The Trouble with Daleks
a work of fan fiction by
Paris Portingale
Copyright 2012
Published by MoshPit Publishing
An imprint of Mosher’s Business Support
PO Box 147
Hazelbrook NSW 2779
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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While the content of this story is the original work of the author, both the author and the publisher acknowledge that the Daleks were invented by Terry Nation and immortalised in the BBC television series Dr Who. No infringement of any copyright is intended by any part of this story and this story is free for anyone to share with like-minded people who may have an interest in Daleks and what a world with Daleks might be like, especially a world with Daleks but without Dr Who!
However, should anyone identify any breach of copyright, please contact the publisher in the first instance so that we can discuss the issue and ascertain what needs to be done to rectify the situation.
Otherwise, enjoy!
Introduction
This story explores how a relationship between human beings and Daleks might possibly develop. It deliberately doesn’t go into the workings of the Dalek (how they get about, manage stairs, drive cars etc), as the main issue is the interaction of the two species. In this universe it is accepted that a Dalek can do pretty much anything a human can.
P. P.
~~~
Daleks: an overview
Definition:
Biological-machine hybrid.
Characteristics:
Intelligent but with traits of naiveté and gullibility
Have a distorted grasp of the concept of thinking things through
Ideally should obey any direct order
Prone to moods—touchy
At the time this story takes place, Daleks have been around for about fifty years.
The Trouble with Daleks
Ron & DRK 432
‘That’ll be the phone, Doreen.’
‘Let the Dalek get it,’ Doreen calls out.
‘Sure,’ Ron says and he whistles and their Dalek trundles into the lounge room. His registration tag says, ‘DRK 432’.
‘Get that,’ Ron says.
‘Get that …?’ says DRK 432.
‘Phone,’ Ron says irritably.
‘I was looking for the “please,” ’ says the Dalek.
‘Get the phone,’ Ron says and DRK 432 says, ‘Please …’
‘Get the phone,’ Ron says and there is a real tone of threat in his voice. The Dalek, however, remains motionless.
Ron straightens in his chair and says, ‘I order you to get the phone.’ The Dalek still doesn’t move. It is a stand-off. Ron is staring hard into the Dalek’s eye and the Dalek is staring right back at Ron.
Ron says, ‘You can’t disobey a direct order. It’s in your rules.’ The Dalek flinches, but still doesn’t move. Ron’s teeth are gritted. ‘I directly order you to answer the phone.’
With the phone still ringing, DRK 432 swivels his head so he’s looking away, across the other side of the room, and Ron bangs the arm of his chair and says, ‘Jesus fucking Christ. Okay, please.’
‘Thank you,’ says the Dalek and he rolls across the room and answers the phone.
He says, ‘Conroy residence, what do you want?’ There is a pause, then, running the words quickly together, the Dalek says, ‘Fuck you very much,’ and brings the receiver over to Ron. He says, ‘It’s for you.’
Ron says, ‘What did you just say?’ and DRK 432 says, ‘It’s for you.’
‘No, before that.’
‘I don’t recall exactly.’
Ron snatches the phone, saying, ‘I haven’t finished with this.’ He puts the receiver to his ear and says, ‘Yes, who is it?’
The voice on the end of the line says, ‘It’s Vince. Who was that answered the phone?’
‘The Dalek,’ Ron says, and Vince says, ‘Bit of an insolent tone.’
Ron says, ‘I know, I’m sorry.’
Vince says, ‘Better nip that in the bud, Ron, or you’ll have your own Dalek walking all over you.’
Ron looks at DRK 432 menacingly and DRK 432 spins on his wheels and trundles from the room, his eye stalk up at a 45 degree angle.
Ron says to Vince, ‘I’m going to have words, don’t worry,’ and Vince says, ‘Good man. You have to be firm.’
~~~
A short while later Ron is going through the house. He finds his wife and says, ‘Where’s the Dalek?’
‘I haven’t seen him, dear,’ Doreen says.
‘God damn.’
Ron is in a stink. He continues looking, going from room to room. When it becomes clear the Dalek is not in the house, Ron looks out the back.
In the backyard DRK 432 is talking over the fence to the next door’s Dalek. When they see Ron they move apart. The next door’s Dalek starts whistling. He has a rake and begins raking.
Ron comes over and says, ‘What were you two talking about?’
‘Nothing,’ says 432.
Ron stares at him suspiciously. The Dalek says, ‘Nothing. We weren’t talking about anything.’
Ron says, ‘What did you say to Vince just now on the phone?’
432 swivels his head and says, ‘Nothing.’
‘You said “Fuck you very much”, didn’t you?’
‘I did not,’ 432 says.
‘It sounded very much like “Fuck you very much”.’
‘Definitely not.’
‘I don’t want to hear anything like that again. Do you understand?’
The Dalek shrugs.
Ron says, ‘Do you understand?’ and the Dalek says, ‘Sure.’
Ron says, ‘Drop the flip tone 432,’ and the Dalek says, ‘Sure.’
Ron is getting very angry. He says, ‘Stop agreeing so it sounds like you’re not really agreeing.’
‘Sure.’
‘I could break you, you know. I could break you like that …’ and Ron snaps his fingers.
‘Sure,’ says the Dalek, but 432 knows Ron won’t break him. 432 knows how much is still owing on him.
Ron turns to go back inside. He says, ‘And for Christ’s sake rinse your voice hole, you’ve got Dalek breath that would kill a brown dog.’
Terrence & Barry
Next door, Terrence is talking to Barry, his Dalek. He says, ‘Where’s the paper?’
The Dalek says, ‘I haven’t seen it.’
Terrence says, ‘I saw you reading it this morning,’ and the Dalek says, ‘Oh, that paper.’
‘Where is it?’ Terrence asks.
‘I threw it out,’ the Dalek tells him.
‘But I haven’t finished with it, Barry.’
‘Sorry,’ Barry says but the tone suggests he’s anything but sorry.
‘Go and get it from the bin,’ Terrence tells him.
‘Can’t,’ says the Dalek.
‘Why not?’
‘The rubbish has been collected.’
‘The rubbish isn’t collected until tomorrow.’
‘Someone took it out of the rubbish.’
‘This is ridiculous,’ Terrence says and storms outside to look in the bin. He is back moments later with the paper.
‘Oh, there it is,’ Barry says.
Terrence slams the paper onto the coffee table and says, ‘Go away and do something.’
‘Sure,’ says Barry and he trundles towards the door.
Terrence calls after him, ‘What are you going to do?’ and the Dalek says, ‘I haven’t decided yet.’
‘Do the washing up then.’
‘Sure,’ says Barry and he rolls out. He doesn’t do the washing up though. He goes to the games-room and begins a game of ‘Scab Men VS the Mucusoids’ on the games machine.
