ahh! Ahh! Get it off! Get it off!”
Ralph pulled out his arm to reveal a ginormously fat, puke-green and extremely furry vampire slug that was in the process of swallowing his arm right up to his elbow.
“Ahhh! Ahhh! It’s eating me! Ahhhhhh!”
Freaking out, Ralph vigorously shook his arm.
RATTLERATTLERATTLE!
The furry vampire slug lost its grip and shot through the air – ZIIIIP! - pinball-ing against the walls of the Great Hall – PING! PONG! TWING! TWONG! TWANG! – before being devoured by the ravenous darkness!
“Wh-Wh-What was that?!” gulped Ralph, quickly checking that his arm was still attached to his body.
“The Christmas Furry!” said Seymour. “What did you think it was?!”
Ralph groaned. “I hate this place!”
“Cheer up, Dude!” laughed Seymour. “It’s Chrissss-masss!”
He gave the young Mummy a friendly slap on the back – WHAACCK! – that sent Ralph flying off his feet and into the wall!
WHAAAM!
“Uggh!” groaned Ralph.
“Ooops! Sorry!” apologised Seymour, peeling Ralph’s face from the damp, fungus-covered wallpaper. R-I-I-I-I-I-P! “I don’t know my own strength!”
“You should listen to Seymour, Ralph, dearie!” cackled a hideous disembodied voice – like fingernails down a chalkboard multiplied by a thousand decibels. “Christmas comes but once a year, and when it does it brings – great FEAR! Heeheeeheeheeheeeeeee!”
There was an eardrum-popping explosion – KAAA-BOOOOOM! – and a blinding flash of putrid blue smoke that stank worse than an extremely-loud bottom sneeze from an geriatric cat suffering from an acute bout of diarrhoea – FAAAARRRRP! – that threw everyone off their feet!
“Waaaah!” wailed Ralph and Seymour, smashing onto the floor.
BAAAAM!
Oswald was sent flying through three sets of dividing walls!
WHIIISSSH!
“Aaaaah!” he screamed, disappearing from sight.
When the smoke cleared, there stood the grossest, wrinkliest, wart-covered old witch that ever existed!
Dressed all in black, her skin was a repugnant rancid green!
“Hello, Belladonna!” sighed Ralph, getting back on his feet. “Couldn’t you simply use the door like everyone else?”
“Belladonna be too much in a rush for that, she be!” cackled the completely loopy old hag. “It be Christmas Eve, it be! Belladonna she has hung up her stocking and nows she be wanting to make sure Father Christmas comes and fills it with presents! Heeheeheeheeheeheeeeee!”
“Hmm! Belladonna does have a point,” conceded Seymour. “Santa didn’t visit Monster Mansion last year.”
“Or the year before,” added Oswald, floating back through the wall.
“Or the year before that,” agreed a hugely disappointed Ralph. “In fact, I can’t remember him ever visiting Monster Mansion!”
Belladonna whipped out her wand, which fizzed with dark demonic energies!
FIIIIIZZZZZZZ
“So Belladonna be a-takin’ ye all on a trip to the North Pole to find out why! Hold tight!”
“NOOOOO!” screamed the boys, remembering the last time they had allowed Belladonna to magic them somewhere.
“First we ended up on the moon!” groaned Oswald.
“And then inside Mount Vesuvius just as it erupted in AD 79, destroying the Roman cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum!” said Seymour, who knew all about these things.
“And all we wanted to do was pop down the shops for a carton of milk!” squeaked Ralph.
But Belladonna wasn’t listening!
“Viper’s tongue, snout of mole,” she incanted. “Take us all…to the North Pole! Haahaahaahaahaahaaaaaa!”
There was a blinding flash…FAAASSSH! …and Ralph, Oswald and Seymour found themselves at the North Pole, standing on an enormous ice floe.
It was almost pitch-dark, and they were being battered by a heart-stopping arctic blizzard of blinding snow and ice!
WHIIIIISSSSS-IIIIISSSSS-IIIIISSSSSH!
