Special Smashwords Edition
The School of Flaunt Handbook
by
Alexandra Smythe
and
Cate Clarke
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
This book is intended solely for the entertainment of its readers. The information and advice contained within this book are based entirely on the opinions and personal experiences of the authors and their perception of various historical and current figures and events. The authors and publisher do not endorse or certify in any way, either express or implied, the companies, products and/or programs presented in this book.
The School of Flaunt Handbook
Special Smashwords Edition
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Copyright © 2011 by Trans World Productions Inc. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.
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ISBN:
978-1-937387-17-4 eBook
978-1-937387-18-1 Paperback
978-1-937387-19-8 Hardback
Version 2011.11.29
Dedications
We dedicate this book to those who exemplify the highest of School of Flaunt standards.
Audrey Hepburn
Cary Grant
Princess Grace of Monaco
Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis
Ivanka Trump
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge
We also want to acknowledge our husbands, who have always treated us like queens!
About the Authors
Biography of Cate Cadbury-Clarke
Cate Cadbury was born in the Cotswold’s, the only daughter of a Chocolate Baron, Cleland Cadbury and his lovely wife, Clarissa. Cate spent her very early childhood as many British upper class children do, replete with nannies, nurses and doting parents with lots of candy. Oddly, Cate has perfect teeth!
At a very young age she developed a keen interest in everything American and would skip and whistle through the house to Yankee Doodle Dandy! Cate started to beg her parents to let her visit her “Yank” relatives in the states. Finally Cleland and Clarissa acquiesced and sent her for that visit.
This was a major life changer, for at the end of the summer Cate asked her parents if she could stay in the states, and promised that she would attend a posh private school. Of course it had an equestrienne training facility which she knew would make her Mummy happy, for the love of Dressage does run in the family. But it still took many phone calls, tears and cajoling for Cleland and Clarissa to finally say yes.
Alas a few years later, her driver’s license and new Mustang convertible turned her into a total Yank. To her parents chagrin she wanted to attend an American university to study art and design. Now she was a Yank through and through and most vestiges of her British background were gone including her Brit accent which was very upsetting to Clarissa. One thing remained though her love of scones and clotted cream!
Cate would return to England for visits on a frequent basis and always used this as an excuse to travel Europe too. This was how she met Alexandra Braithwaite.
The story of their meeting goes down in the history books of the Paris Ritz Carlton! Alexandra Braithwaite sashayed into the Tea Room of the Ritz with her 747 crew. They had been bumped from the large hotel chain where they usually spent their layovers and were “upgraded” to the Ritz Carlton. When Cate watched these people, she was intrigued by the slick uniforms and attractive men and women entering the lobby. She asked one bright woman who they worked for, and the rest is history!
Cate and Alexandra spent the morning chatting and drinking “Crew Tea” in the lobby bar as the Ritz staff snapped photos of the two young beauties celebrating and entertaining their fellow guests at the hotel. Unfortunately, these photos have since disappeared after having spent many years on the walls of the lobby bar. However, the senior staff who are still working at the Ritz remember the twosome oh so well, and they still look forward to their arrival together. More importantly though, this chance French meeting is how the “School of Flaunt” was born!
Postscript:
Cate Cadbury-Clarke did indeed join Alexandra and became a Flight Attendant with The Major International Carrier. So, prior to Private Jets coming into vogue, Alexandra and Cate traveled in the First Class World, meeting and greeting the top celebrities, politicians who would become Presidents, nouveau riche, and yes the occasional Headline Grabbing Criminal in Handcuffs! What the two ladies viewed and experienced became fodder for the School of Flaunt, so much money, such bad taste and such poor manners. Something had to be done! Hence, The School of Flaunt Handbook was born.
Cate has since become an American Citizen and resides in the U.S. with her family, and is in constant contact with her BFF, Alexandra.
Biography of Alexandra Braithwaite-Smythe
Alexandra Braithwaite-Smythe learned the lessons of good taste from her family. As her mother, Mrs. Cornelius Braithwaite, often told her from the time that she was a young girl, “you can always tell the nouveau riche. They have to tell you about how much money they spent on everything. Alexandra's mother would continue with the comment: “it is so déclassé. You automatically know they do not come from old money.”
Remember, “old money, quiet money” have their own language. As her Great Aunt said when she was throwing a social soiree, whether a small children’s birthday party or an event for 100’s and wanted it splashed across the society pages, “It is not what you say but how you say it. Even if you are only having a small birthday party it should always be written up as a grand affair.” This thought would remain with her forever.
As Alexandra watched her mother navigate through the Ladies Symphony Club, President of this and that organization and always politically active; she knew how to move in the very best circles. Starting out, at a young age, it was a must in her high school to join a Sorority, so naturally she did. Then to be a mover and shaker in college again you needed to be in a college Sorority. So she sought out the best one on campus to pledge, known for not only their beauty but brains. Both would open those social doors and also prove to be beneficial later in life.
After graduating from college with a number of honorariums; Alexandra could have gone in a number of directions. But she was a free spirit and as a lark one day, she decided to become an International Flight Attendant for a major airline, and we might add here that Mrs. Cornelius Braithwaite did not approve! As she told her daughter, “why do you think we spent all of that money on your college education? What will our friends think?” Surprisingly her father pulled her aside and said, “Don’t worry about your Mother. I'll handle this; you go and have a good time.” And that is what she did!
Postscript:
Alexandra followed in the family footsteps and became active in charitable groups, clubs and Boards, but from her adventures and experiences when she saw the “nouveau riche” and “not so rich,” up close and personal, she knew they needed her help. This was the birth of the School of Flaunt with her co-writer and partner in “good taste,” Cate Clarke.