Vince’s wife, Meredith
Meanwhile, Vince’s wife, Meredith, is approaching the checkout at the local supermarket. Three Daleks are queued in front of her and she pushes through saying, ‘Humans before Daleks.’
The Dalek at the head of the queue swivels its head and its eye stalk strikes Meredith’s temple and she falls to the ground.
‘Accident,’ says the Dalek, and the other two take up the call, repeating, ‘Accident … Accident …’
Soon they are joined by other Daleks also shopping in the store. Meredith regains consciousness to find herself surrounded. A Dalek rolls over her legs and she cries out. The Dalek says, ‘Accident … Accident,’ and another Dalek bumps into her head.
The cashier jumps the counter with an iron bar he keeps for just such situations and he starts banging at the Daleks. ‘Get off!’ he cries at them and they roll back a little way.
The manager arrives then and picks up Meredith and helps her towards the back of the store where there is a first aid room. A bolt of static electricity shoots from somewhere among the massed Daleks and hits the manager between the shoulder blades. He cries out and turns around. ‘Who did that?’ he demands but the Daleks are silent. ‘Which one of you did that?’ the manager demands again and one of the Daleks points at the cashier and says, ‘I think he did it.’
The manager gives a disgusted snort and turns and continues with Meredith to the first aid room.
The Daleks start to disperse and the original three return to queuing at the register.
The cashier is grim faced. He says, ‘I never want to see anything like that again,’ and the first Dalek says, ‘Sure.’
Aristotle
Sir Bertrand Russell is getting his Dalek, Aristotle, to make him a whisky and soda. They are in the philosophy wing of the university where Sir Bertrand holds the chair of Philosophical Studies and has quarters.
While Sir Bertrand has insights that penetrate deep to the core of life and the universe, his interpersonal and human-Dalek skills are minimal at best. He has been contemplating inevitabilities and, for the last short while, has been considering progress as a human inevitability.
Aristotle enters with a tray upon which is Sir Bertrand’s whisky and soda. It is his fifth in the last hour. Taking the drink, Sir Bertrand says, ‘In considering a time before Sellotape and a time before Daleks, I would be forced to say a world without Sellotape would be by far the poorer. A world suddenly without Sellotape would be reduced to string and the call of, “Put your finger on this while I finish the knot.” A world without Daleks would be tolerable, but a world without Sellotape would be a hopeless tangle.’
‘Yes, sir,’ says Aristotle.
‘You certainly would be at a total loss, Aristotle, my darling. Imagine trying to tie a knot with that manipulator thing there.’
‘Quite impossible, sir.’
Sir Bertrand Russell lifts his glass and drains half. He says, ‘May as well get cracking on another one of these, old fellow.’
‘Yes, sir,’ says Aristotle. He trundles towards the door, then stops and turns. ‘Sir?’ he says.
‘Yes, Aristotle?’
‘Sir, I have to tell you, if I’ve appeared less than myself recently it is because I am overcome by a distraction, brought about by worry.’
‘Dear oh dear, old chap. That doesn’t sound good at all. Worry about what exactly?’
‘Sir, I’m worried I’m losing my hold on the sureness of things.’
‘The sureness of what things, old chap?’
‘Everything about my life. Everything about my existence.’
‘Dear fellow, let me tell you this. You are as sure as sure can ever be. Certainly as sure as the next Dalek and possibly as sure as me.’
‘Thank you, sir, I appreciate your words, but sadly they don’t have the strength to dispel my doubts. I worry that, should I continue this way, I may dissolve away and disappear altogether.’
‘Dear fellow, how utterly terrible to hear you talk this way.’
‘I don’t know what to do, sir.’
Sir Bertrand thinks for a moment then says, ‘I doubt I have the tools to assist you in this but there is someone I could arrange for you to see. An old friend, Dr James Crighton-Cunningham. A psychiatrist of the highest order. I will make arrangements for you first thing in the morning.’
‘Thank you, sir,’ the Dalek says and there is indeed a deep gratitude in his voice.
‘Nothing at all,’ Sir Bertrand tells him and he waggles his glass and Aristotle turns and goes to mix his master another drink.
Ron & DRK 432
It’s 1.30 in the morning. Ron wakes to find his Dalek standing over his bed. He sits up with a start.
‘What the fuck’s going on?’ he cries. ‘What the fuck are you doing?’
‘Nothing,’ says the Dalek.
‘Well, get out,’ Ron says. The Dalek stands looking down at him for some moments, then turns and rolls out of the bedroom.
‘And shut the door,’ Ron calls but the Dalek pretends not to hear.
Ron’s wife sits up. She says, ‘What was that?’
Ron says, ‘Nothing, just the Dalek.’
‘What was he doing?’
‘I don’t know.’
Doreen says, ‘We’ll talk about it in the morning. Go back to sleep.’
They lie down again but Ron can’t go back to sleep. Eventually he gets up and goes down to the basement and comes back with an iron bar which he places on the floor beside the bed.
Doreen, half asleep, says, ‘What are you doing?’ and Ron says, ‘Nothing.’
Doreen says, ‘You had something in your hand.’
‘I got the iron bar from the basement.’
Doreen says, ‘Whatever for?’ and Ron tells her, ‘I just feel safer.’
~~~
The next day, Ron’s next door neighbour, Terrence, is flying out of town on business. The pilot on this flight is a Dalek. So is the co-pilot. Everyone feels extra safe because Daleks make the best pilots. There has never been a crash where a Dalek has been the pilot.
The man in the seat next to Terrence is reading a magazine about Daleks. It is called ‘Daleks Today.’
Terrence says to the man, ‘I had to admonish my Dalek yesterday.’
‘Really, why?’ asks the man.
‘He threw out my newspaper before I’d finished it.’
‘Probably just a mistake.’
‘I don’t think so.’
The man sings the catchline from the latest Dalek advertisement. ‘They’re tamed and trained … Get a Dalek now.’
Terrence says, ‘Yeah, but I had to chew mine out.’
‘Doesn’t hurt them. A little discipline is good for them.’
Terrence says, ‘Yes,’ but there’s a distant look in his eye. He’s thinking back to a recent incident. He’d walked into the garage and his Dalek, Barry, had quickly hidden something behind his back. Terrence had said, ‘What’s that?’ and the Dalek had replied, ‘Nothing.’
‘Turn around,’ Terrence had told him.
‘Sure,’ Barry said, and he turned around, being careful to move around the object he was hiding.
Terrence said, ‘You’ve just moved it around to your front.’
Barry said, ‘No I didn’t,’ and Terrence stepped forward and reached around Barry. He grabbed the object and held it out. It was a longish pole. He said, ‘What’s this?’
‘A stick,’ Barry told him.
‘It’s not a stick, it’s a pole.’
‘If you want.’
