An Imperfect Wife
Grace Wen
An Imprint of
Musa Publishing
An Imperfect Wife
By Grace Wen
Copyright © Grace Wen, 2011
Smashwords Edition
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All Rights Reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher.
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This e-Book is a work of fiction. While references may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are from the author’s imagination and are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental.
Musa
Publishing
633 Edgewood Ave
Lancaster, OH 43130
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Published by Musa Publishing, November 2011
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This e-Book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. No part of this ebook can be reproduced or sold by any person or business without the express permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 978-1-61937-921-3
Published in the United States of America
Editor: Erica Mills
Cover Design: Kelly Shorten
Interior Book Design: Coreen Montagna
CHAPTER 1
Everything changed when Josh and I moved to Hamilton. How could it not? I expected a few changes in our lives. What I didn’t expect, though, was to fall in love with Josh’s boss.
I didn’t plan for it to happen. In fact, when I first met Adam Cahill, the only feeling I had was gratitude for offering Josh a job.
Adam invited Josh and me to his home for dinner soon after we arrived in town. We were grateful for the invitation because we knew no one. I’d spent my entire life, including my college years, in Troy, and Josh had lived there since high school. Moving away meant leaving the only home I knew.
Trillium Estates, the subdivision where Adam lived, was the picture of domestic suburban bliss. It was the kind of place that always unsettled me because it felt too perfect, like a set for a movie where people were too nice to each other to hide their homicidal tendencies. I stared at the luxurious homes towering over manicured lawns and well-tended flowerbeds. Here and there, kids shrieked and chased each other across front yards.
“Nice, huh?” Josh asked as he turned down a side street. “Just think, we can get a place here soon if everything works out.”
“I’m sure it will, hon,” I said, giving Josh’s knee a squeeze. “You’re going to do great.”
Josh smiled and sat up straighter. “I still can’t believe I finally have a job,” he said. “Chris was so jealous when I told him Adam poached me from another interviewer and said the job was mine if I was willing to relocate. That’s Chris’s problem, he’s not willing to move. Adam said he couldn’t believe someone with my technical and marketing backgrounds hasn’t been snatched up already. Did you know that?”
Of course I did. He’d told me the interview story dozens of times in the past two months.
“It’s nice to finally feel wanted,” he said. “I never, ever want to be unemployed ever again.”
“We made out okay,” I said. “I mean, it was a good thing I still had my job.”
“I know, but it wasn’t fun scraping by.”
I stiffened. Sure, I hadn’t brought in tons of money as a secretary, but it was enough to keep us fed, clothed and reasonably comfortable. I didn’t think we were scraping by, so I was surprised Josh did.
“Besides,” he continued, “I hated feeling like a burden on you and our friends and everyone else. Now we’ll have enough money to enjoy life a little.”
Without anyone to enjoy it with. I rested my elbow on the sill and stared out the window. More McMansions passed by. I missed the bungalows in our old neighborhood. I missed home.
“So, Extel has five product divisions,” Josh said, “and Adam heads up the one I’m working in, which is the most profitable one. He told me he knew of some great promotion opportunities, short-term, if I prove myself on this product launch. I think…”
I tuned out at that point. I already knew what he was going to say. Josh didn’t notice and continued to talk as he drove, repeating stuff I had heard ever since he got the job offer. He hadn’t even started work yet, and he sounded like he’d drunk the company Kool-Aid.
I wasn’t in the mood to hear yet again about the man who’d uprooted our lives.
I caught myself mid-sigh, knowing I was being selfish for having such thoughts. Josh was happy; I should be happy for him. We were a team, and this was a great opportunity for both of us. If a high-paying job was the worst of our problems, then we were blessed. I should be grateful, not upset.
“Here we are,” Josh said, pulling close to the curb. He turned off the ignition, then hurried around to open the car door on my side.
Adam’s home was one of the smaller, less ostentatious homes on the street, which gave me some comfort. It was good to know Josh’s new boss was less of a show-off than his neighbors. Maybe Josh could learn from him after all.
Be supportive, I reminded myself. Stop making it all about you.
