Acknowledgments
I want to thank my almighty God above. I know without my faith in him, faith in prayer, faith in myself ...none of what I have accomplished in my life would have ever been possible. You are my everything. I bow to you.
I want to thank my most precious jewels, my reasons for living, my daughters, Porsha and Teshara, for believing in me when no one else would. God gave me two angels and because of that reason....I will continue to give myself to you. With all of my heart....i love you forever.
I want to thank my most dearest friend of twenty-plus years, Nee, You have been so much more than a real friend. You've been a sister beyond its truest sense. Throughout our friendship, You have always shown a kind and giving heart.
I love you always.
**DESCRIPTION**
In this clever first & third person transformation, the beginning, April 1987, twelve year-old Lanisa "Candi" Bennet and her eighteen-year-old brother Lance Bennet embark on a treacherous journey of hard knox. Like many children across the globe, they experience the rotating worlds of child and adult. Sadly resulting in mental trauma causing delicate personalities to split. The struggles, hardships, dedication and life's lessons of growing up in the inner city of Boston Mass. without the safety net of parents to raise them. The evolution of their life events; the unraveling of souls walking blindly throughout life without a moral compass to guide them. In the hands of the unsavory element poses a continuous challenge for them. How will they handle betrayal, drugs, deception, jealousy, sex and most importantly....unhealthy love. Will they live to see brighter days? It's powerful, raw, educational, inspirational & entertaining. A must- read novel with a twist of humor, mostly told in Lanisa's words...No glitz & glamour... just a story to be told.
DELICATE SEEDS
Lanisa “Candi” Bennet
Part 1
By NIKIDA S. TASTE
FROM
BOSTON
MASSACHUSETTS
Contains Explicit Material
THE PROLOUGE
April of 1987 in Boston Massachusetts on Maywood street on a breezy, early Saturday morning. One by one and sometimes in pairs, in all beautiful shapes and sizes, some short, some tall, some round, some oval, but all the more an intricate pattern were the rain drops falling to the earth. They began to stream down the sides of the old dilapidated, cracked but still intact, window pane. With each soft and lightly heaving twelve-year old breathes, I stood motionless looking helplessly out of mama's section eight owned window. My mother, Ms. Evelyn Bennet, a thirty-one year old witty, sassy, pretty black fire cracker from south Carolina who was just like her mother in many ways. Those who knew her best, called her Eve for short. People always said I was a splitting image of her. I learned much faster than kids my age. She was beautiful and incredibly shapely. Skin the color of french coffee which had the feel of built- in cocoa butter some would say. Her hair was black, fine and able to grow long and lustrous. Most of the time it was salon-ready. She kept it shoulder length, mostly in roller sets with the occasional straight and bumped at the ends. As far back as I could remember, mama always kept us in a nice car. Her fashion was always on point with the latest styles of the season. She always said the way you present yourself to the world should always be handled with care. She said it was an investment and never forget it. Mama had a body of a young, black goddess. Many deemed her sexy from head to toe. Men young and old were rendered helpless once they caught a glimpse of her. Her teeth and smile were very similar to Diana Ross and Janet Jackson put together. If she needed something that would take a little butter'n up to get, flash'n her smile and let'n the on-looker marinate on it for a while, would be her first weapon of conquer. She was strong, but yet weak in ways. She was a no-nonsense woman when you caught her at the precise time. Mama loved her children, no doubt about that. But life and unwill'n to learn lessons seemed to cloud her judgment if the right smooth talk'n, nicely dressed, clean-cut, rough around the edge type of guy or woman came along. She paid attention to us and sometimes she didn’t. Mama was the bread-winner. She brought in the bacon, fried it up and served it. As far as material things we wanted and needed, she tried her best to get them for my eighteen year old brother Lance and I by doin small modeling and office jobs. Also, by the men who were basicly buy'n her time and affection. Mama broke her back to keep us in the flyest gear because she didn't want other kids to pick on us. We loved her. She was our mother...and I.. most of all, felt lucky to have her. My father whom we never knew, let alone laid eyes on, was as absent as far as our memories could reach. Did I have his eyes? Nose? Lips? Frame? I believed I would never know as long as I lived and since he didn’t stay?..at this point?, I really didn’t care.
