Afterthoughts
by Lynn Tincher
Smashwords Edition
Copyright ©2009 by BlackWyrm Books and Games
Discover other BlackWyrm titles at Smashwords.com
All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
The characters in this novel are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
BlackWyrm Books and Games
10307 Chimney Ridge Ct, Louisville, KY 40299
Printed in the United States of America.
ISBN: 978-0-9820067-2-6
LCCN: 2009920347
Cover photograph used under Creative Commons license
Cover design by Dave Mattingly and Lynn Tincher
Edited by Dave Mattingly and Jason Walters
First edition: July 2008
Second edition: March 2009
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Chapter One
It was all Detective Paige Aldridge could do to not throw up. She leaned against the tree trunk of a huge oak that stood in her adopted sister's front yard. Her hands shook violently as she tried to cover her mouth. Her stomach gave another turn. Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight and squared her shoulders. Gathering up any strength she had left, she walked back toward the garage.
Unusually cold for a late August evening in Louisville, Kentucky, a soft breeze swirled around her, raising the hair on the back of her neck as she slowly, numbly glanced up. Suicide. It's never easy to see, even harder when it's the seventeen-year-old son of her adopted sister. A boy she loved as if he was her very own son. She clutched her hands to her chest. Her heart ripped right out as she walked around the body that hung lifelessly in front of her. His face was already swollen and blue. The smell of death filled the garage. Fighting back another urge to throw up, she swallowed hard, forcing the lump down. Her knees were weak as she cautiously stepped over the small stepladder that was kicked aside to accomplish the task and steadied herself by grabbing the elbow of a fellow officer. She maneuvered between the other detectives in the garage. Silence swept through the room as everyone watched her. She could feel their eyes moving along with her. Tony's camera flashed while tears filled Paige's eyes. She fought back the urge to run home screaming as she slowly backed away and turned toward the garage door where her partner stood.
Jay Vittidini didn't try to force a smile when she walked toward him but instead offered her his handkerchief. "Hey, Paige," he said slowly. "You okay?"
"No. I am never ready for anything like this," she replied as she took a deep breath, not noticing the light mist she left in front of her as she exhaled in the cool air. It was difficult to draw another breath in, like trying to blow up a new balloon. Hugging herself tightly to try to fend off the nausea and chills that were taking over her entire body, she tried to steady herself against the garage doorframe beside Jay. "Have you talked with Sarah? Is she okay?"
"Yes, she's inside, poor thing. Tom's with her," Jay sighed, scuffing his feet on the driveway as he mindlessly glanced at what was left of the sunset. "She's had to deal with so much lately," he said, as he gently put his hand on Paige's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "She needs you, and if you need me, I'm right here. I mean it."
Paige couldn't feel his touch. "I know," she drew in another deep breath while she covered his hand with hers, trying to reach for some sort of reality. "I'll go on in and talk to her," she could only whisper as she walked around the front of the red BMW parked in the driveway. Pausing when she reached the end of the gray stone sidewalk that she had walked on so many times the last several years, she leaned against the railing.
Paige and Sarah had planted all the shrubs and flowers that were now growing beautifully along the sidewalk. She absentmindedly ran her hand across the top of the shrubs. Paige's parents died when she was three and Sarah's mother and father had adopted her. They passed away several years later while both Paige and Sarah were in college. They were not only sisters, but best friends as well. How could she help her now? Again, she felt helpless. "If only I had come out to see Sarah when I wanted to earlier, Richie may have been okay," she thought to herself. Tears burned the back of her eyelids again as she thought that maybe -- just maybe -- she could have prevented Richie from killing himself. She remembered Richie playing in the back yard and picking dandelions for her. He would run up to her with handfuls of the bright yellow flowers along with the grass and clover that had happened to grow along side them. She remembered his red hair and freckled nose. How he would smile up at her and shower her with big hugs and kisses.
Paige remembered the panic-stricken phone call from Sarah only thirty minutes earlier. "He's... dead... oh God... he's dead!" was all that Paige could make out between Sarah's sobs.
"Who? Anthony?" Paige tried to ask calmly. Senator Anthony Steckler was Sarah's late husband and the love of her life. They had met in college and were inseparable. After marrying just after graduation, Anthony and Sarah immediately tried to start a family. They were elated when Sarah became pregnant right away. Everything was perfect until Sarah found Anthony in their bedroom strangled to death not even a week ago. Devastation had taken over Sarah's life.
During the investigation, Paige determined that all roads were leading to the Stecklers' teenage son, Richard. Richie had been home at the time of Anthony's murder but claimed to be passed out in his bedroom from his usual alcohol binge. Richie had become a troubled teen over the last year. He was rarely home. When he happened to be, it was usually in the middle of the night. He would stumble up the stairs and pass out until far past noon the next day. Unable to be objective any longer, she asked to be removed from the case and turned it over to Jay, with the promise of helping him every step of the way.
"No... oh, God, Paige... its Richie... he's in the..." Sarah's frantic words became impossible to understand between the sobs.
"Have you called 911? I'm on my way!" Paige threw the phone down and ran out of the door. When her car squealed onto Sarah's street in Gellendale Estates, the police were already there, lights flashing in unison with an ambulance that was pulled into the yard. The shadow of someone hanging from the garage ceiling made her stop in her tracks. She felt like she had been smacked in the face with a baseball bat.
