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Shadow Play

By Gabrielle Bryant-Gainer

Darkness

Light
beaming down on my sore eyes
breaking me
into tiny pieces
shivering cold in the coldness we see lines...as thin as your veins

covering the bruises

that you adapted to your stylish grace
padding the blotches with sweet
powder

showering the beautiful in glitter and shine
shadows escape the darkness

when laughter resounds, no one hears- nobody listens

everyone left...
.
.
but that is the way we play

with our hands tied behind our backs

and only the strongest will survive
only the ones with the guts to kill can show you what it means to be

ill.

I feel ill, I see a ghost in the mirror

a monster

an addict holding the cold gun to my neck
just one motion

pull it down over your head
learn to

torture
and rocking & rocking & rocking
selfishly

to the sound of your pulse

I can hear it in the walls
Peeling the paint off your ears
I can taste the salt of violence
And it feels like butter
on my tongue
But ignorance is bliss
So is beauty is its absence.

And no one will ever be alone like I am right now.
Don't you understand?

There's no gun in my hands, no hole in my heart, no bruises, no demons,

No evil men.

The Gathering

gathering together in that eerie town
where muffled screams from shuffled crowds
form ugly inventions that make pristine the guiltless glow
of all the unseen and seen in her wonderland of snow

drinking from our glasses, there’s such silence in the sky
like it's raining from the bitterness, loneliness, and grey

stitching eyes closed in comfort, in a secret womb of dread
Washing faces clean until those worries disappear
They gather their hearts only to have them ignored.

Drained thoughts like raindrops collect at a pool underfoot
And splash, with every child's foot, one minute still and stable
Then scattered, the sounds of creation rip through her lifeless eyes
In a beautiful peachy rose colored paradise

Awoken with one peaceful call- the angels soothe her sore body
Her sickness, while they’re in their pale forms

that cannot understand
Who would tie her, bind her still, with another jealous riddle
Oh to be happy- she'd embrace them, with her pearly sweet smile
Oh to be breathing- if only seeing, the sun for a little while
Now back to her cradle, into the stream of blankets she falls still

Just a child, just a girl, in a silly kind of life--
One that makes you feel sort of warped, through walls stained white
Nobody would see her, in their infantile shame
Of mindlessness, of chains that crawl, of nothing that will arrive at all…
But knowledge is a discomfort, something that I've tried to avoid
For learning, discipline, is not what the world can provide
Only those curly unfurling seamless hopes, dangling from the outside
Hopes to escape this grown up land, of man and his happy wife.

Beth and Death

the fragrant flowers decorated the pool
of what had been the way she felt
where a fool at last had seen the line
and scratched the surface to find out
when she broke the glass and drank
Her wine, afternoon became a concubine
For the wind pulled itself in circles
And the words they had left forgotten stilled
But Beth knew to nod along as though they were right
Or had it made sense then with no appetite
Heart skipped a beat, forgot how to pump
And the last thing she knew
she heard the last thump.

Umbrella

She clutches close her remembrances
Of him, when it rained- it stormed
Nothing was wrong, it was always right: the "perfect" note
Waits on the dresser beside her string of pearls
Where He buried himself deep in her arms
When it rained it always stormed
She carries him over the sea...stretching out across galaxies
He listens to her breathing love
Love, loves to play with her hair every morning
Love, loves to wear that same pink waistcoat
Love, loves to carry her umbrella on the sidewalk
When it's raining, raining my tears to hers
When I'd rather be kissing her cheek
Kisses away the self, for what remains is free.

Emptiness

You may not know how much I love you
But in these sorrowful dreams I sleep
In only the shadowy abyss
In a drunken emptiness I wait
For the sun to fill me up
Like old wine on a new year's eve
Smoke fills his shallow lungs
Though the darkness is sometimes haunting
It escapes all recollection
This is my vocation
To save the day for you
My bread, my lover's rose
The tables have food upon them
For the hands that falter through
Windows they hang, from a tree hang
Tired Alone and sad
If only I could accompany you
Those final walks of life
Windows to the soul.

Naked

She is standing in the shower
Letting the water drip upon her skin
And the slick wet feeling
Leaves her shuddering
Like a child in the dark
If only her heart was simple
If only it were light
But it sinks like a rock caught
Deep in her throat

Bones

with broken
((bones))
Eyes sore
Blood so red eyes as if
burnt out cigarettes
swirls of
c o l o r s dancing in a
room without a view
shadows
hide our colors
our bones
our yellow sagging lids
poorly held posture
drifting in the green
w i th out hands
leafing through bird bones
singing songs
about wrath,
garbage and
disorder.

My god. We pray to the god of
delusional loving
And spit poetry out of
our mouths

drinking in the smoky breath of
a lonely afternoon
drenched in waters and sand
hold out our hands

embrace
the denial of
smash x the rhymes in half
smashx the world
into equal parts and laugh
at the silly nature

of human art.

Freak

Tell me what you felt
When the rain came down that night
What was in your heart

Filing down the halls
Did you ever think of it
Your generation

Maybe you will see
There is nothing but the sun
And we'll make it shine

But I think I know
What exactly is in you
The reasons you choose

To walk down this road
To find the lonely roses
The one who is home

I know you feel well
In this place where you sleep so
Delicate ego

Passing through the waves
Making birds fly with your hands
Will you ever land

I doubt you will find
Me when you have found yourself
I am not your friend

The sin is in me
The knife is so gentle now
My lover so free

I chose to be this
Don't you go blaming yourself
It is not your fault

The dark night craves blood
The angels sing for the moon
You don't deserve love

Seeing the Light

Goddess of the golden tears
Mistress to the tide that is rising
Bring light shining in through me
In through me bring this light shining

Golden hair of sunlit fields
Of many flowers, wilder than her eyes
Tomorrow dawns, a new birth of laughter
Angels' songs will carry me over

Ageless sunrise, off sweeping new horizons
Despair and darkness rules the winter night
Bring the softness of lullabies
And the quivering halo of ageless life