The School of Flaunt Handbook
Table of Contents
Lesson One: Wardrobe … “From Runway to Reality”
Lesson Two: Salons, and Spas … “Ah, the Good Life”
Lesson Three: Jewels and Furs … “The Bling of Flaunt”
Lesson Four: Votre Maison … “All Gated Communities are not Created Equal”
Lesson Five: Entertaining and Staffing … “The Fine Art of the Soirée”
Lesson Six: SOF Attitude, Manners and Etiquette … “Are You Behaving Badly”
Lesson Seven: Vacations … “Location, Location, Location”
Lesson Eight: Transportation and Motoring Vehicles … “Worth School of Flaunt Mention”
Lesson Nine: Politics, Charities, and Clubs … “The Human Side of SOF”
Lesson Ten: Montessori to Med School … “Only the Strong Survive”
Lesson Eleven: Hobbies worth Your Worth … “Collection Mania”
Lesson Twelve: Sporting Events … “See and Be Seen or Participate”
Lesson Thirteen: Names, Titles, and Monikers … “What’s on Your Stationery?”
Lesson Fourteen: Plastic Surgery … “A Stitch in Time Saves Nine—Years That Is!”
Lesson Fifteen: Amour or Affair de Coeure … “We want to Light Your Fire”
Lesson Sixteen: Our Pets … “Never a Bowl of Goldfish! Have an Aquarium!”
Lesson Seventeen: “SOF” Womb to Tomb … “Milestones: Baptisms, Bar & Bat Mitzvahs, Debutante Balls, Weddings and Funerals”
Postscript and Next Steps …… Diploma:
http://www.schoolofflaunt.com Please click on Products.
Introduction
Yes, we have entered the 21st century and where are the majority of you? Are you still stuck in the nightmarish taste from the 80s or 90s? Then, this primer is for you!
Your income or net worth mean nothing when it comes to taste! As we walk the local shopping centers and streets of large cities, mid-size towns and out in the country we are aghast at how all of you are dressing, eating, talking, living and even how you are walking. Do you resemble someone in a “fast food” ad, slurping a soft drink, eating with one hand and not even thinking of using a napkin? Well, we are here to offer you advice, guidance, and even sordid stories to help you get out of the ugly, daily rut of tasteless living that screams, “Tacky, no class, no money, no breeding!”
Ah, and here you are saying to yourself at this very moment, “They’re not talking about me, but it could be my neighbor, friend or relative who could use this advice.” We are here to tell you that you better look into the mirror and around your home before you put down this book! In fact, you should run to the mirror right now because we can most assuredly guess that you are not in the .01 percent that has good taste! You can spend countless hours in front of the flat screen watching reality TV about real life, tawdry housewives and their crazy families, “Survivor,” or, heaven forbid, Jerry Springer and his tacky guests. But all of these hours, which are considered the American pastime called watching TV, count for nothing. Think: American Idol is giving you a major IDOL THUMBS DOWN!
Now, you might be offended by this bluntness and we certainly do not want that to be our message. We are only here to help you! We would prefer that you be the beacon of good taste, refinement, and elegance that people want to know and associate with. This is called savoir faire (pronounced savwaar fair), and you will know it thoroughly by the time you have finished this book.
So you think that sounds boring and stuffy. You’d rather be that dull knife in the drawer, throwing down a beer after riding your dirt bike. Well, people, that is going to get you nowhere and, in fact, you will be the one who is boring!
Our goal here is to open doors of opportunity for you, and they don’t come from a dirt bike background. We want you to be sophisticated, poised and interesting! Why? Because everyone is drawn to the well-mannered. So, our first bit of advice that you can “take to the bank” is that people gravitate to others that they would like to emulate or be with. And here is the really good news—you don’t need a vault full of money to draw people to you. If you follow our advice, your entire life could change for the better.
This is where the School of Flaunt handbook comes in. We will teach you all the fine points of how to dress, walk, talk, play, live, and, yes, be interesting to all. You will have the knowledge of the ways of society and know how to conduct yourself with sophistication and polish. This is savoir vivre (pronounced savwaar veevra). You now are a student in the School of Flaunt and, after reading this book, you will qualify for your Graduation Diploma. Go to: www.schoolofflaunt.com and click on PRODUCTS, to order your personal graduation diploma. Congratulations are in order to each and every one of you that wants to improve your image and life.
Now, students of The School of Flaunt, please pick up your yellow marker, have a pen and pad at the ready for notes, and, trust us, there are no Cliff notes to cheat with! Flaunt is all in the details.
Let us begin …
Wardrobe
“From Runway to Reality”
Good taste is just a Black American Express Card away … we can hear your minds ticking right now. What is a Black American Express Card? You’ve never heard of one; let alone seen one. Well, that is probably because only a limited number of them exist in the entire world. Your credit limit is in the millions. So if someone flashes one of those little beauties, you know that you are in the company of a true School of Flaunt devotee! This is Black Stealth Buying at its best!
But we digress, students. Let us get on to your first lesson: Wardrobe. Remember, the quality of your clothes should reflect the quality of your life! Surround yourself with quality, and good taste will follow. However, if you have no taste and have not been given that wonderful attribute from birth, (which most of you have not,) and you do not recognize the best in the business, please put yourselves in the hands of professionals. These Guides of Glam are referred to as “professional wardrobe consultants,” and we will now refer to them as your PWC. A PWC will easily guide you through the intimidating maze of the plush-carpeted land known as the “Designer Floor.” And, believe it or not, in most top establishments, there is no additional charge for this. Do not be confused. A stylist is paid handsomely for these services … think Red Carpet Glam.
Let us ask you, students, do you really think that the ultra rich, or most celebrities, dress themselves? When they do, oh please! It can be pitiful. Look at some of the outrageous outfits of poor taste that they come up with. So now we want you to think: Tim Gunn, Anna Wintour, Rachel Zoe or Carson Kressley. If your PWC isn’t personal friends with one of them, or at least displays the same impeccable taste as the aforementioned, then get rid of him or her immediately and demand a new one! Remember, these guides of taste and Flaunt Fashionistas are available at the best of shops. Try Barney’s, Bendel’s, Bergdorf’s, Prada, Hermés or Neiman Marcus! No more fashion faux pas (French for mistake) for our School of Flaunt (SOF) students, whom we will now refer to as SOF’ers. You must develop a sense of style, and this only comes through practice!
