Shane Clouthier
Simplified. Poetic Work
© 2005 – 2011
All works in this title are by Shane Clouthier solely, with no additional authors. Published and distributed by Smashwords.
The works in this book are revised versions of poems I have published previously, and are more typographically correct than before. The majority of them are from The Paper Heart, Missing Pieces or Forget I Ever.
Fourth Edition - October 2011 – December 2011
The poems are seemingly in random order, however, they are all relative to each other in one way or another. This book is for those who have heart. My fiancée broke up with me in June 2011, and since then, my poetry and life have changed pace and face. There has become an issue with girls trying to come into my life, and I made a mistake by letting one in that lied to me about everything and tricked me into liking her too much, and got hurt. All I ask of you, my readers, family, friends is to just support me in this emotional wreck.
Poetry written for those who have impacted my life. I want to thank you all for all the good and bad times I’ve had, and I won’t ever forget the things that have happened in my life. And so, I have put the meanings, the true stories behind these poems, in the basic forms in this book to elaborate for you all to understand what I have endured, been grateful for these past several years. The most significant people are: Carrie, Jessica, London, Brittany with some others; Miki, Cara, Iris, Victoria, Rebecca and my family. This book is dedicated to my friends, family and those in this story.
A Mandatory Faith [2011]
In
this land, we've been given the rights to believe in the same things;
and outcasted if beliefs aren't such -
Just
like love
Or the road
home,
Someone wants you
to be wrong;
The passion
driven from their eyes, impale us;
How
strong can we be?
Out
there, someone like me needs a mess like you;
A
mandate steals us tonight,
Forced
lines; our veins we swallow,
This
due in great vision
Call
it off, call me out;
The
fake fusion clears our drive tonight
About this poem: I think beliefs are pushed onto people too quick and explicitly, without detail of why we are told to believe these things, and think the things people tell us to. I am not saying I don’t follow any religions, but I’m saying there are definitely things that our society does that are wrong.
A Stringent Count of Three [2011]
Loosely
I'll
base jump with you around my neck
lets
see how far down you let me go before you stop me in my tracks
the
subway drove us up to the sedan,
we
rode through these streets on benches and rails,
you
lied about everything,
so
you get the rope;
a
bottle of poison and the electric chair;
you
think I like playing this way?
how
do you think I felt?
Loosely,
I
gave you up for the moments glory in knowing I did it right
I'm
not who I though I was,
You're
not who I can be;
There's
no heart in this chest,
The
lock has been sealed; we've concealed time behind our backs;
And
on a stringent count of three, I will call you and hang up before you
get a chance to say hello,
I
will go next door and miss my daughter,
Oh
I will miss it all.
Count
falling tears,
I'm
falling apart
And I don't
want you to realize I'm not worthy of saving
About this poem: This poem is about the amount of people that I have fallen in love with and been in long term relationships with. I started to realize that if there is no way for a relationship to work, then to not bother wasting my time on it.
And Mending All Ties [2011]
I
thought I was ready
Not
for something,
I'm still
recovering my identity
You
hold the stream steady,
Not
for me;
My timing was
impeccable,
We both
know I was holding on for dear life;
It
was just time to let go
And
mending all ties,
You'll
see come the day
Why I
packed up and left you behind;
It's
all just to help push you forward,
My
only effort to do best
So
goodbye for now;
Airplanes
land eventually
These
trees eat us alive, so we burn through them to forget our lies
I'm
fake, a store bought mannequin, dressed up to be a man
I
am no man -
I am a
selfish fool
Forget me
About this poem: It’s an apology to Victoria for having to break up with her when she felt in the most need.
Left to Make Things Right [2011]
For
my love;
Oh how
loved they were,
And so
swiftly they were brushed away
You
quickly left; with nothing but a cup
These
past affairs and broken homes,
No
one lives here, as we buried souls under our constructions;
You
came and left; behind with a trail of lust;
In
the middle of love, I read I brush through dust
Find
your way through these glass laden streets; question words so well
lacking definition.
Rebuild.
Retry. Relive.
In the
border of conciseness, we find placement to appear correct
We
appear; correct.
About this poem: I cannot express enough how important this poem is to me. Its about leaving Jessica and my apartment that we were living together in, and about my determination at that point that my heart wasn’t in the relationship with Victoria.
