The Wedding Wager
McMaster the Disaster, book 3
Rachel Astor
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.
CHAPTER 1
It was like a scene from one of Jake’s movies. Our eyes met from across a crowded room and I could not look away. Even after all this time together, my heart beat faster every time he looked my way. It was like he just… got to me.
He moved slowly across the room in time to the soft music playing in the background, as if planned by a masterful movie choreographer. The set was maybe the most magnificent of all, a lavish downtown high-rise, overlooking the city and all its tiny inhabitants below. Waiters scurried around, offering the finest canapés and making sure the champagne flowed freely.
But this was not a movie.
This was real life.
My life.
It was ridiculous to even think it, really. I mean, McMaster the Disaster standing in this scene, this place, just waiting for her movie star fiancé to make his way to her across a room full of Hollywood royalty, the best New York designers, and models from every country of the world. And it wasn’t just any place. It was my place.
Well, soon to be my place anyway.
It was only one of a half-dozen properties we’d soon own together, including the secluded cabin (though it was more mansion than cabin) with its private lake, the winter home in New Zealand, and the ocean-view condo in Hawaii.
When I thought back to just a few months ago, when I’d been picked out of thousands of girls in the Bridesmaid Lotto to be one of socialite Emma Van Horn’s bridesmaids, I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. Back then I’d been working as a junior copywriter living a boring life, but becoming Emma’s bridesmaid had one even bigger bonus. I got to meet Jake, one of Hollywood’s most popular leading men, and somehow, completely beyond my understanding, he had fallen for me. Ridiculous, clumsy, McMaster the Disaster… me. It wasn’t like he didn’t know about what a mess I was, I mean, after my Disaster Diary—which outlined every embarrassing story in my life—was leaked to the public, the whole friggin’ world knew what a mess I was.
Yet here I stood.
“Having fun?” Jake asked, finally arriving in front of me, wrapping his arms behind me and leaning in for a kiss.
I breathed him in. I breathed life in.
No one person on Earth deserved to be so… blessed.
“How could you not have fun at a party like this?” I asked, still in awe of most of the people who not only were invited, but who actually showed up. I mean, I counted three Oscar winners in one line of sight. “I still can’t believe everyone who’s here.”
Jake smiled easily, as if this occasion were the most natural thing in the world. “Of course they showed. We’re the hottest new Hollywood couple. Where else would they go? This is what they do.”
I wondered if I’d ever feel like one of them. Really feel like I belonged in a crowd like this.
Probably not.
“I just wanted to say hi, I’d better get back out there. These people are like sharks. I swear, some of them are worse than the paparazzi.”
I cringed at the word. “Nothing is worse than the paparazzi.”
Jake chuckled, planting another kiss on my cheek. “Did Jennifer get here yet?”
“I don’t think so, I’m gonna go call her.”
He nodded. “Don’t forget to mingle,” he said, smiling.
Mingle.
Right.
How does one go about mingling with movie stars and models again? I wondered.
I went to the bedroom to grab my cell. On the way a woman who looked very familiar though I had no idea who she was, stopped me.
“Great party Josie,” she said in a thick accent, flashing me a smile that would make anyone blush.
I blinked rapidly, hoping some inkling of just who the heck this person was would hit me. Of course, nothing did.
“I’m sorry,” I said, holding out my hand, “I think I’ve forgotten your name.”
She shook her head. “Oh no, we’ve never met. I’m Istranka, cover of the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition?”
She smiled that sultry smile again and I instantly remembered seeing her on the cover. Of course the swimsuit part of swimsuit edition had apparently been optional, considering the only swimsuit I’d noticed in the picture was hanging on a rock in the background. Of course she was holding her er… assets and the bottom half of her was strategically hidden underwater so nothing was actually exposed, you know, except almost all of her.
“Of course! Istranka!” I said, my voice rising in its inflection as if she were an old friend who I hadn’t seen in years. “It’s great to have you here.”
She leaned in, looking a little nervous. “Do these things ever get any easier?” she whispered.
My fast blinking returned. Did she, the world’s most famous supermodel de jour just ask me if parties filled with famous people ever got any easier?
I looked around, making sure she was still talking to me. As off the wall as it seemed, she apparently was; staring at me expectantly, suddenly looking slightly less sultry—only slightly, mind you—than she did nervous. She spun the ring on her pinky around and around.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” she said, looking down, embarrassed. “It’s just that… I’m feeling a little out of place.”
“You are? Are you kidding me? I should be the one asking you. You’re the one on the cover of a huge magazine.”