Golden sun, the fortunate spring I've sought
The eternal shore, of waters everlasting
The savior seeks his children, the water is so fresh
eternal drink of purity, be blessed

Salt protects, mixing salt with water and blessed wine
We seek to create an image, brought to your eyes and mine
Sunshine is freed by the cloudy mist
And an ocean of rain comes following her kiss

The thorns wrapped around her heart
Can contain no more grief
And if you seek an Angel or a God
You must get onto your knees and pray relief

Show the world you are worthy
To begin this amazing journey
Through the sorrows of agony
We venture into the many eyes of our new eternity

Trapped

Daylight streams in through this guilty crack in the wall
I'm sleeping on a plank and it is cold inside this cell
Oh how the ugly sleeps so well inside these metal bars
Where denial dreams so lovingly of all her blinding sorrows

The rhythm of the blue skies, the clouds, the yellow sun
I miss the sweet music of the birds, their melodies alone
For here inside this pool of grey, I'm drowning in despair
I tremble when the light's so pale and vanish when it’s gone

Oh to stroll among the hills, instead I wait inside this tomb
Dusting off my weakened mind, as I grow tired with boredom
In this prison of my life where my heart has learned to steal
From the venom of bitterness or the presence of a mirror

Decaying in this loneliness I try to find an appeal
As the repetitions create a new me, so bare and so unreal
For here in my intrepid world, their hateful eyes will take
To anything they find that’s left, to anyone just breaks

In this fragmented gloom, we'll taste our miserable pains
Feeding upon their flesh, tearing out their worn remains
For thirty years have gone by, and I am doomed rest alone
A person without a reason as I fear I have become

Looking for a kind of peace as I keep on resisting fate
With every fragile taste of life for which I am still grateful
But in this cage I find myself, in this lake of darkness
Where only in the dismal light can you see your own existence

The Peaceful Kingdom

"Welcomed in the sky,--
once children we were free,
oh Earth's clouds, unfold so brilliantly
bring me the light and sing
till the nightingale
larks of freedom in thy soul."

Covered with the darkness by a dread of hand,
we were compelled to hear:
the piper pipe of many a man
in a kingdom far from here.

What were its thickest shades where they'd been led?
a watered heaven, no winds in their breath,
from the seats of the valleys into the night,
he followed them by trail of death.

Quench, Oh children from my sight
for there to God, thou mortal hands are skies;
burnt of tender morning, stain their world with fire
their bodies left the voice of the light
a thousand spirits of my happy day,
forever lurking in my evil ways.

my foe beheld it in the maiden when she ran away,
to be with the flowers in my garden bright and free
in a land that longs for her silvery hair,
does not she laugh with woe, for the valley that loved thee?

"Oh the steps of the happy and never want of joy.
it bears their hearts with painful tongs,
night is called by His image, but I made a bank:
where thy dream of every man is wrong,
it is for another pleasant sound reborn:
and I say to welcome in a threatening horn
while our sports have tasted in silent delight
she'd fled with a freedom, the maiden fair,
sit down, to waste in hell's despair;
I guard them well with thee behind me,
who doth give his youth a harlot's curse
blasts! These forests of thy father's moor!
I murmur my wishes but only to his fervor
what was my joy, but a hapless plea?"

"Oh Earth's clouds let thy ruddy eyes see day
angels shall brush my shady roof,
there they may find hope under leaves
so many children are stripped
of thy father; does it keep my love in vain
oh Day of Mourning,
come down and bid thee such a sign."

ten-thousand spirits of woe!
what shall be in the home of her mournful head,
whose ears have built Jerusalem
in thy heart and soul?
when He was dark, no injury,
to the sacred years,
when Mary had spoken in the night of a spirit,
he became a bright mane of stars, to sit
beneath our Father's throne,
and know thy Peace, the Dove, but can it be?
for the longings of their eyes so poor,
oh To be like them and scream of war!
or to vanish with the night, to be the dying star
beheld such a brilliant sight, from our father's shore.

Thorn

my inner peace,
the thorn
finding a place between the norm
we run and run until the words entwine
but each one seems square and ostracized...I'm on the fringe
How can we reach the stars when there is so much distracting ours?
From the beauty of the moon
my inner peace
and a thorn

I want you to know, the wild and submissive
The world beyond this gross habitat
Where lizards walk in silent reverie
This is insanity, fucking insanity
I want you to scream something different
Something that I can't hear,
but everything is wavering
Nothing is ever clear

I want to hurt you
Violence beats in my heart
Where the daggers twists in ruination
When a soul's been worn beyond repair
How do we turn love sour
When do we pick the morning's flowers?

I wish you knew me by name
But all you see is the same grey
I have become the self-sacrificial
I know things have become so...artificial
But that's life when you're down
Can't fight it, spin things around
See it in white, colors aren't clear
But nothing is beautiful to you dear

Where is that inner peace
The inner saving grace
No one knows the nonsense it grows
How do we fall in love now
When there is nothing to love
But these speckles of dust
running now, running away
Because you know down here
They don't come true

You know down here that
Dreams don't come true
Unless you've got some
Big air balloon...
Take this away
Take it away
I can't stay
I won't stay here

Beautiful Burnout

Angry hearts and smiles in clay
The world is dead, and gone away
No reason to laugh, don't bother to cry
Those pills won't make you better
You don't even have a reason why...