Welcome to the West [2011]
Oh
I've been dragged out here,
Two
holsters with your demise awaiting,
Oh
how glorious it could've been, had you opened draw,
Welcome
to the west, where the sand is hot and awaits this bloodshed,
A
fever to believe, with blood rushing our head,
A
few and far between,
Honestly,
I'm throwing in the towel, filled with the sweat from our passing
tremors
Run, down
walk,
We are starving for
attention now
We
shoot for greatness
Knowing
we have nothing of substance to hold onto;
Welcome
to the west, home of the heartless and bullet cases,
Get
used to the sounds of banging around here;
We
are loosing count like a post office clerk,
Oh
why I dragged you out here, to save you from the crossfire;
You
are in everyone’s cross sights
About this poem: Love and war have the same rules.
Again, Against My Will, Again, Angst Sets In, For Seeking Out Your Destructive Fears [2011]
Sitting,
corners on back
We lie
when we lay,
Face down
We
call it pillow talk, I call you
My
nights end with the sun
If
its off you seek, there are needles feeding these veins, hero
You
want sleek with the texture-less friction between us and broken
bottles
Shouting out
fictions, I've hated you since the day I walked into this cell,
My
contraption conned me into belief, in the shower our shouting matches
didn't collide, slip or matter,
With
caution I speak slowly with performed audition lines, hoping you will
line me up for your breakdown,
Tonight
I'm broken by the barstool I use to sit on, abandoned.
You
stole every feeling I regretted and burned it with a pacifier and
legal tender
When you
hoped I wouldn't care to notice, I walked through the doors to go
through floors of your haunted part and life parted ways, thus lies
that you wanted, are these lies you feel hopeless and centered by the
spinning axle of feeling like a newborn separated from birth,
Torn
into a thousand halves of the atomic purge God knew was only a
selfish need as desires will devour who we shall see in the mirror,
we fall victim like the Romans in a battle for this city,
We
rip and fold at the brim of this half empty glass,
And
we were told to keep moving on, long after we buried our faces into
the trees and streets we once floated above
No
more angels, no more demons,
Just
those who have gone home
About this poem: I was in a very odd mood when I wrote this, and I think the poem kind of shows that by the different routes it goes.
Finally Found [2011]
If
I've lost my touch with words,
These
unique riddles then will hardly suffice,
If
in the pretext I presume that you've counted the minutes away,
I
relapse into this pile of drugs, to relieve myself from missing the
young face I see once a week
You
can hide but never run, so far away I've finally found someone who
understands who I am, and who they are - the truth keeps marching
on
The troops keep
marching on,
And as
painted silos keep us safe from vermin, we remain whole as we
were
Can her laughs of
excitement ever be mine in whole?
I've
finally found myself lost for words to express how I want to just
say, I love you.
I've
finally found you, so far away, do you hear me when I pray?
I
lose my footing, my sense of direction;
I
lose my grip, my sense of place,
When
I'm here awaiting your conscienceless body to awaken from a mist of
worlds that play with knives to whittle away the remains of a soul
that never ceded time;
This
delirium never knows how to express the convey of ships my mind sets
out to see; somewhere at sea, and I'm jogging my memory for days I'll
never see; those past mine, in the Artic, it's twelve past nine;
Just
a minute ago I needed someone to see; I needed you to save me
I've
finally found you, now I just need to have her around me more to make
myself fulfilled,
Lost?
You've
lost, at last, the last list of lies to recall.
About this poem: I found myself lost trying to figure out why I left the apartment behind because I knew it meant not seeing Chloe.
How Amazing Are We? [2011]
Forceful
Limp
Broken
Fixed
Flightless
Fight-less
Straining
Restraining;
We walk with our heads
pointed to the ground, and our feet to the sky;
The luminous night
sky, our favorite conflict -
We could have been someone else, had
it been those paths, where we were crushed.
It's a long, sad story
how we came to be, with ghosts we never knew;
How long our eyes
were longing for a spark, somewhere in a coffee shop;
Close your eyes, we have another now, and we have a smile marked across our faces when we look at another; this city has lost its mark on me.
How long can we fetch
these words from our mouths?
If any moment we ever grasp the rope,
we can stay tied for weeks upon years, not a shred of fear could ever
truly move us.
We will be amazing, in our own cookbooks. You made me this way.
About this poem: I was sick of being criticized only to realize I am always going to be.