“But you’ve been involved in all this so much longer than me.” She smiled her killer smile again and I couldn’t help but wonder if she had more teeth than the average human. “I thought you could give me a few pointers.”
I shook my head as if coming out of a daze. “I’m so not used to any of this. At least you look like you belong,” I said, smiling back, marveling at the insanity of the whole situation. “I feel like the world’s biggest nerd right now.”
“Oh my God, no,” she said, her eyes going wide. “You look like an old pro at this. You know, except you look a lot more approachable than the rest of these people. That’s why I thought maybe I could talk to you. I feel like I’ve landed on a spaceship or something.”
I giggled. “You look like you’re doing just fine,” I said. “Here, come with me, let’s go sit somewhere and take a load off. All this pretending to be fabulous is exhausting for a disaster like me.”
She smiled even wider, following me out to the balcony where it was a lot quieter, more peaceful.
“It’s all so surreal, isn’t it?” she said, sipping her martini.
I nodded. “You have no idea. I mean, I’m basically famous for being a ridiculous klutz. At least you’re famous for real.”
She shook her head. “For being on the cover of a magazine? No way. I totally lucked into that. I swear, a year ago I was serving food at Pizza Hut in Wyoming.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to be rude. It’s just that… this is all one big crapshoot isn’t it? I mean, it doesn’t sound like either of us set out to have this life. It’s just so….”
“Amazing,” she finished for me.
“Yes, exactly. Amazing. It’s nice to talk to someone who gets it.”
She nodded, taking another graceful sip of her drink.
We chatted for a while and Jennifer joined us not long after. Istranka and Jen hit it off right away and the rest of the night turned into a bit of a girl’s night out filled with drinks, fashion talk, and of course, the latest celebrity gossip.
It’s funny, you’d think once you were actually a player in the gossip mags you’d lose interest, but it seemed to be the opposite. Knowing that half the stories are based on at least some truth, the fun became guessing which stories were real and which ones were complete and utter lies.
~ ~ ~
I was so not in the mood for my mother the next day. Of course, I had to love her and everything, but sometimes I wished I could just send her off to Siberia. Not that my friend Mattie was much better on that particular occasion.
It was supposed to be such a fun day too. Head out to the cabin at the lake and start serious wedding planning. They threw me off guard by being all nicey-nice at the beginning, each pulling out their dozens of wedding magazines, cake photos, and laptops; their online favorites folder already filled to the brim with links to photographer and flower websites.
They each took a deep breath, with the most cordial of smiles on their faces and waited for the other to begin their ‘presentation.’
Of course, neither of them wanted to go first, apparently hoping to show the other up by making their presentation more dramatic or exciting than the other. There was no way in hell my mother could ever one up Mattie on drama or excitement, so I figured it was only fair that he go first.
He cleared his throat and stood, pulling out a tri-fold presentation board, surprising even my mother with his preparation.
The board was magnificent.
Stunning.
Shocking.
Luckily, he reigned himself in before he suggested something ridiculous like a bubble-wrap dress like the one he’d seen on the runway at New York’s fashion week, which he’d absolutely adored. Thankfully, he knew me a little better than that, not to mention my mother may have fainted dead away.
It was wacky and wild, but there was nothing in his design I didn’t like, the blood red and black flowers, several gorgeous choices of bridesmaid dresses in both black or red complete with miniature top hats or feathers, all the way down to the asymmetrical polka-dot and striped wedding cake, almost like something Tim Burton might design. The sample dress was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, embroidered with black filigree designs, finished off with a fantastic black bow.
My heart raced just looking at the board. I’d always wanted to do something huge and unexpected for a special occasion, to make myself feel like I was fantastically quirky and interesting, like I’d always wanted to be.
As Mattie sat down with a satisfied look, I could not wipe the smile off my face.
Of course, my mother couldn’t wipe the shock that covered hers with her mouth hanging open and eyes as wide as two full moons.
“Dear God,” she whispered, putting her hand slowly to her mouth.
“Mother!”
She cleared her throat, composing herself, standing slowly to take her turn.
As expected, my mother’s presentation was somewhat more traditional. The flowers were the most amazing things I’d ever seen, giant topiaries in off whites and light pinks, draped with pearls and glimmering jewels. Again, there were several choices for bridesmaid dresses, but in varying shades of pinks. She even shocked me with one somewhat outside of the box idea (at least for her) where as the bride, I would wear the softest pink and my bridesmaids would wear the white.
The cake was traditionally tiered and decorated with cherry blossoms and pink champagne would sit on every table.
It was very princess fairy-tale come true, but with none of the cheese factor you might expect.