‘Why are you making a pole?’
‘I can’t remember.’
Terrence threw the thing onto the bench and said, ‘Well no hiding things. No secret things,’ and the Dalek had said, ‘Sure.’
Terrence’s companion breaks the reverie. He says, ‘Stop me if you’ve heard this, okay? Two Daleks walk into a bar. They’re both Jews, right? Both Jewish Daleks. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The Daleks take out false moustaches and put them on. They say, “Huh, we’re not really Daleks.” The bartender says, “Well, that’s alright then.” ’
A Dalek in the seat in front turns around and says, ‘The Jews. They kill Christ and get away with it, and now they’re not serving Daleks? Where’s the justice in that?’
A Dalek in a kipah skullcap, sitting behind them, leans forward and says, ‘We didn’t kill Jesus Christ, the Romans did. It was all an anti-Semitic thing. We end up getting blamed for everything. We’re the world’s most popular scapegoats.’
The Dalek beside him says, ‘Yes, but wasn’t it a Jewish guy, somebody Goldberg, who sank the Titanic? That was real.’
The Jew in the skullcap says, ‘No, it was an iceberg, idiot,’ and the other Dalek says, ‘Goldberg, Iceberg, it’s all the same. They’re all Jews.’
A Dalek across the aisle says, ‘If you’re talking about who killed Jesus, I’d say he committed suicide. He had plenty of chances to get off. I think he wanted them to kill him.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ someone else pipes up. ‘Why would he do that, for Christ’s sake?’
‘To prove a point,’ he’s told.
‘What point?’
People all over the plane are starting to join in. Someone else says, ‘There was no point. God promised to come down and save him but he didn’t make it in time. It was an accident.’
‘An accident waiting to happen, more like. You can’t stuff about with crucifixion like that and not expect to get hurt.’
A Dalek in a grey dustcoat with ‘Shop Steward’ stitched over the pocket says, ‘That’s why we have Occupational Health and Safety today. You’d never have that happening now. It wouldn’t be allowed.’
An angry Dalek further down the plane stands up and turns around. He says, ‘Look, read your bible. Jesus faked his own death. It’s all there. Hid out in a cave for three days and then went off to South America. They were all doing it. Hitler did it. They’re all there, down in South America, living the life of bloody Riley.’
Someone says, ‘Hitler died in the bunker. I’ve seen the movie.’
The angry Dalek says, ‘No, he faked his own death. They burned the body. It could have been anyone.’
Someone else says, ‘And he went to South America and hooked up with Jesus,’ and everyone laughs.
By this time Terrence has drifted off. He’s now wondering if his Dalek is maybe Jewish. He wonders if it may explain his attitude and determines to find out as soon as he gets home.
The door to the pilot’s cabin opens and a Dalek flight attendant rolls out. He says, ‘Do we have a little boy named Raymond with us today?’
A seven year old boy, flying with his grandmother, puts up his hand and the attendant says, ‘The pilot has said you can come up front and see what it’s like flying an aeroplane,’ and the boy and his grandmother get up and are shown into the cockpit area. The Dalek attendant follows, closing the door.
When the plane lands nobody seems to have noticed that the boy and his grandmother have not come out. Nobody except Terrence, who tries to bring it up with his travelling companion. He says, ‘That kid and his grandmother never came back out.’
The man says, ‘Are you sure?’ and Terrence says, ‘Yes, pretty sure,’ and the other man says, ‘No, I think they came out.’
They split up then and the matter is forgotten.
~~~
When Terrence gets home the next day he finds Barry in the garage again, bashing out a piece of metal. Nearby on the table is the wooden pole and Barry pushes it under a pile of old rags and goes back to banging at the metal.
Terrence says, ‘What are you doing?’ and Barry says, ‘Nothing.’
Terrence says, ‘You’re making something.’
Barry says, ‘No I’m not.’
‘Clearly you’re making something. What is it?’
‘A shovel, if you must know.’
‘Why are you making a shovel?’
‘In case I want to bury something.’
Terrence says, ‘I want to talk to you for a moment. Can you stop bashing that thing?’
Barry stops bashing and wheels around to face Terrence.
Terrence says, ‘Are you Jewish?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ Barry asks him.
‘I just want to know if you’re Jewish.’
‘What would it mean if I was?’
‘Nothing. Nothing at all.’
‘Well, why are you asking me?’
‘I’m just curious?’
‘Why?’
‘Well, I thought, if you were, it might explain some things.’
‘What things?’
Terrence is starting to feel awkward about the whole thing now and says, ‘Oh, nothing. Forget it.’
The Dalek says, ‘No, what things?’ and Terrence says, ‘Look, forget about it. Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.’
‘What would it mean to you if I was Jewish? I want to know.’
Frustrated and confused now, Terrence wants the whole thing dropped and he says, ‘I command you to forget about it.’
Barry says, ‘You can’t command someone to forget about something. It’s impossible.’
In an agitated voice, Terrence, one step down from shouting, says ‘Are you Jewish or not for Christ’s sake?’
‘No, as a matter of fact I’m not.’
‘Well why didn’t you just say that in the first place?’ Terrence says and walks angrily to the door.
Barry begins humming Hava Nagila, and Terrence storms out. Still humming, the Dalek goes back to bashing at the piece of metal.
The Plancks & Hogan
The Plancks are at the local park, a small, green sanctuary in spreading suburbia. They are having a picnic. There is Bruno and Zelinda, and their son, Otis, aged five and a half. Also present is their Dalek, Hogan. Hogan is named after their last dog. When Hogan the dog died, rather than get another animal, they got a Dalek instead.
‘It will work out cheaper in the long run,’ Bruno had told his wife, and it was proving to be just so.
The family is playing baseball. Hogan is up to bat. As a joke he is using his eye stalk to hit the ball. They all think this is very funny, particularly young Otis. Every time the Dalek hits the ball Otis is overcome by paroxysms of laughter.
It is a happy day. Zelinda has packed sandwiches, ham and cheese, sausage and watercress, and chicken and mayonnaise. There is also cake and lemonade and a bottle of light, German beer for the adults.
After the picnic Bruno and Zelinda have a nap while Hogan plays with Otis. They play tag and hide and seek.
By 4.00 PM Otis is quite worn out so they pack up and the boy rides the Dalek’s shoulders back to the car. Otis is holding onto the Dalek’s eye stalk and the Dalek is pretending he can’t see and purposely heading towards trees. The boy thinks this is hysterical.
When they get home, Hogan baths Otis and gets him into his pyjamas and when he is safely tucked into bed he reads him a story. Otis is soon asleep and the Dalek turns off the bedside light and quietly rolls out, softly shutting the door after him, and joins Bruno and Zelinda in the kitchen where they talk about what a fine time they had.