Just let the children chase the smoke
One more day in hell
Make the world a tragic place
Ignore the weak, and give the rich dollar bills

Because you have your mind made up
You don't know you're living for
You never knew me
I was the only girl

Give in, give in children
Give in, give in
Angry hearts and smiles in clay
Nothing matters to me

You want something from me
You want nothing at all
I don't want you to need me
I'm leaving just like you

So waste away in your reverie
You'll lose your magic, you'll lose your voice
And when the violence finds you there
You'll know you're haunted by a special kind of ghost

Wings of Butterflies

she was stolen by the silence in their eyes
an angel in the city of stars that shimmered
how could anyone tell her when she cried
she was unlike the rest with her wings of butterflies?

they got messed up on their way home
home to the only place they'd ever really known
even though they wanted to be everything
just wanting a reality they can could their own

And she knew it was what she wanted to be
a writer, an actress, and a singer at only three
now her tears are only shadows when she’s too thin to wear a dress
and she worries that the sweater hides mistakes she won’t confess

in the corners of halls where the lonely children sleep
wrapped up in their sorrow, as sorrows grow so tired
he cries because he knows he messed up again
she's got her nerves unwired, if only she could get it right

she just wants to be happy but she knows, the lie
when these shadows become faces and reflections of the past
all the memories, the ghosts of them, start to get the best
she wants to disappear because she's tired all the time
so she lights up her cigarettes and flicks the lighter with her pain
she will do it just to feel the bliss of this escape again
"you're just as gorgeous as a dancer" he says through a fog of sleep
but she only feels like cancer when she looks at what she sees
all the scratches and the bruises, the sun won’t make them fade..
is this loneliness or is it something that she must now convey
to the crowd of soul-less observers, watching with dismay

she's neither made it back to the place she would belong
now they sneer and hold regret as if it were wrong
and for now silently weeping, always when they arrive
if only she could be like those little butterflies
and just flutter like an angel up into the shimmering sky

A Blank Daze

She fell asleep hearing the sweet tunes
to her blue mountains and autumn rain
but when she woke up all that was there
were her worries and her heartfelt pain

nothing could erase the promises she made
to the glorious man living in the sky
knowing that living was a sacrifice
who could explain, it was better just to die

when the world let's you down
when the world still walked away
from the truth that your love
was something worth the stay

I wish you knew that I meant well
I wish you knew that it was hard as hell
To do the right thing when everything's wrong
And you know everyone is really alone

I'm sorry for believing in something that wasn't true
I'm sorry for believing that I was in love with you
My hearts just something that can't express
What you need, maybe I am not the one you need

I'm still living in this web of lies and dreams
Wake me up so I can still keep living
There's nothing else worth fighting for than everything
When it all comes down to the truth, you still mean something.

Just a Girl Interrupted

It's just too easy to find yourself in a parallel universe
Looking backwards to see the face of one you once knew
She is beautiful now, wearing painted porcelain
She is so low, so slow, so very thin now
It's easy to slow down your heart beat
To watch the clouds passing overhead
It's easy to watch the hallways rearrange
And forget what you had meant
Or wanted to say, the things that get erased
Every pointless memory, say it was done in vain
She walked through a tunnel and found herself manic
She wasn't crazy only she's a schizophrenic
Now everything's in her way, she's dying to become
Someone who isn't vain, someone who isn't young
Her days are numbering, she's too worried about her dress
Every day she wakes up just to remind herself it's just this
When her battles are being waged, over empty bottles of sunshine
Failure felt so ugly, like the ugliest thing you've ever shed
So she walks through the sunshine with her pain so exquisite
Something they might adore but probably won't ever visit
She's washed up and washed over, clean queen spick and span
She doesn't know the meaning of the letters, so she memorizes his hands
She's not writing her history, they're writing her lines
And every little tear fall is some emotional disturbance
There isn't much else to say, save that nothing matters anymore
The doors are shut, her veins are sore
All the constant feeding, bleeding, shitting, sleeping
Getting up, getting ready, for the lessons learned of a family
Wasted years, wasted tears, wasted mind, wasted life
What's the point, she cries, why ignore what I can't even fight?
The twisting lines, every line blurs, drunk on prescriptions
And everything's still so fucking obscure
No logic just escapes her in this world of perpetual ignorance
Every little lucid smile hurts her like shards in her ribcage
And when she smiles all they do is look away
What good are taking chances when you'll give up anyways?
She wanted to be a writer, she wanted to be something too
But you took that away from her, that's what you people do
You slap down, you confine, you trap us in our own minds
But deep down you simply misunderstood one simple lie
Every rule that you've abandoned just to make this one true
I never meant anything and my mind was worthless to you
Because if it was worth anything to change me into this
Then you can have back your success, you can have your lives

War

We settled our bodies down
Into a place of peace
Were those memories found

Some days the air was cold
And we let our hearts get warm
In a place where we could grow

No tears fell from her eyes
Angel's whispers of the past
We meant to sour the skies

So boldly

she would shatter
The pride of any soldier
still yearning for a father

We're just toy soldiers
Marching off to war
Don't follow, don't follow anymore

In this time of worry
Of questions needed to be asked
Whose angrier than her?

For these endless wars
Of murder, of torture, of terror
For this endless war waged for ...

We have no choice, we have but no will
No power over our own hands, still
To save our world from warring lands

Joy of Writing

"Writing is a joy, the light amongst the dark, and is the voice of my heart."

Joy of Writing

Sometimes when I feel blue
I write a happy poem
And then as I write them
I think about you

I love the person who
Can feel such a strong passion
Sometimes when I feel blue
I'll write a happy poem

And if you like my poem too
Then it must be a gem
I'm happy you enjoy them
Because I think of you
Sometimes when I feel blue

Winter Love

Winter secrets buried in white
As in dark we whispered nightly
Buried in the drifts of snow
Secrets told, they'll never know

In the dark we were whispering
Wandered majestically through white
As the ice melts from the clouds
All the secrets that you know

Hymns of starlight, bright light showing
Solemn eyes that faced the morning
In the bright light shown she sang
Of her blossomed love, she sang

Of all the haunting things she kept
Like blood let upon a spring thorn
In the winter she had slept
With a lover, now he's gone.

Goddess of Snow

Gathering tree limbs in the harsh winter
We stutter and we chatter
Our bodies feeling cold,
used, and beyond repair.

We're the helpless ones,
But she came into this world
Like a thundering cry
It ripped through the darkening sky.