Can we talk here? Silhouettes, silhouettes—so many to choose from and so little time; Armani Black Label, Dolce & Gabbana, Oscar de la Renta, the late Alexander McQueen, Chanel, Ralph Lauren, Vera Wang, Valentino, and Stella McCartney to name a few! And then there is the new kid on the block, Jason Wu. Remember his name. He is now designing for our First Lady, Michelle Obama, and you can even purchase his clothes off the rack, a School of Flaunt seal of approval for his feminine designs! Last, but always a fashion staple for any woman, should be a dress from Diane Von Furstenberg. So easy to throw on, and when combined with a great pair of shoes and some jewelry, you can go from work to dinner.
Remember, “from runway to reality,” as designer Michael Kors said. Please, students, start checking out those couture fashions, because you will be wearing a more subdued version in the coming season and, at the very least, you should know what colors will be big! Poorly made and ill-fitting clothing should now give you a headache—actually, more like a migraine!
Are you fiscally challenged? Well, dear students, here is a Flaunt Fiscal Tip: To save some money—alterations! Yes, you can take a less expensive outfit and, with some good alterations by your seamstress or tailor, turn that dress, pair of slacks, or jacket into something that people will think is much more costly because it fits so well. Think of turning a Banana Republic suit into an Armani fit. Well, that might be pushing it, but you get our point.
Speaking of fit, there is a rule to proportion, called “the Golden Ratio,” which will give you that Flaunt Figure. Never heard of it? Well, it has been used for thousands of years in paintings, architecture, and yes, even in clothing. You will have to research this topic, as it is far too complicated to address in a few sentences, but let’s try to simplify it. Why does a neckline, such as a turtleneck or boat-neck, make some women look like a chubby sports mascot? (Think the “Philly Fanatic” here.) Now visualize a shirt or sweater with a V neckline that is slightly in line with your underarm. (Think Heidi Klum here). Are you visualizing, students? If you still don’t have the picture, think about this: a lower V-shaped neckline automatically draws the eye down to your cleavage (obviously), but, hopefully, the eye is also drawn to the thinner part of your torso. We can only pray now! If that happens, then, voila, you have a slimmer look. (The “big” problem of too much cleavage will be addressed later in this lesson.)
Continuing on with proportions, let’s talk skirt lengths that hit you in the middle of your calf. Dowdy looking? Yes! Total Flaunt Failure? Yes! Students, this length is only acceptable with a pair of high-heeled, leather boots, preferably Ferragamos. Try putting that skirt at the middle of your knee and see how it enhances your legs. Now think fatty knee caps and covering them up! Who wants to show off those things? So you are short or have the perfect knees—then put that skirt length above your knee. It is all about the ratio. Lastly, lets talk minis, as in skirt length. If you don’t have a great set of legs and are over 40, don’t even think about it! All we can picture is spider veins and those plump knee caps. Oh, that thought makes us cringe! Valium! Where is the valium? (Please consult Lesson Fourteen about cosmetic surgery.)
Just remember, students, that because something is deemed the latest in style, that doesn’t mean that it is for you. We are all different heights, weights, and skin tones. If purple is big for the season and you look like a dried out plum in it then just add a little purple in your choice of shoes or a handbag. Forget it next to your face. That goes for lipstick too! Don’t get sucked in with those ads in Vogue magazine or someone dancing around on television telling you that you simply must be wearing this color! (Consult Lesson Two for makeup tips.)
Lest we forget one small detail: we know you were tempted to purchase that beautiful evening gown with the train. Think about when you are not on the “red carpet,” your train trailing behind you through the muck and the mire. Ugly stains! How are you going to dance on the dance floor without either killing yourself or someone else when they step on your train? Headline in the NY Times: “Socialite in hospital after she trips on train when dancing.” Just a thought, students.
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Now, getting back to using your PWC (or professional guide of glam): let them help you pick the most attractive looks. Accessorize with Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, or red-soled Christian Louboutin shoes. Handbags from Michael Kors, Mark Jacobs, Chanel, Prada, Gucci, Bottega Veneta, Hermés, Judith Lieber, and Louis Vuitton will carry you through your busy new life! Oh, so many choices, and so little time to use them all. But it is always exciting to get out that bag or pair of shoes that you haven’t seen for awhile. If you still look at them and have that initial feeling of, “I love you,” your heart starts to race slightly, and you might even have a bead of perspiration on your upper lip, then you have chosen well.
For those of you who don’t know this, handbags and shoes have always been considered little “status symbols,” showing who has it and who doesn’t. Frankly, we wouldn’t consider them investments, but could your bag be a collectible? In 2007, Louis Vuitton, known as LV, produced a limited, “numbered,” purse called the “Patchwork” bag. By limited, we mean that 24 bags were made from their former cruise lines collections. Yes, the LV staff went into their museum, selected 15 bags from former glory days, and made 24 new ones out of the 15. Was it that the bags were numbered, or their $45,000 price tag that made them sell out rapidly? Who knows? Who really cares? We just want one, too!
Then for total flaunt there is the Hermés “Birkin” bag, which normally retails for approximately $6,000 to $37,000. One was auctioned off at the Doyle New York auction in April of 2005 for $64,000. Why? Well, this little black-skinned crocodile beauty also had silver hardware, 14 carat white gold closure plates with 174 pave set diamonds, and 310 more diamonds on the lock. These diamonds weighed in at 14.11 carats. We think this bag would be considered both an investment and a collectible. One of our School of Flaunt idols, Princess Grace of Monaco, would have been proud since she helped put the Birkin bag on the list of things to have.
