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Excerpt for A Man on the Couch (The Promiscuist Collection, Single 1) by Al Vee, available in its entirety at Smashwords

A Man on the Couch (The Promiscuist Collection, Single 1)

Al Vee

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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In this issue:

SINGLE 1

The Promiscuist: A Pussian Guide to New York (Collection 1)

Single 1: A Man on the Couch

A middle-aged man was slumped on the couch. An expression that hovered somewhere between peace and resignation simmered just below the surface of his hungover face. He was ravaged by the activities of the previous evening. Only the slightest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth revealed the truth – it had been a night well spent. He peeled back the layers of darkness, piecing together a foggy timeline – whiskey, beer and that ample-breasted mulatto[1] girl he had loved until three in the morning.

This procedure had nicely relaxed his nervous system. Exhausted but still playful gleam of a hunter twinkled in his eyes, oozing with the night madness of a moderate alcoholic. The bright rays of a fresh day erased the happy peel from his face. Bathed in the rays of the morning sun, he squinted, and wrinkles of fatigue broke through the thin skin around his eyes.

He thought of the Eternal Orgasm – a notion that he had been toying with for the past few years. It posited that every human being unconsciously sought infinite delight yet often had to travel an unsavory path. For this reason, he did everything to avoid pain, serious relationships, most obligations, and people in general. He’d even decided to avoid visits to the doctor – as there was nothing good he expected to hear from them anyway.

According to his theory, the Eternal Orgasm rarely came to those who directly sought it; but rather to those who regularly visualized or fantasized about it in one form or another.

Reaching into the cabinet, he extracted an old portfolio of women he’d once photographed. Not so long ago he had been a photographer, but that time in his life had already been blurred with a light film of oblivion. Bugs of new ideas bored into his brain like annoying insects, and memories splashed salty waves in the aquarium of his mind.

Photographer buzzed from the morning itch of creativity. He knew he must write. He’d been keeping a diary recently, and found it to his taste.

His trembling hand stretched across the glass of the table, straining to reach his iPhone. The smartphone had been cautiously turned off for the night, as some people would call him at four in the morning. He kept his notes in that tiny device for a reason. Writing on a computer daunted the thoughts, leaving him with stupid squiggles of stamped phrases lined up in long rows of tired clichés.

He typed “Eternal Orgasm” on the screen of the iPhone and stared with stale eyes at the shimmering in twilight screen. He deleted the title, searching the blank window for inspiration, his thoughts already muddled.

Photographer turned off the organizer … then turned it on again. Re-opening the Notes app, he put his vibrating thumbs to work: “If a woman has no sex over a six-month period, her cunt gets overgrown.” After a moment’s thought, he corrected ‘cunt’ to ‘pussy.’ “The editor lady will replace it anyway,” he muttered in annoyance. Photographer worked on the manuscript with a very strict retired editor, who had likely generated a fair share of enemies over the years due to her harsh editorial style. She often ruthlessly removed huge chunks of his text with little or no explanation. The steely gaze of the old poisonous bitch hypnotized Photographer, and he often agreed with her cuts so as not to listen to a lecture on morality – and it didn’t help that in many cases she was right.

“I sit on the couch…” he typed, giving birth to a sea of little black characters on the yellow background of the Notes, “…it is covered with the scars of past sexual battles.”

“God, what garbage!” he hissed to himself. Yawning, he again turned off the iPhone but did not set it down, instead peering at his reflection in the shiny black surface that covered the liquid crystal display. Playful eyes returned his gaze. “Oh Lord, will you settle down already?” he thought, as he again brought the phone back to life and typed, “Suzy slurped big time. The munches came in a never-ending stream. She chomped my kiwis ‘till I passed out.” His eyes warmed.

To be continued

Coming Next – Single 2: Suzy P (P.H.A.T.)

1 popped cherry 1 P.H.A.T ass 1 French-Ukrainian-Canadian diva

1 pimp 1 young and handsome divorcee 100 000 tourists 1 Times Square

Available at all fine online retailers

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1 Mulatto denotes a person with one white parent and one black parent, or more broadly, a person of mixed black and white ancestry. Contemporary usage of the term varies greatly, and the broader sense of the term makes its application rather subjective, as not all people of mixed white and black ancestry choose to self-identify as mulatto. Some reject the term because of its association with slavery and colonial and racial oppression, preferring terms such as “mixed”, “biracial”, and “African-American” in the United States. (Wikipedia)