Trapped
By
Lance Stewart
SMASHWORDS EDITION
* * * * *
PUBLISHED BY:
Lance Stewart on Smashwords
Trapped
Copyright © 2005, 2010, 2012 by Lance Stewart
*****
In Memory of Grandma, Papa, Grandma, and Grandpa Buddy, three people whose lives each became an intricate part of my very being, of my own soul, and one whom I never met but think of constantly as well.
*****
Chapter 1
“Most of the time I didn’t have a clue as to what I even thought she was thinking.” Jeff smiles at his host. “That’s always been my downfall with women.”
“Start at the beginning,” insists the dying man.
Jeff looks to the window and into the stars.
“Everything happened so quickly; I looked back and she wasn’t there.”
“Where was she Jeff?”
“With me.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe she would have looked for me.”
“She couldn’t.”
Jeff turns to the ailing man in his bed.
“Why
do you think?”
“She’s been kidnapped Jeff.”
“What!” Jeff gets up. “What do you mean? How do you know?”
“She’s been kidnapped Jeff and you must find her.”
Jeff’s world begins to spin fast and he quickly plops back down in his chair. His body shakes and sweat forms on his brows. His voice is scratchy but he is able to produce sound.
“I don’t.” He clears his throat. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re connected to this girl right?”
“Yes. I’ve felt something is wrong though I know not exactly what. I feared for the worst and I’ve been unable to sleep or eat while here.”
“The boundaries of love are infinite. So has your pain been and so has hers. She waits for you Jeff.”
Jeff sits still for a while. Outside nature plays its music of the awakening day. The silent hiss of the grasshoppers is quickly overtaken by the different calls of the different birds. The state’s bird, the mockingbird, hasn’t made his presence known yet. Jeff is glad. A new day opens for Jeff.
Jeff’s friend coughs violently and rises up on his right side and spits in his pan. He falls back down breathing heavily. Jeff comes closer to the older man.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Take this away.”
The old man grins as he knows his young friend can’t as Jeff looks sorrowful in knowing the same.
“Tell me about her Jeff. You can’t leave just yet. The timing isn’t good.’
“When will I know?”
“Soon a friend of mine will guide you. You’ve seen him before. Both of you have.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about.”
“You won’t until the time comes. The rain clouds will roll away and you will see.”
“Rain clouds? Forecast said nothing about that.”
The old man smiles. In his smile Jeff finds peace and understanding.
“Tell me about her.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“Are you sure? That’s a lot.”
“It is one of my last wishes.”
With a sigh Jeff sits back. His story unravels naturally.
2
A summer breeze blows by and within it Jeff hears the faint whispers of tomorrow. The whispers are faint for he doesn’t know it will be years before he hears that sweet song again.
Youth is a virtuous time where all reason is thrown away and yet objectivity still remains. The promise of tomorrow is but the hope of yesterday. Secrets dance within the wind. If we could but hear then perhaps we could listen to some of them. Some secrets we never will hear.
Over across the street stands in the fairly distant light a statue of some soldier. Jeff had once looked at the soldier but couldn’t make out his name. It had faded with the restless wear of time. Solitude was his only confinement.
In many ways Jeff had become like the lonely, forgotten soldier. The brilliant ivory of life had waxed down to a gray and dull existence. Breakups are always hard, but now school no longer mattered. Work no longer mattered. Friends no longer mattered. It remained hard for him to visit his family. That will never change.
“Bridget and I were close. I mean, I’ve been in a lot of relationships. I’ve never enjoyed parting ways but this one is different somehow.”
A moment of silence echoes its infinite song of solitude and then Emmett asks,” What do you mean Jeff?”
Rubbing his hands together, as if trying to light a spark, Jeff pulls his concentration to the window to his right and he searches his emotions. His feelings he can’t help from rising.
“I love her and that’s what’s different. It’s not the desire to have something when it’s gone. I’ve felt that.” Jeff looks into his friend’s eyes. “I know what that feels like. If I wanted any girl that wouldn’t be hard for me to do. When I’m out at a club or at a bar good looking women always hit on me. If the bartender is a chic then I’ll get half my drinks for free.”
With this Emmett smiles. He remembers his battered days in this exciting game we call life.