Paige snapped back to reality when another detective brushed her arm as he passed. She realized she was still standing at the foot of the sidewalk, gripping the railing with her knuckles that were already white. Taking another deep breath, she moved toward the door. She could hear a voice in the back of her mind saying, "Be calm, Paige. Everything will be fine. Just relax."
As she opened one of the large double glass storm doors, she could hear Sarah's sobs echoing from the parlor. What was left of her heart shattered into a million pieces as she ran into the room. Sarah's face was as pallid as death itself. As she tried to stand and run to Paige, Sarah stumbled and fell back onto the couch, knocking the throw pillows from the sofa as she fell.
"Sarah..." breathless, Paige ran to her. Their arms closed around each other as if hanging on for their very lives. "Sarah, I'm so sorry!" she tried to comfort her. Not knowing what to say, Paige sobbed along with her, rocking her back and forth, letting Sarah rest completely in her arms like she was her own child. She stroked Sarah's long blonde hair, desperate to comfort her. Paige tried to embrace the pain that Sarah was feeling, but she only felt numb. How could anyone understand such grief? The tears fell down Paige's cheeks as if a faucet had been turned on inside her, but she didn't feel the tears. She wished she could feel the pain. How could she relieve some of it for Sarah? What could she possibly say to make things better? Paige again felt fragile and helpless. Doing the only thing she could do, she held onto Sarah with all her strength and let Sarah release some of the pain herself.
"Sarah, I don't know what to say or do. I'm sorry, so sorry."
Sarah nodded as if she understood and hugged her tightly. Paige could feel her relax a little as Sarah's breathing slowed down and she realized how much her just being there helped Sarah. Hope. Paige had hope.
Finally, Paige opened her eyes, her lashes heavy with tears. Glancing up, she found Tom Miller, one of the policemen on the scene, standing over them. She hugged Sarah once more. "I'm going outside to talk with Tom for a minute. I'll be right back." Sarah's swollen eyes looked at her blankly. She nodded her head as Paige squeezed her hand. When Paige stood up to walk with Tom, she asked another police officer to look after Sarah for a few minutes as she and Tom headed for the door.
When they stepped out onto the front porch, Tom looked out at the scene in the front yard. The news vans and reporters were swarming the investigators even as they were taping off the scene. This was the second time in the same week there had been a tragedy at Senator Steckler's estate and the reporters were determined to have answers. A crowd of spectators was also gathering around, shouting questions without concern.
"She found him... she came home tonight, opened the garage door and saw him there," Tom whispered to Paige. "I'm surprised the poor woman has any sanity left. She was at the station earlier asking questions about her husband's murder. She swears Richard was innocent. Now I'm not so sure." Tom sat down on the step, shielding himself from the crowd with the shrubs that lined the porch.
"If Richie was guilty, we need to find out why," Paige sighed as she sat beside him. "Did he need money? Drugs? Did he hate his father enough to kill him? Was it an accident in the state he was in that night? I have to find the answers somehow. For Sarah's sake." Paige's eyes filled with tears again. She wouldn't let them fall. Not anymore. She had to be strong. That was the only way she could help Sarah. Biting her lip, she stood up gracefully with what precious little strength remained and walked back into the house with Tom behind her.
Before she could enter the parlor, Tom pulled her aside. "They are going to be removing the body any minute now. Maybe you should take Mrs. Steckler somewhere else in the house so that she doesn't see."
"Thanks, Tom. I will," she said as she laid her hand on Tom's arm with a light touch that appeared to be out of concern but was more of trying to keep from falling down. She slowly turned and walked into the parlor to where Sarah was now laying on the sofa.
"Come on, Sarah. Let's go upstairs and clean you up a bit." Paige offered her hand to help Sarah stand. She nodded and walked with Paige toward the stairs. As they entered the bedroom, Paige suddenly felt ill again. Breaking into a sweat as nausea swept over her, she fought the urge to rush into the bathroom. "I need to be strong for Sarah. She really needs me now." she told herself.
As Sarah was changing clothes and drying her face with a hand towel, Paige walked to the window and looked outside through the blinds. The EMTs were pushing Richie's body, covered in a white sheet, into the ambulance. The memory of the same scene with Anthony's body caused Paige's stomach to lurch, yet again. As she watched the scenes unfold in the front yard, she saw someone in the shadows behind the trees that lined the front yard. Watching him as he moved from tree to tree along the back of the crowd, a suspicious feeling came over her. "Relax, Paige," a voice whispered. "It's just a curious neighbor or a member of the press." Rubbing the back of her neck, she turned her back to the window. As she glanced around the room, she noticed the pictures on the desk and dresser. She walked over and picked up a picture of Sarah and Anthony. They had their arms around each other and they were both smiling. As far as Paige knew, they had a nearly perfect marriage. Fighting off a little twinge of jealousy, Paige placed the picture carefully back on the dresser. She wondered if she would ever find happiness like that.
She made her way to the guest bathroom and splashed cold water on her face until she felt better. As she looked at herself in the mirror she wondered what to do next. "I have to figure out if Richie was guilty or if there is someone else. Did Richie kill himself for another reason?" Then it hit her. The obvious question, "Has anyone found a suicide note?" she asked the reflection in the mirror.
Sarah was back in the bedroom when Paige came back in. Paige put her arm around her and led her back downstairs to face more detectives, suspicions, doubts, and tears. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," she assured her and hugged her tightly. Leaving Sarah with Tom as they reached the parlor, she ran back outside to find Jay.
