Dilemma
by K. Elliott
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Published by Urban Lifestyle Press
P.O. Box 12714
Charlotte, NC 28220 www.ulppublishing.com
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Smashwords Edition
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ISBN (13):
ISBN (10):
Copyright 2012 by Kevin Elliott. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission. For information, address by Urban Lifestyle Press, P.O. Box 12714, Charlotte, NC 28220, http://www.ulppublishing.com/
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Editor: Les Bird,
21st Editing
Proofreading: Catherine Van Herrin
Shanequa Reed
Book Layout: Shawna A. Grundy, sag@shawnagrundy.com
ISBN: 978-09717697-7-9
Dilemma
I would like to acknowledge
The Most High Mom and Dad,
Margaret and Walter Douglas,
and all who were positive in my life.
I would like to dedicate this one to my best man
Otis Walter Douglas,
I love you till death Dad.
PART ONE
Chapter 1
Natalie arrived at Lucky’s, an Irish pub, in the north eastern part of town. She sat at the end of the bar and ordered some Ciroc and cranberry juice.
A long way from her home, Natalie was there to meet someone she had met on a personals web site. Not just any site, but one that specialized in personals for black girls: blackgirlsmeet.com. She was nervous for two reasons. First, she had a live-in boyfriend who didn’t know she liked girls. Second, she had never met anyone on the Internet. Her mind raced and her heart fluttered. She pulled out her iPhone and texted Tremaine.
Natalie: Thinking about you☺
Tremaine: I miss you too, babe. At my boy Zeke’s house. I will come through later tonight.
Natalie: ☺ I hope so.
She smiled. She was happy that she knew exactly where Tremaine was at that moment. She knew there wasn’t any possibility that he could walk into Lucky’s. Not that he would ever come to Lucky’s. But Natalie had been to Lucky’s many times. She used to work in the area and often went there after work with her white co-workers. She had never seen a black person there, ever. Not that the owners of Lucky’s were racist or anything; it was an Irish pub, and the ambiance just wasn’t that inviting to black folks, especially black dudes. Natalie looked at her watch nervously. She hoped Jahari hadn’t stood her up.
She had been on the site for only three days when she saw a picture of Jahari, who blew her away with her looks – the long beautiful straight hair, the skinny waist, and amazing ass. She couldn’t control herself when she saw her. She knew that she would put it on her. She just hoped those pictures were accurate. She had heard of people meeting others over the Internet who had misrepresented themselves, either with pictures of others or using pictures they had taken years earlier.
Apparently Jahari liked her just as much, because she said Natalie’s pictures were too good to be true. So, Natalie was pleased that there was a definite mutual attraction. She just hoped Jahari wasn’t a crazy person who might ruin her home life with Tremaine. Jahari would have to play her position. As Natalie sipped her drink, someone tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Natalie?”
The voice sounded unsure. When she turned, she recognized the beautiful woman standing there. Jahari looked even better than she did in the pictures. Natalie’s heart fluttered again. She uttered, “Wow,” and extended her hand. Jahari smiled, revealing incredibly straight, white teeth. Her Love in White perfume lingered. Natalie knew that scent. She sampled it every time she went to Neiman Marcus, but just couldn’t justify paying two hundred and fifty dollars for perfume.
Jahari wore a black mini that hugged her ass, a white blouse, a small diamond necklace, and a blinged-out watch. Jahari was clearly a woman with class.
Natalie paid her bartender and the hostess led them to a booth. Jahari walked in front of her while Natalie stared at her ass and imagined her hands gripping it. She hoped Jahari felt the same attraction so they could make magic together.
When they were seated, there was an awkward silence. They just stared at each other and smiled until Jahari said, “You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you!” Natalie said, being careful not to get too excited. She didn’t want Jahari to think that she wasn’t used to compliments. She was relieved now that she knew the attraction went both ways. She felt at ease. She had been told she was pretty many times, but she wasn’t naive enough to think that she was everybody’s flavor.
“I was just thinking that you look better than your pictures.”
“I’m glad. Those pics are a few weeks old, so that must mean that I am getting better.”
Natalie giggled. “It doesn’t get any better than this.”
Jahari smiled. “Thank you.”
A waitress appeared. They both declined to order food, but they did order drinks; a glass of Ciroc for Natalie and Grey Goose with Red Bull for Jahari.
Jahari sipped her drink. “So, you have a boyfriend?” “I do.”
“Does he know that you’re into girls?”
Natalie looked away. She wanted to avoid this question. But she knew she had to be straight up with Jahari, because she wasn’t going to lose her boyfriend. She wanted to get married to him and she couldn’t mess up a good thing because of her fetish for girls.
“He doesn’t know.”
“So, you want me to be your little secret?”
Natalie stirred her drink, not really knowing how to answer the question. She didn’t want Jahari to feel like she was a secret. She didn’t like that word, but the relationship would have to be confidential. She knew that Tremaine would be devastated if he found out about them.
“You’ll get to meet my man.”
“But he can’t know about us, right?”
Jahari’s face became serious; she wore an almost hurtful look. But she couldn’t be hurt because she didn’t even know Natalie. Maybe she was just disappointed.
“Right.” Natalie avoided her eyes again. “Listen. It’s complicated and he’s good to me.”
“Hey, I’m not here to judge anybody. I’ve been in your shoes before.”
Natalie took a deep breath. “Well, then you know what’s up.”
“I do.”
Natalie stared into Jahari’s eyes – they were the color of emeralds. They sparkled too. This woman was too good to be true, Natalie thought. She wondered what kind of issues Jahari might have. She had to have some issues. She was twenty- eight, beautiful, and not married.
“So, what are you looking for, Jahari?”
She finished off her vodka and toyed with the ice in the glass with her straw. She looked at Natalie and smiled, still not answering. She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“Come on. Why are you here?”
“I don’t know anymore. I mean, I thought I was meeting somebody who was open to being with me and me only.”
Another awkward silence. Natalie felt a little guilty. Her profile was a little misleading. She initially had stated that she was looking for casual dating but quickly changed the status to long-term after reviewing Jahari’s profile. She had misled Jahari and felt bad about it, but there was no way that she could be with only a woman. She wasn’t that comfortable with her sexuality.