“If I wanted to go out with someone that wouldn’t be hard. She would be very attractive but what would be the point? I’m very selective in who I want to date. I want only the very best of the absolute greatest. I’ve taken my picks from that impossible but select few. I’ve had fun with some and some weren’t as great as I thought. But one was.”
The breeze becomes warmer and Jeff looks up into the face of the full moon. His girlfriend Bridget looks into the reflection it casts upon the silent Mississippi Gulf Coast Sound. A pelican breaks the silence as it lifts off from its feeding spot in the water and heads westward. Jeff looks down and together their eyes meet. No words are needed for two young lovers. We say with our eyes what our soul wants. It is to this day Jeff returns to often. Of all the fantastic moments with Bridget that might just well be the best.
But only a few months later things with Bridget would become rather rocky. At some point both began to realize their relationship wasn’t a bed of roses and as each petal began to fall the days left with Bridget were numbered for Jeff.
“She began acting strange those last few days. I thought she was seeing someone else but after several months had passed I know she wasn’t.”
“What was strange about her?”
“I don’t know. It’s like she was here with me but then she wasn’t. Something important was on her mind that she wanted me to know but wouldn’t tell me.”
“That she was seeing someone else?”
Jeff nods his head as if to say ‘no’ and then looks up.
“But that’s not all is it?”
Jeff shakes his head. “No.”
“She called me on the phone and said she didn’t think things were gonna work out. I asked her what the problem really was. She yelled some obscenity and hung up.”
“Did you call her back?”
“No. I was too mad.”
Jeff looks into the twilight of a new day. The unseen moon is hidden away beneath a blanket of clouds. Soon the sun will break through shattering the dark clouds for half the world to see its little brother. Jeff didn’t think it fair for the sun to find its younger sibling and there in that hospital room he remained without his. As dark as the day that had left she was, but Jeff knew the sun shined on her somewhere.
“Why does God hate me?”
“Hate no. Challenge yes.”
Thanks Yoda.
“A part of life may be in death. The death of a friend, the death of a relative. The death of a relationship.”
“But there may also be life.”
At this the old man smiled. Yes indeed. From the ashes of a relationship life could be started anew.
3
Jet Blue is without a doubt the greatest airline. The entire aircraft is first class. The big leather seats with satellite TVs on the back of each chair makes the ride enjoyable but what makes it comfortable is the ample amount of leg room one has. Headphones are given away and not sold to the traveler as is some cases on other airlines. In fact the stewards beg you to keep the earphones once you de-board the plane and will not hesitate to tell you the reason being they don’t wish to collect your earwax!
Still, Bridget can’t help but feel a little nervous boarding her plane. It’s been nearly two years since she’s seen Jeff. To an older person two years is no time at all, but when two years comprises of one tenth of one’s life the impact is great.
TV moms will sell you the happiest lives. We’re lead to believe man and woman meet magically without any hardships. The only arguments are the lessons solved at the end of the show. Reality sometimes has no solutions.
Jeff never did like school. College was spent hanging out with friends and going out. Should he wake up in time for class chances were he still wouldn’t go.
It’s strange how sometimes the smartest people act the dumbest. Jeff never cared for school. A “C” or an “A” meant the same. That part of his life didn’t matter. He was an ageless wanderer spontaneously traveling through the wind. The burden of not going to class had become more than he could bear and he decided to take some time off while doing an internship. After coming back from his internship he decided to take summer classes to make up for the lost time. After four years of college it had become time to be serious.
Eight o’clock classes are a burden to society - a society that uses that time to recover from the previous night. When he signed up for a political science class at eight he had no intention of keeping it. The first day of class Jeff awakened with the familiar feeling of not wanting to get up and go to school. This feeling had followed him since elementary, but something spoke to his heart to go. Reluctantly he went.
Climbing the stairs and turning into room 201 he hesitated slightly and then bolted into the room. The professor was already talking for Jeff arrived at his usual time - several minutes late. Closing the door behind him Jeff’s subconscious took control. To his left in the back sat what appeared to be an unattractive female while to his right sat a beautiful brunette. Instantaneously with the closing of the door Jeff’s legs moved him up the aisle and behind that good looking brunette. When he sat down she turned slightly to look at him. Jeff, now able to actually study his fellow classmate, knew he had made the right decision.