Before she could even ask the question, Jay had the answer. "We found a note. It doesn't make any sense, but it's all we have," he said as he handed her a note that had already been sealed in an evidence bag. Paige's hands shook as she took it from Jay and held it up to the porch light. She could barely make out the words on the letter through the plastic in the dim light of the garage.
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry for all of the trouble I've caused you and Dad. I need help. I love you.
Richie
"I don't understand. This letter sounds like someone who is reaching out, not someone who is... about to..." Paige was trembling.
"Exactly," Jay cut her off. They looked at each other with complete understanding. They had been partners long enough to develop a sense of what each other was thinking. Paige likened it to a marriage where the couple could speak to each other without saying a word. Jay was not only her partner, but also her friend. One she argued with frequently but completely understood -- even if she didn't agree.
The rest of the investigation of the scene went quickly; perhaps it was because Paige was numb and couldn't concentrate. After taking Sarah to stay at her cousin Aileen's, farm, she decided to go home. She poured herself a large gin and tonic with the juice of a large lime, crawled into bed, and opened her journal.
It's amazing how quickly things can change. You think everything is normal, fine, routine. I mean, one minute I'm running bath water, ready to relax and the next, I'm staring death in the face. Why Richie? Why did he have to kill himself?
She sighed and continued to write in her journal as suggested by her psychiatrist.
I feel as if my world is caving in on me. I'm getting smaller and smaller. I have no control anymore. I want to reach out and help but I can't. I'm helpless, alone, insignificant.
She toyed with the corner of the page as she put her pen in her mouth, tears steaming down her face. She wiped them on her sleeve and decided to write more of exactly how she was feeling.
I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't remember things, days even. Something is happening to me. I thought I was better. I thought I had made progress. Today, I started to visit my sister, Sarah, to check up on her and it was like a voice was telling me to leave her alone. So, I didn't call. I didn't call!
She drew several underlines.
I'm going out of my mind. I should have been there. If I had, Richie would still be alive!
She gave up, slammed her journal closed, and turned off her light. Sobbing into her pillow, she lay there remembering the few hours before.
Chapter Two
As morning broke, the bright sun streaked through the blinds onto Paige's bed. Her swollen eyes blinked as they adjusted to the light. She watched the dust float through each beam of sunlight and began to remember the day before. Trying to put the vision of Richie out of her head, she decided to get up and make coffee. She sat on the side of the bed for a moment and ran her hand through the sunlight. Watching the light dance across her arm and hand she thought, "Such a simple pleasure." One, she decided, she would never take for granted again. Life is too precious and she had seen enough over the last year to make her appreciate what little things she had been blessed with.
Suddenly, a vision formed in her mind like a dream. She could see a small amount of light slicing the cold darkness of a small room. The window appeared to be boarded but the strands of light still fought their way through, shining across the room, and falling across her lap. She felt a wave of nausea.
Holding on to the side of her bed, she shook her head, "What the hell was that all about?"
She shook her head again, as if shaking out cobwebs. "Coffee," she reminded herself and stood up to pull on her pink silk robe that lay casually across a huge overstuffed chair that stood next to her bed.
Harry, Paige's Labrador, looked up at her hopefully. She reached down and rubbed his soft black ears and said, "I guess you need out." He wagged his tail happily.
As she walked slowly to the kitchen, she rubbed her eyes, ran both hands through her long brown hair, and rubbed her stiff neck. Harry pounced along beside her, happy to be up and about. "A nice, long, hot bath is just what I need," she whispered to herself as she opened the door and Harry playfully ran outside. She crossed to the counter and scooped coffee into the filter.
As the coffee brewed, she stepped back outside to pick up the paper. Instead of opening it, she tossed it on the kitchen table, afraid to look at the front page. She knew in her gut that the suicide of the late Senator's son would be front-page news and at that, she decided not to turn on the television. Rolling her head from side to side, she walked over to the phone on the kitchen wall, took the receiver off the hook, and laid it on the counter. She had already turned off her cell phone the night before. She knew that Sarah was with Aileen and would be fine. With a deep sigh, she decided that she needed a few minutes alone to think things through and to gather any ideas that could help Sarah. Knowing she had to figure out what happened to be able to give Sarah any kind of peace, she paced the floor, thinking.
Paige remembered when Anthony approached her in college to talk to her about Sarah. "I'm crazy about her, Paige. Do you think she'd marry me?" he asked her with his big handsome smile. Paige could tell he was nervous about asking her this question.
Paige tried to smile at him even though she was a little jealous. "She'll say yes in a heartbeat. The two of you are made for each other. I wish I could find what you guys have."
Anthony gave her a big hug, "Sarah's lucky to have you. She loves you, ya know."
"Thanks. I love her too." Smiling, Paige gave him another hug.
Remembering Richie's letter, Paige shuffled into her bathroom to draw a bath. She added her favorite vanilla scented bath salts and lit all the candles that lined the garden tub. This was the way Paige knew she could think best. She loved to soak in a warm tub, surrounded with subtle light and wonderful scents. This was the only pampering she did for herself. She enjoyed a simple life filled with simple things. She didn't fuss over her hair or make-up. Her furniture was plain; her apartment, uncluttered. Harry was her only personal responsibility, and he was a breeze to take care of.