“I’m sorry about that, and if you don’t want to see me I understand.”
“Listen. I want a relationship, but in the meantime we can have a little fun,” she smiled.
“I’m glad you’re cool with it.”
“I am. Plus, I could use some good sex, if nothing else.”
She winked.
Natalie was happy inside but didn’t want Jahari to know she was too excited.
“Glad you’re open-minded.”
“We’re both open-minded. You can’t have this lifestyle and not be open-minded.”
“You’re right. So, how long have you been into girls?”
“We’ll, I like whoever likes me. I ain’t one of those chicks who sit around waiting on Mr. Right to come along. I love men and I’m not opposed to being with one. But I can be with a woman, too.”
Natalie looked at her, not knowing what to make of what she said. Jahari just wanted to be loved.
“So, when was the last time you were with a guy?”
“About six months ago. Tall, dark, and handsome, with an incredibly chiseled body. I really wanted to be with him.”
“What happened? Please don’t tell he didn’t want to be with you.”
Natalie said, “Oh, yeah. He wanted to be with me and several other chicks that looked like me. He had a type. I caught him creeping twice, and I swear to you, both of the chicks looked like me.”
“Usually, when men cheat, they cheat with women who don’t look anything like the main chick.”
Jahari laughed. “Well, first of all, I don’t think I was the main chick; I don’t think anybody was the main chick. I wasn’t flattered at all that he cheated with chicks who resembled me. That just proved that all the shit he told me was a complete lie. I was his type and he wanted to fuck. I wished he would have just told me.”
She teared up. Natalie looked at her strangely. She had just been laughing, and now there was a tear.
“I’m sorry I asked about him.”
She dug into her clutch and pulled out a Kleenex. She wiped her eyes and said, “No problem. I just had a moment.” “I understand.”
“Well it just hurts a little, you know, to hear these guys tell you that they love you and you’re the one. Telling you lies like they want to make you wifey, but it’s just all a plot to get into your panties.”
Natalie felt guilty again. She had plotted to get in Jahari’s panties, but they would get into each other’s panties.
“So you really like men more?”
“Not really. I mean, it’s just easier to be with a man. I mean, my family would love for me to be with a man.”
“Your family knows that you’re bi?”
“Well, I think they do, but I don’t know exactly. I don’t care. Sometimes I will meet a guy that ain’t with this shit at all, and this happens. I don’t let them know.”
Natalie smiled because Jahari had been in a similar situation before, but it seemed as if she was more experienced with this bisexual lifestyle.
“I won’t blow your cover, I’ve done this before. Like I said earlier, I was in your shoes once.”
“How did you feel when you snuck around on your boyfriend?”
Jahari stared away, contemplating her thoughts. “You know, it’s really hard to explain. I really didn’t feel like I was cheating or anything. I mean, it was sex without him of course. It was kind of like sex with a sex toy because I had no emotional ties with the women.”
Natalie didn’t feel like she was cheating either, because she was thinking about sex with a woman. She felt like if she had not been penetrated by a man, it wasn’t cheating.
“So where do we go from here?”
Jahari giggled and shrugged her shoulders, clearly uneasy, but she smiled brightly. “I just feel like this is some sort of an arrangement.”
“So you would feel used?”
“No, I didn’t say that. I just came here expecting one thing,
and like I said before, I ain’t new to this, but I was looking for more.” Natalie stared at her for a moment. Her lips were nice and beautiful. She could look into those eyes for days. She felt butterflies inside her. Nobody had made her feel like that since she dated Corey Ingram in high school. She wanted this woman more than anything.
“Let’s just hang out and see where it goes,” Jahari said. “If I get attached, I’mma have to pull the plug.”
Both women stood. Natalie dug into her purse, pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, and tossed it on the table.
Chapter 2
When Tremaine opened the door, a beautiful woman stood before him smiling. Her hair was long and straight and she had the greenest eyes he had ever seen in life—greener than white folks. He smiled, with his eyes full of awe.
“Hey. Is Natalie home?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Come on in,” Tremaine said. He pointed to the sofa that sat in the middle of the loft apartment. “Have a seat.”
The woman extended her hand.
“I’m Jahari.”
“I’m Tremaine,” he said. Then he grabbed the remote and offered it to her.
“Turn the TV on. I’ll go get her.” He disappeared toward the back and seconds later he re- emerged with Natalie.
“Hey Tremaine, this is my friend, Jahari. We used to work at Verizon together.”
“Funny…you’ve never mentioned her.” Natalie’s eyes met Jahari’s, then she turned back to Tremaine.
“Yeah, we worked in different departments. We didn’t get a chance to hang out much.”
“I hated that job,” Jahari said.
“So what do you do now?” Tremaine asked.
“I’m a personal trainer.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, pays the bills. I have a pretty large clientele.”
“That’s what she’s here to discuss.” Natalie said. “I’m thinking of training. I have to get in shape.”
“Baby, you’re in shape,” he said. Natalie smiled. She was happy Tremaine liked her body, although the meeting wasn’t really about personal training. She knew she could use a little toning. She’d always wanted her ass to be higher and rounder.
Tremaine looked at his watch and said, “Nice to meet you Jahari. I have to go to work.”
Jahari waited for Tremaine to leave before speaking, “He’s nice-looking.” Natalie smiled. She knew Tremaine was handsome. She loved it when other women paid attention to him.
“He’s good to me.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“No problem, just want something extra.”
‘You’re greedy.” Jahari smiled.
“Nothing wrong with wanting what you want.” “Nope. Sure isn’t.”
“You’re really a trainer?” “Yeah.”
“Great. Then you can get me into shape.”
“I sure can.”
Natalie walked over and sat in the seat across from her.
“This place is really lovely.” “Thanks!”
“Tremaine can’t please you in bed, huh?” “Huh? That was random.”
Jahari looked at her, those enticing green eyes penetrating Natalie’s soul. Natalie knew Jahari could read her. She was a woman, a bisexual woman, just like her.
“It’s true, though.”
“Well, it’s not that he’s not capable of being a good lover, because he is…Tremaine is…how shall I say it?”
“Selfish.”
Natalie laughed lightly. “Exactly. How did you know?”
“Most men are.”
