Suicidal Family
A manifesto for healing and avoiding
The
Aftermath
of
Cross Cultural unions and
Marriages in Captivity
HRU Yuya.T. Assaan-ANU
Copyright © 2012_HRU Yuya T. Assaan-ANU
Anu Nation
Behind Enemy Lines
www.AnuNation.org
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.
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Contents
Chapter 2 -YOU DIVIDED SO, THEY CONQUERED
Chapter 8 -Determining Compatibility
Chapter 9 -Awakenings and Groundings
Chapter 15 -Child Rearing Post Marriage
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Adimu
This work is dedicated to the
children of cross-cultural unions. I will that you find true unity
and peace in your life and families.
To my parents, you have given
me the gift of a diverse childhood. Your efforts to tap into my
silent genius have not gone wasted. The tree that you fed and
nurtured will provide you shade in your golden years.
To my daughter, Asaata Imani Assaan-ANU, I place another work at your feet. Baby Girl, you are an inextinguishable flame of brilliance, strength, and happiness. For all the praise that I receive; know that it is OUR praise that we share together. I am proud of you. You are the perfecting princess who will one day claim your place on your throne as a sovereign Empress. All that I do is for your ascension. Rise and Shine Baby Girl!
To the wombmyn who empower me through their undying devotion to the ANU family, you are my heart and soul. It is your warmth and honor that assures me of the potential of my own inspiration.
We are the Village!
Ngiyakuthanda!
To my brothers, it is OUR season to show the true power of spirit and timeless wisdom.
To Baba Gil Scott Heron, our time shared left me with many gems. You helped me to better appreciate my relationship with my own child. Thank you for the constant guidance, interest in my own art, sweet potato pies, backstage invites, and basketball games. I thank you for inviting me into your life and embracing me as family. Soar through the star systems as high as you please and may you never be the angel who falls to the dust. ASE, ASE, ASE O!!!
I offer gratitude to all of the beneficent forces who guide and harmonize my life with the divine tone. To my Egun, I offer this literary libation. You are always present and never forgotten. May you be ascended into the highest heavens every time this is read.
Let’s all mend the fracture pieces
and build OUR overdue NATION!
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YOU DIVIDED SO, THEY CONQUERED
Cultural Division amongst those engaged in long-term relationships (dating, matrimonial, sibling, parent, children, or extended family) has opened the door to an organism that has proven to be one of the most diabolical self regenerative forms of internal sabotage causing the finest of people to completely lose their will to advance, sanely, through life. For the purposes of this book we’ll refer to this false happiness or, often known disaster, as “Cross-Cultural Unions”. Ironically, there is no unity in this sort of arrangement and herein lies the issue. The delusional idea of cultural amalgamation within what should be a mono-organism is a false happiness overshadowed by catastrophe. This internal division feeds and nurtures external predators looking to do nothing but, conquer, steal, kill, and destroy.
“Family” can be defined as the fundamental group of any society which consists of two or more individuals with the same goals and objectives. Originally family was defined by those who served the household. This is an old definition with new world relevancy. If the family or home is an entity unto itself, the members who reside under this entity should show supreme allegiance to it. As they serve it, it serves them. How this family is served is defined by home culture.
Culture defines how race, sex, religion, education, morality, psychology, and the world as a whole are perceived. Culture is a living breathing organism that fights for survival and dominance within the psyche of an individual and community. Therefore, two cultures will fight for dominance if placed in the same space. If these cultures are forced to exist together in a unit, that unit will turn on itself and much like an organic body whose immune system begins to war with itself. Yes, Cross Cultural blending within a familial structure is a suicidal/genocidal virus and should be treated as such. It lends to disharmony, internally and externally. This virus thrives in environments such as those where individuals gain higher knowledge after engaging in a relationship with one who chooses to “fly close to the ground”. The scenario expresses itself despite new religious/spiritual awakenings, and the adaptation of newly discovered universal truths.