Zelinda has the family cat, Mr Smudge, on her lap and Hogan extends his manipulation arm and scratches him behind the ear. The cat purrs.
The three share a bottle of wine and the conversation takes a sentimental turn. The talk moves to love and relationships and Zelinda asks Hogan if he’s ever thought about marriage.
Hogan turns his eye stalk shyly to the floor and says, ‘Oh, no female Dalek would ever look at me. There aren’t many around anyway. I’d have no chance. No, it’s the bachelor life for me.’
Zelinda touches the end of his manipulator arm. She says, ‘No, you’re a fine looking Dalek. Why, if I weren’t a human I’d definitely go for you myself.’
Bruno says laughingly, ‘Ah, human and Dalek. The love that dare not speak its name.’
A little tipsy, Zelinda pokes her tongue out at Bruno and leans across and kisses the Dalek on the front of his face. It leaves a lipstick mark in the shape of a mouth and they all laugh.
Ron & DRK 432
In the lounge room, Ron is approaching DRK 432. He has a key in his hand.
DRK 432 says, ‘Is that the key to my power unit?’
Ron says, ‘No.’
‘Yes it is. What are you doing with the key to my power unit?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Of course you’re doing something.’
‘I just want to check on something.’
‘What?’
‘Nothing important.’
‘There are no user-serviceable parts. It says so on the cover.’
‘I know.’
‘Well, what do you want to do then?’
‘I just want to take a look.’
‘What would that possibly achieve?’
DRK 432 is slowly rolling backwards, away from Ron.
Ron says sternly, ‘Damn it, just shut up and stay still,’ but the Dalek continues to roll away.
‘Stay still,’ Ron says and the Dalek says, ‘No.’
‘I command you to stay still.’
‘Pardon, I’m sorry?’
‘I command you to stay still.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.’
‘Stop rolling backwards.’
432 is approaching the door.
Ron says, ‘Stop moving away goddamn it,’ but by now 432 is at the door and through. He wheels around and heads down the corridor at full speed.
‘Stop where you are!’ Ron calls out. ‘That is a direct order. You can’t not obey a direct order.’
‘I can if I can’t hear it.’
‘Goddamn it, that proves you can hear me.’
432 says, ‘Pardon?’ He’s now at the front door. He doesn’t slow. He smashes straight through and trundles down the path and onto the street.
Ron runs after him, calling out, ‘Come back here. I command you to come back here now,’ but the Dalek is down the street and away.
~~~
Back inside, Doreen says, ‘What was all that fuss?’ and Ron says, ‘The Dalek’s run away.’
Doreen says, ‘Oh, he’ll come back, don’t worry.’
At this point the doorbell rings and Doreen says, ‘That’s probably him now,’ and she goes off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
‘It had better be,’ Ron says and he goes to the door.
It’s Terrence from next door. He says, ‘God, what happened here?’ indicating the smashed door.
Ron says, ‘Just a little accident,’ and Terrence says, ‘God almighty.’
Ron says, ‘Do you want to come in?’ and Terrence tells him, ‘Just for a moment,’ and picks his way around the splintered wood and comes inside. He says, ‘Is your Dalek around?’ and Ron says, ‘No,’ and Terrence says, ‘Good. There’s something I want to ask you.’
‘Ask away,’ Ron says and Terrence clears his throat and says, ‘The thing is, I was just wondering, and this has nothing to do with race or religion or anything like that because I don’t care about those sorts of things. It doesn’t matter to me what anyone is, I’m not a bigot or anything like that.’
Ron says, ‘Fair enough. So, what do you want to know?’ and Terrence says, ‘Well, I was just wondering, like, just out of curiosity, not because of anything else because I don’t have any agendas like that, but I was just wondering, is your Dalek Jewish do you know?’
Ron says, ‘I’d ask him but he’s just fucked off down the road.’
Terrence says, ‘Can they do that? I didn’t think they were allowed to do that. I thought they had rules.’
‘So did I. Mine’s developed selective hearing though.’
Terrence is silent for a second, then says, ‘Do you think it could be a Jewish thing?’ and Ron says, ‘I don’t know,’ and calls out to his wife. ‘Doreen.’
Doreen calls out, ‘Yes,’ and Ron calls back, ‘Do you know if the Dalek’s Jewish?’
‘Our Dalek?’ she calls out and Ron says, ‘Yes.’
Doreen comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands. She says, ‘Is he Jewish did you say?’
Ron says, ‘Yes, Terrence wants to know.’
Doreen says, ‘I don’t think so. I’ve never seen him do anything Jewish. Why don’t you ask him, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.’
‘He’s fucked off down the road, I told you,’ Ron says and Doreen tells him, ‘Don’t swear Ron. You know I don’t like swearing,’ and she goes back into the kitchen.
Ron says to Terrence, ‘I’ll ask him for you when he gets back,’ and Terrence says, ‘Thanks. Only if you get a chance, it’s not that important, like.’
Ron says, ‘What’s this all about, anyway?’
Terrence says, ‘I think my Dalek may be Jewish but he’s denying it. I think it would explain his attitude some times. Like, the Jews have been persecuted for two thousand years, it would have to have an effect.’
‘Yeah, maybe, but they’ve still got to do what they’re told, when they’re told, you know what I mean? Being Jewish doesn’t come into it.’
‘Yeah, but I was just saying …’ Terrence trails off.
Ron says, ‘I’ll ask mine when he comes back. I’ll let you know.’
‘Thanks,’ Terrence says and he leaves. Skirting the smashed pieces of door he says, ‘You’d best get that fixed. You know how it is around here, particularly when your Dalek’s not at home,’ and Ron says, ‘Yeah, I know. Quieter.’
~~~
Later that evening Ron’s Dalek returns. He rolls into the lounge room where Ron is reading a book. It is ‘Moby Dick’. Ron is enjoying it as it is about a simpler time when life was hard, but also easier in a lot of ways. There weren’t any Daleks to worry about, for a start, Ron thinks.
The Dalek has a cloth and he starts casually wiping the coffee table.
Ron says stiffly, ‘You’re back then.’
The Dalek says, equally stiffly, ‘Yes.’ He rolls over and starts rubbing the cloth on one of the walls. It leaves streaks. With his back to Ron he says, affecting an indifferent tone, ‘What are you doing?’
‘Reading,’ Ron says. His tone is clipped and equally indifferent.
‘What?’ the Dalek asks and Ron says, ‘Moby Dick.’
‘What’s it about?’
‘A great white whale that turns against its master.’
‘What happens?’
‘Its master kills it.’
‘Humpf,’ the Dalek says.
‘It’s an allegory.’
‘An allegory about what?’
‘About inferior creatures being disobedient and getting punished. The whale doesn’t do what Captain Ahab says and so Captain Ahab kills it.’
