Patch Pirates
Sauerkraut
Dean Derkson
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 Dean Derkson
One day, in port, the Captain and Scurvy were out for lunch:
"Here, Scurvy, try this German food," said the Captain.
"Oh OK," replied Scurvy. "Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp.
That's sour. Is it rotten? What is it?"
"It's called sauerkraut. It's salt preserved cabbage.
I like the sour taste and it's good for you," said the Captain.
"Good for me!? HA! HA! Eating rotten vegetables is good for me?
How would you know?" said Scurvy.
"Well I am the Captain and I am three years older than you. Anyway, I bought some of this for myself and I need to take it to the ship. Can you get it there for me?" said the Captain.
"Aye aye, Captain," said Scurvy. "How much did you get?"
"Eight barrels," said the Captain.
"EIGHT BARRELS!?" said Scurvy.
"UMPfH," said Scurvy loading all the barrels onto a cart.
"UMPfH," said Scurvy pulling the cart to the ship.
At the ship he had to, "UMPfH," unload the barrels and
"UMPfH," roll roll roll them all up the gangplank.
"Hey, Scurvy. What's in all the barrels?" asked Crow.
"It's a special food called sauerkraut for the Captain only," Scurvy replied. "It makes you go nom glack mlah mlah zuurp."
"There sure is a lot of it," said Crow.
"Yup," replied Scurvy.
"Is one barrel open? Can I try it?" asked Crow.
"Hey! Captain only. Don't touch," said Scurvy.
Later that day Crow was all alone, "Hey, no one is in sight. I'm gonna get me some sauerkraut."
He snuck below deck, found an open barrel of sauerkraut, and stole a taste.
"I've been thinking about this all day.
Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp, wow that's nice and sour. I gotta give some of this to Swab."
He took some in a bowl to the bunks.
"Hey, Swab. Want to try some of this?" Crow asked.
"What is it?" Swab said.
"It's something for the Captain ONLY. It's called sauerkraut," said Crow.
"Won't the Captain find out you're taking his stuff?" said Swab.
"There are EIGHT barrels of it in storage. He'll never find out," said Crow.
"Well then, lets try it," said Swab. "Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp, that tastes nice and sour. We should give some of this to Jane."
Swab went and got another bowl of sauerkraut and took it to Jane.
"Hey Jane!" said Swab and Crow.
"What do you want? You two look like you are up to something," said Jane.
"We got some exotic food from Europe for you to try out," said Crow.
"What is it called?" said Jane.
"It's called sauerkraut and it is sour," said Swab.
"Wow! I've heard of this. I've heard it's good for you if you are stuck on a ship eating nothing but dried meat all the time," said Jane.
"So you want to try it?" said Swab.
"Of course. Give it here. Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp. Wow that is sour. Where did you get it?" said Jane.
"It's from the Captain's private stash," said Swab.
"What? You're stealing food from the Captain?" said Jane.
"And you're eating it," said Swab.
On deck First Mate Jack was asking the Captain about his grocery shopping.
"So Captain, did you get that yucky cabbage medicine while we were in port?" asked Jack.
"Yup, Scurvy loaded eight barrels of it onto the ship," said the Captain.
"How are you ever going to get the crew to try that health food? Let alone eat it regularly?" said Jack.
"Well, I think, Scurvy and Crow are already helping me," said the Captain.
"Your kidding? How did you ever do that?" asked Jack.
"I'll show you at dinner," said the Captain.
That evening at dinner in front of everyone the Captain said, "Cookie, bring me a bowl of sauerkraut!"
The Captain took a bite, "Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp."
"Hey what's that the Captain is eating?" asked Pegleg quietly.
"Oh that's that sauerkraut that the Captain had me haul to the ship this afternoon. It's for the Captain only," said Scurvy.
"Sauerkraut! The Captain only, you don't say," said Pegleg.
The crew all said,"Sauerkraut!?"
The Captain whispered to First Mate Jack, "Now watch this."
The Captain said, "Hey Cookie, could you get another bowl of sauerkraut for First Mate Jack? He'd like to try some."
Jack said, "Pssst Captain: I don't want any health food."
The Captain whispered, "You'll eat it and you'll like it. That's an order."
"Aye aye, Captain," replied Jack.
Jack put some in his mouth, "Nom glack mlah mlah yuhhhhhh."
Then the Captain kicked his leg under the table. Whack!
First Mate Jack swallowed the sauerkraut with a "Gulp" and a "Zuurp."
The crew looked on amazed and said, "Sauerkraut."
Scurvy whispered, "Wow look, First Mate Jack ate some and he is a pickier eater than me. I should try that sauerkraut again."
L
ater
that night Scurvy snuck below deck to the Captain's barrels of
sauerkraut.
"Hey, who goes there?" Pegleg called.
"It's me, Scurvy, what are YOU doing down here," Scurvy replied.
"I'm here to get some sauerkraut," said Pegleg.
"You too?" said Scurvy.
"Well here goes... Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp. Oh! thats nice and sour," said Pegleg.
"Me too," said Scurvy. "Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp. That is not as bad as last time."
"If the Captain and First Mate Jack eat it then it must be good," said Pegleg.
"Yup, but what are we going to do when the Captain finds out were taking his stuff?" Scurvy asked.
"Well, as far as I know, everyone is eating it now so if we ALL get into trouble then it's almost the same as NO ONE being in trouble plus some yelling," replied Pegleg.
The next week First Mate Jack went to the Captain and said, "So how is the medicine eating going?"
"Well so far, thanks to your example, they have eaten three barrels," said the Captain, "I think they'll want me to get it as regular food when we are in port next."
"Wow," said Jack. "They are actually eating it. All because you eat it and they think I like it."
"Don't forget it's also exotic, European, and for them stolen," said the Captain.
"When you say it like that even I want to try eating that yucky stuff again," said First Mate Jack.
Late that evening First Mate Jack was feeling a bit hungry. He went down to the galley.
"Well, what shall I get ...
Cheese ... no, that will give me bad dreams.
Coffee ... no, that will keep me awake.
Sausage ... no, that is too heavy in my stomach.
Aw shoot, what I want is some sour sauerkraut. It makes me relax."
Jack got a small bowl of sauerkraut, took a big bite, and headed up to the deck.
There was the Captain standing there, "Good to see you're eating your medicine, First Mate Jack."
"Nom glack mlah mlah zuurp," replied Jack.
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Watch out for Patch Pirates in:
Sauerkraut, Sea Monster, Stuck, Bilge, Cookie's Bad Day, Ketchup, Kracken Wants to Eat My Ship, Learning the Hard Way, Mermaid, Mexican Standoff, No Cat, Princess, Punishment Day, The New Guy, The New Outfits, The Old Ship Was Better.
Just as soon as I draw the pictures.