Cross Cultural relationship/family blending has created a social aftermath resembling the butchery of militaristic miscegenation designed to bewilder a once unified people. As a result of desperation, the lack of Elderly guidance, and impractical ambitions this social virus of megalithic proportion has been running rampant throughout the homes of many oblivious people. It’s torn a hole through families and birthed several generations of culturally stunted progeny. The monstrous behemoth of split camp families and torn cultural loyalties is all too often capitulated by the forced and even overconfident joining of two culturally adverse paradigms.
This work deals with the thorny course that lies before individuals and couples who find themselves in merger with people who are of a cultural standing that opposes the longevity of their own. This book will highlight this challenge that many of us are currently faced with and, more significantly, will outline the various solutions to rectifying this most heinous condition.
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The Genes of Isis
Nile and Kenya
Purpose
The drums were electric. The smells were alluring. The view of the beautiful brown people with broad noses, wide hips, expansive shoulders, and perfected ellipses of napped hair was glorious. Nile stood at the entrance hall of the conference center where the workshops were being held. This was the annual Kwanzaa fest and he signed up for 3 different workshops. Nile could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of what he was about to learn. He was on his way to the Afrakan Language clinic and reveled in the thought of being able to finally speak a language of his very own that would not be understood by everyone in his company.
Nile stood 6’2 and a solid 235lbs. His braided hair hung down in cornrows beyond his neck line countering his strong brow and intense hawk like eyes. Walking through the door, looking more like an athlete more than the holistic doctor that he was, he made his rounds throughout the space; stopping at each vendor stand and examining the various cultural wares. There was about fifteen minutes before the language workshop began and he figured he’d eat up some time by looking for some dub music and natural hair care products. Along the way he exchanged niceties with the multitude of people he had recognized and who knew him through the various community works he committed himself to. Nile was a well respected holistic healer with a gift for speedily distinguishing ailments that exclusively affected certain ethnic communities.
Finally, it was 11:55; five minutes until the language workshop. Nile strode over to the room where the workshop was being held and removed his notepad and pen from his bag on the way. There were already a few students engaged in multi-lingual conversation. Nile recognized a few of the faces as he walked to the front of the room penning his name to the sign-in sheet. No sooner than he finished signing his name he looked up and saw what appeared to be the instructor of the workshop making her way to the front of the class salutations of the students already in attendance.
Kenya.
She was a wombmyn hard to ignore; possessing the presence of someone far beyond her years. Kenya was graceful but, her movements seemed to come from an inner calmness rather than the finishing or etiquette instruction given to her by a maternal figure. She was the innocence of untouched sensuality. Kenya had a way about her that purely hypnotized those in her presence. She was a natural educator who could make any subject matter engaging, clear, and down-to-earth with a magnetism that impassioned her listeners. One could get high off of her presence.
Kenya, a multi-linguist and prolific writer, was licensed to teach the class this year. After settling the participants and delivering a succinct, but provocative, bio about herself Kenya went on to instruct the captive participants on the importance of reclaiming language and then went on to teach, for three hours, various phrases and terms in Bantu.
Nile was impressed.
At the conclusion of the class he hastily gathered his learning supplies and rushed to the bathroom in order to refresh himself for the next workshop he pre-registered for entitled, “Establishing and Operating Community Based Organizations”. By the time Nile waited in line to use the bathroom sink he was about five minutes late for the workshop and ended up having to sit in the rear of the large lecture hall. His view was terrible but, at least he was able to make out the slide projections and hear the presenter clearly. Nile enjoyed another flawless clinic. At its finale he decided he’d take the opportunity to catch up with the class facilitator, whom he'd known for some time; Baba Freeman. He was a respected Elder and educator who had a far-reaching demonstrative community building track record. Nile wished to share some of his own plans with him and possibly initiate a Jegna/apprentice rapport with him. Nile had many discussions with Baba Freeman and had even been enlisted by him and his wife, Iya Freeman, as their family doctor on several occasions. As Nile approached him he noticed Baba Freeman already walking towards him with his arms outstretched flashing his distinctive smile that he’d make with one eye closed. Baba Freeman was a well built but, compact man with radiant skin and a dazzling mane of thick locs that swung down below his kneecaps.