“But it didn’t start out like this.”
“What happened?”
“I am very uninhibited and a pleaser. He got used to me pleasing him; so much that he forgot about pleasing me.”
“Uninhibited. Everybody uses that word,” Jahari said. “I truly am uninhibited. There ain’t too much I’m opposed to. So, why not invite me into the bedroom with you and Tremaine?”
Natalie wondered why she asked that. Could it be possible that she was attracted to Tremaine? “I’ve never had a threesome with Tremaine.” “Really? Why not?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he would be into that.”
“Really? What a shame.”
Natalie looked Jahari directly in the eye. “You wanna fuck my man, don’t you?”
Jahari frowned. “Let’s get one thing straight. I would never sleep with a friend’s man.”
“We’re not friends yet.”
“Close enough.” Jahari’s face was serious and her words were stern that Natalie knew Jahari was being truthful. She had been around women who would sleep with her man. She had been around friends who would fuck her man too. Jahari wasn’t that type. It would be a different story if she didn’t know Jahari. She believed that if Jahari had met Tremaine on the street, she would fuck him. Hell…he was handsome and successful. What black woman wouldn’t fuck him?
“So you’re with him for the money?”
“Excuse me?”
“He looks good on paper. Right?”
“Are you saying I’m a gold digger?” She turned away.
“I mean it’s just easier, you know, to have a man in your corner. I don’t think you understand.” Jahari shrugged.
“Hey, it’s a man’s world.”
“It is. It really is. I mean, I went to school. I got a degree. When I got out of school I thought I was gonna land this great job. You know what? I did have a pretty good job, but I still was barely making it.”
“So it’s kind of about the money?” Jahari said.
“It’s really about the security. The security he can provide me. I need to know that if I’m down and out, somebody has my back.”
“Where do you work?”
“I don’t anymore. I was laid off.”
“From Verizon?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too.” Jahari smiled. They had referenced Verizon as their place of meeting. Tremaine believed the lie. “You’re funny.”
“Quick-witted. So, Tremaine has been keeping me up for the last nine months. I don’t worry about nothing. I live in a fabulous place and I have money.”
“I see,” Jahari said. There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Not because the place wasn’t nice, but because she didn’t believe that this was a great life for anyone.
“Don’t judge me.”
“I’m not judging you. Obviously you’re happy. I mean, if it works for you, it works for me.”
“It does?”
“No, not at all. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re with a dude who won’t please you.”
“Well, for my family it’s just easier to accept if I’m with a man.”
“For mine too, but I gotta be with a man that pleases me.”
“Listen, I love him. We’re going to get married one day.” Natalie had imagined a huge wedding ever since she was a little girl. She wanted the perfect life. That included a husband and children. Her dreams had never been about being with a woman; but she had desires, urges, and cravings.
“He’s proposed?”
“No, but we’ve discussed it.”
Jahari walked over to Natalie, sat on the edge of the chair next to her, and stroked her hair. She then whispered, “I can please you. I know I can.” They kissed.
Chapter 3
Best Body Fitness was a small studio in the southern part of town. Jahari had been in business for the past three years. She had been in shape since high school–she played volleyball, ran track, and was on the cheerleading squad. In college, she quit playing sports but remained active. When she turned twenty-five, she gained thirty pounds in all the wrong areas and decided then to get back in shape. It took her nine months to lose the weight. At twenty- nine, she looked better than she had in high school. Jahari had just finished training her last client for the day, Ms. Edna Willis, a fifty-three-year-old teacher.
“Hey. Don’t forget to run this weekend.”
“Will I have legs like yours?”
“They will be even more amazing than mine,” Jahari said. She knew her legs were her best feature—at least next to her ass. She loved showing her figure off in fitted skirts with heels. She loved to make men and women drool.
“Here is your water schedule,” Jahari said. “Remember to drink your water on time.”
“I will. You have a good weekend.” As Edna was leaving, Natalie held the door for her, nodded, and then walked inside. They both smiled.
“Hey,” Jahari said.
“I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by.” “Good,” Jahari said, smiling. She was happy to see her, but she didn’t like surprises. She especially didn’t like pop-ups. She made a mental note to tell her this later. Natalie walked around the studio. The studio held mostly machines for circuit training. There was a weight bench, some dumbbells, an elliptical, treadmills, and punching bags with pink boxing gloves. It was very female-friendly. She noticed before-and-after pictures of a few clients. One in particular showed a black woman lying on a bed. She was two hundred and seventy-eight pounds at five-four. The “after” picture showed a toned woman, hands on her hips, in Spandex. She now weighed in at one hundred and forty-five pounds.
“Wow!” Natalie said. She stared at the picture in amazement.
“Yeah, she looks good, doesn’t she?”
“Yes. You must know what you’re doing.” “Yeah, I know a little something.”
Natalie beamed. “I really wanna train with you.” “Just let me know when.”
“I just don’t want to get too muscular, you know? I wanna still be feminine.
“Would you consider me feminine?”
Natalie looked her. “You know I love your ass, but…” Jahari smiled. “I’m a little too toned for you, huh?”
“Just a little,” Natalie said. Jahari had heard that before. She wasn’t bothered by it. She liked the way she looked and she knew it was the best look for her body type. She would rather be too toned than fat. She thought Natalie had a nice body, but she could use a little toning; not much. She was tall, so even if she were out of shape it wouldn’t show as bad as if she were short. She liked her body and was glad Natalie didn’t want to look like her. She wasn’t attracted to women that were too lean. It was weird, but she liked somebody completely different, and that was Natalie.
“I like your body,” Jahari said. Natalie smiled but didn’t say anything. Her eyes dropped to Jahari’s crotch. The black spandex pants revealed a camel toe. Her thighs were delicious looking. The women made eye contact.
“Any hot clients?”
“I have one chick that’s hot.” “You fuck her?”
“No. I don’t mix business with pleasure,” Jahari said. She lied. She had encountered three women that she liked–and two she’d had sex with in the studio. She couldn’t let Natalie, or anybody, know that she had acted unprofessionally. Saying she didn’t mix business with pleasure sounded good and it was the safe thing to say.
“It’s gotta be rough on you, being a bisexual woman dealing with women all day. You have to be attracted to some of them,” Natalie said.