As my mother sat down, she was also rather satisfied, watching the look on my face.
Because damn it, I loved hers too.
There was no way this was going to end well.
I was totally screwed.
“I love them both.”
With those four little words the world, as I knew it, ended. Well, okay, any peace and tranquility I’d hoped to have for the next several months ended anyway.
“There is no way any daughter of mine is going to walk down the aisle in a doll-sized top hat for Pete’s sake,” my mother yelled.
At the exact same time, Mattie was saying, “Don’t you even know Josie at all? Do you really think she’d be satisfied with the same wedding as every other person on Earth?”
Jennifer tried to be the voice of reason. “They’re both really nice,” she said loudly, though her volume was no match for Mom or Mattie.
I sat and said nothing, my head swirling.
I needed a break.
Actually, I needed a drink.
A really strong drink.
CHAPTER 2
Several minutes and two drinks later, I stepped out the back door of Jake’s cabin into the giant yard filled with flowers and trees, which led up to the lake. Our lake. The lake where we’d had our first date.
Life was perfect.
“Oh no you didn’t!” Mattie said, screeching through the silence and putting up a talk-to-the-hand gesture, the other hand on his hip.
“Oh yes. Yes, I very much did,” my mother said, widening her sensible high-heeled stance, putting both hands on her hips.
Of course, perfection did have a way of cracking into a million little pieces, didn’t it?
I honestly didn’t even know how it happened, but somehow, Mattie and my mother both decided that they would be the one to plan my wedding. I mean, I may have sort of forgotten to tell them otherwise when they’d each come to me with plans galore, enthusiastically suggesting exactly how my big day should be, but I swear, I never promised anything.
It would be okay, I’d stupidly thought at the time, everyone would lose interest soon enough and I could just plan the whole thing myself, right?
But as I stood watching them square off against each other over wedding cake albums, I knew somewhere deep in my soul, things were not going to end well.
And all I could think was… dear God, what have I done?
I stood watching for another couple minutes, my stomach churning and a light film of sweat forming over my brow. It wasn’t even that hot out.
I closed my eyes and tried to remember the relaxation breathing from the yoga class Jake and I went to last month. After he told me he was into yoga, there was no way I was letting it go without at least a class or two. Watching him—out of the corner of my eye, of course—it was so worth the effort of talking him into it. Even better, he’d insisted on a private class. Honestly, I hadn’t realized how distracting all the other people in class were until there was no one else around. I left feeling more like I’d just had an hour-long massage than a yoga class. My muscles and mind were both a blissful jelly, although I can’t say I was completely un-distracted considering some of the moves Jake could do.
“There is no way Josie is going to go for that!” My mother yelled, bursting my daydream bubble.
I trudged over to the patio table where there was practically a line drawn down the middle, half filled with all my mother’s wedding paraphernalia all lined up in an orderly fashion, and the other half strewn messily with Mattie’s wedding books, samples, and sketches. I had the insane notion that we were going to figure out the mess right then and there.
“You guys, you guys, what’s all the fighting about?” I asked, realizing how stupid the words were even as they were coming out of my mouth.
They turned to me in unison and I had a split second to regret coming over before the onslaught began.
“Did you know your mother expects you to wear the same dress she wore at her wedding thirty-five years ago?” Mattie said, shock evident all over his face.
Of course, this was the exact same time as my mother yelled, “Does this friend of yours not know anything about tradition?” She eyed him up and down.
I looked each one in the eyes, no clue what to say. First of all, Mattie hadn’t even seen my mother’s old dress, and it actually was kind of nice, and second of all, my mother was honestly expecting tradition to be her argument against a gay man currently wearing a teal blue tie and matching argyle socks?
I looked back and forth between them, my mouth open, waiting for the right words to come.
Finally, I closed my mouth and simply walked away. Didn’t say a word to either of them, just walked away.
The beautiful silence lasted all of twelve seconds before they turned back to each other and began the squabbling all over again.
I headed toward the lake, Jennifer trying to play referee behind me, and snuck around a grouping of trees, hoping no one would notice exactly where I’d gone.
“So,” a voice said, seemingly from the depths of the trees. “Ready to elope yet?”
I felt my shoulders relax instantly.
“When did you sneak off?” I asked.
“Pretty much around the time the books came piling out all over the table.”
“Smart,” I said, taking a step closer.
Jake pulled me in close and I breathed him in, the clean scent of his body wash drifting over me. And it was really his body wash… well, he was the spokesperson for it anyway. Thank goodness it smelled great since he pretty much had a lifetime supply. Mattie swore up and down that it was the exact same body wash that Patrick Dempsey used to be in the ads for, and I had to admit, it did seem rather… familiar when I’d first smelled it. Either way, sales had skyrocketed since Jake got involved.