Baba Freeman was a small man but, even at the age of seventy-four had no gut, only speckles of gray in his full head of hair, and had bright eyes that darted back and forth with alertness.
Baba Freeman called out to Nile and walking briskly to him gave him a strong embrace, which the large man was gladdened by. Slightly lifting Nile off his feet, Nile thought that the years of working with Baba Freeman had paid off and this man who was well into his seventies had the strength of a man one-third his age. Nile was a good physician and, more significantly, a caring warrior healer who took a personal interest in each of the clients he worked with.
After exchanging good-natured remarks with the young man, the elder informed Nile that he had someone he wanted to introduce him to. Nile walked to the front of the room with Baba Freeman and returned to his lecture podium; sitting there was Kenya.
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Sheba and Thomas
Virtual Reality
“Submit”
She stood there looking at her laptop screen in disbelief. She could hardly believe that she’d been reduced to posting an online personal in order to find the man that would serve as the father of her future children and life compliment.
She felt stings of shame.
It’s not as though she hadn’t explored all of the options that she respectfully could but, sadly, she had her fill of wasteful dating excursions and failed relationships.
Sheba was a simple wombmyn; one that could be considered attractive but, not necessarily pretty by societal standards. She had a close cropped natural hairstyle that drew attention to her features which, if she had more hair would probably be considered indistinguishable. She donned the skin tone of bronzed amber and pronounced facial features that could be seen from a distance adjoining a gap toothed smile with slight dental over bite.
“So, that’s it.”
She felt as though she entered a new era but, at the same time, sunk to an all time low. The feeling that rose up through the soles of her feet was one of uneasiness and embarrassment. She reflected on her recent discoveries and self improvements spurned by her coming into, what she considered a higher awareness and deeper acquaintance with herself. She’d gone from Rites of Passage, initiating into a traditional Indigenous religion, cutting her perm out and sporting a natural, she even legally changed her name; all to pay tribute to the newly rediscovered truths she had learned about herself and her ethnic origins. She was proud of her work and the improvement she’d seen in many areas of her life but, having to post an on-line ad....made her feel as though she’d been punished for wanting to invest in and live her own culture. It was confusing.
Sure, she’d attempted to meet men at events she attended and even gave some guys her number whom she’d met at “Liberation Bookstore”, the local juice bar/book store. It seemed as though the more “deep” they were, the more infantile their behavior. She felt she didn’t want much...only authenticity and someone who was living what they preached. She had dated guys with names starting with vowels and full of hyphens that spanned the entire width of a piece of paper. They’d walk around with a drum or a saddlebag full of books, incense, and fruit…the type who’d address every wombmyn as empress, queen, or goddess. She’d been so excited the first time she dated one of these grassroots, front line, down for the cause “brothas”. What a disappointment. She found herself still dealing with the same dysfunction, in men, she thought she’d left (no job or desire to generate revenue, transient lifestyle, no life plan, children scattered over several states with no working relationship with their mother’s, unreliable, tardy, uncouth, etcetera, etcetera). What a letdown. Initially, she just knew every brother with locs, a cool demeanor, and who traded their b-boy stance for a militant’s posture would be her very own Huey P. Newton or Kwame Nkrumah. Some of these “brothas” even had the impudence to approach her about polygyny but, could hardly take care of themselves, let alone tend to two wives. She had even tried dating some men from her church but, as she learned and saw more, she realized she had less and less in common with believers and felt a deeper kinship with “knowers”.
As she decided to make herself an apple and ginger juice with the new high powered blender, she loved using, she thought to herself about the feelings of lonesomeness that she’d been struck with ever since she embarked on this journey to discover her forgotten past. Sheba had made the mistake of romanticizing what she envisioned as being a whirlwind affair of learning and renewal. In fact she now had more questions than answers and found herself occasionally depressed by what she was now able to see so clearly, although the circumstances of her and her people had been right in front of her throughout her entire lifetime. It appeared as though there was more of a support structure put in place for people who were living the life of ignorant blissfulness. It seemed unfair. Sheba also had desires to have a child and just saw no hope in sight unless she surrendered her morals.