As the tub filled, she returned to the kitchen to pour her coffee. "A little coffee with my cream and sugar," she tried to smile to herself as she poured half-n-half into her cup. She looked out of the window and saw her neighbor walking the little Norfolk terrier she purchased the month before. "Amazing," she thought to herself, watching Jeanne go back into her house with the little dog and noticing that they both had short spiky orange hair. "They've only been together a month and they already look alike." Paige wondered in what way she and Harry looked alike. She smiled again as she headed back to the kitchen door to let him in. After locking the door, she walked to the bathroom, slipped off her robe and gown, and lowered herself into the hot water until only her face was visible through the bubbles. She let the warmth of the water surround her and soothe her. She tried not to think of the day before, but the vision of Richie hanging from the rafters kept creeping back into her thoughts. "Be calm, Paige. Don't think about it. Everything is fine. Forget it," she kept hearing a voice say over and over. She sipped her coffee as she soaked in the warm tub, trying to let the sensations relax her mind.
Suddenly, she fought off the urge to forget it. She tried to think of Sarah and what she needed to do to help her. She had to figure out what was going on with Richie. Why he did what he did to himself. Tears poured down her cheeks as she realized she still had no answers. The feelings of inadequacy took over again as she sobbed uncontrollably. She remembered how Sarah had been there for her in the past. Sarah hadn't done anything special other than just being there when Paige needed to talk, or to give her the space she needed when she didn't want to.
She smiled as she tried to remember the fun the two of them had getting to know each other growing up. She remembered the time they skipped school and went shopping in the malls all day. They came home later with the beer they managed to convince a local storeowner to sell them. How stupid they must have looked snickering as they walked up and down the halls of their childhood home, trying not to look drunk. As she smiled to herself, she fell sound asleep.
A half hour later, she woke shivering. Most of the water had drained out of the tub leaving her cold and damp. After considering running more hot water, she decided to get out instead. Before she could dry off there was a frantic knock on the door and she could hear her boyfriend, David's concerned voice scream, "Paige, you alright?"
"I'm fine... I'm coming," she yelled trying to outdo Harry's barks. She threw on her robe and ran for the door.
When the door opened, David pulled her into his arms. "When I couldn't reach you, I got really worried. I had to come and check on you," he kissed her wet hair.
"I'm sorry. I just needed some time to myself," Paige said as she hugged him tightly, fighting off the tears. She had to admit it felt good to be held. Harry must have felt the same way as he jumped up on them and tried to squeeze his way into the middle.
"I understand, baby," David whispered in her ear. He loosened his grip on her so he could pet the dog. "Come here you big goof!" He wrestled him around for a bit before grabbing Paige's hand and leading her into the living room to sit on the couch. "How are you holding up?"
Paige raised her head to look at him. "I'm okay. It's Sarah I'm worried about. She's lost both Anthony and Richie in less than a week: and to deal with the possibility that Richie murdered his own father. I just can't even begin to imagine!" Beyond her control, the tears finally fell down her cheeks. "I need to go put on some clothes. I'll be right back." Paige walked quickly from the room leaving David sitting on the couch, looking puzzled. Harry nudged his hand and David rubbed his ears softly.
"She's not doing very well," he whispered to Harry as he scratched behind one of his ears. "We're going to have to keep an eye on her."
She returned wearing a pink sweat suit. David picked up the conversation that Paige was hoping to avoid just a little bit longer. "You've been dealing with it too, Paige. You were the one that put the pieces together leading to Richie murdering his father. Killing himself only proves his guilt." David hugged her again allowing Paige's tears to soak his shoulder. He then took a tissue from a box on the coffee table and handed it to her.
"I still don't think Richie killed Anthony," she paused. "How do you go on after something like this? I'm not sure I could!" She pulled back and looked at him. His dark blonde hair looked as if he had just jumped out of the bed. "I'm glad you're here. I thought I wanted to be alone. I was wrong." She tried to smile at him but ended up burying her face in the tissue.
"Where else in the world would I be?" He smiled at her, kissed her on the forehead, and touched her cheek. "You've faced your fair share, and look at you now. Have you eaten?" He took her hand in his and caressed her fingers.
"No. I had a cup of coffee, but it's cold now. There's more in the pot. Do you want some?" She started for the kitchen.
He pulled her back toward the sofa. "You just sit here and try to relax. I'll take care of the coffee. Breakfast too." He held both of her hands briefly before he turned and walked to the kitchen.
Paige wanted to resist, but decided instead to take him up on his offer. She leaned back in the sofa, grabbed her throw pillow, and hugged it tightly. She pulled her feet up under her and stared out of the living room window at the trees in her front yard.
David watched her from the door and noticed how her long brown hair fell over her shoulder and across the pillow she had pulled up in front of her. "She is beautiful. Even after all she's been through, she is still beautiful," he thought to himself as he turned slowly and headed toward the kitchen.
She watched the blue jays playfully darting in and out of the branches and landing on her bird feeder. She couldn't remember the last time she put seeds in the damn thing. "The poor things would starve if they had to depend on me," she thought to herself. The blue jays swooped down over a small squirrel that was scratching around under the feeder causing the squirrel to run into the row of shrubs along the yard. "If the squirrel would only figure out that he's bigger," she chuckled to herself.
She could hear David banging around in the kitchen and wondered what he could be finding for breakfast. "Hmmm, groceries, that's another thing I can't remember the last time I did." Paige barely even had time to spend with David, yet here he was, making breakfast and worrying about her. "I've got to spend more time doing things for me," she promised herself that this would also include time for David and Sarah. The tears began to flow again and she buried her face in the pillow. "When will I ever run out of tears?"
A few minutes later, David walked in carrying a tray with oatmeal, toast, and coffee. "I'm sorry. This was all I could find, and it's instant oatmeal at that," he smiled as he sat the tray on the coffee table.