Taken far from home
She slipped like a cat
In between their eyes
Darting back and forth then away

As I am gathering wood for the fire,
Nothing feels more sweet than the cold
She holds me in her raspy winter embrace
Can I not bare to fight it any longer?

Can I not bare to stand at all?
To part from her glance would be to change things
I choke down these silent romances
Remembering ...

I inhale and exhale the warmth of her life
As if I could be something great- but now who?
Unknown to this crowd, a hopeless one that I am
A lonely girl with infant dreams

Why do cowards cry? Why do men embrace their tears
When you know we're only cowards

The sun has gone down as
The icicles lick the earth
With spring restlessly trickling
Beneath shafts of bitter ice

She is the body of a woman
With her slender form
And her sleek white hair
She is pregnant with love

We give our hearts to her
Our homes and our thanks to her
And as we comfortably lay there, hand in hand
a gentle tear silently escapes my eye

Come What May

Passionately, on this wedding day
Forever, with your loving grace
As upon your eyes I gaze
Passionately, on this wedding day
I will be there for you come what may
I will be there, this I promise
Passionately, on this wedding day
Forever, in your loving grace

Violence

...who cares only for himself
And no one else,
when battles rage and people scream
No one to dare, to part the silence
...who cares only for himself.

Bare, born to die...who cares
For them, who dares
To care? Not you.

Love's Spring

your golden hair
flowing in the radiant sun
as you traced your forefinger across the page, when time
couldn't be counted on...
We laughed, we, as our words danced
upon stages set, we need no structure
You are my poetry
you are the inspiration in my heart.
Your blue eyes sparkle,
We find spring-time in its
warm bath of life, shining in passages of light
and time is not always something that
can be counted on.

Road of Delirium

The path of destruction. He laid me down in a tub of crimson dreams
I followed the yellow bricks down the road of delirium, as everything is not what it seems...
It doesn't matter now. I have asked all the big questions to no one...
They weren't ever answered and I am getting bored of asking them

Just give me something that I can hold onto, something that's not crying
Give me something worth living for instead of these daydreams
I know it's meaningless you see, I have given them nothing right
So remember this, I have a need for coffee and I haven't had it yet

I know there's an answer out there somewhere, somewhere over the rainbow
Of the nihilistic theories, I couldn't even think of the reason why then
I was standing alone, at the train still breathing, just chasing the pain away
And you are there. And I think it's almost this question that's embarrassing me

I kept asking about God, if he was a man watching from the balcony
And over our heads he was standing, and the old grandfather clock frowned
I was pounding my fists into the door screaming, is this all I am about?
In this path into the end of the world...a road of delirium.

Destiny

Cast aside from the beautiful land of paradise
By dirty deeds of the kind we can't name
I buried your lies in a world that was too kind
You will discover you worried eyes went to shame

Your destiny is to be left out of the sunshine
And all the rainbows in the sky can't bare your lifeless pain
You will spiral out from our beautiful castles
Of the most curious sunny skies that I reign

Take your stone cold mind, your cold sore soul
And out of control, you'll go out of control
And when winter comes you'll be stolen then
And you know that you can't be saved from it

We are tired of your desperate lifeless visions
Your mysterious questions that seer with such yearning
But take it slow, you will learn eventually
That your time has come, you're fallen from our grace

Forever Alone

In lost and uncharted lands
She stumbles amongst her family and friends
What is the reason she's going on
When death is around every corner

She thought she could cross over
Into the arms of someone else
But he rejected her for another
And now she's alone, all by herself

In lost and uncharted places
Empty glasses and vague faces
A basket of flowers, a memory gone
Or some kept, but for no one

In a home without a name
In a land that never was explored
A broken girl and an empty bottle
Of things she had kept but never remembered

The times they were together
And when they were apart
They still had each other,
But could they forever?

Those times do change
Keep her close to your heart

Static Impulses

calm torrents of static impulses
rain upon
disordered sounds of a soul's
confused momentum...
fellow nurses bandage
the bruised mind's ego
in static TV screens
of dead head machines

Oblivion

I slip into the naked fog
wearing my own nakedness
And this miserable light
bathing in the aftermath
Of the sunshine's fainting
Over hills of snow
the sound of birds
enters tired ears
Remaining but a shadow
and I swim in this raw
fatalistic pain
of dying one more day
Living for nothingness
breathing in tune
with this existential
maddened world
I slip into an abyss
curling like an unfurled red carpet
straight into oblivion

Road to Ruin

This is a story about Amy Red
She kept a box for all her magazines
Clipped little snippets of stories
And fed them to her pet rabbit

Conversations went away but then she was ten
And her parents mumbled through their sleep
Seldom did their talking comprehend
The deepness of her soul, it was so deep

Black jackets, and February lovers holding red flowers
In the autumn mist October fairies making magic rainbows
Out of the pain that they painted on their toenails
Drifting through this feather chaos we call life, you know

I said I was sorry
But it didn't really matter to him did it

Bleed Like Me

static is playing on the radio
knives are drawn and ready for the fight
her voice is heavy, spitting songs of seasons
nothing feels right today for anything
it's too late to make an impression
there's nothing left I have to say
the conversation's dry and going nowhere
this is how it feels to be empty and
never hunger, never ever hungering
you'll find a better desperation
to half fulfill your needs
just remember, baby, you don't want to bleed like me

Sparrow

A sparrow's voice you can't contain
She will sing
And in the meadow beside the girl
Who tossed a lonesome ring

For she did not like the king
Ties a lonesome thing
To save herself to be a queen
The sparrow, she will sing

Divine

I have the hands of a Goddess
And I offer you my image
Made sacred by the spirit in my heart
I am celebration of the divine
And the mystery of her bright radiance
I call forth spring from the deep snowy glaciers
and far off in the meadows I hear them singing
I am not just a traveler in this dark cloak that
I wear, learning to read the sounds
of a whistling cry
from the deep dark depths
of your stubborn haunted demons
that sour and scorch my toes with fire
I praise you for your beauty, that you may
conquer these fiery spirits
That slip and prance and tiptoe
Through one world to a next
I will be there laughing all the way

Blessed

Father sun gave his first light breath of morning
In a meadow of sorrow’s spring, sing,
She came to him, “Ho Power of the East!”
And cut through the darkness, she sang
Of the summers of the flowers of the rain and shine
In giving to our being, creator, healing
Faster and faster, the spiral dancers dance
Knowing and loving your inspiration
To the north and the south, the east and west
Our father and mother in heaven, we shall be blessed!