“I’m attracted to you.” “Really?” Natalie asked.
“You know I am.” Jahari walked over and grabbed her hand, holding it for a few seconds. Natalie pulled away and sat on the edge of the weight bench. She lay on the bench and tried to press the weight. She couldn’t move it. It was too heavy for her. She sprang up.
“How much is this?”
“One thirty-five.”
“You can lift this?” Natalie asked. Her face showed intrigue, but not in a good way. It was as if she was turned off by the idea of a woman lifting weights.
Jahari smiled. “Yeah, that’s light.”
Natalie walked away from the bench, her heels clacking.
She approached a machine. “What is this thingy called?” “The dip bar.”
“Can’t you do pull-ups on this?”
“Pull-ups and dips.”
“So why do they call it the dip bar?” It was obvious that Natalie hadn’t spent much time in the gym.
“Some people call it the pull-up bar, and some call it the dip bar. I call it whatever I remember to call it.”
Natalie stared back at the weight bench. One thirty-five. It looked so light. “Wow. I can’t believe I couldn’t even budge it.”
Jahari laughed and stared at her. “Well, if you’d come here in workout clothes instead of skinny jeans and Christian Louboutins, I bet you could lift it.”
“I guess so. You know I’m just too girly for this lifting weight stuff.” She walked back to the bench, sat down, and crossed her legs. Her jeans were fitted and her heels were sexy.
“Hey, wait a minute. I’m just as much a girl as you are.” Natalie’s eyes zoomed in on Jahari’s crotch again. Jahari thought back to the day they kissed. She had wanted to make love with Natalie, but they were afraid Tremaine would come into the house. She looked at Natalie’s breasts. She wanted to suck them. She could get turned on sucking her breast and her cooch. She knew females. Natalie had not dropped by the studio for nothing. She looked damn good. Natalie wanted to be touched. She walked over and stood in front of Natalie. Her cooch was eye level.
“You want this, don’t you?” She teased her. Natalie gripped the back of her thighs and pulled her close, but then let her go. “What if somebody comes in here?”
Jahari went over and locked the door, closed the wooden blinds, came back over, and stood in front of her.
“I’ve never gone down on a woman before.”
Jahari smiled. She didn’t believe that. Not the way she gripped her thighs and the way she stared between her legs. She hoped this chick didn’t think that she was going to please her without getting pleased, herself. If she did, she had another thing coming. Natalie’s lips were so damn full. She knew she could teach her a thing or two about eating pussy, and she would if she needed to.
“You keep staring at my cooch like you want it,” Jahari smiled.
“You want a lesson?”
“No.” Jahari forced herself on top of Natalie. Natalie resisted, and that made Jahari want her more. Jahari put her arms around Natalie’s waist and kissed her on the neck. Natalie smelled like vanilla, Jahari’s favorite scent.
“You know you’re turning me on.”
She gave Natalie light kisses on her chin. Natalie put her hands on Jahari’s ass. Jahari then straddled Natalie’s knee and kissed her neck. Natalie moaned and unbuttoned her blouse, exposing her breasts and beautiful nipples. She put Jahari’s hand on one of her boobs.
“Play with it.”
“Whatever you want me to do,” Jahari said.
“I just want you to touch me and lick my neck.” Jahari massaged her breast softly but she pinched her nipple, kissed her with slow, sensual kisses, and straddled her legs. She liked the way Natalie's leg felt on her crotch. If this continued much longer, she knew she would cum. She came easily. She could cum from somebody rubbing her ass the right way. An ex-boyfriend used to massage her ass till she came. Natalie pushed her back.
“Let me undress.” Jahari stood. Her cooch was wet and she was on fire. Natalie took her shoes off and peeled her skinny jeans off, folding them neatly and laying them on the elliptical machine. She wore a yellow thong and it contrasted with her dark skin wonderfully. She had no hips but lots of ass. Her waist was small. Her tits were small too but they were perky as hell. Jahari took off the spandex and stood wearing a purple G-string. She then pulled her red Nike sports bra off. Her nipples were long and erect.
They admired each other’s bodies. Neither woman said anything. Jahari pushed Natalie back on the bench. She wanted to straddle her again. But Natalie resisted and said, “I want to taste you.”
Jahari remembered Natalie just saying that she had never gone down on a woman. She now wondered if that was a lie. She didn’t feel like teaching anybody anything. But, if she had to do it, she would. She would be pleased today, even if it meant pleasing her damn self. She came out of the purple G-string, revealing a shaven pussy. There was just a hint of hair above the pussy lips. She never shaved completely, though she liked her partners to be shaven completely. She always kept just a touch of hair—triangle shaped, well groomed, and odorless.
She stood in front of Natalie and then placed Natalie’s hands on her butt.
“Rub it.” Natalie caressed her ass cheeks. Jahari squirmed with excitement. The more she rubbed, the more excited she got. She played with her nipples as Natalie massaged her ass. Just before she was about to climax, she stopped. Jahari grabbed the back of Natalie’s head and pulled her face toward her pussy. The anticipation of Natalie’s mouth had caused white film to cover Jahari’s pussy. Hesitant, Natalie licked the lips softly.
“Lick my clit,” Jahari said. She licked it more aggressively, with more teeth, lip, and tongue. Jahari didn’t like that at all. By the way Natalie licked her pussy, Jahari knew that either she liked her pussy to be eaten aggressively, or that was the way she sucked dick.
“Slow down.” Natalie looked up at her innocently. She wanted instructions. She wanted to give pleasure. “Grip my ass hard and put your tongue over the top of my clit.” Natalie grabbed her ass, both cheeks in the palms of her hands. She lifted her ass and pulled Jahari into her. With her tongue now on the top of the clit, she licked it slowly. “Oh, Jesus.”
“Mmmmmmm. You like that?”
“I love it. Keep licking.” Jahari pushed Natalie back on the bench and stood over her. Fluid ran down Jahari’s legs. She wanted to cum. She wanted to cum hard in Natalie’s mouth. Natalie ate her pussy well, but was not great at it. The physical part was okay, but she needed to get her brain involved in order to cum. She knew that if she pleased Natalie, she could cum too. She stood abruptly.