I could only guess Jake’s bank account skyrocketed from the ad too.
Even after all this time, Jake could still make my insides all jiggly as if it were our first kiss. I felt like a teenager all over again, but not in that clumsy ‘I’m such a dork’ way, but in a ‘life is so full of possibilities’ way. I had no idea how much time passed as we stood there relishing in each other, the calmness of the lake, the privacy of the trees.
Eventually we sat and I leaned my head on his chest.
“So, what are we going to do about that little… situation?” he asked, motioning his head back up toward the house.
I sighed. “I have no idea. I honestly don’t think I can tell either of them they can’t do it.”
“What about telling both of them they can’t do it?”
I looked up at Jake like he’d suddenly grown two heads. “Are you crazy? Have both of them pissed at me at the same time?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s your wedding.”
My mouth dropped open. “It’s your wedding too.”
He smiled the smile that always seemed to make my heart beat just a little faster. “I know. But the only thing I want is to make sure you get everything you want. I don’t care what your mother wants, or what Mattie wants.”
I leaned away, resting back on my elbows. “I wish it was that easy. They both have such… strong personalities.”
Jake rolled his eyes in agreement. “You think?”
“The stupid thing is, I like both their ideas. Plus it would be so nice to have their help. I just wish they could find a way to work together or something.”
Now Jake really laughed. “Those two could not be more different. There is no way in hell you are ever going to get them to cooperate.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” I said, though deep down I knew I was kidding myself.
No two people in the world were more headstrong, not to mention completely opposite.
I kissed Jake on the cheek and got up. “I’m going to head back up. The yelling seems to have settled down a little.”
“That’s only because you’re down here,” he said, smiling.
I gave him a look, but he was probably right. I headed back up to the house anyway, the tension in my shoulders creeping in with every step.
It was like a showdown. In the time I’d been gone, my sister had shown up and she sat on Mom’s side of the table. They were across from Mattie and Jennifer, who were clearly playing for the same team.
My heart beat faster. Traditional vs. modern.
By the looks on all their faces, there would be no in between. Compromise did not look like an option.
I sat slowly at the end of the table… neutral.
“Hey Rosie,” I said, hoping to feel out the situation.
“Hey,” she said, not taking her eyes off Jen.
Jen just glared back.
Mom and Mattie were having a similar stare-off one seat down. I pulled on the collar of my t-shirt, which had somehow grown tighter in the last thirty seconds and cleared my throat.
“So, how are we all doing?”
Four heads turned to me in unison. Not one wore an expression of happiness, or even mild contentment. God, you’d think we were planning a wake instead of a wedding.
“Um… everything looks really nice,” I said, motioning to the books and samples on the table.
The heads all looked down for a moment and it was quite a relief having their attention on something else. They were just so… expectant. Waiting.
I realized then that they wanted me to choose right then and there.
Which I was so not prepared to do.
How does a person make such a monumental choice for such an important day? Every time I thought about it, I wanted to cry. Not because it was going to be awful either way, but because it was going to be amazing either way.
And they were all just staring at me. The Jeopardy theme song played in my head.
“So, what I was thinking was, let’s try to find a way to work on all this together, okay?” I said.
Four heads turned to look at me in unison, the looks on their faces very far from cooperative.
“Seriously, there’s got to be a way to make everyone happy here.” I was rather proud of myself. For once I was the voice of reason.
Of course, I immediately discovered why I chose to never be the voice of reason.
Their voices exploded at the exact same time. At least it seemed that way, and they were all yelling right at me. I honestly couldn’t figure out what I had done that was so bad.
Eventually, they turned from me and kept yelling, full volume at each other, fingers pointing and hands being thrown in the air.
I backed the chair away from the table, and tried to get up, though I tripped over the chair, nearly falling over it as it crashed loudly to the ground.
I turned to escape and the only thought that kept rolling over and over in my mind was, maybe I was the runaway bride. Of course, it wasn’t my future husband, or commitment, or fear of losing myself that was making me flee. It was the wedding itself.
How ridiculous was that?
I ran to the center of Jake’s beautiful front yard, which was looked after by a full-time gardener. The back of the property was gorgeous, of course, with the natural beauty of the lake and the forest, but the front was straight out of a fairy tale with flowers and trees and manicured rose bushes, and in the center was a quaint, little wishing-well.