Goodbye Princess

Goodbye Princess, drifting in your sea of sweetness

Sacred hearts of a dangerous game, a lover's kiss
Another word, whispers, and a promise held close

Another season left in the haunted house on your own
Looking into these corners for a ghost of your past

How does it feel to be on your own? How does it feel?
Do you understand the nature of the rolling stone?
How it rolls on and on...we all fall down
Goodbye Princess, another place for a real life dream
And everything you wanted turned into nothing,
Turned to smoke and mirrors...
You'll never truly get there.

Never mind the world calling from the heights they will scream
You never got there, to that place you had seen
But maybe all these broken dreams won't get you down
So low, low, can't get any lower now.

Why don't you try and run and hide,
From all those faces the walls provide
This is the last time you will sing a happy song
And lullabies today, it's wrong.

Goodbye Princess.
You know...the rain is falling and you're gone.

The Witch God.

November is the wicked month
Freckles on a window, fixed your eyes to the sun
Drowned by the whiskey and watered down
Her pallid memory gone sour and dried out
The sadness sings and smoke drifting round and round
and round again their skeletons in perfect fear

Of frantic motions, zig zag signaling in the dark
The freak-out drag queen in silky sheets
swims through molecules and steals your shoes
humming along with the violent abyss
Blank screen screams for her masochistic resistance
I sit and stare. I sit and stare.
Where is the logic, dig deeper dig deeper
Perhaps we must reach out our arms and embrace
The light dance in circles and skip our meds tonight
November is the wickedest month
Repeating your name in siren lyrics, the profound
dirt produced a strange resemblance of a zombie
drunk on the realistic rhythm of the same thing
It's the same thing the same thing
Her ears are ringing and she's late for her appetite.

Marian

In the haunted house
Beside the rusted cabinets
Lives Lady Marian
The ghost of keeping secrets

She stores them in her
Box, beside the black candles
And her frock
She doesn't give a fuck
Bids the children good luck

In a blanket of silver snow
Behind a black dark shadow
She waits intoxicated
For the hanging of her father
He loved her, Oh he loved her Marian...

I am in this soaked sadness
Saturday I was waiting
Wasted the night-time sleeping
In a slightly daydream
In the morning found a demon
In my dresser wearing lipstick
Laughing,
He was laughing...

I am weak to Mary
She lights the candles, I hold my chest
Practicing her magic of light
Life springs to life
In her sight
Shaking
Marian! Marian! Man where have I gone?

Mary Mary quit following me
Into the blood red of the sun
No longer so cold and crazy
Polished like a silver gun

Mad World

Who wants to be crazy when
everyone is ashamed
the same thing gets done over again
and no one's getting blamed

Everyone is dying sober
Everyone is living bad
We could be the perfect thing
But you were all I had

Who wants to be crazy when
The same thing is on
Nothing ever makes sense when
You're always the same

Everyone is dying sober
Everyone is living bad
We could be the perfect thing
But you were all I had

It's a mad world
It's a mad world

Who wants to be crazy when
everyone is ashamed
The same thing, the same game
Who is the one to blame?

Maybe I'm the paranoid psycho
Maybe I'm the one to blame
I am everywhere and no one knows
I never wanted to be the same

Black Moon

There's a black moon yawning in the sad sky
There's a pale tired girl yawning in the doorway
A million little bottles filled with potions
Secretly immune to every word she wrote
Her story was sold to a dead teenage boy
Invisible hands guided her through twilight
Summer-time came and stretched her burning heart
Over the yellow earth and made it bleed blue
I wrote this on the back of my hand just for you

Perfect Light

In Shades of yellow
Purple lilacs and sugar-gloss fragments
candles burning in the airy summer breeze
Shamans hiding in the tobacco sheds
Little birds flutter out in the smoky sky
Born to live here in the perfect sunshine
In the perfect light

Instincts

I breathe down her cold neck
In the shower I hear the water drip
I read through her emails
When I am alone, I can feel her
Bones in my bones, heart in my heart
I know I am helpless, I cannot bare the fact
That in this world it is illegal to kill
Because all I want to do more than anything
Is to destroy the one ugly pure thing
The thing that makes me ill

Decay

Cold breath upon steel skin
No one hears the whistle blow
Her heart, gaping wound
Beckons for the lord to fill it
The void's got a station in her mind
The smell of sweet tears flow
We are the art, we are the beautiful

gone

All I know is that
You
I never knew
You
I was too afraid to understand
You
Pushed me to my limits
You
Watched me fall
and I
I
never knew
you.

Naked

Emptiness

Harps

Your old harp
Left hanging in the wind
The angry chair sleeps
Stiff as a bone
In your left side
Denied by your mind
All the bright things
She doesn't know...
How the world was
Before the rain
Hit the slaughtered ground
The lonely boat
Sails on to the trees
Left in a spin
The reawakened.

Psychokinetic

They were bewitched by the evil eye
That in the silence suffered
Her evil has a face
That you must abandon soon!

Is it a ghost at the door
Knocking over the furniture
As the water drips, it doesn't permit
Explanation as to the culprit

Her body feels so warm
The rain drips down her silky skin
In this angelic rhythm
Speak now or forever hold your tongue.

I hear a shuffling at the wall
Voices never flee the darkness' call
She shudders in the night alone
The mind of the lonely one.