“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked.
“Nothing is wrong,” Jahari answered, and then disappeared to the back room. Seconds later she came back with a mat for the ground. She lay on her back, giggling, and then said, “I want your ass in my face. Sixty-nine?”
“You got it.” Natalie took off her thong. Her pussy was clean-shaven. Jahari expected that. Natalie stood over Jahari, her ass facing her. She squatted and began to lick her pussy slowly, like she had been doing earlier. Jahari licked Natalie’s clit aggressively. Natalie didn’t seem to mind, which meant she was right about her earlier assumption.
Jahari moaned, and Natalie loved it. She was pleasing and being pleased. Jahari was turned on because she was in her studio having sex. Turned on because it was sex with a woman. Turned on because it was a secret that only they shared.
Chapter 4
Natalie and Jahari met Emma Cox for lunch at Mama Ricotta’s restaurant. Mama Ricotta’s was a quaint little place and the food made it one of the best Italian restaurants in Charlotte. They sat in a booth in the back of the restaurant. Emma was very excited about her daughter. She was always happy to spend time with Natalie. They were really more like sisters when they got together, and a lot of people thought they were sisters because of Emma’s youthful appearance. Natalie introduced Jahari.
“What a pretty name,” Emma said. “What does it mean?”
“It means something special in Swahili.”
“I knew it had to mean something,” Emma said.
“Jahari and I met when I worked at Verizon.”
“Really?” Emma then asked Jahari, “Did you get laid off too?”
“No. I quit.”
Emma turned to Natalie and asked, “So, have you found a job yet?”
“No,” Natalie said. She hated when her mom asked her that question, which was every time they got together. She would always be in her business. Her mom was old school. She believed in working.
“So, you’re going to depend on this man for the rest of your life?”
Natalie frowned. “I’m not depending on anybody.”
“The hell you ain’t. You ain’t got any income.”
Natalie was quiet for a moment. An awkward silence fell over the table. “Next subject,” Natalie said.
“You need a job.”
“Mom…can we talk about something else?” “Jahari, do you work?”
“Six days a week.”
“See what I mean? Everybody can work, except you. What kind of shit is that?” Emma asked. Natalie was embarrassed. The first time she introduces Jahari to her mom, and her mom puts her on blast.
Emma turned to Jahari. “Don’t ever let a man keep you up, because if you do, he’s gonna cheat on you and disrespect you.” Jahari just nodded, not wanting to get in the middle of a mother-daughter argument. The waitress appeared, poured water for each woman, and then took their orders. Natalie and Emma ordered the ziti. Jahari declined the food but ordered a Grey Goose with pineapple juice. Emma turned to her. “Drinking in the middle of the day, you must be off today.” “Mom, come on. Why are you so blunt?”
“It’s okay,” Jahari said, and turned to Emma. “I work for myself. I’m a personal trainer.”
Emma smiled. “Wow. Now that’s what I’m talking about…a woman with her own business, not needing a man for nothing.” “Well, I didn’t say that,” Jahari said. “I can always find use for a man.”
Emma laughed. “I know that’s right. So you’re not married?” “No.
“What is this world coming to? A pretty girl like you ain’t married?”
Jahari smiled. “Just haven’t met the right man.” The waitress appeared and dropped off the ziti along with the vodka for Jahari.
“So where have you been looking for a man?”
“Well, I haven’t been, lately.” She looked at Natalie. Her eyes said she wanted to be rescued from the conversation. Natalie knew this, but she didn’t want her mom to start talking about her being unemployed again.
“There are plenty of good men out there. I hope you ain’t looking for somebody to take care of you, like my daughter, cause that ain’t what a man is supposed to do.”
“A man is supposed to be the provider.”
“Provider does not mean take care of your every need,” Emma said.
“Mom, cut it out.”
Emma took a bite of the ziti. “Delicious.” She turned to Jahari. “Do you want a bite?”
“No, thank you,” Jahari said. She sipped her drink.
“Oh, I forgot. You’re a trainer. Y’all need some meat on them bones. Men like curves,” Emma said.
Jahari and Natalie laughed. Emma was a character. She was known for saying exactly what was on her mind, often offending people. She never meant any harm. She just wanted the best for her daughter.
“How is that drink?” “I like it.”
Emma flagged the waitress. “I’ll have what she has.” When the waitress was gone, Emma noted, “Hell, I need me something to help me relax.” She winked.
“Uh huh, Mom, just one drink.”
Emma turned to her and frowned. “I’m your mother. You can’t tell me what to drink. You just need to worry about your household. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m just saying, Mom, it’s too early to be drinking.” Emma turned to Jahari.
“Ain’t anything wrong with having a little drink. Hell…if the personal trainer can have a drink, I can. She knows what’s healthy.”
“Mom.”
“Mom, what?” Emma ate a forkful of ziti.
The waitress appeared with the drink. “Hey, I like your glasses,” Jahari said. The waitress smiled. “Thank you. I’ve never had anybody compliment me on my glasses before.”
“Well they frame your face perfectly. They are cute on you.”
“She’s a cute girl,” Emma said. The waitress was a cute girl. She was kind of short, with a small waist and ass. Her skin was smooth and teeth were straight, as if she’d worn braces. When the waitress disappeared, Jahari’s eyes followed her ass. Emma finished her drink then announced she had to be going.
She extended her hands to Jahari. “It was very nice meeting you, my dear.”
“Same here.”
“Remember what I said about getting a man. You need to get some meat on them bones.” She then turned her attention to Natalie.
“Oh, beautiful daughter of mine, you need to get you a job. Nobody is going to take care of you. Not even Mommy.” Natalie forced a smile. She stood and they hugged.
When Natalie got home, Tremaine was watching Sports Center in the den. The newscaster was talking about golf. Tiger Woods was behind in some golf tournament. Tremaine was so caught up in Sports Center; he didn’t even notice that she had come in. She leaned over the arm of the sofa and gave him a kiss on the jaw.
“Hey, baby. I’ve been waiting on you.”
“What’s up?”
“I got salesman of the month again. A huge bonus! And, I am getting promoted to Sales Manager.”