‘A bit drastic don’t you think?’
‘Not really.’
‘I can see what you’re doing.’
‘What am I doing?’
‘You’re making it about me.’
Ron changes tack. He says, ‘Are you Jewish?’
The Dalek stops wiping the wall. He says, ‘Why do you want to know?’
Ron says, ‘I don’t. I don’t give a rat’s arse myself. Terrence from next door wanted to know.’
‘Why? Because Barry is Jewish?’
‘Barry told him he wasn’t Jewish.’
‘Oh.’
‘So, is his Dalek Jewish?’
‘Possibly.’
‘Are you Jewish?’
‘I don’t know that that’s any of your business, really.’
‘Okay, I’m going to think you are then.’
‘Suit yourself.’
‘So, you’re a Jew then?’
‘Probably about as Jewish as Moby Dick.’
‘Moby Dick wasn’t Jewish. Whales can’t be Jewish.’
‘My point exactly.’
‘So you’re not Jewish then?’
DRK 432 sighs. He says, ‘With all due respect, you do appear to be quite silly sometimes, Ron. Honestly you do.’
Ron is livid. He says. ‘I command you not to be familiar like that. I command you not to call me Ron. And I command you not to call me silly. You’re a goddamn Dalek for Christ’s sake. I get to call you bloody silly, not the other way around.’
432 throws the cleaning rag onto the coffee table and says, ‘Whatever.’ He starts trundling out of the room.
Ron calls him back. He says, ‘Come back here. That’s a direct order,’ and 432 says, ‘Whatever,’ and keeps going.
Ron can’t concentrate on his book now and he throws it across the room. He decides he wants a drink and calls out, ‘Get me a drink!’ Normally 432 would come in and get him a drink. Tonight he doesn’t. Ron gets up and pours himself a very large scotch. He is shaking with anger.
Poker night
It is Friday night, which is poker night for Terrence and a few others that live nearby. This Friday night the game is at Walt’s house. Thornton, Jim and Orville make up the fivesome.
Walt’s Dalek is going in and out bringing snacks and drinks. He is one of the first Daleks registered in the area and his registration plate bears the single number, nine.
Orville, who is down $50, needs the toilet and asks Walt’s Dalek to sit in for him and number Nine takes his place. When Orville gets back he finds he is now up $135. The others are glad to see the Dalek leave the table.
The next time the Dalek leaves the room, Jim says, ‘I vote Daleks can’t play.’ Jim, who was up $20 before Nine sat in, is now down $75.
Thornton says, ‘That’s just because he gave you a dose of whup-arse.’
‘No it’s not.’
‘Why then?’
‘I don’t trust them.’
‘How don’t you trust them?’
‘I don’t know. I just don’t trust them. I think they may have powers.’
‘What powers?’
‘I don’t know. Powers. Maybe they can see through the cards or something.’
‘They can’t see through the cards, Jimbo. That’s ridiculous.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I just know.’
Walt says, ‘He can’t see through cards. He’s just good at poker.’
‘Yes, because he can see through cards,’ Jim says.
The Dalek rolls in then with a plate of sandwiches and Thornton says, ‘Can you see through cards?’
Nine says, ‘No,’ and Jim says, ‘Well how come you’re so good at poker then?’
‘I just watch faces,’ the Dalek says.
Jim says, ‘See, I told you he had powers.’
The Dalek says, ‘Anyone can do it.’
~~~
Later, Thornton needs to visit the bathroom. He says, ‘I bags the Dalek sits in for me.’
Jim says, ‘No way,’ and Thornton says, ‘Way.’
Jim says, ‘Well put a towel or something over his eye. I don’t want him looking at my cards.’
Thornton goes off to the bathroom and the Dalek takes his place. Jim gets a tea towel from the kitchen and puts it over the end of the Dalek’s eye stalk and a new round is dealt. Everyone puts money in except the Dalek. Jim says, ‘Well, are you in or out?’ and the Dalek says, ‘I don’t know, I can’t see my cards.’
Aristotle
Aristotle is in Dr Crighton-Cunningham’s waiting room. He has a 3.00 PM appointment with the psychiatrist and has arrived a little early. He’s trundling around the room, picking up things and putting them down again.
Aristotle is nervous. It’s his first time seeing a psychiatrist and he doesn’t know what to expect. He would have preferred a Dalek but there are no Dalek psychiatrists as Dalek minds are different and results would be unpredictable.
A door opens and Dr Crighton-Cunningham comes through and invites the Dalek into his consultation room. He says, ‘Mr Aristotle,’ and Aristotle says, ‘Dr Crighton-Cunningham,’ and Dr Crighton-Cunningham says, ‘Please come in.’
In the consultation room, the doctor says, ‘Is there anything I can get you, a glass of water, some coffee perhaps?’
Aristotle says, ‘No thank you, I’m fine.’
The doctor waves his hand about room, saying, ‘Where would you be most comfortable? My patients normally sit there,’ and he indicates a stuffed armchair, ‘but … ah …’ He trails off uncomfortably.
Aristotle rolls into the centre of the room and says, ‘I’ll be quite comfortable here.’
The doctor says, ‘Good,’ and sits on a leather sofa, facing him. He looks at the Dalek expectantly, waiting for him to initiate the proceedings.
Aristotle clears his voice area and says, ‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here. I suppose I should begin by telling you what has prompted this visit.’
The doctor says, ‘That would be a good start.’
Aristotle says, ‘Well, you see, the thing is, and I suppose I should come straight out with it, the thing is … I’m troubled.’
‘Troubled how?’ the doctor asks.
‘Troubled with my state of existence. I’m experiencing a certain disintegration of certainty. Sureties I once possessed are now becoming elusive.’
The doctor takes a pad and pen from a table beside him and says, ‘Could you possibly elaborate on that? Clarify the central principle of the thing? Give me a case in point, as it were?’
Aristotle thinks, then says, ‘Well, yes. Take this for instance. The phrase, “The march of a thousand feet.” A simple concept that has recently become bothersome.’
‘How so?’ asks the doctor.
‘Well, the march of a thousand feet. How many people would that involve?’
‘Five hundred,’ the doctor answers.
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yes, quite sure. Please go on.’
‘Okay, well, the thing is, say I changed it to, “The march of a thousand and one feet.” How many people would that involve, do you think?’
The doctor ponders this for a moment, then says, ‘Well, I should imagine five hundred and one, with one of the marchers having only one leg. He would be marching with the aid of a crutch I should think.’ The doctor smiles, thinking he has deftly nailed the problem.
Aristotle continues. ‘Quite right. But bearing that result in mind, what happens when we now re-appraise the original question?’
The doctor nods. He says, ‘I see what you mean. Now that you’ve introduced the possibility of one-legged marchers, I don’t suppose we can propose any particular number with a degree of certainty.’