My chin and fingertips pressed down as if I was a permanent fixture of this window sill. As if my under nourished, undeveloped frame could stand long enough to become one with it. I could then, too become one of these streams of rain. Gliding alongside each other as if they were marching. Behaving to one another as if they could speak to say I love you to each other. An unbreakable bond so strong that it would be absolutely impossible to sever even with using the most powerful strength or tool to break it. We were matching ornaments. The two of us. The window pane and I. Mother nature joined me. One raining to replenish it's beauty, from bugs, trees, dirt and all its earth. The other, tears to replenish this already aching heart and soul. I didn't have to ask. He somehow knew. God knew I needed cleansing. I needed help to wash away some of the pain my absent father put in my heart. The rest of the work I would have to do. I somehow knew he was only going to help me half of the way. Half of the time. I asked myself, "Is this how life's gonna to be?" No one answered. A second question chimed in my mind. “How will i know?” All of a sudden, a hidden voice in me, from the crevices and depths of my soul answered, ever so gently, but with conviction. "Little Ms. Lanisa Bennet. Time will tell."
CHAPTER 1
"What's wrong wit'chu now, girl? You been stare'n out that window for a minute. Maaaaa! Will you please do somethin about'cha sad sack daughter!" Lance let out a chuckle because he really didn't care. He walked up close, peep'n at the side of my face to see if I was still cry'n. I sucked my teeth at him. “Leave me alone Lance." I sniffled trying to catch the snot before it hit my top lip. Lance yelled from the kitchen with his head crammed in the fridge."And who ate my donuts!" I ate Lance's donuts and lied about it. "Don't look at me!" I shot back. Like the church member showing off without permission in the choir, mama spoke up. "I know both a yall betta keep it down! I'm trynna take a nap!" Evelyn drifted back to sleep, eager to submerge herself into the delightful thoughts of Jimmy. It was easy for her to doze and pick up where she left off. They stood at the fireplace confined in each other's lust. Evelyn looked up at him. Jimmy didn't speak a word as he stroked her soft silky curls while staring into her eyes. She looked at his neatly trimmed goatee and kissed him on the lips. He kissed her back with intense perfection. Their breathes were hot and heavy as they stood exploring each other's lips, mouth and tongue. He admired her and let it be known. Everything in her wanted all of him. Evelyn closed her eyes and tilted her head back. The feeling of slow, warm wet kisses to her neck caused her body to tremble. He reached under her short silk negligee and began to take a pleasurable tour in all of her warmth and juices. He knew she was ready. It made his manhood even harder and at the verge of bursting. Gently grabbing her hand, he placed it on his manhood. With light pressure, she squeezed and stroked him until he let out a deep moan. For that moment, nothing in their world mattered. He was hers and she was his. He held her, pressing himself against her. Evelyn moaned in pain of not wanting to wait another minute. She glided her hands and finger tips along his shoulders, running them along his biceps and stomach. Jimmy knelt down and slowly kissed her breasts....