“Congrats, baby.” Natalie hugged him. She was truly happy for him, but his success made her feel like more of a failure. She had to get a job. Her mother was right. She needed a job for her own self-worth. He stood, wrapped his arms around her waist, and picked her up.
“You know what that means, don’t you?”
“What?”
“I will be making at least forty-thousand dollars more than I made last year. We can plan our wedding, and I can get the house that I’ve always wanted.”
Now, everything began to soak in. Her wedding would happen. She would marry the man she wanted to marry. She wanted to contribute more than ever.
“Baby, I’m so happy.”
“Me too.” He kissed her. “I want to start a family.”
“Me too,” she said. She really did want to start a family, but she needed something to fulfill her. She knew that if they started a family right away she would feel powerless, because she wouldn’t be able to work and would still be dependent solely on him to give her money. She couldn’t get knocked up just yet. She would take birth control and find work, if it was the last thing she did. He noticed she wasn’t smiling.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is wrong. You’re not smiling. You don’t seem happy.” He turned the television off. There was complete silence for a few seconds. She turned and faced him.
“Baby, I’m really happy for you. It’s just…”
“It’s what? What is it?” Her eyes met his.
“It’s just I don’t feel like I’m contributing. I feel like a freeloader.”
“Oh, baby…you know I’m gonna hold you down. I got you.”
“I know you got me, baby.” She wiped her eyes with her hand. “I’m not one of those girls that can just freeload on a man.”
“I know. You’re wifey material. That’s exactly why I am marrying you.”
She smiled. He had said everything she wanted to hear. She loved this man. She knew he would take care of her, but she wanted to feel like she was bringing something to the table. He pulled her into his chest. She felt safe with him. He was her friend, he represented security, and she loved him.
It was eight o’clock when Emma called. Top Model was on and Natalie wanted to watch it. She tried avoiding her mom’s call. But after she called two more times, back to back, she answered.
“Mom.”
“Hey, baby. I just called to apologize for how I acted today. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”
“Not at all, Mom,” Natalie said, hoping to wrap up the conversation so she could watch her show.
“You know, I only want the best for you.”
“Yes, Mom, I know,” Natalie said. She knew her mom meant well. She knew that her mom didn’t mean any harm, but she had hurt Natalie’s feelings. Natalie wouldn’t make a big deal out of it because Emma would start up again, making a case about how she was right and Natalie was wrong. The
‘depending on a man’ topic would come up, as well as the fact that Natalie wasn’t working. She would make Natalie feel worthless all over again.
“I love you baby!”
“I love you too, Mom,” Natalie said, looking at her watch. Five minutes had passed.
“Well I ain’t gonna take up too much more of your time.”
“Okay, Mom. Thanks for calling.”
“Oh, one more thing. That girl, Jahanna…you need to watch her.”
“Her name is Jahari! And watch her for what, Mom?”
“I think she might be playing on both sides of the fence, if you know what I mean.”
Natalie was caught off guard by her mother’s assumption. She wondered why she thought that about Jahari. “You think so?”
“I do. I mean, this girl is beautiful. So why in the hell is she single?”
“There are a lot of beautiful single women out there.”
“But she’s single and owns her own business.”
“Mom, the independent ones are the ones that are usually single.” There was an awkward silence. Natalie would have to defend her friend, because if her Mom thought that way about her, it wouldn’t be long before Natalie herself would be questioned about her sexual orientation.
“Okay. You may be right about a lot of independent women being single, but I think your friend is into girls. Believe me. I know what I’m talking about.”
“Mom, you’re crazy.”
“Did you see how she was looking at that waitress?” “No.”
“She looked at that waitress like she was a man. She looked like she wanted to eat that woman alive.” Natalie hadn’t noticed, but Emma was dead-on. Jahari was playing on both sides of the fence, but so was she, and she had to make sure that information stayed a secret.
“Mom, I think you’re wrong about Jahari.”
“I don’t think so, but as long as my daughter is straight, that’s all I care about.”
“Bye, Mom, I have to watch my show.” “Goodbye, baby. I love you.”
Chapter 5
Natalie had replayed the sixty-nine scene in her head for the eighth time since she and Jahari had sex in the studio. Her pussy was throbbing and she wished
Jahari were there to get her off. The clock said twelve twenty- six when Natalie felt Tremaine rubbing her ass. Apparently she wasn’t the only one that was horny. She knew that when Tremaine rubbed her ass, he wanted sex. She turned over and kissed him, not really wanting sex from him. She grabbed his dick. It was solid. She could feel the bulging veins. She jerked it. She knew he liked that. Maybe that would satisfy him. If not, she would give some head, make him cum, and hopefully he would doze off.
“Damn, baby…that feels good.”
Her mind was back at the studio, still back in that moment. She was very horny, but not for a man. It was a different kind of horny, one that she couldn’t explain. She toyed with his balls. His head went back and he hissed. She knew she was making him feel good. He tried to grab her breast, but she pushed his hand back.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just tired babe, but I want to make you happy.” He repossessed his dick, leaned forward, and kissed her neck.
She wasn’t responsive. He stopped. “Something is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“I know you. You always want to have sex. What the fuck is going on?”
“Just not into it, baby, but nothing is wrong. I want to please you. Is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her man?”
He stood up with his dick still at attention. She could see his soldier’s shadow on the wall. He was mad. She knew Tremaine. Not only was he mad, but he was suspicious. Right then she knew there was no way to make this right. If she decided to have sex with him, he would be able to tell that she really didn’t want to, and that would be bad for everybody.
“What the fuck is going on, Natalie?”
“Nothing.”
“Who have you been fucking?”
“I haven’t been fucking anybody.” She said it with such confidence because she really felt that she hadn’t fucked anybody. Jahari was a girl. In her mind, she hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Well, it’s been what, about three weeks since I’ve had some
Pussy?”
“No way.”
“Come on, Nat. What’s going on?”
Natalie sat up on the edge of the bed. She thought back to the last time she’d had sex with him. She couldn’t remember. Sex with him was never eventful, so there was really never a reason to remember the last time. She rarely enjoyed it. But she knew that if she didn’t remember it, it must have been a long time ago.