"It's perfect," she smiled back as she took the tray and placed it in her lap. She picked up the spoon and pushed the oatmeal around in the bowl for a few seconds before she decided to take a bite of toast. As she picked at her breakfast in silence, David watched her. Harry watched her as well, hoping she would carelessly drop a nibble. He took his nose and nudged her leg.
Absentmindedly, Paige rubbed his head. With a large sigh and a low groan of disappointment, Harry lay down on the floor next to her.
David noticed her slim hands as she played with the spoon. "Definitely not the hands of a cop," he told himself as he admired her. He felt his cell phone vibrating in his pocket and ignored it as he watched her try to eat. He thought she resembled a wet cat. Long and thin. He smiled when he realized she didn't eat the oatmeal and barely nibbled on her toast. When he saw her snub the coffee he remembered, "You need more cream and sugar, don't you?"
She smiled at him. "Please?"
He took the cup from her and headed toward the kitchen, accepting the fact that she would not eat the oatmeal. Paige slipped the rest of her toast to Harry who practically swallowed it whole.
When he returned, she had already placed the tray on the table with only the toast gone. "Guess you're not hungry?" he asked her as he handed the cup to her.
She shook her head and sipped the coffee. "This is all I need." She wrapped her hand around the cup and took another sip as she pulled her legs back up under her. "Thanks for taking care of me," she finally said.
"Like I said, where else would I be?"
"I'm sure you could come up with at least a hundred things you'd rather be doing," Paige said as she tried to sound light.
"When will you ever believe me?" he asked as he accentuated his sigh.
"Probably never," she smiled halfheartedly. "Who would want to be with a cop that never has time for anything but being a cop? I know I wouldn't." Paige turned toward the window and continued watching the birds.
David sat next to her on the couch and took the cup from her hand. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. You know that." He started rubbing her neck. She tried to relax feeling his hands caress and squeeze her shoulders as she rolled her head around. It felt nice. She didn't realize just how tense she was. He slowly rubbed her neck, hitting all of the tight spots and giving them an extra squeeze. It was painful, she realized, but at the same time it was a great relief. She leaned back into his arms and let him hug her tightly.
Paige could feel his cell phone vibrating in his pocket. She knew he was ignoring it. "You better get that."
"I'll call them back. You're more important," he whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her neck softly.
"Why do you put up with me?" she asked him as she slowly turned toward him.
"Because I have to," he smiled, and started kissing her ear. She whimpered softly as his lips made their way from her ear to her neck, his hands running up and down her arms. She let herself go in his caress, wanting to melt away with him. Feeling herself drift away in the sensations, she turned toward him to let him kiss her lips. His kiss was soft and gentle.
Paige opened her eyes and glanced back out of the window. She could see someone standing in the shadows behind the trees. She jumped and ran toward the window.
"What is it?" David asked as he stood behind her.
"There, in the trees," she pointed. "There was a man, standing there. I didn't see where he went, but it looked like he was watching us."
"I don't see anyone." David said as he looked across the yard. "Whoever it was is gone now, and I'm sure he couldn't see in through the window in this light."
"I'm going out to find him," Paige started toward the door.
"Paige, wait. There's no one there." David grabbed her arm, keeping her from running outside.
Paige whirled about on her heals. "He was there. I saw him!" she screamed at him.
"I believe you but he's not there now. It's okay," he rubbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down.
"You're right," Paige forced a smile and stepped away from him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
"That's okay, Paige, really," he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "Sit down and drink your coffee."
Reluctantly, she obeyed, not taking her eyes off of the tree line. Nothing else seemed amiss. The birds were still in search of seed and the squirrel was brave enough to come back out and forage below. "I must be seeing things," she thought to herself as she picked the coffee back up to take another drink. Instead of a sip, she downed the entire cup.
Chapter Three
The next three days passed quickly. Paige stayed with Sarah at Aileen's. She busied herself helping Aileen care for Sarah, cooking meals, and forcing her to eat them. They made all of the funeral arrangements with only nods of agreement from Sarah who hardly spoke a word and rarely acknowledged anyone who was speaking to her. It was obvious that she was just simply functioning and was getting worse by the day. Paige wondered if she should suggest to Aileen that Sarah needed counseling. She thought about talking to the therapist who had helped so much over the past year. Paige was sure he could help.
As Paige cleared the table from lunch she remembered when Sarah had found her husband. She was adamant that someone broke into the house and strangled Anthony even though there was no sign of a break in. Nothing was taken from the house and there was not a shred of DNA evidence to be found. There was only their son, Richard. Sarah told Paige on several occasions that Anthony argued with Richie about the drugs and alcohol. Some of the arguments became violent enough that things were thrown and items around the house were broken, but they never actually hit each other. Sarah believed with all of her heart that neither of them would ever hurt the other physically.
When Paige questioned Richie, he didn't seem upset about his father's death. He even claimed to be in the house at the time of the murder but said that he didn't hear or see anything. "How could he, in the state he was in?" Paige remembered that he was totally inebriated that night. She thought about how sad it was that the sweet little freckle-faced boy had become so messed up. He was a great kid; willing to give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed or wanted it. Smiling all the time, he was absolutely full of life. She remembered all of the practical jokes he played on his dad. At the end of his eighth grade year, he had covered the door handle of Anthony's BMW with Vaseline. He laughed so hard that he rolled across the front yard while watching Anthony try to figure out what was wrong with the door. Anthony never did figure it out until Richie finally told him about a year later, when he felt he was safe from being grounded from his video games.