“Aaaaah! It’s f-f-freezing!” howled Ralph.
“We’re dead, Ralph,” said Oswald. “We can’t feel cold.”
“Oh, yeah,” giggled Ralph, embarrassed. “I forgot!”
Belladonna pointed towards an oversized igloo. Outside was a large sign that read: SANTA’S GROTTO.
“That be where we be finding Father Christmas, Belladonna reckons!” she hissed.
“You reckon?” snorted Seymour.
Parked outside the grotto were several thousand sleighs.
Each sleigh was filled with dozens of voluminous sacks that were overflowing with gaily-wrapped presents of all shapes and sizes.
Ralph stared longingly at them.
“Perhaps one of these sacks is for us?”
“Pft! I doubt it, buddy,” snorted Oswald, floating around the sleighs, inspecting each sack in turn. “We don’t have that sort of – luck!”
Oswald gave a delighted yelp, pointing to a brightly decorated label hanging from one of the sacks.
“Hey! These presents are for our town!”
Excitedly, he disappeared through the sack – ZIIIIP! - appearing moments later out the other side. ZIIIIIP!
“But there are no presents for Monster Mansion!” he wailed. “It’s not fair!”
“Ho! Ho! Ho! I think it’s extremely fair!” bellowed a deep jovial voice behind them, making everyone jump.
Father Christmas strode out of his grotto, carrying another gargantuan sack filled with toys and gifts.
“Santa!” cheered Seymour excitedly. “It’s great to see you! I’ve always wanted to make your acquaintance!”
“A pleasure to meet you, too, Seymour!” chuckled Father Christmas. “I’ve heard good things about you! And young Ralph and Oswald, of course! Splendid fellows!”
“Wait a minute!” growled a rather snippety Oswald. “If we’re such “splendid fellows” how come you never bring us any presents?!”
Santa’s smile dropped. He gave Belladonna a withering glare.
“What ye be looking at Belladonna for?” she hissed poisonously. “Belladonna, she ain’t done nothin’ wrong!”
“Tt! As if!” snorted Father Christmas, pulling out a colossal roll of paper from inside his red suit.
Slipping on his bifocals, he began to read out loud, ticking off the list as he went through it:
“Turning falling snowflakes into deadly giant tarantulas! Check!
“Casting a spell to make all politicians suck their thumb for a day! Check!
“Making school dinners explode in children’s faces! Check!
“Magicking a fire-breathing dragon that burst out of little Deliah Dumple’s 6th birthday cake and subsequently burnt down her house! Check!”
“The cheeky brat stuck out her tongue to Belladonna, she did! ‘Tis only fair Belladonna gets her back!”
“Changing old Mrs Pumpernickel’s kitten’s head into a savage demon’s head! Check!
“Releasing hundreds of balloons filled with gooey dogs’ droppings all over the town and then making them burst! Check!”
“Ewww!” grimaced Oswald. “I wondered what that horrible smell was! I thought it was Ralph!
“Cheek!” said Ralph.
“Mixing the blood of a werewolf and the sap of a daisy to create giant were-daisies to rampage through the town…turning the Tooth Fairy into a rotting tooth…giving all humans a 24-hour maddening itch…check! Check! And…check!” growled a very stern Father Christmas. “And all that was only in the past week!”
“Wells, Belladonna, she’s been busy with other things! Otherwise, shes’ could have been much more nasty than that! Heeheeheeheeeeee!”
“And this,” said Father Christmas, turning his attention back to the boys. “Is why Monster Mansion is never on my Christmas delivery list.”
“B-B-But we’re good!” protested Ralph. “Well…sort off...!”
“Yes, Ralph,” agreed Santa. “You are. “Sort of.” But all of Belladonna’s outrageous naughtiness outweighs all the good things you do.”
He smiled warmly.
“Tell you what! If you can make Belladonna behave – even for just one week - then perhaps next year, you’ll get on my Good list!”
“Huh!” snorted Seymour. “That’s us crossed off next year then!”