As we walked up to the front door, I had the sudden urge to hide behind Josh. I smoothed my hands down my skirt, wondering whether I should’ve worn pants instead of a dress. Would they think I was trying too hard to fit in? Not trying hard enough? What could I talk about with them without embarrassing myself? I was a beer-and-chips type of girl, and this was definitely not the type of environment I was used to. I didn’t want to say or do anything that would jeopardize Adam’s opinion of Josh even before Josh started his first day at work.
Josh was on the executive track now, and I knew, without being told, that I had to figure out how to play the part of being an executive spouse. I prayed that Adam’s wife would be nice. I needed a friend.
My nervousness evaporated when the front door open and we were greeted by a petite, well-groomed woman with a motherly smile. Her eyes, though, were sharp and discerning. She reminded me of my older sister Rachel. I felt instantly judged.
“Welcome,” she said, holding the door open for us. “Adam’s getting more wine out of the basement, so he’ll be up in a minute. I’m Heather Cahill.”
“Josh Evans, and this is my wife Nicole.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said.
She led us into a gleaming kitchen and motioned toward four barstools next to the granite island. The spread of appetizers looked like they were right out of a fancy food magazine.
“Please, sit down. I’m so glad I get to meet you, Josh. Adam’s excited to have you join his team.”
“Well, I’m excited to be a part of it,” Josh said a little too heartily. “I really appreciate the opportunity.”
An unreadable look flickered across Heather’s face.
“Here, have a bite while I check on dinner,” she said. “There’s sun-dried tomato dip to go with the vegetables and crackers, and this is chicken salad in phyllo cups and endive with roasted beets, goat cheese, and walnuts. Help yourself to the wine, too. Adam brought those back from his Napa trip last month.”
I hesitated as I looked at the sophisticated food. She made all of this? I burned soup. For someone as hopeless in the kitchen as me, her cooking skills seemed like magic.
The sound of thudding footsteps up the creaking basement stairs interrupted my thoughts.
“Josh, so good to see you!”
I got out of my chair. The deep, resonant voice had that kind of commanding presence. When I looked up, I realized the man behind the voice did too.
I can’t remember what I or anyone else said during introductions. For a few moments, Adam Cahill obliterated everything else. It wasn’t because he was handsome, although he was, with wavy golden hair and a build that suggested many years playing sports. It was because Adam’s intent expression made you feel that, for that moment, you were the only person in the world, he was interested in. You felt like you were the center of his universe. Politicians and salesmen often tried to generate that same kind of feeling, but people could see right through it. With Adam, you knew he genuinely cared.
No wonder Josh was so impressed by him. I never fully understood what charisma was, but after meeting Adam, I did. The word was practically made for him.
He tilted his head slightly toward me as he shook my hand. The warmth from his hand and his riveting blue gaze enveloped my whole body like a fleece blanket.
“And you must be…” he said.
“Nicole Evans. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Josh is a very lucky man to have such a supportive wife,” he said. “It must be tough leaving your family and friends. Josh said you both grew up there.”
The warm glow inside me intensified. Finally, someone was acknowledging that things weren’t all that easy for me. Psychologists would’ve called it “validation.” I called it wonderful.
“It is tough, but we’ll manage. We’ve survived worse. Thank you for giving him the chance,” I said. I beamed at Josh, giving my best “proud wife” look. Josh shifted his feet, looking mildly uncomfortable for a second.
“If I can do anything to help, please let me know,” Adam said. “I like to keep my teams happy, and that means keeping their families happy too.”
That caught me by surprise. I wasn’t used to bosses that actually cared about their people on a personal level. I liked him already, very much so.
As we took our seats around their dinner table, I realized I’d worried about the evening for nothing. Adam and Heather were nothing like what I’d expected. I’d braced myself for a snooty rich couple, and instead I found people that seemed as down-to-earth as any of my friends back home. They were dressed more casually than we were, and even though their home was luxurious, there was nothing pretentious about it—there were plastic toys shoved in the corner of the living room and crayon drawings tacked to the refrigerator.
Sure, the food we had was more upscale than anything I’d experienced, and I wasn’t used to drinking wine with dinner, but these were things I needed to get used to anyway. It was part of growing up, and I knew I still had plenty of that to do.
They had the kind of life I wanted, but I knew it didn’t come for free. Josh and I had already made a big sacrifice toward getting that life by uprooting ourselves. I already wondered whether we’d made the right decision.