Paige was loading the dishes in the dishwasher when Aileen walked in. "I'll stay again tonight so we can get Sarah ready for the funeral in the morning," Paige said softly.
"Thank you, Paige. You have been a true godsend." Aileen hugged her tightly.
"I just need to run home to pick up a few things after we get her settled down tonight." Paige sighed, cleared her throat, and paused for a moment before she said, "I know a great therapist. I'm sure he would be glad to see Sarah. Do you think we can get her to go?"
"I think we have to force her to," Aileen responded, making Paige feel relieved for making the suggestion. "I don't think she can cope with all of this. At least when Anthony died she was occupied for a few days with trying to find his killer. I think this took what was left of her." Aileen wrung the dishtowel between her hands.
"I'll give him a call this afternoon. I'm sure he will see her right away." Paige hugged her. "I just wish there was something I could do to make this all go away. I will promise you this; I will get to the bottom of it all. That's the only way Sarah will have any peace."
Paige finished helping Aileen clean up the kitchen then walked to Sarah's bedroom to check on her. Sarah was sitting in a chair by the window, looking out. Paige watched her as she stared, not moving, barely breathing. "What's going on in her head?" Paige wondered.
Sarah was there for Paige just over a year ago. Paige had disappeared. After missing for two months, she was found in a ditch fifteen miles outside of Louisville, Kentucky, only five miles away from Paige's home. She was starved, beaten, and dirty, with no memory of anything -- not even the past day. Sarah had taken Paige into her home and over the next year, and nursed her back to health. Sarah worked hard to gain Paige's trust and friendship and tried desperately to help her remember her life. With counseling and time, Paige began to remember her past -- with one exception. She could not remember the two months when she had been kidnapped. It didn't matter what therapy techniques were used. Dr. Southerland tried hypnosis and talked to her about things that could have possibly happened to her during her disappearance. As much as Paige wanted to try to remember, she couldn't. The only thing she was sure of was that she had been severely abused. Her wrists and ankles had deep rope burns and her face was bruised and swollen almost past recognition when she was found.
She decided that it was probably better not to remember anything except the love and friendship that Sarah had given her. They were best friends and more like sisters than true sisters could ever be. She wondered what she could do to even begin to return the favor. Could Sarah forget the pain and go on? She couldn't see how.
Paige walked over to the window and knelt down in front of Sarah. She picked up the afghan from the floor and placed it back in Sarah's lap. She took Sarah's face in her hand and looked her in the eyes. Her pale blue eyes didn't look back, but seemed to look right through Paige. "Sarah, I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I love you!" There was only a faint smile from Sarah.
"Remember being there for me, Sarah? Remember all of the crying sessions? Remember all of the fights over which of us liked Andy Smith the most? Gee, we were nuts over that guy. But he was the most gorgeous thing in High School!" She smiled and squeezed Sarah's hand. She saw Sarah's eyes light up and make contact, but only for a moment. Sarah wasn't completely gone yet. There was hope. "Do you remember the night you were out with Sam and I had to cover for you?" Paige forced a laugh. "I told Mom that I had just left you at the mall when you were really in Sam's car?" Sarah turned her head back toward the window.
With a small sigh of defeat, Paige sat down in the chair opposite from Sarah and glanced out of the window. She could see the beautiful fields lined with perfect black fences and horses grazing lazily in the sunshine. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if your only cares in the world were which spot of grass to eat next?" Paige half whispered. She could see Harry exploring the fence line and chasing a rabbit that had been disturbed by his presence. He really enjoyed being on the farm. Watching out of the window for a few moments longer, she saw someone duck behind the barn. She strained to see who it was. Harry seemed unaware of the intruder. She dismissed the thought.
"Maybe it was just a worker," she tried to convince herself as she watched from the window.
Finally giving up, she hugged Sarah tightly, kissed her on the cheek, and promised to come back and sit with her for a while later in the afternoon.
Paige left the room and walked out to the front porch swing. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and called Dr. Southerland to set up an appointment for next week. When he agreed, she closed her phone and glanced out at the farm. She watched the trees sway in the breeze. The darkening sky warned of an approaching storm and she listened to the thunder in the background. The weather had warmed considerably since the night Richie killed himself.
She looked out over the rolling fields of Aileen and Jones Childers' horse farm. "Such a beautiful place, totally at peace with the world. It's hard to believe this farm is so close to the city," Paige said to Aileen as she stepped onto the front porch, carrying two tall glasses of iced tea. "Thank you," she said as she took a glass from Aileen's hand.
"We love it out here. It's a lot of work, but when you sit on this porch and look around, it makes it all worth it." Aileen joined her on the swing. "During the Derby it gets a little crazy though. Everyone is busy mowing and planting flowers and shrubs. But when the farm is in tiptop shape for all of the visitors, it's just like a movie. We are so proud of this place. We have a lot of fantastic people working here."
"I can only imagine! I'd like to come out here in the spring and see what it's like then," she smiled at Aileen and took a long drink of her tea. She looked around at all of the beautiful landscaping. Paige could only imagine how magnificent the long driveway must be in early spring. It was lined with Bradford pear trees on both sides with Dogwood trees lining the fence that ran parallel with the driveway. Scattered beneath the trees were begonias of every imaginable color planted so they looked like stained glass windows along the way. The edges of the begonias were lined with bright yellow marigolds that seemed to breathe sunshine all the way down the drive. This all led up to a glorious statue of a thoroughbred and its groomer. The groomer was holding a curry comb in one hand and a hose in the other that had water cascading over the back of the horse to land in a beautiful pool teeming with koi. Paige fought back the urge to get up and walk over to the statue. She wanted desperately to run her hand through the water and watch it as it ran down her arm. She imagined her hands filling up and water spilling over as she cupped them under the hose. Her hands... she remembered them tightly gripping around his neck. "No!" a voice screamed from inside her causing her to jump just as lighting flashed in the distance.