“Wells, Belladonna, she ain’t be leaving here without some presents!” growled Belladonna. “She be a-takin’ them and ye can’t stop her!”
“Yes, I can!” said Father Christmas, clicking his fingers.
CLICK!
In an eye-blink – BLINK! – a giant snowman appeared beside him!
The snowman raised his arms and - PTOOM! PTOOM! PTOOM!
Large snowballs shot out of his hands, smacking Belladonna straight in the face!
SPLAAT! SPLOOF! SPLIIIF!
“Waagh!” she gurgled, knocked flying off her feet!
“Ooooh! Wanna play rough, do ye?!” growled Belladonna, pointing her wand at the ground. ZAAAP!
The ground SCREAMED! And SHOOK! And SPLIT ASUNDER! KRRRAAAKKK-AAAAA-DOOOOOM!
Bursting forth from the depth’s of the North Pole’ frozen wastelands was a 12 metres long terrifying – Ice Serpent! KAAAAA-FOOOOOOOOOM!
“RRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!” it roared, letting out a mammoth puff of air at Absolute Zero, or minus - 275.15 degrees centigrade!
HUUUUUFFFFF!
Blasted by the Ice Serpent’s frigid breath, Santa and the snowman were instantly frozen inside a solid block of ice! KKKKRRRRKKKK!
“Belladonna!” squeaked a horrified Ralph. “You’ve frozen – Santa!”
“B-B-But if Santa’s frozen, he can’t deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls!” gulped Oswald.
“Serves ‘em right!” cackled the demented witch. “That’ll teach ‘em to be so goody-goody! Theys should learn to be more nasty and spiteful and rotten – just like Belladonna! Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeee!”
She pointed to the presents on the sleigh.
“But Belladonna, she won’t be being greedy! She only be taking the town’s presents! Santa can deliver the rest when he thaws out!”
“But that could take months!” spluttered Seymour.
“Sos’? The revolting kiddiewinks will just have to have Christmas cancelled this year! Haahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaaaa!”
She waved her wand and – POOOF! – both the monsters and the sleigh full of presents returned to Monster Mansion!
*****
Christmas Day, and Monster Mansion was filled with jolly festive music.
Everyone was having great fun unwrapping their presents.
“Wow! Another mountain bike!” cheered Ralph excitedly, ripping off the paper. “That’s my third one!”
“And this is my twenty-seventh smart phone!” squealed a delighted Seymour, before tossing the present onto a pile of unwanted smart phones in the corner of the dining room. “Whatever else you say about humans, they do have great taste in expensive presents!”
Oswald gave a guilty smile. “Yeah, but I awful about stealing all these presents,” he said.
“Oh, hokum!” snorted Belladonna. “Belladonna, she didn’t leave the humans without any presents!”
“You didn’t?” asked Seymour, relieved.
“No! Belladonna, she don’t be that cruel! She gave everyone a packet of magical ‘Grow Your Own’ seeds! All theys need do is add water and up they pop!”
“Well, it’s not much of a present, but its better than nothing, I suppose,” said Oswald. “Grow your own what? Flowers? Fruit? Vegetables?”
“Nos, silly!” snickered Belladonna, seconds before everyone heard terrified screams of abject horror and terror echoing up Gallows Hill!
EEEEEEEEEEK! AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
“Grow Your Own Monsters! What else?! Haahaahaahaahaahaaaaaa!”
“Oh, no!” cried Ralph.
The boys rushed to the front door and peered nervously outside.
Down in the town, they could see hundreds of hideous, frightful and downright disgusting monsters of all colours, shapes and sizes rampaging through the streets!
They were ripping up trees, tearing down buildings and destroying everything in their path!
RRRRGGGGHHHH! HOWWWWWWL! SNNNAAAAARRRRRLL!!
SMAAASSSH! CRRRAAASSSH! BAAASSSH!
“Oh, Belladonna!” groaned Ralph. “What have you done?!”
“Merry Christmas!” Belladonna cackled happily. “And a terrifying blood-curdling Christmas – to everyone! Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeeee!”
THE END