Mama made it clear she didn't wanna hear any noise while she was sleep'n. I decided to drag myself from the hallway window to the living room. I plopped down on the velvet red love seat Aunt Jeannie gave us. I wanted to watch one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons, so I grabbed the remote and began flip'n through channels. An hour later, the doorbell rang. Mama's full-size mattress springs sang a tiresome song as she hopped off her bed. She ruffled her fingers through her hair as to magically make a pretty new do appear. She did a once-over in her huge vanity mirror to make sure she was looking good in her new silk gown. Mama slipped on her cheetah print slippers and headed towards the door. Lance retreated to his room. He already knew the drill which was fine by him anyway since a bag a smoke, rap tapes and headphone sets was all he needed to what he called "Zone out". I decided I wanted to be nosy. I waited for our house guess to walk in. Mama ran her hand along her waist and backside to make sure she was feeling attractive. She looked thru the peep hole with a half smirk, unlatched the lock and slowly opened the door. Mama spoke in an unenthusiastic and certainly unimpressed way. "Yes. Can I help you?" Mama looked the woman up and down in seconds as to be clear to the visitor that they were disturbing her peace. Mama was unwill'n to give the strange woman not even a small glance inside her home. The woman was well-spoken and nicely put together from head to toe. She had an obvious attitude with mama. "Are you Evelyn?" "Who wants tuh know?" Mama responded, ignoring the woman's clear stance on the matter. My stomach and throat began to tense up in knots. I was feeling very uneasy. My intuition began to hold up one red flag after another. I never really cared who was at our door since I really didn't have many friends. None that would come visit on a regular basis. Mama was so bitchy at times, I didn't bother to make too many. Visitors were usually for mama and Lance. That was the extent of it. Something told me to keep listening to mama's conversation with the woman. Yes! The rythm the rebel, without a paaauuse i'm lowering my level! Public Enemy's song blared like a concert from Lance's huge house speakers. They were strategically placed, hanging by chains from his bedroom ceiling. Lance left his room rapping along with the lyrics. Gesturing as if, he too, was one of the members of the group, Lance proceeded to the kitchen to grab a snack. I signaled like a crazy mime person telling him to turn down the music or close the door. I wanted to continue ease dropping on mama's conversation with the strange woman. Lance gave a sarcastic smile, flipped me the bird and went into the kitchen. It seemed like hours before Lance returned to his room with his over-flowing club sandwich which probably had God knows what on it and a tall glass of orange juice. Mama was lenient with Lance and let him have his way a lot. He began to tower above us both seemed like every few days. When eva mama told Lance to do something, it pretty much went in one ear and out the other. "Bitch! The next time you knock! on my door i'm'a have a hammer! wait'n fo yo ass! Ya hear me! Crazy ass trick bitch! If that nigga wanted! ya corny ass! He wouldn't hafta come to me!" Wham! went the front door almost knocking the hinges loose. Mama flew passed leaving her perfume lingering in the air. She was so angry, it would be your suicide by her to try and confront her about anything at that moment. I was naive. I didn't understand why a simple exchange between two black women had to become so hostile. It was borderline violent and it happened so quickly. I was shivering uncontrollably all over and felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. I was scared and even though this was not the first time I had seen mama fly off into a rage, it seemed to upset me each and every time. Lance was unaware of what just happened since he was closed off in his room. I followed mama to her bedroom. I was hot on her trail and wanted to know what upset her so. I stood in her doorway, too afraid to enter for fear I would be caught in the crossfire. Mama snatched her lighter and cigarettes off the nightstand. She grabbed one out of the pack and lit it. Mama reached for the phone. She dropped it twice since she was shaking before being able to dial her boyfriend Jimmy. After a few moments, he must have answered because mama went straight to the point with absolutely no sugar on top. "What the fuck this cadaver! doin come'n tuh ma house Jimmy!" Mama shouted into the receiver but tried to calm herself down with every heaving breath. I stared at mama trying to get a hold of my nerves. It wasn't working. I could tell mama's boyfriend wasn't explaining himself well at first. "Huh? No,why was the bitch at ma house Jimmy? And why you stuttering Jimmy? See, this that shit i'm talk'n 'bout Jimmy." Mama seemed to collect herself with each question she asked. Jimmy had once again smooth talked his way out of an obvious web he had gotten tangled in. I couldn't figure out why mama put up with him. Still wanting someone who wanted her and other women too. I somehow knew she deserved better. I knew this was wrong. I hated my phantom father for leaving. I stood and watched a growling lion turn back into a purring little kitten. Mama waved me over. I went to her. She held me close trying to ease my fear. She stroked my face as she began to giggle into the phone. "Ha! ha! ha! Yeah, whateva nigga, you need to stop bein so careless wit'cha shit, nigga. You almost made me cut a bitch daday. Got my babies all scared and shit. You owe me." I broke free from mama's grip in disgust. I turned around and looked into her eyes watching her mouth move, twist and turn in a fashion that showed she was happy again. "Thought i heard some commotion goin on. Yall ahite?" Lance looked at mama. She ignored him as she continued to give Jimmy her best. Then he looked at me for confirmation. I answered feeling annoyed. "Ma's ok now. Just the usual Jimmy stuff." I left them both where they were and retreated to my room. I was hoping my only friend Brenda would call soon after mama got off the phone. Once again today, my eyes and heart were over-come with heaviness. I sprawled across my bed and fell asleep.