Your darkness overwhelmed my soul
Overwhelmed the children with her wickedness
In the old room where the doors still would creak
There was an old leak

Her heart was still, as old ones feel
Was it the devil, or was it her?
Noises in the dark, hold on
I have seen things but you'll never believe me

she brings with her the knife
At the wooden table at dawn
Prays to the harp as it tunes her life
A mournful celebration of wicked times

Agatha's poor heart feels so still
As the world spills its cold
do you remember
The shrill?

The hand over the clock
Can you hear the ticking clock?
If only she could move mountains
Cast spells of the future, hope for the better

Faded dreams and red riddled roses
She only wanted to enchant their heavenly eyes
But this is the price you pay
For riddling the song away

Only her soul knows, the movement will go
If only she holds herself very still
In a sweet solitary surrender
She will heal them of her splendor

It's the tide that brings the gothic child
Back to the phantom lips of an angel
Hear the little pitter patter
Hold yourself still if you are able.

Blissful Kingdom

the stench of your rotten flowers
fluttering in the autumn breeze
flowing in the wind
brushing the air with life
I twist the blade in
And see the world release
Trickled down my bloody bones
Saying goodbye to all the angels
Who know that madness hurts
Who see the art of pain
And can express the things I
don't bother to anymore
There will be revenge
For all the things that desperately
Taken away
I will pull my boat to shore
And I will be your queen
I will show you what a kingdom can be
I will shower the world with flowers.

The Secret Garden

Beyond the garden door
Is a world of enchantment
A world of lost faces
Of the elves and fairies

Bones

Beat

You want to talk about it
About the things you can't
understand
those yellow feathers in the wind
The lines they follow when they're tired
Often collected at the bottom
The patients in hospitals with broken bones
The lonely girls without happy moms
You need to talk about it but it doesn't matter
Things you never said, never will
because in reality...nobody really even cares.

Shade

Join me in my heaven
Way up in the misty clouds
Away from all the crowds
And delusional sounds
Away from the siren
And the angry gun
Join me in my heaven
Join me for I'm alone
I am alone
I have a rose for you
And it is red and then the sky is blue
I have a heart that is so true
And it is blood, it is blood red too
I'll compliment myself
But you don't need to
there's nothing left, but wretched pain
And so I live my life
Inside the grey.

Wine

I want to scream red
And let the world rip apart
For my breaking heart

Broken Record

So many leftover why's
Who I was afterwards and who I was before
Who It was I was that you never knew
I seem to wonder, I wonder
I seem to wonder wonder
After this day is over and
I was somewhere other than here
When In sleep they cast their eyes
And selfish worries and why's?
Questioning what it was inside her
She knows it sounds still so obscure
I am not always who I am and it hurts
To know your fate is ruled by worth
Who I am sometimes I don't know
I wonder though yet I wonder
And in this place I feel so hollow
Hollow in this place I feel so hollow
In this place I feel so alone
Perhaps it is my heart's painful hope
Pain, that's gnawing at me and insane
making me insane
It seems like a broken record to complain
To complain that it is this pain
This pain that's driving me insane
And all I can do to keep myself sane
Is to state it plainly.

Bleed for You

Everything is in absence
in which nothing is fulfilled
the ego laying dormant
all his thoughts are being revealed
peel away the surface, underneath the skin
your sweet blood, a rosy red
I scattered her ashes,
dancing in the delicate light
I danced a song to the earth
Orphan earth and her painful pride
I am colorless
I am so monotone and He is fleshless
I am your backbone. I know you
Must be feeling alone, I'm breathless
But I am sick of giving you everything
I'll cut off my hands, I'll tell you a lie
I'll make sure it’s true
I want to appease your anger
So I'll give you my heart of led
If you want something else then
I'll give you my pain instead.

Flame

The ghosts are feeling their way to light
The storm clouds run away with the night
Life slips into a red sedate sun
Paramnesia, we left her unfettered
The stoic man with dry callous mouth
Silver vexation, raving murder rosy lips
destroyed asphyxiation
Phantasmagorical apparition
Apathy- translucent and stoic
Dry your tears or drown in them
A storm of sorrow and rage
The translucent dreamscape
Under a silver moon
Drowning in the intense flame of pain
The world was a splinter
An opaque red ball of fire
languishing his fruit
she withers
like ash
and
cold

Illusion

put that [violent] man into a box
let him scream at nothing. . .
until the keys fall into their holes
let him shake back and forth
while the moon is circling

Tell him the truth
“Yeah,” dreams are an illusion
Strap him to the earth
Let him feel his senses crave

Let him follow all the signs
North into the grave
Whether they are hollow faces
Smiling or crying without hope

Remember when he's choking
That he's just an illusion
And this old place for him
It may be where he is meant to be

That's what happens when you
Lose your mind, ya see
Nothing ever tells a good story
Like the one you never tell
Let him bathe in the hatred
Animosity for human kind
Tell him it's all over
Let him know that it's all in his mind

No Wings to Fly

I want to fly
But I can't
The sounds are close to my ear
But I can't hear them
I wonder what it means to be
comfortable
while I'm waiting in this chair
for the nurse to come in
and all I can think is that
I am ugly and awkward
as she touches my face
inspects it for any blemishes
she finds too many
and I am only fourteen
yet I have slept around too much
I'm not "trying to get pregnant"
but I've been losing myself in
these crimson walls
I would like to stain them
with the blood of my own youth
but they already know me
from the spots on my face
so go ahead and spit on me
for being so innocent
I am in love with their eyes
because they understand torment

Love Affair

I met you on the bridge
You felt me up and handed me a rose
I loved you from then on
And you still didn't need love

So why do you hate me
From the moment I set eyes your way
You gripped me with satisfaction
ready for some action

Your eyes are sweet like sugar
But sour like lemons
I know you hate me
As angry as violence

Because this is the end
Of our love affair
You know,
You were never really there.