Tremaine began to pace. He turned the light on. His dick was still semi-hard. He turned toward her and stared at her coldly. “I can’t believe this. I mean, I fucking bust my ass to try to make sure we have a good life. I make sure you don’t have to worry about shit and I can’t get any pussy! What kind of shit is that?”
“Baby! Calm down, please. You can get some pussy. This pussy is yours. It’s just that I am tired, baby. It’s after twelve.”
“I don’t give a fuck. Actually, I wouldn’t give a fuck if it was three o’clock in the morning. This has never been problem for us before.”
“Tremaine, I refuse to fuck you one time, and you accuse me of cheating. What kind of shit is that?”
“We haven’t fucked in weeks, Nat. At least three weeks,” he argued. His dick was completely lifeless now.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’ve just been so tired, you know?”
He looked her directly in her eyes. “Babe, please tell me it’s not anybody else.”
“Come here, babe,” she said. He walked over to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him and said, “Baby, I swear to you that it’s nobody.” She put his dick in her mouth, closed her eyes, and imagined that Jahari was eating her pussy.
Jahari sat alone at a booth in the back of Mama Ricotta’s. She’d asked the hostess to seat her in the same section where she’d sat with Natalie and her mom. The waitress with the glasses appeared. This time Jahari got a look at her name tag. It read “Sandra.”
“Hey. It’s you again,” Sandra said, smiling. Jahari replied, “Yep. It’s me.”
“Where’s your friends?”
“I don’t know. I was in the area, so I decided to come in for a drink.”
“Grey Goose and pineapple juice, right?”
“Good memory.”
Sandra smiled. “Yeah, I remember the most random things. But important stuff I can’t seem to remember at all. Like, I forgot my brother-in-law’s birthday and he freaked out. But hell, my mom had a birthday, my sister, my boyfriend…all had birthdays back to back; there were just too many to keep up with,” Sandra said matter-of-factly.
Jahari smiled. “Well, at least you didn’t forget your boyfriend’s birthday.”
“Hell. He would have killed me,” Sandra said. She left to get the drink. As she walked away, Jahari looked at her ass. She didn’t have much, but she had hips and a small waist. On a scale of one to ten, her body was an eight, but her face was a ten, and that is what Jahari liked. What she didn’t like was that Sandra had a boyfriend. Just like Natalie. The boyfriend made it that much more difficult to figure out if she was into girls; it made it difficult to flirt. The boyfriend situation just made it harder, because she was looking for love. She wasn’t looking for somebody who was already in love.
Sandra brought the drink back. “Here you go, hon.”
“Thank you.”
“You know, you have some very toned arms. Do you work out?”
“Yeah,” Jahari said. She sipped her drink.
“My boyfriend works out. He’s been trying to get me to work out with him.”
“I’m a trainer.”
“I knew you were a trainer or an athlete. I mean, your body is tight as hell.”
Jahari laughed at Sandra, who sounded kind of country and ghetto. But she could also tell that Sandra was cool people.
Sandra pulled her BlackBerry from her purse and showed Jahari a picture of her boyfriend. He was tall with wavy hair and a complexion the color of walnuts. He was shirtless in the picture, and his body was chiseled. He looked damned good to
Jahari. She would fuck him. Nice.
“Yeah…he keeps asking me to go to the gym and work out with him, but I just can’t work out with a man. I don’t want to have him looking at some damn muscle woman.”
Jahari didn’t say anything. She wondered if Sandra thought she looked like a muscle woman. Some people liked her body while others didn’t. She knew she wasn’t manly, but sometimes she felt a little insecure about her looks. What woman didn’t? Either they felt they were too thick or too thin. Everyone had insecurities, and she was no different. She passed the phone back to Sandra.
“I would like a trainer one day, but right now I can’t afford it.” Jahari didn’t offer her services to Sandra. Though she thought Sandra was attractive, running a business meant she had to support herself, and she couldn’t do that by offering charity. She had heard from clients that she was pricey, but she felt she was the best in Charlotte. She got results. Besides, this chick had a boyfriend; a fine-ass boyfriend. There was no way she was leaving him. He was attractive and in shape. He probably was a monster in bed.
“So, does your boyfriend have any cute friends?” Jahari asked, knowing now that Sandra was out of the question but perhaps she could meet one of his friends. Hell. She would like to meet a man if he was as fine as Sandra’s man.
“Girl, you don’t want to meet any of his friends.”
“Why?”
The hostess waved, telling Sandra she had another table.
“I’ll be right back.” Sandra went to the other side of the room. She seated two guys: a fat black dude and a white dude with dreads. She brought them water and then returned to Jahari’s table. “No, you don’t want to see my man’s friends.”
“Why?”
“A couple of them are married, but they will tell you that they’re not. Most of them have at least two baby mamas. Well, there is one guy, Phillip, he’s going through some shit with his girl. But I don’t think he’s gonna last with her. He’s a nice guy, maybe too nice for that ho.” Sandra covered her mouth. “Oooh. I’m sorry.”
Jahari laughed. “You ain’t gotta censor yourself for me.”
“But Phillip is nice.”
“How does he look?”
“Oh, he’s a Lite Brite, but he’s cute.” “Huh?”
“He’s light-skinned, I mean. I don’t do light-skinned men, but maybe you do,” Sandra said. She excused herself and went back to the table with the two guys, who looked impatient. She took their orders and came back to Jahari’s table. Jahari had finished her drink.
“So, tell me about Phillip.”
“He works at Time Warner Cable, not installing cable, but girl he got a good desk job.”
Damn. This girl was ghetto as hell, Jahari thought. A little too ghetto. Now that she’d been talking to her for a while, she knew that this would not have ever worked between them. Maybe just some good sex, long term—never. But she appreciated her bluntness.
“A job is always good.” Jahari smiled.
“I know, right? He drives an Acura and owns his house.”
Phillip sounded like a winner; well, at least on paper. Hell, it was time for her to get a man that looked good on paper. She just hoped he could fuck her right, unlike Natalie’s boyfriend.
“Stand up,” Sandra requested. Jahari looked confused.
“I want to take a picture of you with my phone. Phillip is gonna love you.”
Jahari stood and Sandra took a picture of her incredible assets. She and Sandra exchanged numbers.
Chapter 6
Where the hell are you going dressed like that?” Tremaine asked.