Just as the blender completed its whirling motion and Sheba headed to the other side of the kitchen to begin cleaning out the blender she heard an incoming message chime in on her laptop. She thought to herself as she took a large gulp of her ginger tonic, as if it were a strong shot of bourbon, “could someone have replied that soon?” “No, girl, you’re acting a little too desperate right about now”. As she sauntered over to the laptop she thought about how silly she’d feel if the email that just arrived was a piece of Spam mail telling her she had $100k waiting for her in a foreign bank account or an invitation to try a sexual libido drug. She laughed within and prided herself on her new found ability to laugh at herself taking life lightly.
SUBJECT: In response to your on-line ad looking for a true life partner.
OK, let the games begin.
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Spencer and Tracey
The Pedestal
Spencer loved to watch Tracey in action. She was a powerful presence and a formidable challenger to any life obstacle.
“Pull!” she yelled out and the disc went flying in the air to only be shattered moments later by Tracey's rifle blast. She was an impeccable shot and if not for her small stature she would have made skeet shooting appear to be an utterly effortless activity. Though they had begun the activity together, Spencer was not the prodigy Tracy was. Spencer had already begun breaking down his firearm and was ready to head inside and get a bite to eat before the long drive back into the city. Once Tracey had her fill of releasing the thunderous boom of her fire stick, the two began to make their way over to the dining pavilion.
Spencer and Tracey had known one another all their lives. They had both ran track together and were even student members of the “Business Leaders of Tomorrow” club. Their families had known each other intimately and their parents shared a long history. It was always known that Spencer and Tracey would end up together one day as they seemed as close as brother and sister even more than their own biological brothers and sisters.
In high school Spencer was well known as a star athlete and student body president. He had the handsome looks of an R&B crooner and an incredibly pleasant way about him that could disarm anyone who had the delight of making his acquaintance. Spencer stood an even six feet tall and through the years was able to maintain his runners physique with his broad shoulders, V shaped back, and chiseled features. He averted the rounded out facial features and form of most of his age group.
Tracey had always been Spencer’s devoted backbone and confidant. In their younger years it was her idea for him to run for student body president and she was the greatest campaign manager that anyone could ever desire. Tracey was a woman of mammoth drive and talent. She graduated at the top of her class, served as the class valedictorian at her college graduation, and was a well known and respected program director for an international organization dedicated to advocating the rights of refugee women from abusive cultures. Yes, Tracey was the epitome of the take charge woman. Her father had even nick-named her “Major” and through the years the family moniker affirmed its accuracy via her demonstration.
Tracey stood at 5'4 with a physique that was well developed. On the track team her specialty had been the shot-put and with her extraordinarily muscular lower body and chiseled abdomen it was no wonder how she had set records, still unbroken, throughout her high school and college tenure. Tracey, “Major”, was a woman who preferred plain uncomplicated attire and rarely was seen with a hairstyle other than a ponytail. She kept her makeup to a minimum as she had such beautiful skin and bright eyes, it would only mask the radiance of her optimum health. Though she was a woman of relatively small stature most people thought her much taller and larger than she actually was. Tracey had presence and knew how to call people to attention and reduce them with the intimidating glare that she perfected over the years.
Spencer loved the way Tracey could always snap him back to reality and get him on course. He was attracted to the unwavering flame that she always seemed to carry. He, himself, hadn't been nearly as consistent as she'd been. Although he never had much difficulty in obtaining the things he wanted in life, he inwardly could confess that he wanted very little. He had worked as a technical recruiter ever since his senior year in college and enjoyed his work well enough. He got to fly around the country recruiting new talent for the engineering firm he worked for, had access to a hefty expense account, company car, and quarterly bonuses depending on his performance. Even with that his greatest pride was Tracey. He loved the way she knew what to do in every situation and seemed to always plan so far in advance that she was never caught off guard.