Adam filled the wineglasses and raised his. We all followed suit.
“To new beginnings,” he said. “Thanks for coming out here, Josh. And thanks to Nicole for letting him.”
We all laughed and clinked glasses. Adam’s laugh was a low chuckle that sounded more intimate, more knowing, than he probably realized, more at home in a bedroom than in a dining room.
Wait, what was I thinking? I shifted my gaze to the kitchen, concentrating on a picture of a Disney princess covered with crayon scribbles, then on a rooster pitcher near the sink, desperately trying to change the uncomfortable turn my brain had taken.
Just a fleeting crush. No, not even a crush. Just a brain freeze. No big deal. I’m only projecting everything I wish Josh was, on someone else. It had nothing to do with Adam.
I took another gulp of wine. The bottom of my glass rattled against the edge of the plate when I set it down. I looked up quickly, but no one seemed to notice. Heather refilled my glass, then her own. She gave the bottle a practiced twist so it wouldn’t drip.
I picked up a fork, then cut into the lump of crispy puff pastry in front of me, releasing a fragrant wisp of steam. Inside was a perfectly-cooked steak with mushrooms, onions, spinach, and blue cheese.
Heather thoroughly intimidated me now.
“Have you two always lived in Hamilton?” I asked.
“Oh no,” Adam said. “Our situation is a lot like yours. We’re originally from Austin, but Extel asked me to relocate for a promotion. This is our third move in six years for the company.”
“Hey, you do what you have to,” Josh said as he speared a green bean. “Jobs don’t grow on trees.”
“That must’ve been a challenge,” I said, more to Heather than to Adam.
“It was. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without her holding down the home front.”
He gave her hand an affectionate pat. Heather smiled, but I noticed the smile didn’t reach her eyes. I cut another piece of steak.
During the rest of dinner, the conversation flowed and the food was amazing, but it barely registered in my brain. I vaguely noticed myself smiling and making small talk as if I were having an out-of-body experience. My body was on auto-pilot, saying the right things, being as charming I could manage, and, most importantly, not doing anything that could make Josh look foolish.
I reached for Josh’s hand as I told Adam how thrilled I was for Josh and how we were ready to make Hamilton our new home. Although everything I said was true—sort of—it was also a way to remind myself that I was married, and so was Adam, and Adam was Josh’s boss. I’d promised for better or for worse. This was one of those “for worse” times, but at least it wasn’t “for poorer.” We’d simply traded one challenge for another.
Looking was one thing. Everyone looked. But my thoughts were lingering beyond a simple look, and that was simply not a road I cared to take. That was something other people did, people who didn’t have the same moral compass. I’d already seen several of my friends have affairs and make excuses for it. I wasn’t friends with them anymore. I couldn’t respect them for being so weak.
Now, though, I got a better sense of how they’d felt, and a twinge of guilt tugged at my conscience. Still, how hard could it be to get past these bizarre feelings I was having? All I had to do was get through this evening and I’d never have to see Adam again. I wanted the night to be over so I could make my disturbing thoughts about Adam die a natural death. I hardly even knew the guy, so it should’ve been easy.
And yet another part of me didn’t want the night to end.
* * * *
“Josh, do you have time tonight to talk shop? I figured we could get a head start so you can hit the ground running on Monday after your finish going through the HR gauntlet.”
Heather and I exchanged glances, and without a word, we both took that as our cue to disappear so the men could talk shop without feeling guilty about boring us. I was grateful to get outside and away from both Adam and Josh. As long as I was in the same room with them, I felt torn in two.
I followed Heather onto the porch. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, hoping the cool evening air would help clear my alcohol-fogged head. I started to feel like my normal self away from Adam’s gravitational pull.
Heather shut the door behind her.
“I’m glad I’m out of there,” she said. “I think I had too much wine. Whoo.” She tossed her head and braced herself against a porch chair. “It was darn good though, don’t you think?”
“I liked it. Probably a bit too much,” I said. “I must’ve had three glasses.”
“Yeah, funny how the wives are always the ones getting sloshed at these things. When I saw you draining your glass, I didn’t feel so bad about it. Sometimes I get bored listening to the guys talk and not being able to participate much because it’s a business dinner. You seemed to manage okay, though.”