“What’s wrong with what I got on?” Tremaine examined her. Natalie wore a tight red skirt that gripped her ass wonderfully, along with six-inch heels and a white blouse that made her breasts appear ample.
“You look like you’re trying to sell something.”
She knew she looked good. She knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with what she had on. He had paid for it. She knew the real issue was that she was going out and she hadn’t told him where she was going.
“Tremaine, I’m offended.” “Where are you going, Nat?”
“I’m going out with Jahari. Going to get some wine, and then I’m coming home.”
“Going to get some wine…looking like that?” He shook his head in disgust.
“Hey, you are really tripping. I always dress like this.” “Yeah, when you’re with me. Not when you’re going out with some single bitch.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Means if she’s looking for men, then you’re going to be looking too.” Natalie grabbed her clutch from the kitchen counter. Nobody was stopping her from going out to have a good time. She had asked him if he wanted to go out. He said ‘no.’ Hell, she was young. She was going to have fun.
“You sound like a fool, dude.”
“I do? I just noticed that ever since that bitch has come around, the pussy has been coming less frequently, and you’ve been dressing sluttier and sluttier.”
“I’m a slut now?”
He sat on the bar stool and looked directly into her eyes. “Hey, what is with you and this chick?”
‘Oh, no,’ Natalie thought. She wondered if he suspected that they were sleeping together. Then she realized that was impossible. He had only seen them together twice.
“What do you mean, what’s up with me and this chick?”
“I mean, she’s been getting a lot of your time.” “Not really.”
“More time than I’m getting.”
“That’s because you’re working so much.” “Well, somebody has to work in this house.”
Natalie couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She couldn’t believe that he was taking shots at her for not being employed. She had known it would come to this one day.
“Okay, Tremaine. That was a low blow.”
“I’m just saying, I work so I can pay the bills, and you’re partying with your friends. You do what you want to do, and I do what I gotta do.”
“Tremaine, I’m gonna find a job, soon, so I don’t have to put up with this shit. I’m not trying to be a freeloader.” She walked toward the door. He stopped her.
“Hey, babe, I’m just saying this chick just popped up out of nowhere, and now you’ve changed.” Natalie looked irritated.
“I’ve changed? How have I changed?”
Tremaine held her hand. “I’m just saying it seems like we don’t spend time together anymore.”
“Tremaine that was fucked up what you just said. You know I’m trying to find a job. You know I don’t want to spend your money.”
“Baby, it ain’t about my money. It’s about me and you spending time together.”
Natalie hadn’t noticed that things had changed, hadn’t thought about spending time with him. But she knew he was right. Had she become so infatuated with Jahari that she had forgotten about her man? She knew men became frustrated when they couldn’t get sex. Maybe the lack of pussy was one of the real reasons he was tripping. She leaned into him and kissed him.
“Let’s talk when I come back. I promise we’re gonna make this work.” He kissed her back, reluctantly, and stepped aside. She left.
They sat in the back of the wine bar, in a dark corner. One candle glowed on the table. They had been there two hours. An older white man sat across the room. He had sent notice that he would take care of their tab. They had declined, at first, but he insisted. He never came over to introduce himself, but he sent two business cards over. They guessed that he figured if they were interested, they would call him. They were grateful for the wine, but neither planned to call the poor guy. Jahari was on her third glass of wine and Natalie was still nursing her Riesling.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Jahari’s green eyes were so catlike under the candlelight. She looked sincerely concerned. Natalie wondered whether it was that obvious that something was bothering her.
“It’s Tremaine.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s sayin’ that I changed in the last few weeks.” “How?”
“Well, I haven’t exactly been giving him any, and he’s frustrated.”
Jahari laughed. “Now you know you gotta break ya man off.”
“I know. I haven’t been feeling like it. You know?”
“No. What I know is that we have amazing sex together and maybe it’s time for you to be straight up with Mr. Tremaine and tell him exactly what you want. You can’t go on not getting satisfied.” Jahari grabbed her hand, massaged it, and Natalie felt tingling between her legs.
“I know.”
“Nothing worse than having sex when you don’t want to have sex. Makes you kind of feel like a ho.”
“Don’t I know it. I’ve been sucking his dick, but I know I’m gonna have to fuck him eventually.”
“You make it sound so bad.” Jahari laughed.
Natalie pulled her hand back and took a deep breath. “I have to find a job, too, because he made me feel worthless today.”
“How?” Natalie avoided her eyes, holding the glass to her mouth trying to think of a reply. She really didn’t want to tell Jahari her business. Natalie felt the urge to talk to somebody and she damn sure wasn’t going to tell her mom. The last thing she wanted to hear was ‘I told you so.’
“He said that he was the only one working. Something that
I knew, but to hear him say it was a blow to my self-esteem.” “You can’t let him get to you like that.”
“I have to find a job. I can’t go on like this. Nobody is gonna talk to me like that again.”
Jahari rubbed her hand underneath the table. Natalie pulled it back again. She knew Jahari was trying to comfort her, but she felt uncomfortable. They were in a public place. Though it was common to see heterosexual females getting touchy-feely in public, something didn’t feel right.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Jahari said. She had noticed Natalie’s reservations.
“It’s okay.”
“So what’s your work experience? What did you do at
Verizon?”
“It was customer service work, but I have a degree in
Marketing.”
“Some of my clients are connected. A couple of them have their own businesses. I will see what I can do to help you find work.” Natalie and Jahari’s eyes met.
“Thank you,” Natalie said. A tear rolled down her face.
Jahari grabbed her hand and Natalie didn’t pull away.
Latorre’s was a salsa club, downtown. Jahari talked Natalie into going to the club. Natalie knew there would be hell to pay once she got home. But she went anyway. She needed to relieve some stress, and dancing was just what she needed. They walked into the club. A black guy with wavy hair walked up and grabbed Jahari around the waist.
“Dammit, girl. You are wearing that fuckin’ dress.” Jahari did look good in the red dress. Her waist looked super small and her ass popped out. Her heels made her legs look extra- lean.
The man then looked at Natalie and said, “And you’re looking like delicious chocolate.” He had a Spanish dialect. Natalie figured he must have been Dominican or something. He wasn’t an American black man.