Snow Stories
By Joseph H. Risner
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 Joseph H. Risner
ISBN: 978-1-4658-3302-0
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Table of Contents
Official “Storm Stories” Glossary
The Jogger
“Hey, Mike.”
“Hey, Joe.”
“That was some snow last night, eh?”
“Yah, it surely was, and cold too.”
“The wife and I rode over to the Moose Club last night before the snow, ya know, and about halfway there we catch the traffic light right there in front of the Piggly Wiggly store. It’s a blasted long light. So the wife says to me, ‘Joe, look over there at that lady.’ So I look over and see this lady.”
“Well, what’s so special about a lady in front of the Piggly Wiggly store?”
“Just hold your horses and I’ll tell you. So, anyways, we see this lady and she is out jogging.”
“She sure picked a fine time to exercise, it must have been around 10 below zero last night, ya know.”
“Yah, it certainly was nippy out. So, she’s movin’ right along but she is starting to go slower and slower until she stops right there in front of the Piggly Wiggly store. So we’re just sittin’ there in the truck at the blasted long light watching this woman in the jogging suit freeze up solid. The wife says to me, ‘What do you think, Joe?’ I says to her, it’s supposed to warm up tomorrow.”
“Well, that is some story, Joe.”
“Do you think she’s ok, Mike?”
“Yah, I think so. I drove by the Piggly Wiggly this mornin’ and I didn’t notice any frozen joggers out front.”
“Well, that is good news neighbor, I’ll tell the wife. Talk to ya later.”
“Later.”
Joe
More Snow
“Howdy, neighbor.”
“Howdy.”
“That was some snow last night, eh Mike?”
“Yah, it certainly was. We must have gotten at least fourteen inches last night, eh?”
“Yah, maybe even fifteen.”
“The weather lady says we might get another fourteen inches tonight.”
“Yah, I heard we might get another fifteen tonight!”
“That’s a lot of snow, eh?”
“Yah, it most certainly is.”
“Talk to ya in the mornin’, Joe.”
“See ya then, Mike.”
Red, White and Blue
“Hey, Mike.”
“Hey, Joe.”
“Sakes alive, it’s cold today!”
“Yah, it is. I heard it’s going up to minus 10 degrees tomorrow.”
“Amen, that is good news! I think I’ll take the wife and kids up to Tomahawk Lake and do some water skiing, hah, ha, ha.”
“Hah, ha, ya know that lake didn’t thaw until after the 4th of July last summer.”
“Remember how your sister and brother-in-law got drunk and went skinny dipping that afternoon?”
“Yah, how could anyone forget how blue they were when we fished them out of the water? Ha, ha, hah.”
“Yah, and then they fell asleep on the boat dock and got sunburned.”
“Yah, and then they were bright red, eh? Ha, ha.”
“But that water sure kept the beer cold, eh?”
“Yah, it most certainly did.”
“Well, talk to ya later, Mike.”
“Okey-dokey, see ya Joe.”
Terrible Blizzard
“Mornin’, Mike.”
“Hey, Joe.”
“That was some storm last night, eh?”
“Yah it was. The weather lady says we’re in for another big storm tonight, and after that storm, it’s supposed to storm. It’s a bit scary, eh?”
“Yah, it is, because we are not even in storm season yet, ya know.”
“Good Lord, help us.”
“Remember last year during that terrible blizzard? Just when the wife and I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it began to storm.”
“Yah, you could say it was storming while it was storming.”
“Yah, could it get any worse than that?”
“Let’s hope not, neighbor.”
“Later.”
“Later.”
“Help!”
Short Visit
“Greetings, Mike.”
“Hiya, Joe. We sure had a mountain of snow dumped on us last night, eh?”
“Yah, we most certainly did. I think it was about seven feet or so, maybe even eight feet.”
“What was all the commotion in front of your house this mornin’, neighbor? I managed to see the top of an ambulance and a wrecker pull down the lane away from your house.”
“Well, ya know the mother-in-law stopped in yesterday for a short visit. Says she can only stay for 2 weeks.”
“Egads! Two weeks? That hurts.”
“Anyway, we wake up this mornin’ with all the new snow, ya know, and she says to me and the wife, ‘Well, this changes everything. I guess I’ll be stayin’ a month or so now.’ At that, I accidentally dumped my coffee in my lap and the wife gives me that look of hers. She says to her mother, ‘We’re glad to have ya, ma.’ So the wife goes to the Piggly Wiggly to get some groceries. While she’s gone, ma says to me, ‘Joe, I’d like to help out with things and all while I’m here.’
“Well, that was nice of her.”
“Yah, it was nice of her, Mike. So I says to her, ‘Dear, we had a bunch of snow last night. We won’t be goin’ to the Moose Club tonight if we don’t move some snow.’ So, she says she’d be glad to help. I pull the John Deere out of the garage and fire it up. Ma’s doin’ a fine job workin’ the gears and movin’ the snow.”
“Hum, she’s quite handy, isn’t she?”
“Yah, she is. So I go inside to make us some coffee, when all of a sudden, I hear this terrible crash.”
“What was it!?”
“Well, hold on and I’ll tell ya! I run outside and ma had popped the clutch goin’ in reverse and kinked her neck, a bit of whiplash, ya know.”
“Joe, that’s terrible. How’s the old gal doin’?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ya don’t know! What do you mean, ya don’t know?”
“Yah, I don’t know. They took her to the hospital in an ambulance, just to check her out and all.”
“Have you been to the hospital?”
“No, I can’t.”
“You can’t? Well, why not, Joe?”
“Well, when she popped the clutch and kinked her neck, she hit our chimney. Yah, all the bricks fell over and smashed our truck flat. I had to have it towed away.”
“She did one heck of a job clearing the snow.”
“Yah, she sure did. Let’s go have a cup of coffee and warm up, eh?”
“Yah, good idea.”
Fine Lookin’ Snowman
“Hey, Mike.”
“Hey, Joe. How ya doin’?”
“Fine, thanks. We sure had a lot of snow last night, eh?”
“Yah, we most certainly did, eh.”
“Yah, and this is the coldest that I can remember. It is very cold. I was drivin’ down the lane there, Mike, and I saw the snowman the Hanson twins made. A fine lookin’ snowman.”
“Yah, it is. I do believe that the snowman was shivering in this cold.”
“Man, it must be cold. Maybe we should go put a scarf on him, eh?”
“Ha, ha, ha. Those twins are good boys, aren’t they?”
“Yah, they are. Their mom is quite the sight to behold, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s got a mouth full of teeth, ya know. Yah, enough for two sets of twins, at least. She’s a dear soul and I’d bet she’d be a winner at the corn on the cob eatin’ contest at the county fair. Ha, ha, hah.”