“The food helped. It was phenomenal,” I said. “I’d love to ask for the steak recipe, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to make it. Where’d you learn to cook like that?”
“I taught myself, mostly from cookbooks,” she said. “After we first moved, I had too much spare time and energy because I couldn’t find a job, so I cooked a lot. I made those steaks ahead of time and froze them. It’s fussy, but not that hard.”
“It would be for me. I can barely make toast.”
Heather laughed. “It might be worth learning how to cook,” she said. “Adam’s convinced that entertaining business colleagues at home impresses them more than taking them to a restaurant. Of course, that means a hell of a lot more work for me, but…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, but I understood what she meant. What could she do? She had to be supportive.
She checked her watch. “I should pick up the kids from the sitter’s. They’re staying down the street, and I’d rather get them home before it gets too late,” she said.
“We can go pick them up now if you want,” I said. “I won’t mind if the kids are around. I can help you watch them while they play outside so they keep out of the guys’ hair.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“I’m sure. How far is the sitter’s?”
“Only a few blocks down the street. We take turns watching each other’s kids.”
I gingerly descended the porch steps to avoid doing a face-plant, then caught up to Heather on the sidewalk. She sped up to a brisk trot.
“I’m surprised you don’t mind. Most of my girlfriends don’t have kids, and they go out of their way to avoid them.”
“That’s too bad,” I said. “Josh and I aren’t quite ready to have kids of our own yet, but I do want them someday. We’re holding off until things get less crazy. For now, I’m happy being the favorite aunt to my brother’s kids. He has three and is a stay-at-home Dad.”
“That’s amazing. It’s a miracle if I can even get Adam to watch the kids for an hour while I go grocery shopping. I mean, I know he’s busy with work, but he lives in the same house and eats the same food. It’d be nice if he helped a little more.”
“You sound like practically every woman I know,” I said. Including my mother. And Rachel, my sister, before her divorce.
She smirked. “I still have to correct him when he calls watching his own kids ‘babysitting,’” she said with a snort. “I swear, I hate being a nag, but if I didn’t remind him of things, nothing would get done. But I end up doing everything myself anyway. Guaranteed, when we get back, all the dirty dishes will still be on the counter and not in the dishwasher. You know how it goes, I’m sure.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I knew exactly what she was talking about. Even when I was working full-time, most of the domestic duties fell to me. I tried not to mind, though. I was a better housekeeper than him anyway, and I cared more.
The little lies I tell myself to keep the peace.
“We can slow down if you want,” Heather said, probably mistaking my sigh for being out of breath. “Adam always complains I walk too fast.”
“No, this is fine,” I said. “In fact, I need to get out more. I wanted to walk a 5K this fall, but ever since we moved here, I’ve been so bad about working out consistently.”
Heather’s face lit up. “Do you need a walking buddy? I’ve been having trouble getting the baby weight off.”
I glanced at her trim figure. Baby weight—yeah, right.
“How old’s your baby?” I asked.
“Three.” She laughed ruefully. “I finally figured out the baby weight isn’t going to come off on its own, but it’s so hard to juggle that with everything else.”
We turned a corner, and I noticed how long the blocks were in the subdivision. The houses and yards were so huge I wondered how kids managed trick-or-treating. Getting up a single massive driveway would’ve been quite a workout.
“How are you doing with the move?” Heather asked.
“I’m doing okay, I guess. It’s only been a few weeks, so I’m still adjusting. This is the first time I’ve lived so far from home. All my friends and family are back in Troy.”
“Is Josh from there too?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think he feels the same kind of bond that I do,” I said. “He’s always been a bit restless, I think. Always looking for something better.”
“So he landed in Michigan. Gee, that’s a step up.”
We both laughed at that.
“That was my reaction too,” I said. “No offense. I might warm up to it eventually.”
“I can’t promise you ‘warm,’ but honestly, it’s not awful. There are nice things here. But it’s not Austin, and the winters are brutal. So you didn’t even know he was looking for a new job?”
“Oh, I knew he was looking, but I didn’t know he was looking out-of-state. But I guess that’s all said and done. I’m here, right? Time for me to adapt.”
“You must resent that.” She said it as a statement, not as a question.
I hesitated. “A bit,” I said.
Heather stopped walking and raised her eyebrows. Something about the way she looked at me made me want to explain myself. She had that “Mom” look down pat.
