BORING BEDTIME STORIES
For Weary Parents and Their Not-So-Weary Children
Written by Dave Brown
Cover Art by Janna Gardner
Copyright Dave Brown 2012
Smashwords Edition
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Chapter 14: Anne & Heron Field
Chapter 18: Shiny the Paper Clip
Chapter 19: Harley Dude the Motorcycle
When my children were very little, I found great pleasure in spending a few minutes with them at bedtime. This tender time of reconnection reassured both them and me. But it amazed me that while I often felt quite tired after a long day of work, they didn’t always share my desire to end the day. It didn't take long for me to learn that routine, combined with some simple bribery, was the key to success.
Our routine: some sharing with each other about our day, a goodnight hug and kiss, a final “I love you,” and then lights out. The bribe? “If you agree to turn over, close your eyes and try to go to sleep, then I will tell you a special story.”
I did not want to read them a great children’s story book with exciting pictures designed to captivate and engage them. I needed a story less engaging. When I could not find this in our home library, I decided to make up my own bedtime stories...told on the fly in a soft, slow, and somewhat monotone voice. Sometimes I would even gently rub their back while telling the story, which helped them fall asleep even faster.
Over time, these little three-to-five minute stories became lovingly known in our home as “Dad’s Boring Bedtime Stories.” Original stories each one, delivered in a slow, easygoing manner and designed to be interesting enough that they would want another the next night, but not exciting enough to keep them awake. No pictures to show and no crazy character voices. Boring...yet effective.
In my opinion, it’s always best to create your own stories--you know, making it up as you go. After all, isn’t that really how all fiction gets created? But for those times at the end of the day when you feel dead tired and creativity just doesn’t come, please feel free to use one of mine.
Once upon a time there lived a little marble named Roll-ey. Now Roll-ey was a very old marble, although he didn’t act old. You see, marbles don’t really age like people. He had a few small scratches and a little chip off one side, but he still rolled and rolled and rolled.
Over the years, Roll-ey the marble had many owners. Sometimes he got played with a lot, but sometimes he just got lost under the bed or behind a dresser, and could be left there for a very long time...what seemed like years.
One of Roll-ey’s most favorite things to do was to play in a game of marbles. Luckily for Roll-ey, his current owner, Billy Buford, loved to play marbles. It was his favorite game and Roll-ey was one of his favorite marbles. Billy liked to challenge all the other kids in the neighborhood to marbles after school. They would gather at the local playground or sometimes even in Billy’s backyard, get out their marbles, and see who was the best marble shooter.
Well, it just so happened that there was one other little boy in the neighborhood who was an expert marble player whom Billy could never beat. Marbles Max McGillin was the greatest marble player in the neighborhood, and maybe even the world! Billy had played and lost to Max many times, but today Billy looked forward to their match, especially since he had been practicing with his favorite marble, Roll-ey.
When the final school bell rang, the two boys hurried to their homes to get their marbles and then met at the park. Roll-ey was in Billy’s bag with all the other marbles and he felt very excited. But he felt a little nervous, too. What if he didn’t do well and disappointed Billy? What if that little chip on his left side made him roll just a little crooked and caused Billy to lose the marble match? Before Roll-ey had time to worry too much, the boys agreed on exactly where to play, drew the circle in the sand, and quickly dumped their marbles out to start the match.
Soon, the marbles were flying. Marbles Max knocked them left and right out of the marble ring. Billy knocked marbles out just as fast. Finally, just one marble remained and whoever could knock it out of the ring would be the winner…the champion.
Billy quickly grabbed Roll-ey and gently squeezed him between his thumb and forefinger to get ready. Marbles Max got off his shot first, but just barely missed. Billy got down low to the ground, closed one eye, took aim, and then gave Roll-ey a mighty fling with his thumb. Whack! Roll-ey had hit that last marble right on target, sending it flying out of the ring.
All the kids watching shouted, “Hurray! Billy is our new marble champion.”
Billy said, “I owe it all to Roll-ey, my very best marble.”
The end.
Once upon a time, down along the old Thompson River, there lived a young little Beaver named Bucky. Bucky’s real name was James Florentino Gilbert Alonzo Beaver, but everyone just called him Bucky.
Now Bucky was a good little beaver most of the time. He was always polite at school and never got scolded by the beaver teacher. He listened to his mom and dad, and kept busy doing his family chores like a good little beaver should. But Bucky was also a very curious beaver, and he always dreamt about going down the river on an adventure.