Trying to gather her thoughts, Paige sat in silence for a few moments, watching the storm creep closer and feeling the breeze pick up. They watched as the horses in the fields started running around, excited by the upcoming weather. The workers were busy trying to bring them to the barn and put away their equipment. Harry ran to the house quickly and lay down on the woven welcome mat at front of the door.
"How are you, Paige?" Aileen asked quietly, breaking Paige's trance.
"I'm as good as can be expected, I guess. I just wish I could help Sarah. I don't have a clue what to say or do. If only I could make it all go away for her. Bring them back somehow. I can't even figure out what's happened," Paige said helplessly, trying to ignore the vision she had just had.
"What did that mean?" she asked herself. "Why were my hands around Anthony's throat?"
"Just being here for her is enough right now. She knows you're here and that she's not alone." Aileen placed her hand on Paige's arm as a small blue Corvette started up the driveway toward the house. Paige recognized Jay's car. Wanting to step away from Aileen and clear her head, she stood to walk toward the drive.
She was waiting as Jay parked and climbed out of the car. "Howdy, pardner!" he nodded in her direction, pretending to tip his nonexistent cowboy hat.
"Hey there, you! Mighty long drive you took to come see little ol' me!" Paige said with an exaggerated southern drawl and batting her eyelashes. She felt good teasing with Jay this way. It was the first time she genuinely smiled in days. "What's up?" she said, suddenly afraid the conversation was about to get serious.
"I just wanted to come out and check on you guys. See how things are going and if you need any help with anything." He walked around the side of the car to stand by her.
Paige was so glad to see his handsome face and to know that he was there as a friend, not a detective. "It's going... I'm really worried about Sarah," she said, quickly avoiding any conversation about herself. "Aileen and I were just talking about sending her to Dr. Southerland. I've just made an appointment for her next week. She barely exists. She doesn't eat or talk. We have to force her to clean up and go to bed. I think she'd whither away sitting in that chair by the window." Paige pointed to the house at the window where Sarah was sitting.
"I'm so sorry, Paige. I hate to see you all going through this." Jay pulled her into his arms and gave her a soft hug. "I'm here if you need me."
"Thank you. That means so much." She started to hug him tighter just as a loud boom rang out as lightning struck a tree less than a half-mile away. "Come on, we better get inside." She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the house. As she started to move, her head began to spin. Flashes of light and images began to rush through her mind. She could see herself in a dark room where she could only see one small, boarded window that had light only as lightning flashed outside. She was frozen still. Bound by something she didn't understand. Terror overtook her. "I can't move!" she screamed. She could feel someone hit her across her face. The pain overtook her senses, and her head began to spin. She could feel someone standing over her and could hear a slow, deliberate laugh.
Then she collapsed. Jay caught her in his arms before she could hit the ground. "Paige, are you okay?" He scooped her into his arms and carried her toward the house.
Aileen, who was still sitting on the porch swing, saw everything. She rushed to help Jay get her inside and lay her on the sofa. As she ran to get a damp towel and a glass of water, Jay rubbed Paige's arm and squeezed her hand. "Come on Paige, talk to me. Talk to me!"
When Paige gained consciousness, she found Jay leaning over her, stroking her hair. "Feeling better?"
"What happened?" she asked nervously, feeling as if her head would explode along with the thunder crashing outside. She reached up to rub her temples.
"I don't know. You just fainted." Jay handed her the washcloth which she gratefully took and washed her face with it.
Paige rubbed her head for a moment and began to remember her vision. She told him about everything she could remember about the window, being hit, the laugh, and the lightning.
Paige started to talk. "I wonder if I... could I be?" She began to tremble.
"Do you think you are remembering those months, Paige?" he questioned as he took her hand. "Do you think you could have been locked away in a room like that? Did you recognize the laugh?"
"I don't know. All I know right now is that I need a glass of water." She slowly sat up on the edge of the couch taking the glass Jay had in his other hand. After a good long drink she said, "If I were in a room like that, I don't want to remember it." Paige stood. With shaky knees, she walked toward the large picture window in the living room and watched the storm raging on outside.
She thought about how different the farm looked now. It was no longer warm and inviting but cold and volatile. She hated to think of the beating all of the beautiful flowers were taking now and wondered what it would take to clean up after such a storm on a farm this size. She could see that tree branches were littered all across the once beautiful fields.
Jay walked up behind her and put his arm across her shoulders. They stood in silence, watching the storm while Paige allowed herself to lean on him for support. She normally wouldn't allow herself to lean on anyone, even metaphorically. She wanted to be independent and strong. She didn't want to be unstable or afraid, yet that was exactly the way she felt.
Harry walked up beside her and put his head under her hand. She rubbed his ears, realizing what a great comfort the dog had been for her. He was her baby and he would protect her to his death if he had to. Paige would do the same for him. She bent down and hugged her big buddy tightly. He licked her face and all of her fears seem to melt away. Paige understood that Harry loved her unconditionally. "Too bad people don't seem to be able to feel that way," she thought to herself.