“Josh didn’t ask me whether I wanted to move,” I said. “He simply came into the room and said, ‘Guess what? We’re moving to Michigan!’ He told me he got this amazing job with even more amazing pay and said to start packing. He was actually hurt when I wasn’t excited about it right away.”
“Didn’t you two talk about the possibility while he was interviewing?”
“Sort of. Okay, not much. But what was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to guilt him into passing up a great opportunity, especially in this economy. Heck, any opportunity is a good one these days. My job is to be supportive, right? We’re supposed to be a team.”
Even as I said the words, they didn’t quite ring true to me. I always thought that if I wanted to be happy in my marriage, I had to put Josh’s needs ahead of my own. Well, I’d done it for three years already, and even though I wasn’t exactly unhappy, this latest twist made me start to doubt whether I was doing the right thing. I guessed I wasn’t trying hard enough.
“Seems like all men are the same,” she said, resuming her brisk stride. “They always take us for granted, going off and doing their own thing and expecting us to go along without complaining. Sometimes I feel like I’m a utility, just like the gas or the lights. I always have to be on for his convenience, know what I mean?”
I opened my mouth to agree, then I stopped myself, realizing that I’d probably already said too much. It was one thing to feel a little resentful toward Josh and keep it to myself. It was another thing to commiserate about it with someone else.
But wasn’t this what women did all the time? They talked. They shared their problems with each other over coffee and manicures. And yes, they bitched and moaned about their husbands. Not that I ever did it myself, not even with my friends back home. I’d even been teased about being a goody-goody wife, refusing to ever say anything bad about Josh.
Yet spilling out even a little bit of the stuff I’d been holding in ever since we moved to Michigan felt so cathartic. I hadn’t told my friends back home because I didn’t want them to feel like they had to choose between my side and Josh’s side.
I tried, and was still trying, so hard to be a good wife. I thought that self-sacrifice was supposed to make me happy. Maybe that’s why I felt a little guilty even sharing this much with Heather, someone I barely knew. But even then, I wasn’t complaining as much about Josh as I was about the overall move to a new place. It didn’t matter. Griping about our situation was wrong. I vowed I wouldn’t do it again, out of loyalty to Josh.
“I’m still adjusting,” I said. “I don’t expect everything to fall into place overnight. Besides, it’s nice seeing Josh so excited about his new job and working with Adam. He seems like he would be a good boss.”
Heather didn’t say anything. When I glanced over, I thought I saw her smirk, but it disappeared so quickly I figured I imagined it.
“How do you manage it?” I asked. “I mean, you’ve gone through this several times already and you seem to be managing okay. Any tips on how to cope?”
Her mouth twisted. “I wish I knew what to tell you,” she said. “I still feel like I’m flailing about sometimes.”
Her? The one with the Martha Stewart skills, gorgeous home, and happy husband? Great, there was no hope for me then.
Heather adjusted her tote bag strap. “Can I ask you a weird question? It’s sort of personal, but not about you.”
“Um, sure.”
“Do you think thirty-four is too young to have a midlife crisis?” she asked.
Why is she asking me? “I don’t know. I guess it’s possible to rethink your life at any age. Why?”
“Adam says he’s going through one now, but he has no reason to. We have a comfortable life and we’re finally settling down. I don’t know why he insists on trying to mess it up.”
“Mess it up? How? Is he thinking of joining the circus or something?”
Heather ignored my lame attempt at humor. “I wish it was so easy,” she said. “It would be easier to tell him he’s nuts. No, he’s thinking about, as he puts it, ‘downshifting’ in his career.”
“Downshifting? What does that mean?”
“I think it means he wants to work less, or step off the career ladder, something like that. He’s way too young to even be thinking that way. Your thirties are supposed to be for building your career, not derailing it.”
“Maybe he wants to do something else with this time?” I said. “Or he could be stressed out at work and needs a vacation. He’s probably rethinking his priorities.”
I couldn’t believe I was defending someone I’d met only earlier that night, but I couldn’t help myself. Heather had everything, and yet she seemed so ungrateful. The fact she was bitching to me, a relative stranger, about her perfect life irked me. Didn’t she know how good she had it? I, and I’m sure many others, would’ve loved to be in her designer shoes.