Egg shells

Are
You as
Dead as I
am when I can't
understand what you think you understand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
every day you die when you go to sleep
the way I do
still the same
as you
are

Agony

eyes that
seem too tired
itchy and

stone cold
hands
feet walk
through mist

heart that
is too pained
sick and

stone cold
hands
lips kiss
his veins

bones that
ache always for
reasons of

this time
she
waits like
her soul

inside your
open mind is
no time but
I lost count

open me up, and pick me apart
tear out my veins and let my blood
trickle down your lips
so that you understand my life
isn't worth the sacrifice

Home

I shed my tear because
She is gone from here
She is gone, and I still miss her
But I can feel her presence still
And she whispers her good will
in a place of so much love
That's somewhere where my heart is dear
Somewhere safe and full of clarity
I shed my tears because I miss her
We love her so much more than she knows
She lives on forever and ever
Her memories are still there because
I can see that she is still somewhere
Still a presence in my soul
In God's beautiful kingdom
Heaven and earth
And I know she is at peace
Though I want her to be home
Her place is everywhere
never truly gone

Broken Hearts

She met him halfway there

They shared scars and it cured them of their suffering

Wishing away the hate and devouring each other’s love

They exhale and simply sleep in each other’s arms knowing

That their tears will never mend the pain

Sorrowful blue, sorrowful scars

If only love was as fragile but we know

Love loves to break our hearts

The Witches

They were bewitched by the evil eye
That in her silence suffered
This witch has a face
That you must have seen

Is it a ghost at the door
Knocking over the furniture
As the water drips, it doesn't permit
Explanation as to the culprit

Her body feels the warmth
The water drips down her silky skin
In this hollow place
Speak now or forever hold your tongue

I hear a shuffling at the wall
Voices never flee the darkness' call
She shudders in the night alone
The mind of the lonely one.

Your darkness overwhelmed my soul
It bathed the children with your wickedness
In the old room where the doors still would creak
There was a battered ghoul

Her heart was still, as old ones feel
Was it the devil, or was it her?
Noises in the dark, hold on tight
Try to follow a string of light

Bring the black hilted knife
At the wooden table at dawn
Pray to the harp as it tunes your life
A mournful celebration

Her heart feels so still
As the world spills its cold
do you remember
The shrill cry of your soul?

With a hand over the clock
Can you hear the ticking clock now?
If only she could move mountains
Cast spells for the future

Faded dreams and those red roses
She only wanted to enchant their eyes
But this is the price you pay
For riddling the song away

Only her soul knows, the movement will go
If only she holds herself very still
In a sweet solitary surrender
She will heal them of their splendor

It's the tide that brings the gothic child
Back to the phantom lips of the angel
Hear the little pitter patter?
Hold yourself still if you are able.

Will You Stay

The beauty of the sky is so great
I see angel's shine above this sunny shore
It seems my heart is beating strongly
I could not imagine a life lived before
I've done it all to get you here

All her stars are in their courses
All her stars are drowning in orbit
When all things must pass
All things must pass away
Who will ever conquer it
Who will ever stay

The decay of broken buildings
Have certain qualities I adore
I learn to love my emptiness
Because seasons change and so will I
I learned it's better to kneel and pray

All her stars are in their courses
I am setting sail to other places
All things must pass
All things must pass away
But who will ever conquer it
Who will ever stay

All the stars know the greatness of their shine
To call an angel something so divine
It seems to be that no one knows the beauty of love
Is it all that is left that we can keep strong
To find a place where we belong

Now the rain is falling down on me
And I can see into the shining night-time sky
That all I need is a little time
To show the stars who I shine to be
And then we will know how to stay

All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
But Stay

Vision

We were so solitary
My heart was beating slowly
Sleeping in the dark
We were so alone

I felt you close to me
My soul cried out to be free
I felt your eyes on me
You were so beautiful

You smiled through me
As I gathered their attention
What did they see
After not sleeping long

She killed herself that day
And then she asked us why
They littered the clouds with smoke
A cigarette ash sky

But they don't understand
For they've already seen
The paint get wasted
On an art of nothing

Leave this on the dark shore
Where the sun never touches
Through these empty rooms
Let them find a place

Let them read your mind
And sing for joy
For life is so quick
And there's no time to die

Mindless

And we all are slaves to our own habits
Members of a larger family, the brotherhood of heretics
are you feeling as empty as I am? Looking into the emptiness
the empty spaces search for something there that reminds you
of what you truly are, or are you worthless or do you mean it?
Exclude their personalities and fill in the missing pieces---
of a hope for political change to see the light in its absence

No, suck them of their flavors and suck them dry
the muse is in love with a metal beast, not the mechanisms of why
The one that contains your self-sufficient ego, the stifling truth
Then the blood-stains don't wash away or the filth
Nor do their broken spirits remain because of their youth
And we are all feeling a little stupid, be stupid

The masses would love you for it
Because if you are the chosen one, you must know God's love
Let the murder fantasize about your body, so below then above
As the medicine dissolves under your dry tongue as you
Empty out those phrases violently telling not one single truth
We are a family of mindless ghosts perpetuating stagnation
Yet I assume that YOU were the chosen one

After all we are the masters of our own destinations
When eternity rendered us useless because of procreation
We continue this mass evolution of destruction
People perpetuate the institution
The tongue-tied god loving spoon-fed world of separation

We live in a world that is made of matters which don't exist
If you existed then you only existed for the absence of a fantasy
You're nothing but wasted flesh, a life of isolation
This is the law, stay busy and keep on imagining
Until you purge yourself of words until your phrases run dry
And you realize that you are never-ending emptiness

But stay mindless
You spend you days in a trance of doing good for a cause
or spend your days working because you're working for another
You spend your days loving and caring for an ideal
That human life is not inherently evil
But if you aren't a hypocrite than believe what you say

Yes humans are worth their innocence and deserve to live today
But what is the purpose of life or is it merely for an infatuation
- imagine- life would exist without any reason, without a reason
then it exists for an objective, and the objective is what you create,
creation is creation---where is the original design?

But what is the purpose other than stay in your own life-
we are here to change what we see or seek to change what we see. But this never-ending oblivion is destructive of the truth,
oblivion is the ultimate destruction.
Oblivion is the end of our existence, or the end of His promise-
can we control chaos?
What is the source?