“It is impossible to be perfect but in my eyes she is.” Jeff searches his lost memories. “Everything was great. I mean we were young, in love, and then she just left. Of course I was devastated. She had been in my life for a long portion of my existence. Maybe I would have moved on. Maybe not. I don’t know. Soon, well I say soon, but, yeah, I guess it was- I really don’t like to talk about it. After we broke up my parents were killed. That was hard for me to handle but I still had my sister to hold on to. She handled it in a different way. There was nothing wrong with that. No two people come to the same conclusion exactly the same. Their paths may be similar to one another but no two are exactly the same. It’s like finding Jesus. There are many roads to Christ. An atheist may never have known God but may one day find enlightening through his soul mate and without knowing it found God. For God is light. I’m a strong believer in my faith. As a Christian I know the only way into Heaven is through Christ but there are many avenues I feel that lead to Christ. Christians have a direct way, what we feel is the easiest path, although sometimes I’m not so sure. Others I think may find Christ at the end. For what else is the Great White Throne Judgment for if not for one last chance?”
“Revelations is a good book.” Emmett smiles at his young guest.
“I’m sorry. I’m apt to go off on religious tangents now and then.”
“Never be sorry. This is great and I feel God is among us. For where there are more than one gathered in His name He is also. Even when there is debate about the Son of Man God is also there. Life is a puzzle. In order for all the pieces to fit we must all be different. Perhaps that is His intention.”
“And perhaps life is a test,” Jeff continues. “It wasn’t much longer my parents died that my sister was murdered. University of Arkansas. Jealous boyfriend. In the span of just months I had lost everything dear unto me. She could have been there. Bridget could have been there. Bridget could have helped me through even though we had broken up, but when important events that would forever shape my life had occurred, when I needed her most, she wasn’t. Knowing about it wasn’t enough. She could have helped me through. Helped me with the funeral arrangements to get my mind off what I was doing. But there was no help. There was only me.”
“I’m sorry for your great losses Jeff but you were never alone.”
Jeff smiles. “Not in friendships either. My friends were there for me and that was a relief but a friend, no matter how close he is, no matter how long you’ve known him, can never be as connected to you as your family - as a serious girlfriend. I didn’t know what to do. Starkville had become restless for me.
Jeff takes a long pause, studies his hands and then quickly puts them away. “So I left.”
Outside a loon bird cries.
“Death would have been better than what I faced.”
“Suicide?”
“No, I don’t have the stomach for it. A spontaneous person had schedules to meet all of a sudden. Weird schedules. And when, or if, one of these schedules became interrupted my life would fall apart.”
“Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.”
“That’s what Dr. Bernstein said. Well among other things.”
Jeff pauses.
“I wasn’t myself and I hid from who I was. Once I was lost and I truly understand that parable now. I was lost and there was no way of bringing me back. It took my passing out on to a hot pavement…”
“Did you know that from my bed to the door…”
“I…is eight and a half squares.”
Both smile and Emmett adds, “Ten and a half where my feet would hit and fourteen from where you are.”
“Some things will take a little longer for me to get normal. I don’t think OCD is something you can abandon overnight.”
“I’m afraid not.”
“But some things are diminishing. Some have since my stay here with you.”
“You’ve helped me satisfy the last requirement of an old man.”
“Life is what it is and this it will always remain to be.”
“But this is not the end for you Jeff. You will see the rising of a brighter day. As the dawn fades in my life another is born.”
“The end is only the beginning of another end.”
“And so the end is just another beginning. Go on. Tell me the rest.”
“I was mad when she came. She had sent me a note, well more like a letter. Bridget never was one for long words when written. When spoken,” Jeff smirks, “well that was another thing.”
Emmett smiles.
“As bad as it was for me that she came back it must have been bad for her too.”
4
As she entered his complex remembering their last day she wondered what he thought as he drove away. She had a pretty good idea that it wasn’t pleasant, but she never expected Jeff to disappear and never be heard from again. She was very lucky to have found him. A certain unease overcame her as she stood at his door and she almost turned away to leave Jeff as he was. If she knew then what she was to later find out she would have ran from Jeff Thompson’s door.
“Jeff!”
“How are you Bridget?” the non moved host answered.
”Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“Oh yeah. Come in.”
