Blood
After myself died I sank down into blackness and the river carried me along. Into an underworld cave. Screeching birds giant blind spiders. Rich earth scent; stalagmites stalactites; pure filtered water clean cold bottomless. Then ocean. Sea of time. Primordial brine. Trillions of particle clouds swaying. Whales’ songs. Suddenly stars. Thick heat, vegetation, dinosaurs; I’d emerged in an ancient new world.
Lovers in golden light coupled, a man released his seed, stringy clouds dispersed and became one with the Amazon. One with the sea. Dripped into a bottomless indigo hole off the cays of Belize and steeped in the red hot liquid bowels of the Earth mother womb then blind worming through underworld water tunnels up towards the Yucatan Sun I was reborn.
Still am that Mayan God King. Not just in a past life; anything in the mind exists solely right Now I deflower my virgin brides; they stain the bed temple stone.
I was a young soldier guarding the royal house, pacing its walls, sniffing out- My predecessor decreed: If you take any of my wives I’ll reward you with her weight in pure gold. If she accepts- but she won’t. Women are but vessels for sons’ souls. They’re sex holes; we’re dominant. We are the one worthy of worship. Believe- holy dick she’s glad to serve.
By ending him I inherited his wives, importantly, but incidentally also wiped out his heirs to nip any vengeance in the bud and took their land crops animals tools foodstuffs and weapons. Ensexslaved any virgin remainders. Or sacrificed.
Of course the crowd bowed. Not bitches -they only had to work one day a week, and it was good exercise- my loyalists erected a sixty meter tower out of huge cube stones. Atop its impossibly steep stairs which they could only approach on all fours I made my nest of bones. The roar of the masses, the indecipherability of individuals amongst the mob (of the mob), the transcendence, the shedding of moral inhibitors, responsibility, identity; the divinity, being the object of the mob’s focus –i. Make up ritualistic behaviors on the spot, egged on by wild applause. Raise a severed head high- they scream with delight. Lick it, they shriek on the brink of insanity. Drink of it. Scoop out the brains. Hold the soul matter mush high, make them wait for it, wait for it, wait- they’re tearing themselves to pieces in ecstasy- Now i God King eat.
And leap and soar using my human skin stretched over a bamboo frame decorated with quetzal feathers hanglider over the prostrate crowd, dropping decapitated lacrosse toys onto the stone courtyard surrounded by maize fields for acres around.
On the perimeter slept the warrior farmers, for protection. In lesser stone keeps nearby my blood clan.
Each man was designer of his particular family tattoos. But we had to lay down some ground rules. So I plucked holy words from the sky.
First of the thirteen commandments is worship sacred mothers, maidens til marriage who give themselves whole and stay true. Next, everyone keep everyone satisfied. Third, elder wives become matriarchs over time, dom-polyamorists with seats at the council table as right and left hands of the Man, who instruct young bride inductees in the fine arts of eroticism and raising a family, and induct them in the rituals, as the right and left hands of the Man. Four, the first wife’s eldest son may carry on the chiefdom; he is raised by his father and men. Five, every other male takes his mother’s name and let turn him out as he will, even should he ascendeth to chief; but after becoming a Man, although he is always welcome in the House for meals, he is to sleep at the hearths of his grandsires. Learn the wisdom of the aged. Protect them with his life. Also leap up instantly at any whiff of a threat to the Clan. Six never kill thy brother or sister. Seven don’t covet thy father’s wives. Eight be fruitful and multiply. Nine discover we’re living in paradise now. Ten respect everyone, listen to them; be a friend. Eleven music and wine and orgies help. Twelve use medicines moderately and intelligently in pursuit of revelations. Thirteen meditate; make up your own rules; be true to thine i.
A false king failed to believe, so I made eyes then love to his women, used them to get close to him, bowed low his faithful warrior, and slit him with a frog poisoned knife.
Murdered my rivals one by one. On the sly with curare. In front of everyone with a scythe.
I became leader by taking many scalps, which garnered respect.
It was easy to reheat their women. A Mother’s duty is to reproduce with the best, and leave the lesser to die.
The High Priest couldn’t be killed; he was the snake, he was the tiger. He could manifest any creature, was the animal spirit inside. Everywhere all around in the jungle, just out of sight. Whispering in weird voices, the murderous thoughts of my mind.
Behead them, disembowel them, flay them alive. For any tiny offence. Consolidate your power, strike fear in the hearts of those who might hesitate an instant before obeying even unthinkable commands.
I lost brothers in violent sports designed to weed out the weak, and took on their wives as well, and raised their children as mine, as was right. Made homage by humanfat candlelight in the skulls of our fathers shrine.