I sat on one of the carved stone benches and gazed inside, willing it to give me some answers. Or, you know, the guts to stand up to my friends and family. I sighed. Why did it have to be so hard? It was just that my mother was ecstatic to finally have something fun to do, and Mattie, well, Mattie should have been a professional planner as it was. Each of them was perfect for the job and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there would be no right answer.
I pulled out the Disaster Diary. Just looking at it made me feel a bit better. I mean, it had practically ruined my life, but there was nothing more therapeutic than getting all your worst moments out of your system. I mean, it obviously wasn’t the best thing in the world when the damned thing went public, but you know what? Even that most awful of moments made me realize that we were all just human, even the movie stars like Jake, who I think loved me even more after the whole Disaster Diary debacle.
It also had a great way of making me realize sometimes we all take life just a little too seriously.
I flipped to a random page.
Dear Disaster Diary,
It had taken so long to finally land a date with Greg, the cutest guy in homeroom. It was practically a miracle, everything went so perfectly on the first few dates, I had somehow even managed to avoid embarrassing myself, which, as you know is not something to take lightly. Life was magnificent. Until…
It started out as a great day. The weather could not have been better, the sun was out in full-force for the pool party. I was so friggin’ nervous to meet Greg’s parents for the first time, and even more nervous to wear my bathing suit in front of Greg. With both things weighing on my mind, I was probably not at my most focused, but then the meeting of the parents went very well, and the whole bathing suit thing wasn’t that big of a deal since Mom had taken me to buy a very nice and very demure new suit just for the occasion.
Greg’s parents were so great too, welcoming me with open arms, inviting me to make myself at home. They left us full use of the pool area while they headed out shopping for the day.
Greg and I were dunking each other playfully, splashing water in each others’ faces, taking turns squirting each other with water guns just as we were just drying off nicely. The whole afternoon went off without a hitch.
I excused myself to the bathroom and when I came back, I just couldn’t help myself. Greg was standing there with his back turned, totally oblivious to the fact that I was sneaking up behind him. And I was so stealthy too, tiptoeing lightly, not once making even the slightest sound.
“Got ya!” I screamed, jumping onto his back. It was so funny too, we both nearly fell into the pool but somehow remained upright. But then someone came walking around the corner, and it made no sense because that someone was… Greg.
My mind took forever to process, thinking: but if that’s Greg, then who…?
And of course I was so flustered I didn’t let go for much too long, only realizing the person I had jumped onto was Greg’s dad after he started peeling my arms off him.
The shame was enough to make me never look Greg in the face again. He looked so ticked, like I had done it on purpose or something. And the look his mother was giving me when I turned around to discover her there was not the same look of welcoming she’d given me just a few hours before.
I closed the book and sat for a few minutes, then dug in my bag for a coin, taking a deep breath. Come on Universe, I thought, give me something. I closed my eyes and flicked the coin into the well, making my wish. “Please don’t make me choose,” I whispered, and a moment later a satisfying little splash followed.
I opened my eyes again, not expecting anything, but I swear it was at that exact moment that I came to the epiphany.
It was so simple. I would just put it off a little bit longer. Sure, it sucked when my mother and Mattie were both in the same place arguing over whose ideas were better, but that was a problem easily solved.
Honestly, I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
“Hey,” Jake’s voice came drifting from behind me.
“Hey,” I said, turning and smiling.
He smiled back. “You’re looking less stressed,” he said, relieved.
“I am. I think I figured out a way to make both of them happy, at least for now.”
He cocked his head, obviously skeptical. “How?”
I shrugged. “I just have to keep them away from each other.”
He came to sit down beside me. “What do you mean?”
“Just… don’t let them anywhere near each other, that’s all.”
“That’s your plan? Let them both continue thinking they’re planning the wedding?”
“Just for a little while, you know, until I decide which wedding plan I like better. There’s just way too much pressure to choose right now. I feel like my head’s still not on straight trying to process the fact that I, Josie McMaster… McMaster the Disaster, is marrying the world’s most famous movie star.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “When are you going to stop calling me that already? It’s embarrassing.”
“Probably never,” I said, leaning in for a kiss, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. “We’ll just head back to the city and Mom will go her way and Mattie will go his. Easy peasy.”
“Okay,” he said, slowly, “just… make sure it doesn’t go on too long. Frankly I’m a little afraid of both of them.”
I laughed uneasily, because I had to admit, I was a little afraid of both of them too.
CHAPTER 3
I eased my feet into the warm water and turned on the jets. Jennifer eased her feet into her own footbath and we both leaned back in unison, sighing.
“What a day.”
Jen let out a sort of noise of agreement. “So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“I am not going to worry about it. I’m sure it will all work itself out.”