"Wish I had a dog like you," Jay told Harry as he bent down to aid in the scratching. Of course Harry was happy with all of the attention and his tail thumped the floor loudly. Paige glanced at Jay and caught his eyes for a moment. Uneasy with the situation, she turned her head toward Harry and kissed the top of his head.
"I don't know what I would have done without him. He's helped keep me going every day." Continuing to avoid his gaze, she stood and turned back toward the window. "I think it may let up soon," she said as the wind seemed to die down and the thunder sounded more distant.
"I hope so. That was a doozey," he tried to laugh and sound light hearted.
Paige felt him put his hand in the small of her back, sending a soft chill up her spine. She paused her thoughts long enough to realize that she had too many emotions running through her right now. She needed time to sort them all out before she could begin to understand them.
"Would you excuse me for a bit? I would like to go lie down," she half whispered to Jay as she turned toward him.
"Sure, I'll be here for a while. I'd like to visit with Sarah a little."
Smiling halfheartedly, she turned and walked toward her room. She paused long enough to say thank you, without looking at him.
When Paige reached the guest bedroom in which she was staying, she sat on the bed, half in tears, and pulled out her journal.
There's something going on with me. I'm seeing things, memories that I don't want to remember. Maybe they aren't memories. Maybe my mind is making them up. I feel like there are so many things going on inside that it's like I have tiny little arrows, poking at me from all directions. I don't know what to do, where to turn, how to feel, or what to believe. I long to be touched but David is not here. Jay touched me today and I reacted. It was an innocent thing, but I reacted. I am so confused. I can't help Sarah. I don't know what to say to her and I'm frustrated. I hate seeing her like this.
Today, I saw the room again. I couldn't move. I was trapped. Someone hit me in the face. What does that mean? I heard someone laugh. Who was it? It sounded like a man. I also saw my hands. I can't even finish that thought right now. I don't want to admit what I saw. What's going on with me?
Tears fell down her cheeks as she slammed the journal shut. Determined not to face any more right now, she lay on the bed and closed her eyes.
Chapter Four
Jay spent the rest of the afternoon with them, and Aileen asked him to stay for dinner. "That way, you can take Paige home to get her things for the funeral and bring her back. I'm worried about her being out on her own, especially in this weather!"
"For goodness sakes! I'm a cop! I think I can handle a storm! It's over anyway," Paige argued.
"That's not the point. You don't need to be alone right now. I'm fine with Sarah," Aileen fussed at her in a motherly way, pushing Paige's hair behind her ears. "I'll get her ready for dinner."
"I agree with Aileen," Jay chimed in as he brushed his brown hair back off of his forehead and scratched behind his ear. "I'm not sure you need to be driving right now."
"I guess I'm outnumbered then," Paige said, defeated. "I guess that means you'll stay for dinner." She could see Jay's face light up. His deep brown eyes seemed to glow. At least Paige knew that he genuinely wanted to be there. Knowing this made Paige feel strangely happy, and less of a burden.
"Come on, we'll go get your things before Aileen gets dinner on the table." Jay held out his arm to lead Paige toward the door.
"Okay, okay. But don't get used to taking care of me. I won't let you for too long," she smiled as she reluctantly took Jay's arm. Harry ran around their legs, begging to go too. "You have to stay, sweetie. There's only enough room in Jay's car for two." Harry's ears lowered and his tail dropped. Making three turns, he lay down on the floor. "I'll be right back. I promise," she smiled and rubbed his head as they turned to walk out toward the Corvette.
They drove in silence for a while. Jay was giving her time to think and sort things out. He didn't know what to do or say to help or comfort her, even though he desperately wanted to. He thought about reaching over to hold her hand, but a cell phone ring interrupted his thoughts.
"Hello?" Paige answered after digging through her purse to find the phone. "Yea, I'm fine... I'm heading home to get some things and then heading back to Aileen's...Will I see you tomorrow? I see... I will... Thanks for calling to check on me... Bye now." She hung up with a huge sigh. She looked up at Jay who was pretending not to listen. "That was David. He'll be in Minneapolis on business tomorrow."
"I'm sorry, Paige. I'm sure he will be thinking of you while he's gone and wishing he were here."
"Yea, he has a book signing that he can't miss." Somehow Paige felt as if she were making excuses for him and wondered if Jay picked up on that.
The storm was over when they returned to the Childers' farm. Aileen insisted that Jay take Paige for a walk around the farm to let her get some fresh air before dinner. Harry of course, happily agreed to go along.
"This place is incredibly beautiful," Jay announced as they walked toward the horse barn. Paige wanted to avoid the fountain now.
"Yes it is. I can't wait to see it in the spring. Aileen says it's beautiful when they have it all ready for the Derby. I'll bet that's something to see." Paige wandered along the fence line, touching the leaves of the Dogwood trees as she went, feeling the water trickle down her fingers from the left over rain.
"I'm sure." Jay wasn't paying as much attention to the trees as he was watching her enjoy them. Suddenly he was whacked in the face with a rain-drenched branch that Paige had purposely sent his way. "You'll pay for that!" he chased her toward the barn.
Breathless, they ran down the way in between the stalls. They were greeted with the warm smell of fresh hay and horses. They walked along, stall to stall, petting the noses of the thoroughbreds that would allow it as the horses were eating from their feedbags hanging in the stalls. The barn was warm and dry, nothing like the storm-drenched fields outside. Paige was glad to be in such an inviting place. It comforted her somehow.