Family eternal, joined in paradise, where there is no envy, only pride.
Am I evil because I triumph? There are but limited resources to go around...
I fed Masai style from the teats of my various cows, grew fat on their blood and milk, like in my even ancienter African life.
When the volcano raged I fasted until I knew what She craved, and spilled the throat of my favorite daughter on the night of her first red moon, and let fall that ultimate sacrifice. Because very obviously nothing satisfies like blood.
*
Mudsliding Andes, simple sod huts clinging to precipitous grazelands shrouded in cloud, down down to the now, attempting to meditate on cocaine on a toilet of an hiv clinic waiting room. Deliberately straightening spine. Quite hip flexible still. It’s never lost, the skill of reflection.
Another gram through a crisp peso bill. Inhaling sink water I achieve the back of throat drip. Yeah, that’s good- that’s what we’re here for. That and the girls. Bastard rapists, malparidos pajisos, gringo go homes.
I frantically wiped at my nose. Invincible, irresistible, I want more more…
Medellín. Land of eternal spring flowers kingpins and gorgeous fuckable sluts.
Stupid. Worse than self disrespectful, I’ve been-
I said I wouldn’t get tested until I started feeling sick. Because why know the answer to that question before- why ruin whatever moments until?
Used up my Russian Roulette clicks. On irresponsible homicidal suicidal- O wait that’s right I’m chosen.
Gringo No Go
Distressed by the negative, I selected a beautiful whore. One of a million alike to my eyes. Tantric breathing so as not to climax, yanging her ying encoñada, made her bloody joy-cry.
But buzzes would keep whispering in my ear and I couldn’t ever seem to find the stop button, and chemical ego would firehose drown deep knowledge of things done and seen in previous incarnations now seemingly intentionally forgotten.
Mourning Maya; an imaginary life. Holding a hot stone in my own hand. Hemmorraging prime.
Okay, well, if you want me I’ll be over here- (we’d gotten married for a green card swap).
When I feel like fucking you’ll know. (Closing the door behind me; bowing to a mountain of coke.)
I needed an alignment.
Obviously one of the conditions of my resident visa was that I establish a residence, so we rode the Metrocable up into the mountains to look for a finca.
Cruising over dilapidated barrios then acres of trees, we disembarked in the heart of parque Arvi.
Where we were welcomed by neighborly strangers, invited to family spreads; we warmed our sodden stockings in their wood-burning kitchens, invariably the warmest room in the house. Raton’s simple stone dwelling had a fine roof but little else; the majority was unfinished because he earned the minimo as a landscaper and his first priority each payday was his parents’ tienda bill; the rest was all gone when it’s gone; after the sunbrowned barefoot farmers had had a thoroughly big night at Dora’s.
Parra came up to my belly-button, shook my hand and bowed. Called me buena gente and gringo; which wasn’t an insult. We drank with Gordo and Negro and Chirrinchi (named for a super cheap liquor made from the dregs of the fermented anis flower), filling our vasinillas with aguardiente over and over; Parra pissed in his for a joke but then there was still some booze in the bottom so he chugged it down. Dora whacked him on the nose for his manners, and splashed a free one all around. That chain smoking toothless old lady turned out to be the cousin of Hernando, my landlord to be, a farmer and volunteer EMT, whose wife had health problems; he invited us to hear mariachis for her birthday, she smiling all wrapped up in afghans looking twenty older than her eighty five years; their daughters each had a house on the compound too, raising adorable little girls whose papas were somewhere else with other wives they’d momentarily found.
Nobody had any money, pero que calidad de vida sin embargo. O tal vez por eso. Whereas my Western peers bust their asses to hopefully one day retire and sit with their friends at the corner store drinking and watching the birds. Surrounding yourself with happy people makes you happy. That’s why gringo no go.
Yagé
We often went flower collecting for tranquility -this too shall pass- and one day fate introduced to us a smiling indigenous girl, who beckoned knowingly to follow.
They say we should preserve the Amazon rainforest to save from extinction maybe a potential miracle drug but actually it’s already been found. Some call it yagé and what it cures is psychological pain. It is not a recreational drug it is a medicine. To be taken as needed, under the direction of a metaphysician, it fills you with confidence and clarity. Shows exactly right. The ritual lasts a night and a day.
It’s fun but difficult. The acrid brew renders the drinker totally incapable of motor function, and liquefies the stomach and bowels. Which purge is necessary- it empties toxins and humiliates to total surrender.