Just an explanation here: What does pave mean? If you answered, “Covering a street with paving,” that is not what we were referring to. Correct answer: A setting of jewels placed closely together. (See Lesson Three about jewelry.)
And lastly, dear Judith Leiber. No grand dame of society should be without a JL bag! Consider possibly one of her most expensive, the Leiber Precious Rose, replete with diamonds and pink sapphires, sold for a small kingly ransom of $92,000. Makes our heads spin with the very thought of walking into the room with that in hand! Do we need to sit down and take a break? A moment of silence is recommended to acknowledge Judith and her lovely designs.
Oh, we can hear your little minds ticking now, thinking, “But I can’t afford those name brand bags.” Well, then remember this: if you are purchasing a less expensive bag, buy one that has very few exposed metal pieces, as these are always a hallmark of inferiority. Trust us on this. Remember the Birkin bag that we spoke about before, with its silver hardware? We’ll repeat this one more time. Get a bag that shows almost no metal pieces on the exterior. To prove this point, buy that cheaper bag and then take it to Neiman Marcus and compare it to a true designer bag. The hardware on the less expensive bag will jump out at you like a dull penny! Ugly! SOF advice: Take it back immediately!
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Now students, continuing on. We feel very strongly about buying good accessories. They can really add that little punch to your outfit, which may not be that pricey. When you add a wonderful belt, scarf, purse, or pair of shoes, it takes you to a different level. Remember fashion-statement students, classic and sophisticated, you are SOF material now.
Just a little aside here: ever think that a belt could cost $32,000? Selfridges & Co. from London created a man’s 18 carat gold-studded belt on white leather, for the man who has everything. Unfortunately your waist had to be under 28 inches to get this price. For every additonal inch you had to be prepared to fork out another 800 £ English (as in +/- $1,600 dollars). Gucci, not wanting to be outdone, then came out with a monogrammed belt buckle made out of platinum, with 30 carats of diamonds, for a tidy little sum of $249,000, for an anonymous client. No, we are not kidding.
Students, one does not need to go to this extreme for a belt, but do consider an alligator or crocodile belt. They really do last a life time as long as you keep that waistline under control. Ladies, please do check out those Hermés scarves, as they are considered collectibles. They truly never go out of style. So, hopefully, you all now understand the importance of accessorizing well! A small note here: nothing says SOF better than using your Hermés scarf as a sling. If Princess Grace of Monaco could do this, surely you could. Just a suggestion, students.
Now, let us return to the topic of alligator and crocodile for just a moment. Alligator is the highest in quality, followed by crocodile, and then caiman, which is the lowest in quality. Please be ever-so careful when purchasing a handbag or wallet that claims to be made out of these products. It is easy to tell the differences between them.
Students, get out your yellow highlighter, then memorize the following: alligator scales are flat with just a few fine crinkles along the edge, whereas crocodile scales have a small spot or dimple close to the edge. Caiman has a lot of lines and spots all through it.
Why do you want to know the difference? Because, alligator is softer and much more durable. It proves the old adage that you get what you pay for. What is the cost for enough alligator skin to make a small clutch or purse? Somewhere between $400 and $800, and then you have to add in the cost of making the item. Don’t be taken in by embossed cow hide. The main clue is that the bag is probably only $19.95. Just understand what you are getting. Don’t let that guy on the street sell you a fake! He’ll be laughing all the way to the bank, and, unfortunately, everyone who knows the difference will be laughing at you. We do not want that to ever happen to our students. This is a total Flaunt Flop!
Flaunt Fiscal Tip for all of you want to be SOF’ers. There is an outlet center called Cabazon, outside of Palm Desert, CA. You will think you died and went to heaven! For example: Judith Leiber hand bags for one third of retail. So, even though we want you to start out using your PWC, when you feel that you can spread your wings and dress yourself with style it is time to start thinking, “No more retail!” If you can get a deal, work it!
Flaunt Flash News: Check out Shareen Vintage, in Los Angeles, or Chelsea, in NYC. Owner Shareen Mitchell was once an assistant to Polly Mellen at Vogue, so she knows what she is looking for. Shareen has an unbelievable stash of around 10,000 pieces for sale in LA, and is constantly restocking her store in NYC from the LA collection.
Shareen is reinventing vintage dresses from the likes of Oscar de la Renta and Carolina Herrera. Most are priced under $100. We can hear you now, saying, “Shut up!” Not one of our favorite expressions, but we know you are excited. This is not the Salvation Army here, students. But lest you forget, please develop some great style insight before you get adventuresome with vintage. You could end up being a total Flaunt Failure. We don’t want that for you!
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We must, at this point, bring up “haute couture.” This is where “flaunt fashion” all starts! Most people don’t have the bank account for these gowns, but at the very least you should know the term and what it means. In fashion terminology, these are garments that are completely custom made. When we say “completely,” we don’t mean, “off the rack and the dress is hemmed for you!” No! These are so custom that even the lining is made just for this garment and just for your body. The fabrics and embellishments, such as beads, lace, jewels, etc., are from the finest makers. You will have the best tailors, seamstresses, and craftsmen (yes, you did read plural there) assembling the pieces for this one-of-a-kind garment.
Couture chic clients can pay anywhere from a mere $25,000 for a couture gown to over a million dollars, or, very simply, whatever your pocketbook can afford. Don’t think that this little number will be whipped up for you in a few days like a Hong Kong tailor making a suit. We are talking three to four months, at the very least, to get your finery! It is like joining a sorority. It is a private club for the very rich and very famous! Students, you don’t just walk in and write the check. You must be invited by the director or directress of the house. The best way for this to happen is to be seen in Paris every January and July when the haute couture shows are held! At a minimum, know a few couture names to throw around, e.g., Adeline Andre, Versace Altelier, Zuhair Murad, Giorgio Armani, (who is still the king of haute couture pantsuits) Elie Saab, (known as ES to those in the know) and, always the tried and true grandest houses in Paris, Chanel and Dior. We wish you the best of luck on breaking into the Couture Club!