They were what one would consider a power couple and despite Tracey’s aggressiveness and Spencer’s complacency, they had a calm enough relationship. The fact that their families were so close made things a bit awkward at times as there always seemed to be new expectations and pressures put on the two but Spencer and "Major" did alright for themselves, all the same.
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Culture
Control what you think about yourself and you will control what you do about yourself
From the Latin “colere” meaning to “cultivate”.
Culture is the all encompassing self regenerating organism that defines a society’s way of operating in the physical and spiritual world. Culture or the developmental element defines spirituality of a society, logic, tradition, societal norms, perspective, objectives, economics, politics, education, art, values, language, and disposition of a people. Culture also holds its own built-in defense mechanisms.
Cultural indoctrination is the anticipated end result of religious, educational, political, institutions and organizations of sports and entertainment. Through these various channels one can begin to contour the functional, or dysfunctional, mind of a people for various purposes. In the case of children, through the use of mythology, fairy tales, collective norms of disciplining, and media, the developing mind of a child is shaped and formed. There are indelible impressions that stain the cerebral of us all in our youth that, if needed to, can take an entire lifetime to remove from the imprinted mind. The impact of what we ingest and accept as fact or truth is typically the reference we use to pilot our lives for our entire life cycle. Without fully innerstanding the origins of our own cultural mind we fly on auto-pilot with hopes of reaching our life's destination.
Note: If you do not assert a culture for yourself one will be chosen for you.
There are some who function under the delusion that culture is a supplementary life choice or cursory activity. This is a dangerous posture as it immediately reveals one who is operating under the hand of a culture that they’ve been unknowingly indoctrinated with.
Music, wardrobe, and language are all products and, concurrently, sustainer of culture but they are not the culture themselves. They are cultural identifiers. So, one sharing a certain type of music or wearing a certain type of garb is not necessarily spreading culture but, can more precisely be defined as showing evidence of their own cultural investment. Culture is not something that can be swapped flippantly like a pair of shoes or hairstyle. Culture is a complex multi-layered mechanism that, much like the human ego, fights for its survival. It’s an organic symbiotic organism that entwines itself into the mind of all of its constituents. In order to properly identify the most opportune cultural posture one must have knowledge of self.
It is possible to have a cultural root that is a permutation of diverse cultural influences that subsequently birth a new singular culture. This is healthy and culturally responsible. Now is a time when problem solvers are needed possessing the bravery to re-engineer culture and community norms to work in their best interest. Culture will always fight to maintain its presence as it is a living, evolving spirit. The transfigurations that culture twists and forms into should be an indication of the progression of a society and not the devolving of a collective consciousness.
The reclamation of lost culture and defining of a common way lies at the core of any evolutionary or spirit centering struggle. Common culture is the unifying field.
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Culture in opposition
Two cultures cannot coexist within the same home. Over time one culture will naturally strive to ascend to the dominant position. This brings one culture to the recessive and the other to the dominant. In this instance what will happen is the culture that was forced to take the recessive position will begin to resent the culture in the dominant position. This, unavoidably, lends itself to domestic tension and opposition. When individuals join as a couple or family unit what should be created is one culture birthed from the adjoining cultural influences. This new home culture doesn’t, necessarily, need to confirm or mirror any extraneous cultural model but, most significantly, must work for the advancement of the unit. Adaptive re-engineering of the familial unit is necessary and recommended for the joining of separate cultural postures. What we’re speaking about here is the culture that exists between healthy couples based on the awareness of gender based roles and responsibilities.
This may seem antithetical to the new-age notion of universality; but, in truth, communities/families that have demonstrated vitality and who thrive develop a single cultural imperative despite any extraneous influences.
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Mate Selection
Here lays the “Genesis” of potential issues so, let us examine some common scenarios and the potential fixes for them as this is where the softness or bumpiness of the forthcoming road is determined. Mate selection can either be done with keen foresight, as a preventive measure, or it can be done recklessly with the *hopes that things will work themselves out on their own; but, this is the fundamental juxtaposition of one of the most important choices in this entire process.