The first Americans crossed into a virgin world and multiplied over time and became incredibly diverse, or maybe previously were. Sampled every meat berry root mushroom herb vine nibbled it smoked it cooked it in a stew. Stumbling curious brilliant creatures intoxicated by all of creation exploring like children communicating fathoms with eyes need plenty of assistance and love often times. Anyways always enjoy receiving it, and better, allow opportunities for altruism.
A bigger woman who’d obviously not heeded the advice about meat abstention unleashed unimaginably furious retching and inhuman guttural cries while weird animals brayed in sympathy. Her uncontrollable diarrhea disturbed nobody, it was perfectly natural and expected. I made some room for her to cuddle.
Wrapped in insularity throb-staring at nature I loved. Like rubber sucked in I stretched out into the orbits of beings.
Taita (Shaman) giggled to lighten our mood cause that’s what God also is: Fun. Clucking ta ta-t-t-ta at an incredible rate of speed rattling a feather shaker thing the Parrotlord performed a leaping twisting stomp dance amidst billowing smoke to the drums harmonicas flutes and guitars of savage helpers under an enormous multicolored headdress holding deep contact with eyes, checking in, reading thoughts, seeing I was okay, and speeding my flight into woo choo choo.
Real black magic.
Potions and incense and fire. A people addressing their ghosts, aided by all of the others. I have never been of a gathering so kind and considerate, so attentive and attuned it was like we had that what? Kinnective energy. Yeah and we could read each others’ minds. If someone stood confused for two seconds poof a tender guiding hand appeared. If a person rose quickly from his nest the entire organism adjusted its posture to assist him in getting to the barfbucket, which was whisked up immediately, followed by tissue and water. ‘Ayudame’ got your hand held or body carried to wherever you cared to ejaculate a more serious purge, where your assistant left you alone with your privacy and the people deafened their ears and averted their eyes in respectful humanism.
That’s the way: Respect. Unconditional immediate devoted respect for every sister and brother -the distinction blurring really, as doing that together instantly dissolves superficial distinctions between boys and girls- alive.
A blue rock floating through a black empty void. The People all alone together. Inextricably attached to our Mother. A small church deep in the jungle. Smoke column rising to a faraway cloud. Lush verdant greenery splatterpainted by a smorgasbord of tattoo inked orchids spider dangling. Why do the majority of people treat each other so bad?
A journey into the realms of the mind.
Super all of everything at once. Highways of association creating attachment creating craving creating suffering; heard before, clear now. Past and present melding into a continuous stream. A woman dancing, then collapsing and sobbing, then rising and screaming, was is doing all these things simultaneously, like an extended-exposure photograph her instantaneously fixed positions remain on the screen translucent-dynamic, filling the ether with ghosts of her past impermanence.
Don’t try to control the astral plane part of it my spirit guide said, simply listen to the soul of yourself. Which is the same soul in all of us. The sublime in you is what’s in common with me. We think the same way about anything when we think with our internal God.
Cool visuals and moans like of sex pleasure because yagé is a powerfully orgiastic hallucinogen. Geometric patterns upon eyelids, friendly nymphs, streaks of light, the buzz of the bees from behind; then came the total unlocking of the subconscious mind.
Animal fear howls, naked struggles, deep demon exorcisms, cries of enlightened joy. God i- shall forever after nothing but love my Self.
Taita congratulated me with a particularly depth plunging eyelazerbeaming. Sustained glances with every one placed in my path expressed exactly what words skip around.
Hour long milliseconds later yagé showed me death. Fireblaze shadows became glowering gargoyles led to what is there to be scared of—nothing? Exactly. It’s never gonna happen. Existence only exists in my brain. The realm of reality is the limit of my mind. Because I cannot possibly be aware of being dead I will never Be dead. The span of my lifetime is the definition of infinity. I will be alive for all of infinity. I am immortal. Immortal in Paradise. Cool.
I saw her as a naked monkey creature all big blinking eyes, at me, happy surprised. Innocent of artifice. She saw my shells of false and dismissed them, wondering when I would too. Patient until I decide to be just what is real.
Just love. You just want to throw yourself totally to me. You simply unselfconsciously like.
She snuggled next to me for comfort because she wanted to be close to me that’s all.
I am all that I am, if you want to know me it isn’t complicated just watch me all of the time.
She said Jamembley qu’chay’, blinking her eyes.
Yang Yang
…Yikes so that’s where my prostate is!
Oh shit, actually… that’s kinda good…
I’m glad Taita’s small.
And I love him (this is alright).
Afterwards, he slipped his sarong aside so that I could access his hole and I lubed up and slid deep inside, and worked him with long slow strokes, and it was quiet except for the bedstead gently knocking the wall and our grunts of animal pleasure.