“His priority is supposed to be supporting his family,” Heather said. “The economy is still in the toilet, and he’s thinking about living on moonbeams and rainbows just because he’s having a few tough months at work? Oh, boo hoo, maybe I should slack off when I don’t feel like watching the kids or taking care of the house. He says he feels trapped. Can you imagine? Him, trapped? I was the one who gave up a job to watch the kids and take care of the house, and he’s the one complaining about being trapped?”
I looked away from Heather in embarrassment. Heather kept talking, but I tuned her out and studied the huge houses and yards around us. Every single lawn was perfectly groomed, every shrub neatly trimmed, every flower bed tastefully designed. I thought of all the work that went into those yards, on top of maintaining all that indoor square footage. I’d either have to do it all myself or pay someone else to do it. Josh might want to live in a neighborhood like this, but for me, staying in an apartment sounded better and better.
“Have you thought about going back to work?” I asked, hoping it would get Heather off her rant.
“We ran the numbers. They don’t work. We’d actually be losing money if I went back now because day care’s so expensive. I’m not willing to cut back, especially for the kids. I don’t want them to grow up struggling the way I did. I want them to enjoy their childhood and have a college fund, and unfortunately those take money.”
I stifled a sigh. I wanted to tell her that money wasn’t everything and that chances are her kids would rather spend more time with their father than have another toy, but what did I know? I was only a wannabe mother, not an actual one.
“I guess both of you need to do what makes you happy,” I said. That was the most neutral thing I could think of to say.
“That’s all Adam’s been doing, doing whatever makes him happy. I’m sure you get that from Josh, too. I mean, who would voluntarily move to a place like Hamilton anyway? There’s nothing here.”
She was right, of course, but I still didn’t want to complain about Josh out loud. I was still enough of a newlywed to feel some sort of loyalty to our marriage.
“I’m trying to bloom where I’m planted, I guess,” I said. “As long as I’m stuck here, I might as well make the most of it.”
“I’m sure plants grow wonderfully in manure, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s crap. And I’m tired of Adam’s crap. I wish he would just go to work and stop whining about the burden of being so damn successful. I’m sure plenty of men would love to have his kind of problems.”
We arrived at one of the houses. Heather knocked on the door and a tiny Asian woman with fuzzy permed hair appeared. Joyful screeches came from inside the house.
“Heather, you’re early,” the woman said. She peered at me. “You brought a friend?”
“Ellen, this is Nicole. She’s new in town. Nicole, this is Ellen.”
We shook hands and stepped inside the foyer. Heather took off her shoes and I followed her example. I stepped carefully on the hardwood floor so my stockinged feet wouldn’t slip. When we reached the living room, a small blond boy and an even smaller blond girl ran up to Heather with their arms outstretched.
“Mommy!” they both cried out. Heather’s face lit up as she crouched down to hug them. She planted a kiss on each of their heads. My chest tightened and my throat choked up. Around her kids, she seemed to transform into a different person. All the bitterness vanished from her face.
“I hope you were good,” Heather said.
“They were very good.” Ellen said. “They ate all of their dinner and played nice with Audrey.”
“We even had oranges for dessert!” Heather’s daughter said.
Heather nudged them in my direction. “Sarah, Tommy, this is Miss Nicole. Can you say hi?”
“Hi, Miss Nicole,” they both said in unison. I ached to hug them the way Heather did, but I didn’t want to be creepy.
After we said our goodbyes to Ellen and Audrey, Heather hustled Tommy and Sarah toward the door. When we stepped out, it was getting dark. The streetlights threw a cold blue glow on the sidewalk as we walked back to her house. Heather held Tommy and Sarah’s hands and drew them closer to her while I kept a watchful eye on our surroundings.
She frowned. Her mouth returned to its sour twist. “Sometimes I wonder how I ended up in this life,” she muttered. “I swear, if it weren’t for the kids, I’d go nuts.”
I wanted to tell her she was acting like a spoiled, ungrateful brat. She had everything a woman could want. Two beautiful kids. Good looks. A handsome husband who paid attention to her and appreciated everything she did. If I had a quarter of the life that Heather had, I wouldn’t wish for anything else.