Just for your education, remember this: Chambre Syndicale de la Haute Couture. This is a division of the French Ministry of Industry, and a haute couturier is a designer who presides over the creation of hand-finished, made-to-order clothing, in a “laboratory” in Paris that employs at least 20 workers. The haute couturier must present a minimum of 25 ensembles (don’t you love that word?) twice a year, in January and July, and construct a garment over the course of several fittings directly to the client’s body or on a dress form replicating her physique. A couturier is simply someone who is sewing. Puh-leese, do not let anyone pull the wool over your eyes as to their status in the couture world! Haute couturier rules!
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Now, we can hear you saying, “But I don’t want to spend money on designer clothes.” Here is our Flaunt Secret: As we said earlier, buy some good belts, high-end shoes, and handbags and add a few good pieces of jewelry. If you sneak in a fake diamond, you will have enough good pieces on your person that everyone will assume all is real. But heed us well, students: don’t buy a fake Rolex. We know it is tempting, but anyone who owns a real one will know the difference. A real Rolex has a sweeping second hand; the fake ticks off each second. Start watching for this and you will soon be able to tell who is not really SOF material.
A very important point to make here for all of our students: people with piles of money didn’t get it by being stupid or throwing their cash away. If you are driving out to the Hamptons, you will drive through many quaint towns where the residents have “beau coop” money. Stop in these shops and you will see that the rich love getting a deal too! As one rich matron was overheard saying, “I love to brag about how much money I saved versus how much money I spent.”
Flaunt Fiscal Tip: If one does not have the funds to wear the latest and greatest fashions, simply don a classic style and stick to it. A blue blazer and khaki pants work for both men and women. Actually, a blazer will go nicely with jeans, khakis, or slacks. Ladies can never go wrong with black pencil pants and a crisp white shirt! We mean CRISP, students! Again, clean, clean, clean attire should be worn at all times! One can always wear ballet-style flats, readily available at most any retail establishment. We are speaking of the ladies, but we do not judge. We love Tory Burch flats! Do some homework, students, and research Tory’s line. Then, you will know what to look for in a cute pair of flats, whether shopping at Target or Talbot’s.
Flaunt Flash News: The following International Designers are reported to be circling the parking lot at Target (or Targét, as we like to call it): Tucker, Tracy Feith, Paul & Joe, Jonathan Saunders, Termperly of London, Behnaz Sarafpour, Erin Featherstone, Rodarte, Luella Bartley, Tara Jarmon, Thakoon, Libertine, and Jovovich-Hawk! Prices starting at $24.99! Just look at how Missoni went over at Target ... selling out in a number of hours! Crashing their web sites, et all.
Wait! Rumor has it that Karl Lagerfeld is hanging at H & M!! True. No more excuses. You can learn to dress well for less!
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If you are driving your eco-friendly electric car, or the Mercedes; have on a few good pieces of jewelry; and are carrying a good handbag (not a knock-off Gucci); you have made the statement that you have style. Style is what you are aiming for—not faddish style you see so-called celebrities wearing to get in the latest tabloid magazine, but the kind of look that screams “quiet money.”
“What is quiet money?” you ask. You would know this if you had come from old money, and wouldn’t be questioning our point. So, students, please note this fine distinction between new and old money: “old” money is the kind of money that has been handed down through generations. It does not have to prove anything. There is a certain reserve and understated elegance to quiet, old money. These people scream, silently, by their very persona and choice of clothes, “I’ve got it.”
Old moneyed people have a way of carrying themselves into a room or restaurant that makes heads turn. A slight aside here: remember, if you see someone like this, do not stare. We repeat, do not stare! You can take in this picture with a few discreet glances and imprint this permanently into your memory. One last thought, and it is very important—check out their shoes. Yes, check out their shoes. Why? Oh, dear students, because no one who has money wears cheap shoes. It just doesn’t happen. It would be like wearing shoes with holes in the soles. We grimace at the very thought. Ghastly!
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Continuing on, lets now talk about casual wear. Good choices are Banana Republic, Talbot’s and Polo or your SOF logo wear. All are totally appropriate for lounging about, doing errands, playing golf or tennis, or for that quick day spa trip. (Note: The classic tennis sweater is making another triumphant return.) When in Palm Beach or the Hamptons don’t be without a few Lilly Pulitzer casuals. There is ever so much “old money” style in that look. Remember, you are striving for that “old money, quiet money” look.
Alas, some of you are thinking you need to look frumpy, like the Queen of England, who, we might add, for a lady of a certain age, still looks amazing. Please do have proper respect for royalty and age, students. But we digress … we are not espousing looking dowdy, or like an old dowager!
So, you are still puzzled and don’t understand what we are striving for here? Read on, and hopefully you will start to get the picture, because this is the look that will help you fit in anywhere, and we do mean in the places that count!
Old money does not gravitate to the gaudy. We repeat here, do not be gaudy. Don’t over-accessorize! Yes, we are screaming at you to make the point! Additionally, old money does not show cleavage, as if preparing to perform at the local strip club. Yes, you read right, and you also know who you are: you wear polyester tank tops or something cut down to your navel. You think that you are oh-so sexy—NOT! If looking like a hooker working the corner is sexy, then you’ve got it, babe. (We’ll get into plastic surgery and sizes in a later lesson.) As Mrs. Braithwaite used to say to Alexandra, “Remember, darling, leave something to the imagination. It is really more alluring. Men like to use their imaginations.” Those words of wisdom will always hold true.
On to Grunge: it is dead! Even your jeans should be of the best quality. Look to True Religion, Rock & Republic, 7 for All Mankind, or Hudson Jeans. Say, “Goodbye!” to Old Whatever and be prepared to pay, big-time! Hudson Jeans, for example, go for between $215 and $325. You think that is high? Well, think $995! We kid you not. Hudson Jeans also makes one- of-a-kind, hand-cut, hand-sewn jeans; not totally couture, but close to it. If you hear someone say, “Resurrection,” snap to attention. These are one-of-a-kind Hudson’s! Also remember that if your jeans don’t make you look taller and thinner, you should put them back on the shelf and continue shopping.