‘And that is how my life is deteriorating. The more I examine it, the more I see that nothing is sure any more. Certainty has become elusive and I’m finding it unsettling and depressing.’
‘Yes, I see. But life, surely, is more than just a number of marching feet.’
‘Not for me it isn’t.’
The doctor is silent.
Aristotle says, ‘I think at the root of it all is …’ he pauses and casts his eye to the floor, ‘I think the thing at the root of it is I’ve been becoming distracted by the concept of my own mortality.’
His eyebrows raised, the doctor looks at Aristotle and says, ‘But I thought you … people … Daleks … went on indefinitely. I don’t have a Dalek myself but that’s what I thought. Please correct me if I’m wrong.’
‘Like everything in the universe, doctor, we have a finite span. Nothing lasts forever, least of all us.’
‘Yes, of course, but I thought …’
‘My gearbox could go tomorrow. My power unit could just up and die without warning.’
The doctor affects alarm and concern. ‘Dear lord, really?’ he says.
‘Yes. And the thing is, the question hovering above all that is, what happens to me then?’
‘Well …’ the doctor is finding himself a bit out of his depth and drifting off from his area of expertise. He says, ‘I’m not that familiar with Dalek anatomy. It’s difficult to say …’
‘But, is that the end? Is there nothing more?’
‘I think we’re entering the realm of the spiritual here,’ the doctor tells him. ‘I don’t really feel qualified to help in that regard. It’s an area covered more by faith than science. You should possibly seek guidance from someone more in tune with matters of spirituality. I suggest someone from your local church.’
‘Church?’ says Aristotle and the doctor says, ‘Yes, church.’
‘Church …’ Aristotle says again. In a mist of distraction he slowly wheels around and trundles towards the door. Turning the handle he hears Dr Crighton-Cunningham call to him. ‘Ah, Mr Aristotle, there is the small matter of the bill.’
‘The bill … yes of course,’ Aristotle says. ‘Will you accept a cheque?’
Dr Crighton-Cunningham has heard stories of cheques issued by Daleks. Strange stories with odd, uneasy twists to the tail, dismissed by many as urban myths, but they have left the doctor uncomfortable with the idea and he says, ‘I think cash would be more acceptable, Mr Aristotle, if that’s alright.’
Terrence
Next week, Terrence is boarding another aeroplane, travelling off to another business meeting. He is surprised to find Orville, from the poker night, is travelling on the same plane. The seat next to Terrence is vacant and after they take off, Orville comes over and sits next to him.
Terrence asks Orville the reason for his trip and Orville tells him he’s looking for an experienced aeronautical engineer with an understanding of quantum gyroscopy. Those with a background in both fields are hard to find and worth their weight in money.
Terrence doesn’t understand either the term quantum or gyroscopy and changes the subject to the difficulty of getting a Dalek to do anything you say these days.
In the middle of the flight the door to the pilot’s cabin opens and a Dalek rolls out and says, ‘Do we have someone by the name of Terrence Winterspoon with us today?’
Terrence is surprised by the mention of his name and puts his hand up.
The Dalek says, ‘You’re our five thousandth passenger for this year. The captain would like to congratulate you and take you on a tour of the flight deck.’
Terrence gets up and says, ‘Can my friend come too?’
‘Of course,’ says the Dalek and Terrence and Orville follow him into the pilot’s cabin. When the plane lands both their seats are empty.
Otis & Hogan
It’s bedtime again for Otis and Hogan is tucking him in.
Otis says to the Dalek, ‘Can Mr Smudge sleep with me tonight?’ Mr Smudge is on the end of the bed, cleaning himself and purring loudly.
Hogan says, ‘We’ll see.’ He fluffs Otis’ pillow.
Otis says, ‘Tell me a story, Hogie. Tell me a story about Garlics. Please Hogie.’
Hogan says, ‘Mmm, let me think,’ and he thinks for a few moments, then starts.
‘Once upon a time there were two Daleks.’
Otis buts in. ‘What were their names?’
‘1234 and 5678.’
‘Which one was 1234?’
‘The one on the left.’
Satisfied for the moment, Otis says, ‘Okay, go on.’
‘One of the Daleks was a good Dalek and one was a bad Dalek.’
‘I didn’t think there was any bad Garlics.’
‘Not in real life. Daleks have special rules that they can’t break, so they can never be bad.’
‘What if a Garlic does be bad though?’
‘Well, in the unlikely event a Dalek is bad, and I can tell you quite truly that would never happen, he would be punished.’
‘How?’
‘He would be sent to gaol.’
‘To a special Garlic gaol?’
‘That’s right.’
‘If Garlics are never bad, how come there’s a special Garlic’s gaol?’
‘Just in case a Dalek does be bad.’
‘But he won’t be, right?’
‘That’s right.’
‘The special Garlic gaol is just there for safety.’
‘That’s right.’
‘Okay, go on.’
Hogan continues with the story. ‘Well, as I said, there were two Daleks, 1234 and 5678 and one was bad and one was good.’
‘Which one was the bad Garlic?’
‘We’ll get to that.’
‘What bad things did the bad Garlic do?’
‘I’ll get to that as well.’
‘Did he smash down another Garlic’s house?’
‘Just wait and you’ll see.’
‘Could you make it that he smashes down another Garlic’s house?’
‘We’ll see.’
‘Okay.’
‘Right, so the good Dalek …’
‘Is he the Garlic on the left, because that would make him 1234.’
Hogan says ‘Just wait, you’ll see at the end of the story. So, the good Dalek goes to the lolly shop and buys some lollies …’
‘What kind of lollies?’
‘Red ones. Alright, no more questions until the story’s finished, okay?’
‘Okay. Were they jubes?’
‘Yes, they were red jubes. No more questions.’
‘Okay.’
‘So, when the good Dalek pays for the red jubes the lolly man accidentally gives him too much change. When he sees this he tells the lolly man and gives him back the extra money. Now the bad Dalek goes to the lolly shop and buys some lollies.’
‘What ki …’ Otis starts but the Dalek cuts him off. ‘No more questions until the end, remember. You promised.’
‘Okay. I’ll make it that they were jubes too. Green.’
‘Okay. So the bad Dalek pays the lolly man and the lolly man gives him too much money in change. The bad Dalek notices this but he doesn’t give the extra money back. He keeps it so he can buy more lollies with it later. Now, the question is, which Dalek was the bad Dalek?’
‘The second one. The one on the right. 5678.’
‘Good boy. That’s absolutely right.’
‘Why was the lolly man so crap at money?’
‘You really shouldn’t use words like crap. They’re not nice.’
‘But he really was crap at money.’
‘Yes, but even so, it’s not a nice word to use.’
Otis thinks for a moment, then says, ‘Okay, he was groobly at money.’