Jeff took her bags and very casually walked over to a spare bedroom decorated in an old fashioned setting complete with two antique chairs off centered with an old painting of a country windmill motionless in the wind. In between the two chairs is an oak poker table and on the far side of the room, pushed against the corner of a wall, stands an old bed, that, in fact, is in good condition leaving a wooden effect that one couldn’t help but like but also an effect that one couldn’t appreciate.
Jeff never looked to see if she had a ring and as she put her things away he stood as he had two years ago - motionless and empty handed.
“The flight over went very smooth.”
Smiling, Bridget turned facing Jeff. Pain filled her as she saw the transformation of a human being she once cared for so deeply. In its stead she witnessed the shadowy existence of a man named Jeff. How she ever had the strength to be so insensitive she couldn’t grasp.
“Look Jeff, I...umm. How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“I’m doing good. I’m doing good. We have to talk.”
“Perhaps you would like to eat something first.”
“Oh that would be great. Well, what’s good?”
“I usually just eat McDonald’s; is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine Jeff. I’ll just get ready.”
Jeff had told a lie and it wouldn’t be the last she would hear.
The time was well past 11:30 and she was interfering with his schedule. Jeff had to get back on track. His state of mind depended on it. For the time Bridget was to stay with him she would have no choice but to freely accept his ritual of life.
Summer Obsession. She stepped out of the bathroom and her scent strongly preceded her. Suddenly Jeff was thrown back a few years to a time when there were no worries. No haunting memories of a painful past. Only a bright horizon of the future to come.
“One dollar. One dollar. Prove your strength. Win your girl a Teddy. One dollar.”
There’s something about fairs, circuses, and carnivals alike that makes one’s skin crawl.
Fairs are run by ex-convicts who reek of a traveling week’s work while operating heavy machinery under the influence of alcohol along with any other type of cheap drug that can be purchased. Throw in some cotton candy and horse manure and there you have it - one of America’s favorite past times. An unsafe haven filled with murderers and criminals of all sorts run by the stench of society whose only good is to rip off John Q. Public for as high as he’ll pay.
The fair.
After John’s paid might as well bring his cousins, uncles, and aunts and squeeze another hard earned dollar from all of them.
Filled with pointless games that no one can win, the fair hosts unfair competitions promoted to be fun but, instead, is a great example of a pyramid scheme. It’s all a fraud. Jeff’s personal favorite is the duck game. An intellectual’s dream of a challenge where you strategically pick three ducks for three bucks and match the prize according to the number on the bottom of the duck. As misfortune will have it no matter how many ducks one picks the same number is always picked. The prize that accompanies can be anything from a cheap, small, and plastic water pistol to an airplane sized bag of animal crackers. What fun.
One dollar. One dollar. It’s always just one more dollar. Fairs are a lot like casinos. Just one more dollar and you’ll hit the grand prize.
Jeff usually passed these types of booths but something appealed to him. It wasn’t the booth or the stupid big bear. Jeff had never won her anything, and, for a young man in love, winning that bear meant the world to him. It didn’t really matter. She was already going to go home with him. What a night it would be. She would give him a night he would always remember. Yes what a night.
“One dollar. One dollar big fella’.”
He turned to Bridget.
“Uhh, I just want to try my luck, ya know.”
With his body tense and his mind wandering Jeff focuses all of his energy toward the game.
The game was a big red dot in which you had to cover completely with big gray cylinders. It wasn’t impossible. The smelly vendor proved it could be done. Jeff tried the first time and failed to cover about a third of the dot. Perhaps he should have been on the same octane as the vendor - case of Bud.
“Now come on son, you can do better than that,” the drunken master professes.
Jeff looks at Bridget who is shining brighter than any star. She doesn’t care about the bear, the vendor, or any ride at the fair. Right now her man is trying to prove his love for her and that is the only thing that matters.
Looking up at him she shares that undying passion of youth. All is well.
That’s all it took. Jeff, the math genius who barely squeaked by geometry in high school and who struggled through Algebra, has determined to finally get a handle on angles. Such riddles as “y=mx+b” will be soon solved. Where had “x” been all this time? He didn’t know. Jeff had been chasing “x” since junior high. He never found it in high school. But tonight he saw a glimpse of his old friend. The infamous “x”, for now, had been silenced, but he would later escape. He always does.