Flaunt Flash News: Hudson jeans were seen at Costco. Only $110 a pair! Run!
Yes, you can have a hole in your jeans but only if the manufacturer has put it there, and you are under 35. Please, students, do not wear any clothing that is really worn out. It will only scream, “Ugly!” in most cases. If you are a movie star, you can get away with it. Let us remind you—you are not a movie star. Throw away those worn out clothes now! Please, no frayed collars, holes, or tears in your clothing. These are major flaunt failures!
This is a very important SOF rule to follow, and we cannot impress upon you how important this rule is: dress appropriately for your age and body type. How many times have you seen a middle-aged woman who still thinks she is twenty and wears a size four? We’re begging you here, ladies, LOOK IN THE MIRROR. You look ridiculous in hip-hugging jeans with muffin tops rolling over the low-cut waist band. Yes, again you know who you are, and some of you younger women are just as guilty! You lean over and have that “beached whale” look in those jeans! Stop kidding yourselves! Unless you are wafer thin, pull down that T-shirt and cover up that baby fat.
FAT, FAT, FAT! It is not pretty, and don’t think that it is sexy, either. It reeks of tacky, no taste, and no self respect. Sorry to be so harsh; this hurts us more than it does you. Some of you just need to have that wake-up call, or some Spanks that will smooth out those not-so appealing areas. Next time you are getting ready to pop another chip into your mouth, stop. Think of the Biggest Loser … is that you? Are you losing all of that weight or are you a total Flaunt Failure?
Note: We do not condone the anorexic look. That one is ghastly as well as unhealthy!
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Now, we don’t want to forget our young men. Do you really think that anyone wants to see your underwear while your pants are hanging below your “cheeks?” Or even worse, the dreaded COIN SLOT! You’ve all seen it. Makes you want to run for the nearest exit! Please! This is not an acceptable look for our students!
We don’t want you sitting beside us, or even sitting on something the general public has to sit on, if that is how you are wearing your pants. Do we need to paint a picture? Think about it! It is UGLY!! Oh, for the days of a good tight-fitting pair of jeans on a great body! Why would you want to wear baggy pants and show off faded, used underwear? We pray that this look will also go the way of Grunge, and quickly!
SOF men, please STOP whatever you are doing now and go out and buy some great jeans. You fellows only have those cute derrieres for a short period of time! “Derriere?” you say. “What is that?” It is French for your “bottom.” Please, students, start using that word instead of slang words like butt, fanny, or bum (to the Brits.) All are terribly gauche. We know fellows, if derriere is too girlie for you, then just avoid referring to your butt! Merci!
Gentlemen, this is very important. Do you work on the East Coast, in the Midwest or on the West Coast? When in NY, do as the New Yorkers do and so on. You can never go wrong with the Wall Street look—single-breasted, dark blue Hickey Freeman suit, spread-collar dress shirt, hand-rolled, linen handkerchief and, definitely, gold cuff links. Top this off with a Brioni or Hermés tie and you are now true SOF material. To finish your look, don’t forget that custom made dress shirt (preferably from a British or Italian tailor.) When in London, stop into Turnbull & Asser for truly wonderful men’s dress shirts. You may buy off the shelf or have them custom made! Kings have been known to wear their shirts! Move over Prince Charles,—a School of Flaunt devotee just entered the room.
Continuing on … we realize that custom suits have wide appeal, since you can choose your own fabric and details. But, you can purchase off the rack, so to speak, and find something great in the process, too. Prices range from $3,000 for an Issey Miyake, to $3,800 for a Giorgio Armani, up to slightly over $6,000 for a Brioni. Gentlemen, find your look and stick to it! Hopefully, you don’t think that pants like M.C. Hammer wore are the height of fashion! Remember, gentlemen can use your PWC, too, and your tailor should be your best friend.
So important—don’t forget your choice of a watch! During the day and for business, a gold Rolex President should be worn. For evening wear, get out the Piaget (which will nicely spruce up your Ermenegildo Zegna or Paul Smith suit..) They get our seal of approval.
Ladies, remember that your Rolex Oyster Perpetual or a gold Rolex can take you through the day, as well. Some of you might also prefer a Jaeger LeCoultre Reverso, which is fine. Please take our advice here—and go with a gold Cartier or Piaget, with a little bling we call diamonds, for the evening. The first several watches mentioned are way too business-like for evening wear or, for that matter, fun! We will discuss jewelry and watches in more detail in Lesson Three.
But, we digress and need to return to custom, because this really takes us into another stratosphere of dressing. Remember the letters DQ. What do they stand for? NO, NOT DAIRY QUEEN! Duncan Quinn, men’s fashions extraordinaire. DQ offers high-end luxury items for men; from custom made suits (please refer to them as “Bespoke”) which are cut from the finest materials ranging from $4,000 to $15,000 depending on variables, to custom shirts, ties and handkerchiefs. If ordering custom shirts, remember there is a 4 shirt minimum,—well worth it!
Flaunt Flash News: DQ even has motorcycle helmets! And, so that you can still have that powerful fashion statement even with casual dress, they have a croquet shirt and a polo shirt. We kid you not. What, pray tell, is the difference? We’re told a croquet shirt has a crest or skullcap on it which is centered below the buttons, as opposed to being positioned to the side like the Polo shirt. Who knew? Now you do! You may not plead ignorance to your professors at the School of Flaunt now.