Jen opened one eye, raising her eyebrow. “Really? You think Mattie, whose favorite thing in the world is to plan events, or your mother, whose favorite thing in the world is controlling things, will just somehow become worked out all on their own?” She shook her head and chuckled a little, leaning her head back again. “I sometimes wish I had your level of delusion. Life would be so much less stressful.”
I reached into my bath and flicked a few drops of water on her.
“I am not delusional,” I said. “I have just learned that these things tend to have a way of working themselves out.”
She snorted. “Yeah, okay.”
I turned on the soothing sounds clock radio, easing deeper into the couch and deeper into my relaxation.
Until, that is, the door burst open and Mattie came flying through. “Have you seen these?” He asked, waving a pile of papers in front of him.
I groaned. I was so over reading the tabloids. Honestly, you could only see so many lies about yourself until even you almost started believing them.
“You are everywhere girl.”
“So is it good or bad this time?” Jen asked.
But of course, I knew the answer. It was always bad, even when it seemed good.
“Both!” Mattie said excitedly, tossing a few of them my way and a few over to Jen.
“Ooh la la,” Jen said, checking the front cover of the top one on her pile. “You are lookin’ smokin’ on this one,” she said, and I dared a peek.
Thankfully, I did look pretty good. The picture was taken last month when Jake and I attended the premiere of the latest Clint Eastwood movie. Clint was currently courting Jake for his next big project. Jake looked unbelievable in his tux, and I was looking rather red carpet worthy in a black evening gown covered in beads that shone like glitter in front of the camera.
I knew, however, that if I looked that good on the cover of one, I was going to look the same ratio of bad on the next. It was what they did. Back and forth from praising you to trashing you in the blink of an eye. They probably would have been happy with just the trashing, but they had to keep the interest of their readers somehow, and you couldn’t very well rip something to shreds if you hadn’t already painted the scenario into a picture of perfection. Oh how they love to see the mighty (much mightier than a person could possibly be in real life) fall.
Mattie flopped onto the couch beside me, adjusting his thick, black-rimmed glasses. Seriously, he looked like he’d just popped the lenses out of those 3D monstrosities they hand out at the movies. Somehow though, he actually pulled it off.
“Check this one,” he said, waving it in my face as I cringed away. “They’re taking bets on when the wedding’s gonna be.”
I sighed. “What else is new?”
Jen laughed over on her couch. “Oh my God, this one is having a shoe poll.” She flipped to the page in question. “Which designer will the bride choose? Will it be a Choo-tiful wedding after all?”
I opened my eyes just to roll them.
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Mattie piped in from the peanut gallery.
I closed my eyes quickly again and prayed that his comment would slip by without me having to acknowledge it.
Of course, a lovely awkward silence just had to follow.
“Oh good Lord,” Jen finally said after what felt like a millennia. “This one has four experts giving their opinion on when the divorce will be finalized.”
“What divorce?” I said, only half paying attention.
“Your divorce.”
I shot up, grabbing the paper out of her hand. “They’re talking about my divorce? I haven’t even planned the wedding yet!”
“We haven’t even planned the wedding yet,” Mattie said, gently pulling the paper out of my hand and folding it up neatly into four so the headlines were obscured by a mostly naked couple making out in the middle of a forest. The background was all washed out in muted rose tones and a pink perfume bottle with the word ‘lust’ splashed across it took center stage. But it was still really hard to stop staring at the couple.
They were just so… mostly naked and making out.
I squinted, thinking the girl looked familiar for some reason. It only took a minute to realize it was Istranka, and it looked like she was adjusting just fine to her new life in America. I couldn’t help but smile, remembering of the seemingly innocent girl who’d been so self-conscious at the party the other night, because the girl on that paper did not look self-conscious in the least.
“Josie! Are you even listening?”
I turned my gaze from Istranka and her model boy.
“Huh? Yeah, I’m listening, what did you say?”
He rolled his eyes dramatically. “I said we haven’t even planned the wedding yet, right?”
I glanced around the room. Jen was avoiding my gaze at all costs.
“Um, yeah, exactly. We haven’t planned the wedding yet.”
Mattie sat back, pleased. “I’m just glad I don’t have to be there when you break the news to your mother that there is no way you are ever going to be caught dead in a traditional, stuffy wedding like that ridiculous formal event of hers. I mean, can you even imagine? A movie star and a glitterati getting married in a place that pretentious? The paparazzi would have a field day. Oh my God, they’d probably call you a princess.” He shook his head like it was the most ridiculous thing he could imagine. “My trendy warehouse in the up-and-coming industrial turned residential area is going to be so much better. I mean seriously, where’s the flair in an old castle?”