“Jeff? Jeff? You look distant. Are you okay?”
Reality swirls around him bringing him back to present day. These were good memories that he liked and yet he only referenced them every so often. It was his case of Bud that kept him fueled.
Bringing home that Teddy Bear had cost him $33 and his half of the power bill. It had almost been cut off that month and would have had his parents not sent him money. They were always sending him money to help him get by.
As if reading his mind she said,” I know that I haven’t spoken to you in a couple of years and that you probably don’t want to see me.”
Jeff, who usually studies his hands when he feels someone has read his thoughts, decided not to study his hands this time. His humbled manner makes Bridget turn away in her shame.
Two years is a long time to stay in solitude. Time not well spent will eventually change a person. The vibrant, energetic youth of Jeff has passed on and in its stead is this shell of a man she knew not. She hadn’t expected this dramatic type of change. Her letter was now a distant reminder of why she had come.
Why had she come? The thought has since passed and yet she still wanted to run into Jeff’s arms and embrace him. The time spent away had been so long.
Goodbye is such an ugly word. She hated leaving him but she thought she had to. He had so much going for him. A kid would throw him off. Bridget knew that if she tried to tell him they could no longer see each other he’d try to talk her out of it. As it turned out they didn’t see each other anyway, but he had a way of talking her out of things she really didn’t want. She had made up her mind on this one. She would let him continue college and make something of himself while she raised their kid. After he finished college she would tell him. The news would be bad, of course. Whatever reaction Jeff responded to she would honor.
Bridget loved Jeff. She didn’t know how to let him go and after an incredible evening with him her job was much harder than anticipated. She had put it off too long and any longer tell-tale signs of pregnancy would tell the story to be told. The only thing she could do was to leave without him ever coming back. She would reference the ugliest word in the English dictionary. One of sorrow. One of coldness. She would tell Jeff, “Goodbye.” And that’s exactly what she did.
People change once they are away from one another. Some grow stronger while others grow apart. Jeff took on a completely different lifestyle. Bridget now faced more problems than she did two years ago.
Jeff was far from okay. It was now 11:46 on Wednesday. She was cutting into his schedule. Soon he would have to go the grocery store regardless of the interference. It had been two weeks.
The walk to the store troubled Bridget more. Jeff was distant and talked seldom. When Jeff did talk to her it was very sober and yet sharp. Could two years really change a man? The same guy that always held out doors for her wherever she went and could talk freely to her now walked with his head down, mumbled things out to himself, and let only himself into the doors that they now walked into.
“A person just can’t change because you decide all of a sudden to reenter my life. I’ve moved on. My life’s different without you.”
Startled, Bridget found words unlike that night two years ago.
“Jeff, I...I’m sorry. My intentions were always pure. I never meant...”
“Well you did. ‘Goodbye.’ ‘Goodbye?’ what cold person uses that word? You never called. You never even wrote me. Not even when my...”
“I didn’t know. I was with my parents and our... When I came back and tried to find you, you were nowhere.”
“So how did you find me? I mean this isn’t exactly the first place I would go looking if I was looking for myself.”
“It wasn’t; I’ve been searching for a little over a year now.”
Not being able to perform his schedule proved detrimental to Jeff. His neat apartment had suddenly come in disarray. Bridget could only look on with much grief as Jeff struggled to straighten the things in his apartment. His first task was straightening the movies in his cabinet. Jeff had a good many, not an eye boggling amount, but it took him over an hour to align all DVDs facing in one direction evenly.
It was as if she was watching a monkey at the zoo perform a task. Jeff would pull out a DVD, hold it for exactly seven seconds, and put it back in its place. If the DVD bumped another, even the slightest, the whole process would be repeated beginning with the first one. He ignored her pleas to help him. The truth was he just couldn’t hear her.
Chapter 2
The latter part of November on the Mississippi Gulf Coast is rather lovely. While most of the country makes preparations to be covered in a blanket of snow the confused weather patterns hovering Mississippi produce its own version of ice. Ninety to one hundred degrees during the day and the ever chilling 80ish degree weather at night. Should the weather ever drop below this the residents run around in a frenzy preparing for the bitter cold weather of 70 degrees.