Remember, gentlemen, your clothes should always be about fit, color and the correct business or casual look. Always be a SOF man; the one who wears the right clothes to every event. The man that people love to take those furtive looks at. We are smiling at the picture of you now! May we point out movie star George Clooney? He is sauve, debonair and always well dressed. You could do worse than to emulate him. We might add here that he had a terrific role model; his father, Nick Clooney. Having had the pleasure of talking with him, he was always the epitome of a gentleman. He is totally charming and this man knows how to dress! Small towns in Kentucky do turn out some wonderful successes. Even well respected artists. Again, who knew?
Now, if you think after all of this that Dog the Bounty Hunter is a role model for dressing, we at the School of Flaunt throw up our hands in total exasperation. Get thyself to Big Lots! and never darken our path again. Thank you!
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One last little detail for the well dressed executive or entrepreneur to know. Don’t carry a Samsonite brief case. PLEASE! It is so bourgeois, i.e., middle class and humdrum. You should only have a beautiful leather brief case and it should also come with a matching attache. NO, we don’t mean a person appointed to an Ambassador’s staff, but a small flat rectangular case for carrying documents, etc., when you don’t need a brief case. This point applies to both gentlemen and ladies. You can be considered SOF material in the board room or any meeting now. Check out Proenza Shoulder Satchels at Barneys. Lovely.
One final note. Probably at one time or another you may have owned a plaid sports jacket. BURN IT IMMEDIATELY! Subdued madras pants are again acceptable for the Country Club or possibly, at a Polo match. For those of you who have never gone to a Polo match, learn what a chucker is and bring only the best champagne to drink during the match! You can now hang out with “The Donald,” but make sure that you are up on business and world affairs, too!
We almost forgot, students. “The eyes don’t lie”: Check out the following designer sun glasses and puh-leese, do not wear fake! Real feels ever so much better, e.g., Chanel, Gucci, Alain Mikli, Tom Ford, Oliver Peoples and Prada. Framing is everything! Find the right size and style for your face; not just the right name.
Flaunt Flash News: Check out custom eyewear designed by Nader Zadi. His designs are available in all types of shapes and sizes, but just what makes them special? All of his frames are produced from 19th & 20th century pieces from eyemakers who are no longer in business. From elaborate filigree, rare and one-of-a-kind materials including spring bridges and mother of pearl nose pads, these 12 and 14 carat little beauties can run you from $750 to $5,000 a pair. Think round, oval, almond, triangular or even hexagonal shapes. Unfortunately, he only has one shop in Manhattan at this time, but maybe, if the School of Flaunt Gods are aligned correctly, he will be opening up boutiques in other cities. We can only hope!
Flaunt Fiscal Tip: Ray Ban Sun Glasses are of a modest price and a classic style that will not let you down. Use Ray Ban frames for regular spectacles as well!
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Last, but not least, are your children. Remember, they are a reflection of you. Start them with handmade baby outfits and smocked dresses. Move on to designer duds but please, no diamond jewelry until they are 21. Rabbit should only be worn until the age of 14 for our SOF young ladies. After that they should only wear fun furs of the sheered variety. Mink should never be worn until after college graduation. No exceptions to that rule! We will add here that if your daughter is having a self esteem issue because of you saying “good job” for the millionth time, and the world now lets her know that it wasn’t a good job, then do get her a fun little fur coat to wear. Amazing how that can just spark a new attitude!
We should add that we are not endorsing the wearing of real fur. Let your conscience be your guide on that matter. And, think about how embarrassing it would be for you to have someone from PETA throw something at you or your child when either of you had on that fur coat. Just a thought, students.
But we digress. Most importantly, we need to remind you that children should never look like caricatures of adults. Please, how many Mommies do you see with daughter in tow who could be described by Mom as “my little me?” Perish the thought. Awful! Cutesy matching outfits for Mom and daughter. Ladies, stop. Don’t do it. What are you thinking? No matching blouses or dresses. Never! And we do mean never! If your baby girl loves your Ferragamo bag, get her a little one in another color and design. Katie & Tom Cruise’s daughter was spied with her little bag. So cute!
Lastly, we know this is a sensitive topic, but remember you are not dressing your daughter for a children’s beauty pageant. The rule for age appropriate dressing applies to our children, too. No makeup, no finger nail polish, no baby bikinis. Have we made our point? We can only hope that we have!
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In closing, we are not suggesting that you spend “willy nilly” here. We want you to be discriminating! Pick those classics that will stay in style for a long time and then accessorize with new trendy items for that updated look. There you are, another classic beauty who is the epitome of SOF! Whew, we know a lot of information! Did you take notes? You better say yes!
Now go out and make us proud!
Lesson One Quiz
1. What do you do as soon as you enter your favorite store?
a. Scream for a salesperson!
b. Have your body guard clear the way for you to proceed to your favorite department.
c. Having called ahead, the owner or manager is there to personally assist you or, at the very least, your PWC!
ANSWER: C
2. What should give you a headache when shopping?
a. Shoes with clear plastic heels
b. Anything gold electroplated
c. Knock-offs sold out of the trunk of someone’s car
d. All of the above
ANSWER: D
3. Who are Prada, Burberry and Hermés?
a. A local law firm
b. Imported wines
c. Discriminating stores to frequent for handbags, coats and scarves etc.
ANSWER: C
4. What is a Bon Vivant?
a. A great chocolate dessert
b. A Famous race horse
c. A Rock Star
d. A person who indulges in good living
e. Someone we would like you to be
f. D & E
ANSWER: F – (Sorry, students, we didn’t use this term before so it is a slight trick question but now you can use it! And hopefully be known as one soon.)
5. Who is Englishman Charles Frederick Worth?
a. Founding father of haute couture in Paris in 1858
b. First designer to have designer labels
c. Started presentations for seasonal collections
d. Clients came to him not vice versa
e. All of the above
ANSWER: E – All of the above! We didn’t mention his name because this is why you do research! Here is a little story about him. Charles Dickens, as in the writer, students, allegedly reported back that a bearded man with his fingers was allowed to take the exact dimensions of the highest titled women in Paris—robe them, unrobe them, and then make them turn around! Today we call them stylists and PWC’s.