“We should get together again soon,” she said. “It’s so hard to make friends here. You’re much cooler than the Mommy Mafia in this subdivision. Ellen’s the only other person I can stand around here, and that’s only because she hates the Mommy Mafia too. We don’t have anything else in common.”
For a second, I felt sorry for her. She seemed as lost and lonely as I was.
That feeling quickly disappeared. At least I had the excuse of being new in town. She didn’t. No wonder she didn’t have any friends. I’d known her for several hours and I already wanted to get away from her. Adam must have the patience of a saint to live with that attitude 24/7, let alone actually want to spend more time at home.
Heather shushed her kids when we reached the house so they wouldn’t disturb Adam and Josh, who were still deep in conversation in the den. I overheard Adam say something about “employee engagement.” My skin tingled at the sound of his voice, and to my embarrassment the tingle settled in a more private area.
This was not right. I concentrated on putting the kids’ toys away as Heather got them ready for bed despite their protests that they wanted to see their Dad. Once the kids were tucked into bed, we headed back downstairs. Adam and Josh finally emerged from the den, and Heather immediately got up to fix a pot of coffee without being asked. I followed her into the kitchen.
“Did you want to meet for a walk on Tuesday?” she asked as we waited for the coffee to brew. “I can show you some paths in town that are nice, and there’s a park only a ten minute drive from here.”
I hesitated. On the one hand, spending more time with Heather sounded as pleasant as getting my teeth pulled. On the other hand, she was the wife of Josh’s new boss, and I didn’t want to do anything that could remotely hurt his career. Heather’s opinion of me might affect how Adam viewed Josh. This was not the time to rock the boat.
“That sounds great,” I said in the most sincere voice I could muster. “It’ll be nice to have someone to hang out with.”
“Where do you live? I can pick up you up.”
“Don’t bother,” I said. “I can stop by here.”
I told myself it was for her convenience. She was the one with more responsibilities, and I had a more flexible schedule right now because I didn’t have a job.
But my conscience told me otherwise. When I returned to the dining room with mugs of coffee, I had to remind myself to give Josh his mug first and Adam’s second. I kept my eyes focused at a spot behind Adam’s ear so I wouldn’t look at his face.
I dropped a kiss on Josh’s cheek as I handed him his coffee.
“Honey, Nicole and I are going to start walking together on Tuesdays,” Heather said. “She wants to do a 5K too.”
“That’s great,” he said. “I’m glad you’ve found a friend to work out with. Are you sure your schedules mesh, though? Heather has a lot on her plate.”
I shrugged. “We’ll work something out.” It’s not like I have anything else to do.
We soon said our goodbyes. I gave Heather a hug and carefully avoided touching Adam. When Josh and I reached the cocoon of our car, Josh’s calm, professional mask fell away.
“Yes!” he said, pumping his fist.
“I take it you impressed Adam even more?”
“Oh wow, this is going to be even better than I thought. Moving here was definitely the right thing to do.”
Josh talked for the entire drive home, mostly about all the compliments Adam gave him about his background and his big plans for the future. Our future. I didn’t say anything except for a few well-placed “that’s goods” and “mm-hmms.”
I wasn’t surprised Adam liked Josh for this job. Josh was a die-hard planner. Josh had even planned how the next few years of our lives would go. He said it was his way of taking care of me.
I’d never asked him to take care of me. But I also didn’t expect to be a spectator in my own life, feeling like I had nothing to contribute since he already had all the answers.
I checked the clock in the car. Eight minutes had passed, and Josh hadn’t noticed that I hadn’t said a full sentence since we’d left the Cahill’s house. I stared out the window and hid a sigh as Josh kept talking.
CHAPTER 2
When I arrived at the Cahill’s the following week to meet Heather, Adam surprised me by answering the door. The few days away from Adam had thankfully helped tamp down the initial unsettling feelings I had about him when we first met. In broad daylight, Adam was still handsome, but it was easier to view him as just another attractive acquaintance and nothing more. I relaxed, relieved that I didn’t have to work so hard this time around to keep my guard up and prevent those forbidden emotions from showing on my face.
“Good morning, Adam,” I said. I pasted on a smile and hoped I’d managed to hit the right balance of friendliness and casualness in my voice. I wiped my damp palms against my yoga pants, then reached up, patted my hair, and tugged at my ponytail. I abruptly dropped my hands when I realized what I was doing.