I grinned through my teeth and nodded. The truth was, my mother’s castle idea did have my heart fluttering when I’d first seen it. She really did have an eye for the extravagant. I also couldn’t figure out what was wrong with princesses. I mean, not the Disney kind or anything, but the real life ones like Diana or Grace were just a little bit awesome, in my humble opinion.
Of course, Mattie’s warehouse was a lot cooler and would fit more people, but I actually thought it might end up being a little too big, though Mattie insisted the acoustics would be to die for.
I picked up another magazine, hoping to change the subject, anything would be better than the wedding. Except of course, the stupid tabloids were all talking about the wedding. They were guessing what our first song was going to be, possibilities for bridesmaids, if I was going to hold my own bridesmaid lotto (not on your life!), what flavor of cake we would have.
Anything they could think of.
Everything they could think of.
I threw one of them across the room. Wasn’t planning a wedding supposed to be fun? I mean, did every bride have the same problem? A problem mother, perhaps. But a problem wanna be event planner slash designer slash stylist? Probably not so much.
Mattie and Jen looked at me like I had lost my mind.
“So, I gotta get going,” Mattie said. “Maybe I should take these with me.”
I waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. Just a little stressed, that’s all.”
I nodded knowingly. “You gonna go call you Mom? I completely understand. She is going to pitch a fit,” he said. “Later y’all.”
And with that he was gone.
I slumped into the couch.
“You’re seriously going to tell your mother that Mattie’s going to plan the wedding?”
“Are you nuts?” I asked. “Of course not. I told you, these things have a way of working themselves out.”
Jen’s mouth dropped open. “You just basically told Mattie he had the go ahead, and you’re not going to tell your mother anything different?”
“It’ll be fine,” I said. “Besides, I have other stuff to worry about right now.”
Her mouth was still in its ultra-opened state. “Like what?”
I grabbed my laptop. “Well, I’ve been home for two months now. I should probably start thinking about finding a job.”
She crinkled her brow. “But what about Jake? Why would you need a job?”
“Um… because I still have to pay rent until I get married. Not to mention I still want to have a job. I mean, what the heck would I do with myself all day if I didn’t have a job?”
She shrugged. “Watch Ellen?”
I gave her a look. I mean, I liked Ellen as much as the next person, but I could seriously not see myself holed up in one of Jake’s houses, sitting on the couch and eating bonbons all day. “Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn’t have a job or any sort of identity of your own?”
She seemed to consider this for a moment. “I guess I see what you’re saying, but, the thing is, this is kind of your opportunity to do whatever you want now.”
“Not until the wedding,” I said. “I only have enough left over from the ghostwriting job to get me through another month or two.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think if you just asked Jake for the money, he’d be more than happy to tide you over until the wedding.”
“Oh yeah, that would be fun. ‘Hey honey, could you just go ahead and pay my rent while I wait for you to marry me?’ I don’t think I’m quite that desperate yet.”
Jen made a face. “I guess that would be a tad humiliating.”
I nodded. “Exactly,” I said, typing in my job search.
“So… another copywriting job?” she asked.
I shrugged. “If I have to, I guess. I’d rather find something a little more interesting, but I don’t know if there’s anything out there. Especially for someone like me.”
“You are a bit of a spotlight hog,” Jen said, gesturing to the papers. “Hey,” she said, brightening. “You do have all that disguise experience from the Prince Leo job, maybe you could go incognito.” She giggled, turning her attention back to the tabloid she was holding.
“Har, har,” I said, although I couldn’t help but give the idea just a moment’s thought. I mean, I didn’t have to do a full-fledged top-to-bottom disguise, but a little change in hair color or a hat or something might not be such a bad idea. Of course, most people would probably recognize my name in an instant. McMaster isn’t all that common, not to mention no one could seem to say it anymore without adding the lovely ‘the Disaster’ to the end of it.
I broadened my search to include anything in the telecommuting realm. At least when people saw my name then, I could just lie and say it was a different Josie McMaster, right?
But the choices were few and far between.
“Aargh,” I yelled, making Jen jump. “There’s nothing in here.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll find something. And even if you don’t it’s not like you can’t just go to Jake.” She shrugged.
SHRUGGED!
As if I would be okay with taking handouts. Say what you want about my mother, but at least she raised her daughters to be self-sufficient. You know, mostly. I tried not to think about the whole Bridesmaid Lotto thing where I agreed to participate just for a trip to Europe. Of course, it was a dream trip, but still.