Close the dooooor....no need to wor-ryy no mooore, lets bring this day to a pleeeaaasant end... Teddy Pendergrass flowed from mama's bedroom like a soothing humming bird. Since the song was muffled, I knew she had her door closed. This most likely meant Jimmy had come to put the fire out. It was now 9pm and I was no where near sleepy, so I called up my classmate Brenda. I asked if she wanted to come over and sit on our front porch and talk for a while. Mama sometimes had a tendency to let out a few screams which made my skin crawl. I cringed at the occasional visual of what Jimmy could be doin to her during their love making sessions. Why she had to scream so much? I never knew and honestly? Really didn't care. Bren was on her way over so I sat outside and waited for her.
"Mrs. Condon be given us so much homework over da weekend. Sometimes I think she punishes us for whuh her man don't do in da bedroom." Brenda spoke through her thick bifocals and shorter-than- a- snap- super- curly- rarely- done hair. Bren's face was full of acne. It was hard to look at her, but she was my girl so I did my best to ignore it. She constantly dressed in different color Guess and Adidas suits. Bren was a lil on the tomboy side. Just as long as she wasn't trynna act like a boy to the fullest, I was cool. We both laughed in unison. "I know. I haven't even started on my shit yet. You shoouuld do mines, Bren." I looked over my shoulder at her with a smirk to see if she was buy'n the shit. "Whateva. You must be crazy or bugg'n. I can barely do my own shit and anyway you should be doin my homework. Im fourteen which means i'm older so the shit should be the other way around." Brenda went on without hardly take'n a breath. "My moms and pops be trip'n every fuck'n time I turn around. Fight'n ova this ova that...shiiit. I get so tired a their asses. Fuh real." Bren took the smart road and got off the subject of homework. She looked up into the dark sky. It was sprinkled with tiny white dots and an off white half moon. I shifted my legs since one was falling asleep. I nudge her leg with mine. "Yeah, my mom straight went tada left on this bitch this mornin. But back to da subject bitch, like I said, I need my homework done and you da smartest in the class, you can breeze right through both our shit." I kept a smirk on my face but pretended like I was serious. I was kid'n with her because truthfully? Bren was my girl. My ace, boon, coon and sista from another mutha. I loved her and she knew it. We loved each other. Our families were definitely not perfect. We found out we had more in common than we realized. We confided in one another when times were rough. We leaned on each other's shoulder and picked each other up when the other was down. Blood is thicker than water, but fuck it! as far as we were concerned? We were blood. I laughed and Bren joined in. "Ha! ha! Ha! Ya know i'm jus mess'n wit'cha. I got this shit, but Mrs. Condon iiiizzzz get'n on my last fuck'n nerve wit all this muthafuck'n homework. Shit.” We slapped hands and laughed some more. We were also laugh'n at the notion of the fact that we would only cuss and swear when our parents were nooo where in sight. Sometimes we acted hard around each other and others, but we both really knew that our hearts were still pure. Deep down inside we were good girls ...and for the most part? Soft to the touch. We were young girls, babies was the truth of the matter. All we had learned so far about relationships and sex was what we saw on cable. If you "did it", your belly grew after or your "privates" would hurt like crazy. Many of the adults in our families would talk about sex in code from time to time. So of course, we strained our ears to hear every word and tried our best to break the codes. But walking to the store and back was where we mostly heard it all. Neither one of us had had anything close to sex before, or even thought about it for that matter.
Bren and I talked till 1am and decided to call it a night. Right before Bren and I rose from the steps to separate, Lance came walk'n up the sidewalk with his headphones and a McDonald's bag in his hand. He welcomed himself into our conversation. He looked directly at Bren. "You know you waaay pass ya curfew, girl. Ya pops gone waxed that ass when you get home." I sucked my teeth, tilted my head to the side and glared at Lance as to say mind your own business. Bren squinted through her bifocals push'n them back to the bridge of her nose. She tried to get a good look at Lance's face and body in the dark as she responded to him. "What'chu worried 'bout it for?" "Trust me, I ain't. But I know you want me ta be worried bout it, huh?" Lance amused himself loving the snide remark he'd just made to Bren. He let out a chuckle while looking at our reactions keeping his pace up the stairs. Lance turned the door knob and walked inside. Bren and I looked at each other at the exact same time. We sucked our teeth and said under our breath in unison. "Whateva." Realize'n we sounded like twins we laughed till it hurt. I didn't wanna say anything to my girl, but on the real? I thought she did have a crush on my brother. How could she not? Lance was my brother, but I had to admit he had a look only many boys could dream of. Girls and grown woman melted like butter when he spoke or smiled. One time, by mistake, I walked in on him naked come'n out the shower. The sight of see'n everything, made me sick to my stomach. Bren wasn't fool'n nobody. I wasnt stupid and sure 'nough not blind. I was cool as long as neither Bren or Lance didn't cross the line, somehow, I knew I didn't have to worry about Lance.