What began before we stumbled upon our own minds and found ourselves in forms and bodies that could not grasp the concept of oblivion.
If you can't grasp the concept of oblivion then are you brainwashed?

What is THE truth? What is your reality?
What is the meaning of life anyways?

The Empty

Life is like a chain
Link
Wrapped around two cold wrists
While demons are laughing
at me
And you're
screaming humanity through microphones
And your ears and veins are splitting
And I can't stand the sound of
all the little people on their way
to Hell
Can we learn to figure it out
Control the scouts
Redemption aunt found
Can't beat me down
Can't make me into your own
Trip on these, bullet holes
in your soul
Try me on for size, bury the voodoo doll
In the silent ache, silent halls
Mastery of telekinesis, dripping down your veins
Overwhelmed by ugliness of his voice
I can't bear the hatred of men
Men and their solemn
lust.

Last Night

Last night
sorrow crept under me

let itself slide beneath my
pale milk white skin

as the piano played on-
the violent melody
of an oppressed desire
And I dreamt of
the many oppressed desires
That could not be touched
That could not be found out

How does one feel when
Her art has been crushed
Under one sleepy eyelid

Hurt.

Winter Ice

looking out from my window
at the bare bones of the quiet
wintry earth, covered in the cold gloss of
icicles that fondle her
with drizzling
wonderings

To love Glass

Glass
To love Glass &

speak with gentle hands

study your hands
when you find mountains in them
take a journey
when you find a path
follow it down
to your crossroads
then find a lake
take a drink of the water
when you can drink
be careful not to fall in!
take a drink
this is your poetic essence

This is your art
Make Glass

Now you know glass
Now you know the art
Of poetry
It is fragile
Soft and Gentle until
it will break
like you and I break
That is poetry

The Empty

In the Empty

As you slowly inhale and exhale
Finding nothingness
As your breathing gets heavy

I learn to only sigh
When the weight is on my back
And the pressure is built

Of four thousand pins
Like the devil knows how to
Find my body
somewhere inside his
Crooked shadows

Kneeling in the dark that seems to
quiver
looking for a recognizable sound
That says "Here I am! I have been found..."

I knock at the door
And no one answers

And so good faith finds me safely
In the empty
Finding nothingness
And apathy.

Sunrise/Insomnia

Why do your lips tremble so...
As the gentle rivers flow...
As the seasons come and go...
Did you know?
Did you know?
Why do you walk so tall...
When you could hunch down low...
When the earth is feeling slow
As she spins around alone
Did you know?
Did you know?
Why are you troubled by the sound...
Why are you troubled by their eyes...
Do you worry that their hate
Will crush you down with petty lies
Did you know?
Did you know
That the seasons will flow
Then the breath of life will glow
And you'll know
Then you'll know.

Wired...

The moon smiles down on sober eyes
with dreamy dreams and lullabies
with her poison and her black cat eyes
she is disguised by the stench
on her breath
smells like the Irish, like whiskey and death
She's writing her poetry
because she's feeling tired
And lacks comprehension
when she's been up all night wired
It already feels like its evening again
And It's 9 0 9....

"Oh what a gift it is to be
A fairy, a fairy!
Oh what a gift it is to be
To be one of the fairy!

The Moon

She saw the moon die
A full bloom flower, a beautiful orchid in the sky
For this woman of the softest tears
She saved herself from their love

Found God in intoxication
What is a chance? How we've learnt to dumb the soul..
Our wild minds growing dizzy
With a loss of self-control.

She saw the moon die
In a cigarette ashen sky
Tell her please, will you tell my mother
There is a man that would love her.

They sleep in separate beds
She's been gone for three weeks
And won't be back again.

Sometimes I dream that she would
drive so far away, far from all these things
she never bothered to say.

What is a child to a mother?
My faith melts in the azure rain.
Will the poets never understand
the depth of such fragile pain
Like the smile of passion
Bathing her skin in smoke
Just one more--inhale and exhale
Such a task but to no avail.

Visions collapse, and so I search for
Painkillers in my mother's drawer
To numb the feeling, of the separation
This divorce of similar.

To embrace the flame in contementment
Burn on, burn on you crazy child
And never burn away

Safety

Spiritual confessions to one minute pulse
the Nuns are in procession
expressing the infinitely impossible
but so I show you the minute
In the tiny pebbles in my glass
and you will wander, so wander and maybe you will
ponder flowers there
Reaching the stars with exacting grace
Pace the room, face the gloom
Find your emotions all locked tight
In a barred cell, no journey from hell

The exactness of the Christ
His Bible is a Play
Scene of mundane and chaos
Spitting out freckles

I am dopamine, dumbed down
I am dopamine, dumbed down

Find solace is so fond of the mess
And one more caress
And I shall listen to the drumming
The screaming in my ears
For the poetry of madness
Is not enough
You need the mystery of your own life
Keep it hidden tight
Lock your arms to your chest
And emotions fill the glass
Of wine you hold to your lips
Bless them all
Bless them all so
They learn to

Invoke words
With nothing but

Machinery

Happy Birthday!!

It's your birthday, your special chance
To save your sorrow, to feel the romance
Beautiful roses all in bloom
This is the special day that you were born

You have great friends, you should celebrate
Go out on the town, have some fancy cake
Invite that special someone, whoever this may be
Go ahead and dance and sing, just have a birthday party!

Birthdays

Oh the light is harsh, the rain is falling
The candles flicker, what chitter chatter
I find this music is so appalling
My birthday wish is to be alone here
In the darkness with the shadows of dreams
I wait and I wait for no birthday cheer
For melancholy is not what is seems
Just wait till' all of my hopes disappear

And I could not get out of this warm bed
Let them see the tears as they all fell down
And would not tell them what they had not said
That I was alone, felt truly alone.
I don't mean to say...it's not my wish~
But don't you think that there's more than this?!

Happy Birthday!!

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