I guess we all had our weaknesses.
But I was not going to live my life being somebody else’s burden.
What I really wanted to say to Jen was to stuff it, but instead I exited as gracefully as possible with a simple, “I think I need a walk.”
CHAPTER 4
I put on my biggest pair of sunglasses and stormed out of the apartment building, pausing only to smile as I passed by the few paparazzi who always seemed to be hanging around. Of course I hated having to be all nicey-nice to the evil jerks all the time, but they held the power to either make me look fabulous or set me up for disaster. It was an odd dynamic, all the photogs looking all greasy and wearing clothes that had seen the better part of last decade, and they had the power to trash you if you didn’t look glamorous or beautiful enough.
What a world.
I strode toward the park hoping to find some privacy. I glanced back, noticing the photographers following at a less-than-comforting distance.
I sighed. I couldn’t really get any time alone at home with Jen being around every second of the day, not that I usually minded, but when you couldn’t even sneak off for caffeine and some peace outside of your house, it could really be a bit inconvenient at times.
I ducked into the coffee shop and grabbed a Peppermint Mocha and headed back out to the park, pretending all the way that a somewhat creepy group of lurkers wasn’t following me, which was harder than it looked since every person around seemed to be noticing the whole spectacle.
Finally, I found an empty bench and sat down, leaning my head back and sipping my mocha. It was actually pretty relaxing, kids laughing and playing in the background, people generally having fun all around me. Until, that is, I felt someone sit down beside me.
“Hey,” the person said.
I opened one eye and peeked over. It was the one female of the bunch, a girl who looked about five years younger than me. I took a deep breath. “Hey.”
“Look, I’m sorry to bother you, I know I’m like, totally breaking the whole paparazzi code or whatever, but I just wanted to see if you’re okay. You’re not looking too… happy. Like, not yourself or something.”
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, not yet sure if I should even be talking to her. She was, after all, kind of the enemy. “I’m fine,” was all I said.
“Yeah, I don’t think so. I mean something is obviously on your mind.”
“Well I certainly can’t talk to you about it now, can I?” I said, hating how harsh the words came out. She was right, I definitely wasn’t feeling like myself today. It kind of sucked that I had to rely on the slimy lurkers of the paparazzi to basically tell me what I was feeling now.
She fumbled with her hands, her camera dangling from a worn strap around her neck. The camera looked like it had seen better days too. My heart softened ever-so-slightly.
“Look I’m sorry, you’re right. I am a little down today, but it’s nothing really. Certainly nothing story worthy.” I chuckled. “Those guys will probably make it out to be though.” I tried not to sound too bitter, even though I probably did.
She shot me an expression that said I was probably right. Strange, it was like she was one of them, but different. Like maybe she had a moral or two left. Maybe she just hadn’t been completely converted yet.
“You know, I’ve never made up one of those lies,” she said.
It didn’t really sound like she was defending herself, just a matter-of-fact kind of statement, as if she’d just told me she was a Taurus or something. I didn’t doubt her for a second.
“So… why do you do this then?” I asked. “I mean, I know not everyone gets into your line of work imagining they’re going to tell lies about people, but surely they all must want to dig up scandalous stuff about the people they follow around.”
She shrugged. “Maybe some of them do. For me, I didn’t really get into this on purpose.” She turned to look directly at me. “I was a journalism student. Had it in my head that I was somehow going to make a difference in this world. Turns out my timing wasn’t the greatest though. The newspaper business is practically impossible to break into. I was, however, good at sneaking into clubs and getting shots of famous people partying it up.” She lifted her camera, dusting an invisible piece of lint off. “And now this is my life.” She shrugged again. “The pay’s okay… if you get a decent picture every now and then. Get a good scoop here and there.”
I nodded. There was just something kind of sad about a girl whose ambitions were to change the world through solid reporting, then ending up on a park bench with a sort-of celebrity whose only claim to fame was a silly bridesmaid contest and a few embarrassing leaked stories. “Sorry,” was all I could think of to say. “It must suck following someone like me around. It’s not like anything interesting ever happens to me.”
“It’s not so bad,” she said, smiling. “The guys are okay,” she motioned toward her counterparts who continued to lurk in the background. “Leo there… the bald one on the right, he’s actually pretty funny. Reminds me of my grandpa.”
I smiled. I couldn’t quite believe how… human this girl seemed, you know, for a member of the evil-doer’s society. “Well, just as a heads-up, I don’t think it’s going to be a very exciting day in McMaster the Disaster-ville.”
She chuckled. “I’m Andrea, by the way,” she said, putting her hand out.