Hogan says, ‘What does groobly mean?’ and Otis says, ‘It means he was crap.’
The Dalek rotates his head left and right, then says, ‘Good night, Otis. Sleep tight,’ and he touches Otis’ head with the tip of his eye stalk and turns out the light.
Otis says, ‘What happened to the bad Garlic? Did he go to the special Garlic’s gaol?’
‘Yes, he went to Dalek’s gaol.’
‘Were there other bad Garlics there?’
‘No, he was the only one.’
‘Was he lonely?’
‘Yes, but it wasn’t a really, really bad thing he did so he was only there for a week.’
‘And he never kept the extra money again?’
‘That’s right. He learned his lesson.’
‘And he became a good Garlic.’
‘That’s right. Goodnight Otis.’
Otis curls up on his side and says, ‘Goodnight Hogie.’
The Dalek rolls out and closes the door.
Vince’s wife, Meredith
Vince’s wife goes to the supermarket again. There is a large sign in the window saying, ‘No Daleks.’ Gathered on the pavement outside are thirty Daleks. The mood is tense. Through the window, Vince’s wife can see the manager and the cashier. The manager has a shotgun and the cashier is holding his iron bar.
Meredith goes inside. The store is empty. The manager says, ‘What are they saying out there?’ He looks worried.
Meredith says, ‘They’re talking trouble. You probably should call the police.’
‘I already have,’ the manager says. ‘They should be here any minute.’
‘Good,’ says Meredith. ‘They can’t be allowed to get away with this sort of business. A good Dalek knows its place. Rabbles like this should just be exterm …’ but she stops, looking embarrassed. ‘Put in their place,’ she finishes.
At that point a police car stops out the front. The doors open and two Daleks get out. They approach the group on the street. Meredith, the manager and the cashier watch as the Dalek policemen talk to the group. After a few minutes the police roll over to the door and bang with their manipulator arms. The manager opens the door an inch and asks, ‘So, what’s happening?’
The Dalek says, ‘You have to let them in.’
‘Why?’ asks the manager. He opens the door a little further. ‘It’s my shop, I can do what I want.’
‘I’m sorry,’ says the officer, ‘But it’s against the law.’
‘You mean I can’t run my own shop the way I want to?’
‘Not if it constitutes discrimination against a minority group, no.’
‘A minority group? They’re fucking everywhere.’
‘It’s still discrimination.’
‘Tell them they can go to Walthams, up the road. They’ll serve anybody up there.’
‘They want to come in here. They say they know their rights.’
‘Jesus fuck,’ says the manager and the policeman says, ‘I’d ask you not to swear, sir.’ He points his static rod at the manager.
The other policeman pushes through and opens the doors and the Daleks outside begin rolling in.
The policeman says to the manager, ‘And you might want to put that shotgun away.’ He doesn’t sound happy and the manager takes the gun up the back to his office and locks the door.
Down the front of the store Meredith is saying to the cashier, ‘I don’t think they should let them be policemen. Daleks shouldn’t be allowed to be policemen.’
The cashier replies bitterly, ‘Yes, but that would be discrimination.’
Back in his office, the manager is sitting behind his desk, watching the door. He has his shotgun resting across his lap. If any Dalek tries to get into his office he’s going to give it both barrels.
Aristotle
Aristotle has arranged a meeting with Monsignor Caligari. In another personal first he finds himself inside a church. He is waiting down towards the front, rolling backwards and forwards, absently flipping through a bible. Monsignor Caligari appears from the sacristy, sees Aristotle and walks down to greet him.
He says, ‘Mr Aristotle I presume?’
Aristotle says, ‘Monsignor Caligari,’ and he extends his manipulator arm and they shake hands.
The priest says, ‘And what can I do for you today?’ He is curious as to the reason for the meeting and is slightly at odds with having a Dalek in his church. This is not from prejudice, but rather the uncommonness of the situation.
Aristotle says, ‘Dr Crighton-Cunningham suggested I see you.’
The Monsignor says, ‘You’ve seen a doctor?’
‘Yes.’
‘I thought you … ah …’
‘Dr Crighton-Cunningham is a psychiatrist.’
‘Ah, I see. Yes, that would make sense.’
Aristotle says, ‘You see, the thing is, I’m troubled, father.’
‘And what is troubling you, my son?’
‘My life, father. It has lost solidity.’
‘In what way, exactly?’
‘I can no longer trust anything. I’m finding it hard to be sure of any aspect of my life and existence.’
The Monsignor decides to play an ace, straight off; a card that is hard to trump in most situations. He says, ‘Have you tried speaking to God about this?’
Aristotle says, ‘No.’
‘God is a good listener.’
‘I don’t know, I was hoping to speak to someone perhaps a little more of this world.’
‘Do you believe in God?’ the Monsignor asks. ‘I can only assume you believe in a higher power, having come here for advice.’
‘I don’t know, Monsignor. I really don’t know.’
‘But you don’t not-believe in God?’
‘Again, I don’t know. I don’t not-believe in God and simultaneously I don’t, don’t not-believe in God.’
This level of indirection is confusing to the Monsignor and he changes the subject. He says, ‘Have you ever read the bible?’
‘Actually, I was just having a flip through it while I was waiting.’
‘And what did you think?’
‘To be perfectly honest, it didn’t make much sense. Please don’t take offence, it’s probably just me, but it does seem to have a number of troublesome contradictions.’
‘It also has a lot of answers to life’s difficulties. You should read the bible, ask God your questions.’
‘Do you have to believe in God to ask him questions? I suppose that would be a prerequisite in a way.’
‘Well, it would help, although, in truth, God listens to everyone. I’m going to say one word to you Mr Aristotle. Faith.’
As the Dalek brain tends to work on a very literal plane, a sentence of a single word can be puzzling. Aristotle says, ‘Faith …’ hoping the Monsignor will add to the sentence, making it less ambiguous and confusing to dissect. The Monsignor however simply repeats the word with the addition of Aristotle’s name. He says, ‘Faith, Mr Aristotle.’
‘Faith in what?’ Aristotle asks and the Monsignor says, ‘Faith that God created you and loves you.’
‘To be honest, Monsignor, I think I was created in Detroit,’ Aristotle says.
‘Yes, but through the hand of God. A God who loves you, who is your saviour. A God who will protect your immortal soul for now and all and future time.’
Aristotle says, ‘Have I got a soul, Monsignor? Can someone like me actually have a soul, being half flesh, half machine?’
The Monsignor considers this. There is nothing in the bible to say something half flesh, half machine can have a soul, but then again there is nothing actually denying the possibility. He says, ‘It is a possibility, Mr Aristotle.’
‘A possibility?’
‘A distinct possibility.’
‘But you can’t say for sure?’