*Hope is a product of anxiety.
Life partners should be selected with shrewdness and legitimacy based research. Selecting a partner based on bio-electric stimuli (reactive feelings), ROMANtic fantasy, presumed societal expectations, misguided religious obligations, or any other short-sighted incentive will cripple, at the onset, any real chance a duo might have to actually discover and experience a valid, air-tight union. When filtering out prospective familial partners it is important not to blunt your own awareness of right and exactness with the distorted cautions of societal gender stereotypes. Truth blurs with unverifiable excess introspection. Truth must be activated through action. The thought of concession of principle or essential requisites must not enter into the picture but, one must be clear on what is needed to insure sustainability of their home and comeunity. This should be the primal source of enthusiasm during the process of securing a mate, not self aggrandizing fantasy.
The invasive onslaught of music, movie, and television programming has shaped the conduct and perception of the populace with regard to soliciting the love and devotion of another individual. This manufactured social reality calls for complete and undying devotion to “castle in the sky” based, unsubstantiated “rules” of intimate engagement that drive male and female alike through a never ending labyrinth of confusion and failed expectations. Failure to meet these expectations sends one into a state of depression.
There are songs which chime:
“You are my all in all”
“Without you, I'm nothing”
“I'd die for you”
“You are my everything”
And so on and so on....
These terms make love and intimate affairs a mortal act of fanatical religious salvation. Your relationship should be a religion but, a religion that evolves you to your altitudinous place, not into further servitude with a devotion to ideas and customs that you can't identify with nor find rationality in.
Your life partner/mate/spouse is just that. The idea that one’s mate should fill the role of 10-15 people can be attributed to this lunacy. Your spouse should not fill the role of your best friend, activity partner, diviner, mother/father, or daughter/sun. This is not saying that your spouse can not function in these roles occasionally but, to put full-time demands of those roles on an individual not only begins to tear at the very fabric and understanding of community and family but, is an unrealistic burden.
What does the prospect of this union mean for your family, your community, your ethnic group? Is it likely that the union and any resulting fruit from it will be a burden to your people or will it serve to further them? There is nothing that occurs in a vacuum as an abstraction, so picking your lover poorly or under the influence of unwise counsel can set off a chain of events that could affect an entire community due to the irresponsibleness of it.
Here's a thought:
Your children are not your children. Your children are reincarnated Ancestors and deities who've returned to perform a cosmically commissioned task. So, carelessly selecting an individual to co-create with imposes a great trauma on your bloodline and Ancestors; similar to inviting a beloved community Elder over for the evening and setting a plate of elbow scabs and foot calluses in front of them to eat; and if that weren't enough taking them to a bedroom to rest on a bed of bloody ice picks.
Is this the welcome that OUR Ancestors deserve? Consider, wisely the channels you present to them for their arrival and care taking.
I've seen many cases where Wombmyn will select anyone to co-create with because inwardly they feel the child is more theirs, as mother. This is an asinine thought. Spiritually and biologically both bloodlines can lay claim to the progeny of such a union and the child can choose to manifest the disposition or aspirations of either parent, no matter how much one believes they can train the other parent out of them. Beyond the genetic aesthetic value look to the potential partners ability to tune into the unseen world, intelligence, spiritual authority, physical health, possible lineage markers, and so on. You would not attempt to mate a thoroughbred horse with a jack-ass…or would you? Likewise, in ancient times bloodlines were not mixed randomly on a whim. Now, consider if who you’re mating with even comes from a region or nation your Ancestors have blended well with. How do you know you’re not reuniting two historical warring nations? What will exist inside of your home?
War.
The phenomenal nature of a well balanced relationship is superseded by, solely, the productions and offspring of that relationship. This balance begins with the individual knowing their natural divine role in the context of the universe. There can be no identity crisis on the part of either Man or Wombmyn. The presence of an identity crisis leads to gender confusion and the aspiring of synthetic roles based on an artificial intelligence. One must exhaustively research, and more significantly, live out and put to practice the highest ideas of their own gender designation. The role of Man or Wombmyn in a relationship cannot be merely theorized.