One day, while he was chewing some logs with his dad for the new addition to their home, Bucky Beaver looked downstream and saw a big piece of wood that had somehow floated past them without their notice.
“Hey Dad, look at that big piece of wood,” said Bucky. “I’ll go get it so we can add it to our house.” And before his dad could warn him not to go that far downstream, Bucky was off. Soon Bucky had his big buck teeth clamped onto that big piece of wood, and it was carrying him down the river. Bucky thought that he was big and strong enough to grab the piece and carry it back upstream, but Bucky had never been that far down the river, so he didn’t realize that the current went much faster and stronger there.
Before he knew it, Bucky could only hop up on top of the wood and hold on tight as it raced down the river. Bucky’s eyes got big as the river got faster and faster. He looked back and noticed that he could no longer see the beaver dam where he lived. Well, soon enough the river calmed down and Bucky jumped off of that wood and swam to shore. He was on an adventure now alright, an adventure to try to find his way home. Once Bucky reached the shore, he shook his whole body for a few moments to get all the water off. Then he sat down because he was a little tired, and looked all around and thought, I always wondered what was downriver, but everything here looks pretty much like everything at home. He didn't know if he was more disappointed that there wasn’t anything special to see, or more reassured because things looked just like home … since he was lost and all.
He sat for a little while longer, thinking about what he should do next. He thought maybe he should just try to swim back upstream until he made it home, but then he realized the river current was much too strong and fast for that.
Then he thought, Maybe I should try to find the old logging road that all the big logging trucks come down. If I could find that, I could follow it back toward home. The logging road passed very close to their beaver dam home.
Finally, after thinking some more, Bucky said to himself, I think I’ll just stay right here. And sure enough, it wasn’t long before Bucky saw Daddy Beaver floating down the river on his beaver raft, coming to find his missing son.
“Hey Dad,” shouted Bucky, “I’m over here.”
His dad skillfully steered his beaver raft right to the spot where Bucky waited. Bucky felt a little scared because he thought that his dad would be very angry at him. But to his surprise, his dad grabbed him, gave him a big strong beaver hug, and said, “I’m so glad that you’re safe Bucky. And do you want to know something? That same thing happened to me when I was a little beaver.”
They both laughed together, then turned to walk up the river bank toward home.
The end.
CHAPTER 3: FOXY THE FOX
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful fox named Foxy. Foxy lived in the king’s forest, which was just outside the king’s castle. Now Foxy was the most beautiful fox in all the kingdom. But Foxy was not only beautiful, she was also magical. You see, Foxy could temporarily change into other animals.
Today was a very special day because it was the one-hundredth anniversary of the kingdom, and as part of the celebration, the king and his men were going on a fox hunt in the king’s forest. But of course, the king did not want to catch just any fox. He wanted to catch the most beautiful fox in the kingdom.
It was a bright sunny day, and the king and his men were getting ready for the hunt. Toot-to-toot...toot-to-toot sounded the horns, signaling that the hunt was about to begin. Now the king had a favorite hunting dog, a Brittany Spaniel named Nobbs. Whenever Nobbs heard the hunting horns sound, he would go absolutely bananas because he loved to go hunting so much.
The king and his men mounted their horses while Nobbs and the other hunting dogs met them at the castle gate. Foxy had climbed a tree at the very edge of the forest and could see all that was going on. She smiled, thinking how much fun she was going to have. She heard the final blast of the horn, toot-to-toot, and the hunt was on.
“Follow me,” shouted the king as he rode off toward the forest. The dogs all began to bark and Nobbs already held the lead. Foxy darted down the tree and started running through the forest. She knew all the best shortcuts and hiding places. But Nobbs and the king were excellent hunters, and soon they were on Foxy’s trail.
Foxy had lots of fun running through the forest, leading all the hunters down into the middle of the large forest. Nobbs and the king were right on her tail and they almost got her. But at the very last minute, she quickly turned the corner, ran inside an old fallen, rotten log, and magically turned herself into a skunk. Nobbs barked at the log to signal to the king that something was there. But when Foxy the skunk came out, the king pulled back on his horse’s reigns and shouted, “That’s not the fox. Quick, we must go the other way.”
When the riders had all passed, Foxy turned back into a fox and had the biggest smile on her face that you have ever seen. She started to head back toward the edge of the forest, but before long, Nobbs and the other dogs had circled back and were once again on her tail.