6. Describe quiet money? This is not a multiple choice question. If you can’t describe “quiet money” go back to the beginning of the lesson and please start again.
7. Name the three best clothing stores in your area in three seconds!
If you could not, you just got an F! Do not proceed to the next lesson. Review the wardrobe in Lesson One thoroughly!
8. How does a SOF student dress?
a. Over the top
b. Mid-rift on display, showing lots of cleavage
c. Wears only clingy, trashy clothes
d. Dresses age and body appropriate
e. Tries to copy the Pamela Anderson look
ANSWER: D – Did you get the picture?
9. What should you always remember when shopping?
ANSWER: THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL CLOTHES IN THE DEPARTMENT STORES! THIS MIGHT NOT WORK FOR YOU! THINK … IS THIS FLATTERING TO MY FIGURE? IF THE ANSWER IS MAYBE NOT, THEN PUT IT BACK ON THE HANGER AND WALK AWAY!!
10. Where can you wear a sweatsuit?
a. At home when watching television
b. At home when you are exercising
c. At home when you are gardening
d. At home when you have no intentions of answering the door
e. At home ONLY!
f. All of the above
ANSWER: F – Please don’t wear those outside of the home. Maybe you might consider this if you are popping in and out of the Exercise Club that you belong to, but remember this; God forbid that you are in an accident and people see you in that tired, over-washed, bleached out thing. And then there’s that moment when you say, “Oh I need a carton of milk,” so you run into the local market and meet everyone that you haven’t seen for the last year! It happens!! Will make an exception for Juicy Couture.
11. What do Dog the Bounty Hunter, MC Hammer, George Clooney and Nick Clooney have in common?
a. Probably nothing
b. Nothing
c. Absolutely nothing
d. All of the above
ANSWER: D – From the School of Flaunt’s vantage point, we think this group is an unlikely foursome!
12. Trick Question: Who designed Kate Middleton’s wedding dress when she wed Prince William in Westminster Abbey?
a. Karl Lagerfeld
b. Stella McCartney
c. Sarah Burton
d. Georgio Armani
ANSWER: C – Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen and it was kept totally secret until the ceremony!
Salons and Spas … Ah the Good Life!
“Fresh, Sassy, Edgy and Totally Chic”
It is now time to indulge yourself in those fantasies and make them a reality with a new you! If you haven’t heretofore been pampered, GET READY!! In every major city, you can luxuriate at the best spa bastions, and we are not talking about a sweat lodge, here! Get a facial, massage, pedicure, manicure and salt rub now! After a hectic entrepreneur’s day, it should be “Red Door” time. What is the Red Door? A slice of pure heaven, otherwise known as an Elizabeth Arden Spa!
Try the newest salt glow rubs, mud wraps, hot stone, lavender, chocolate, Swedish and sport massages at your favorite Five Star Resort or Hotel! Don’t forget all great spas have waxing, make-up, massage, manicures and pedicures. Think, Caviar Pedies anyone?
Flaunt Flash News: For hair removal you may consider threading or sugaring, also called khite. Threading is an ancient method that was practiced in Egypt and India. A cotton thread is pulled along unwanted hair in a twisting motion; think of a lasso that simply lifts the hair right out of the follicle. This technique is so fast that a skilled practitioner can give you amazing eyebrows in 2 minutes and, better yet, no chemicals are applied to the skin. This method of hair removal is only done for the face, though. So, you are saying, what can we do for the rest of the body? Try sugaring! This is also an ancient middle eastern practice that uses an all natural paste or gel. Results can last up to six weeks and it is said to be less painful than waxing. We think that Cleopatra knew these tricks! Wish she was here so we could get the details. After all, she was probably one of the first women who really knew how to be “flaunt fabulous.”
Students, do you really think that those celebs look that great with only the help of Mother Nature? Puh-leese, it doesn’t happen. Remember, we said waxing, threading or sugaring. You ask, where? Frankly, any place that has hair will do! Think back, chest, underarms, chin, full face and eyebrows. The dreaded Bikini line can be taken care of with a Brazilian wax. Throw in eyelash extensions or eyelash and eyebrow tints and some acrylic nails for your fingers, and you will now look like you could be in the movies, too. Small aside here: we prefer natural nails over acrylic. If you can’t grow your nails then you can go fake but please, NO TALONS. And don’t have cutesy, little art work drawn on them, either. We shudder at that look, totally non-SOF!
Here are a few SOF Spa Flaunt Favorites:
Body Treatments
Dead Sea Mud Wrap
Using an ancient mud that re-mineralizes, exfoliates and detoxifies the body, leaving you revitalized, refined and rejuvenated.
Mineral Salt Glow
Using salt from Salt Island, the body is completely exfoliated. This invigorating treatment is finished with a moisturizing massage.
Neem Leaf Body Wrap
Handpicked Neem leaves have therapeutic properties. They are made into a mask that is placed on the body, detoxifying, invigorating, and reducing blemishes, leaving the skin wonderfully clear and silky smooth.
Aloe Body Wrap
This uses locally grown aloe combined with essential oils and moisturizers which soothe, restore, and rehydrate sunburned skin.
Massages
Ultimate Swedish
90 minutes of a combination of techniques to give you the perfect massage and total relaxation.
Hot Stone Therapy
Warmed basalt stones combined with massage melt away tension and re-balance your body.
La Stone Massage
A ceremony that begins with a chakra opening and placement of chakra stones followed by a full body massage using deep moist heated Basalt stones and ending with a complete chakra closing.
Indian Massage
With this full body, face and scalp massage, you will enjoy this Traditional invigorating treatment.
Thai Massage
A combination of stretching, massage, acupressure, etc., aligns the energy channels of the body.
Couples Massage
If you cannot stand to be apart, enjoy an hour of relaxation together in the massage room, beach or anywhere for two.
Facial Treatments