Mate selection is a science. It need not be a safari of trial and error. Through too much trial and error the egoistic mind will do nothing but, work to affirm the dysfunctional notions handed down through societal stereotypes. One should lay down a documented set of standards...a list of qualities and characteristics they see as central in their envisioned mate. This will serve as a reference point when encountering prospects so that energy and emotions are not expended pointlessly.
Idyllically one should look for a well-matched partner while doing the work of their life purpose. In doing this you attract other’s to you engaged in the same activities and most likely who have similar convictions as your own.
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Dating
Where things begin is where they will end.
During this time “illusion preservation” can bring the most monstrous of consequences. Ignoring the “red flags” of forthcoming cross-cultural carnage help no one but, only serve to delay the inescapable. The various dating scenarios are open to subjective judgment and discernment but, ultimately dating/courting should be purposeful. Burning time and energy investing in outings that are solely entertainment based rarely provide individuals opportunity to actually learn one another; sometimes this is done intentionally. There are people who will keep themselves in disguise for as long as they can maintain the masquerade knowing full well that their character, at its core, is defected.
For the purposes of this work we will use the term “courting” or “court” to allude to the process of two individuals undergoing a process of discovering mutual interest and character for the purposes of establishing a long term relationship. This allusion is not altogether accurate with the etymological root of the word. “Courting” or “Court” is an expression that was originally defined as a “yard” or “enclosed space”. So to court someone, in the old sense of the word, would be described as an act of wooing and paying homage to an individual in order to lure them into an enclosed space. Similarly to what happens in a court of law. An attorney woos an unsuspecting defendant into enclosed space (jail) through deception and wooing. This definition still motivates far too many of the “courting” processes that exist today.
As a meeting location there are few places that succeed natural environments for building a rapport with another. There are no hard-set rules when it comes to actual activities or the chaperoned versus unchaperoned format however, it is advisable to balance isolated outings with those that are done within the context of community. Spending time observing how one is received by the greater comeunity and the fluidity of their social skills allows for enhanced character circumspection. Dating can even be goal centered. It may be unusual, but not unrealistic, to set benchmarks throughout the dating process for what information or concepts to cover during the shared time.
For example:
Date 1 - Discuss one another’s cultural perspective and world view.
Date 2 - Attend a cultural comeunity event and discuss its relevance.
Date 3 - Exchange long term plans
Date 4 - Confer with another couple of Elder status
This is a very loose outline that offers purpose and definition to the dating experience.
Utilize partner litmus test to filter out those bringing nothing to the table other than a fork and plate. If you have responsibly designed a plan for your life journey, it is fair to expect someone who desires to blend with your life to have made an equal investment. A purpose driven dating design will instantly reveal any bona fide or artificial declarations that exist in word only.
Outings should reflect the life path and culture that each partner is looking to head in. In other words, one should not judge mates viability by their ability to meet the standards of an alien culture. Because you’re taken to an expensive french restaurant or an italian opera you should not be lead to believe that one is cultured, creative, or even socially capable unless those outings reflect the cultural origins of that person. So, sisters, if he proposes to take you to an Afrakan dance troupe performance and then get a bite to eat at a Black owned juice bar, do not consider him lowly. He is expressing his own cultural investment and pride to you. Do not judge him by someone else’s standards that, in truth, apply to neither one of you.
Be true to what you are in all moments and occasions. Do not rob anyone of their precious rationing of time by not being forth coming about your intention and true character from the commencement of a budding relationship. If you don't desire to be known do not require anyone to make themselves known to you. Confirm equality and reciprocity at all times. If you are in a place in your life where you are still attempting to find out who/what/where you are, allow that process to march on without external misdirection or perversion. What could be more important that knowing you? Once you have grasped the authenticity of your own inner truth, you can use that truth as a standard to gauge others by. Judge the spirit of truth with the spirit of truth.