So it wasn’t unusual that Jeff had a light jacket on in the middle of November when the temperature was just below 70. As he walked the streets of downtown Gulfport something rather peculiar had occurred to him. Time did not exist. The clock above Hancock Bank showed no sign of moving for one had to stay there for quite some time to witness it register the passage of time - a trait known to big clocks.
From the position of the sun he could tell that it should be around 11. Not quite noon. And yet there was nobody around. Downtown Gulfport was deserted and in its place only shadows of the forgotten buildings, but from the distance he could make out what sounded like music. Very faint but steadily growing as he walked toward the sound. When Jeff walked onto Highway 49 he froze still.
Highway 49 is the main road going through downtown Gulfport. It starts at its intersection with the highway that parallels the beach, Highway 90. This broad road gives way to banks, law firms, real estate agents at its growth and spurts out to fast food joints further down. At any given time there are several cars passing the intersection of 49 but today there weren’t any cars on the road.
Today as Jeff walked down the length of 49 and into the wide girth south of Highway 90,known as Jones Park, he saw where the music was coming. Louder now than what it had been and although Jeff didn’t advance toward it the music grew louder still. Soon Jeff was engulfed by the music. He could hear it behind him whistling through the cracks of the empty buildings. Jeff’s world began to fade but not before he caught sight of something moving. The Tilt-O-Whirl was spinning round and round hypnotizing Jeff’s very thoughts. As it continued to spin Jeff was losing his sense of reality.
And then Jeff came to.
The familiar smell of horse manure mixed with cotton candy filled the air. Right in front of him the Tilt-O-Whirl spun out of control. To his left the Gravitron spins in full motion. To Jeff’s right the Pirate Ship swings back and forth. Beyond that the Ferris wheel goes round about. Behind the Tilt-O-Whirl a roller coaster is producing its acoustics of a long lost memory for Jeff.
But much like the streets of downtown Gulfport the fair was empty. The phantom fair is in town. Jeff is frightened. He wanted to see someone. Anybody. For once he would give anything to see anybody even if it was a drunken operator. And then Jeff did see someone. It moved rather fast at first, twisting, twirling, turning through the alleyways of the fair as Jeff chases the figure.
“Hold on. Stop!” Jeff cries out in desperation.
And the figure did just that. It was a woman. Jeff could see she was a brunette with a touch of blond. She is dressed in a bright yellow top with black Capri pants. The shadow of a booth hides her.
“Bridget?”
The woman slightly turns her head and for the first time Jeff could see that she is wearing Ronald McDonald type of red shoes, seemingly out of place with the rest of her outfit.
“Bridget?” he asked again while backing up.
What Jeff mistook for a woman turned around completely.
“No Jeff,” the clown replied. “Were you expecting someone else?”
The yellow top Jeff knew he had seen with black Capri pants was now replaced with an orange and white and blue-striped one piece suit with red fluffy buttons down its middle. Three red fluffy buttons that seemed larger than life to Jeff. Jeff put up his hands trying desperately to say something but only shrills came from his throat. The clown grins as he advances toward Jeff.
“No!” Jeff hoarsely breathed out. “No!”
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Jeff sits bolt right in his bed with his head turned sharply toward his left and strikes the alarm clock knocking it off his night table. Reluctantly he gets to his feet and turns the intruder off. Jeff is happy for its intrusion.
Jeff noticed something else. The bathroom light is on. He didn’t leave it on he was sure of that. In the middle of his thinking who had left it on he remembers that he has a visitor. She was his only visitor since moving into his apartment over a year ago.
Bridget has always been a light sleeper. The alarm clock, no doubt, had awakened her. Were her dreams as pleasant as his? Or was she able to dream pleasant occurrences.
Jeff had an idea the answer was no. Despite being away from her for all of this time Jeff has a pretty good handle on Bridget.
He walks toward the bathroom to see her and then sits back down. His right foot hits the floor first and he always starts off with his left. He tried again but had a bad thought when his left foot hit. He dismisses the thought as soon as it occurs. At least that one firewall was still working.
He sat there trying to think of a happy thought as his left foot simultaneously hits the floor but continues to be defeated by the horrible image of the clown. He tries this until past 8 o’clock never noticing the bathroom light had long been turned off.