"Who wants tuh take ova and swing? My arms are tired. Don't get comfy tho cuz im'a be taken back ova soon as I finish whip'n some ass in these other games. Yall know i'm the double dutch queen up in this beeyatch!" Stank Lisa was sixteen but she look more like an old, worn out twenty-six. She was ugly as sin but I guess the mirror told her she was cute. She was tall, dark with a big butt that busted out of her too-small mother-made, worn-out -at- the- ass- jean shorts. She was always trynna to show off by yell'n out to us younger girls like she was keep'n her ducks in a row. She lived on the next street over with her three, younger sistas. Their names were Netta, Tina and Mona. Lisa always made it a point to announce herself because she was older and felt she was better look'n than everybody else. Puh- leeze. Somebody really needed to tell her to jump back into the the movie Fright Night. Her plan was to run anyone who was younger than her.
This day was hot, muggy and it was pretty clear the hellish heat was not let'n up anytime soon. It had reached close to ninety degrees and it was only 11am. The disgust'n smell of over-flowing dumpsters in the vicinity reaked through the air. All of us kids stood around play'n hop scotch, ding dong rosy, seven minutes to heaven, hide and seek and anything else that would keep us out of our parents hair for a while. The heat seemed to play mean tricks on our ears. It made us think the ice-cream truck was come'n to relieve us from thirst anytime we lifted a finger to do the simplest thing. Like a meek mouse and puppet on que, another girl who was younger and clearly scared of Lisa stepped up to speak. "I'll swing, I don't care." The puppet shot a look over at me and Bren to see our reaction as if she was getting closer and closer to bein in the stank- pussy click. All the guys around the way gave Lisa and her sistas that terrible title. They had unforgiving, shameful reputations. It seemed the only ones who wasn't aware of it..were them. Bren and I couldn't give two shits if the puppet stepped up or not. We always walked to our own beat of our own drum. Believe that. We definitely weren't followers and even though so many girls took the follower's role, we sat back and laughed at the ones who settled comfortably for bullshit.
Pimps, hustlers and all in train'n drove cars or rode their bikes pass to get to the basketball court. They were goin to either run ball, pick up women, shoot dice or do dope. Several junk box cars honked at ugly Lisa as they slowed up to get her attention. Me and Bren was conversate'n about nothing. We used our peripheral senses to keep track of what was going on around us. Lisa swore she was hot shit but in actuality was just plain shit. Guys with miss'n or no teeth, nameless gear, busted kicks and beat up rides was the only attention she got. Me and Bren fought to keep from curl'n up laugh'n in the bitch face because Lisa thought she was doin something the rest of girls weren't. Lisa and her ratchett sistas were the neighborhood mattress Marys. Lisa looked around hope'n she was bein seen by everyone who was walk'n, ride'n or drive'n. A pitiful sight pulled up to speak to stank Lisa. "So when you gone let me hit dat again, babygirl? I miss that sweet thang. You already know I hip ya before dey split'cha, ya dig? Why you gotta nigga wait'n like dis?" A guy leaned out of his broke down Chevy Nova window with raggedy seats and four balled tires. He grabbed Lisa's butt while fast talk'n her with the bullshit as fast as he could spit it out. They called him Dirty Tony. He showed every single miss'n, rotted, yellow tooth from top and bottom. Lisa continued to turn around to see who was watch'n as if she was let'n LL Cool J whisper sweet nothings in her ear. The entire scene was straight hilarious and all so entertain'n. It kept me and Bren come'n to the block to see the fake'as and jive'as every other day.