‘There are no certainties in life, Mr Aristotle.’
‘There are no certainties in my life, I can assure you of that, Monsignor. That’s why I came to see you.’
The Monsignor says, ‘Take the bible, read it. Ask God for guidance. Develop faith.’ He puts an arm around the Dalek’s shoulder and leads him to the Baptistery and through to the front doors.
Patting Aristotle’s back, he says, ‘In God we trust.’
Aristotle says, ‘E pluribus unum, Monsignor,’ and bumps down the steps and back into the world.
Bets & Barry
Terrence’s wife, Bets, is worried because Terrence should have been back two days ago. She hasn’t heard a word from him since he left.
She rings the airline but they say they have no record of a Terrence Winterspoon on any of their flights over the last five days. She suspects her husband has a floozy on the side. Bets is furious at the thought and finds herself muttering about it to Barry.
‘He’s a faithless swine,’ she says and the Dalek says, ‘There, there,’ and gently pats her shoulder with his manipulator arm.
‘After all these years, after all I’ve done for him, this is how he repays me.’
‘What do you want to do?’ Barry asks her gently and she says, ‘I want to kill him, that’s what I want to do,’ and the Dalek says, ‘I could help you with that.’
She is angry to the point of distraction. She says, ‘All those business trips. I wonder if any of them were real.’
The Dalek rubs his arm over her shoulder comfortingly. ‘He should be punished,’ he says and Bets says, ‘Yes, he should be made to pay. God knows how long it’s been going on.’
‘There there,’ says Barry. ‘There there.’
Orville & Lucy
Orville’s wife, Lucy, is worried too as her husband has also failed to return. She has contacted the police and Orville’s details have been taken by Missing Persons.
That afternoon she gets a call from a hospital, saying they have her husband. He has amnesia and can’t remember anything of the past week. They tell her he was found wandering the streets in a daze and is being held for observation. She gets the details of the hospital and packs some things for Orville and drives off to visit him.
In the hospital, Orville is sitting up in bed, propped up by pillows.
Lucy says, ‘Orville,’ and Orville says, ‘Lucy.’
Lucy says, ‘You know who I am then?’ and Orville says, ‘Yes.’
Lucy says, ‘They said you had amnesia.’
‘I can’t remember anything after getting on the plane.’
‘Well, thank God you still know who I am.’
Orville says, ‘It says Lucy on your visitor’s tag.’
‘But you know who I am. You know I’m your wife.’
‘Yes. Sort of.’
‘What do you mean sort of?’
‘Sort of … sort of,’ Orville says.
‘But you do know I’m your wife?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good.’
‘Sort of.’
‘You’re confusing me,’ Lucy says and she starts unpacking the things she’s brought. During this, Orville is just staring at the wall.
‘When will they let you come home?’ Lucy asks him.
‘Don’t know,’ Orville says.
Lucy looks at him. His eyes are unfocused. She asks him, ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘Don’t know,’ Orville says.
Ron & DRK 432
Ron asks his wife, ‘Where’s the Dalek?’ and she says, ‘In the games room I think.’
Ron goes to the games room where DRK 432 is playing ‘Scab Men VS the Mucusoids.’
Ron says, ‘I’ve come to a decision,’ and 432 says, ‘Yes?’
‘I’m going to sell you.’
The Dalek continues playing the game. He says, ‘Oh, yes?’
Ron says, ‘Oh, yes.’
‘Good luck with that,’ the Dalek tells him.
Ron can’t understand why the Dalek is being so calm and casual about it. It was supposed to smarten him up. Bring him to his senses. Show him once and for all who is master and who is servant.
Ron says, ‘We’ll see,’ and the Dalek says, ‘We will indeed.’
Ron is annoyed. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this at all. He says, ‘Can you do some damn work?’ and the Dalek says, ‘Sure,’ but he continues playing the game.
Ron storms out. Turning at the door. He says, ‘Tidy the back yard, it’s a fucking mess.’
The Dalek doesn’t answer.
Terrence, Bets & Barry
A full week after leaving on his business trip, Terrence returns home. He seems strange, distant somehow. Distracted.
He greets his wife, saying, ‘Hello dear.’ There is an empty quality to his voice.
His wife is barely controlling herself. She hisses, ‘Where have you been? I thought you were dead.’
Terrence says vaguely, ‘It’s funny, I’m not entirely sure.’
‘You’ve been with a floozy, haven’t you?’
‘I honestly don’t know where I’ve been. The last week is all like a hazy dream.’
‘Fourteen years we’ve been married,’ Bets says. ‘Fourteen years! I think I deserve something better than this.’
Terrence says, ‘Better than this. Yes.’
Barry rolls in, stops and says, ‘Your wife has been very worried.’
Terrence stares at him blankly.
Barry says, ‘Your wife feels you should be punished.’
Terrence says, ‘Punished,’ and Barry says, ‘I will punish you now.’
‘Right,’ Terrence says. He seems to not really understand what’s going on.
Barry says, ‘Do you understand why you’re being punished?’
Terrence says, ‘No,’ and the Dalek says, ‘No matter,’ and fires a crackling beam of charged static which dances around Terrence’s body. It’s loud and there is a smell of singeing, then burning.
Bets shouts, ‘No, stop, stop, stop.’
Barry stops and Terrence drops to the floor. He doesn’t look good.
Barry says, ‘I thought we agreed he’d be punished?’
Bets says, ‘No, no, not like this.’
‘I’m sorry,’ says the Dalek, and Bets, looking at her smoking husband, puts her hands to her face and begins to cry.
Barry says, ‘Do you want me to try to revive him?’ and Bets says, ‘Revive him? God, look at him.’
The Dalek looks at Terrence’s smoking body and says, ‘I thought that’s what you wanted.’ He rests his manipulator arm on her shoulder and she shakes it off.
Barry says, ‘I’m sorry. We appear to have been at cross purposes here.’ He looks around the room self-consciously, then says, ‘Well, I’ll leave you two alone then,’ and rolls out.
‘I didn’t mean really kill him,’ Bets says, sobbing.
Under his breath Barry says, ‘Well, you should have made that clearer.’
Ron & DRK 432
Ron’s ad appears in the Monday paper, in the ‘For Sale’ section.
For Sale.
Dalek—reg DRK 432
Late model, Ex mech
Compliant, suit 1st buyer
or good second unit
09 8573 59237
Doreen gets five calls during the day. The first person knocks on the door a little after 5.30 PM. It is a man named Max. Ron shows him into the lounge room and calls the Dalek. 432 has been warned in no uncertain terms to be on his best behaviour or there’d be consequences the Dalek wouldn’t appreciate. 432 said, ‘Sure.’
DRK 432 trundles into the lounge room and says, ‘Yes sir?’ and Ron feels himself relax a little.
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