Faces Vs. Phases (2011)
I've
determined the following things in a minute’s time:
we can't
lose;
we can't win either;
we breathe without
being;
without reason, why are we being?
pretentious,
pretending and cautious;
I love you.
you just don't know
it;
under a silver sky, a crescent looks down on
us,
ironically, it wants nothing more than to come down
tonight.
all I want is to go down tonight;
with you in mind
-
I can't do any better,
your faces vs. your phases, we
don't have the glare left;
all we have is brilliant displays of
affection in front of this coffee shop
and you couldn't stand to
be in there,
so instead; we shall sit and wait
if you are
going to die someday, you have to live these days,
as we are
decomposing; in periods, we become lesser versions of ourselves;
I
will dance away honey, while bees chase me;
but as long as I am
stuck to you, they can hurt me, but they will never get the best of
me
so far, though still too close,
I come closer to
closure, in knowing who you aren't
something these eyes
love,
are staring back at it
your faces are all I want
tonight
About this poem: The moral behind this poem is that people come and go in our lives, and sometimes whether for good or bad, we deal with it at moments when we might not be as ready as we think we are.
For Today (2011)
you
will be perfect, I swear I can feel it coursing through my veins,
for
today you will do more than just fine,
by tomorrow you will be
more than just mine;
I have a glowing heart, rampantly
disregarding my energetic needs for something fast;
you are
something glorious,
for today, I have learned everything about you
I needed to know
About this poem: Such a good start to this poem, which eventually got longer about being confident about a relationship.
Rolling Into Flat Stones (2011)
I
don't hear the sound anymore,
of the drums getting louder;
I
only feel the reverb, growing on me.
I know a shockwave is
coming, but I know I won't feel it at all.
I could catch a cold at
a hundred miles per hour, but it won't affect me.
In this
submission I make, I can grow up as I say all the time;
I don't
know why I have this seasonal need -
to be lost fake and
faded,
sugar coated lies,
these words we've hated
somewhere
in the grass, we know we come along,
in days, we set hourly
wages,
we have waited for the marching me, and they have never
came,
we have waited for the train,
but it only wanted to
stay.
I guess, it's so cliché to expect the best, but
sometimes we stand still,
rolling into flat stones, we wait
alone
some birds sing while others cry,
we love these lessons,
we've earned a life
I want you, I feel you breaking into my
heart,
hoping to steal it's contents;
it's elsewhere,
in
a safe-house; located so far away I barely ever see it myself.
But
if we believe, and look into mirrors to try to interpret our
reflections,
we become more
we become heroes
About this poem: I wrote this somewhat about myself; and partially about my life and how things fall apart in such rapid succession. It’s introduction was the original start to “Dead”
My Perfect Forever (2011)
post
this part, I listen to you but I can't hear you speak
you hit me a
hundred times before I tried to hold you back
the siren's were red
and blue and so were we
I wanted this to stop before it ever
began, but my heart is anxious,
like the bird on my chest, it left
early but never found it's way back home
and so now, I sit
here, knowing who I have to be, and who I have to become;
all I
want is love, something I'm afraid I will never have again
but I
know I love fear through these eyes;
madly, deeply and true to you
I was,
I knew it was just a matter of time
and you will
know,
I left the light on for you,
you live in the darkness so
you can't see what you're missing;
those roses died, and all but
one will never see the light of day-
but it's so cold in that
room.
and together, I can allow you to be happy on your own
terms;
I miss my life I once had;
I'm just an empty void;
a
few girls now want me to be their temporary write off;
and three
days into it; they all give up; move on; meet someone without all the
strings attached
someone who cares, who won't ever leave, who
won't be me;
I'd like to know- what burns your fuel? Are you a jet
that has stayed put, awaiting me to get on board with you to your
unknown trip to the edge of the universe?
I just want to meet
you;
I just want you to see -
the person you're afraid I'm
going to be
and through these mad eyes, I'm still crying for
someone to be the you I thought I had;
my perfect forever
About this poem: It’s about my ideal girlfriend. What I want in a relationship and lessons learned.
Dead (2011)
Leave
me here,
Farther in a grave you never saw me dig up
You're gone
now, so cold and blue
Dead to me is dead to you,
Your hands
grab for air, resisting to conceive that there is nothing there,
You
danced away, with my melody and my gun pulled to my back
You have
to be dead as you're just a ghost to me, of something that used to
be
It's not the first time your eyes have rolled back,
Like
clockwork every year its just not our time
So keep on ticking
away, when no one is around, you can cause devastation to every man
and woman standing at this station,
With a loss of words within a
moments notice,
You won't care for details, you will just ask how
it went when you get go hell,
You've killed everyone off who cared
for you,
You're dead, because you killed yourself
I'm not
schizophrenic, I'm just having a hard time believing you are real,
from the looks of it, you're just a fake rolling off a factory
line,
Just some guys production count that he never wanted to
start
Shut down this machine, stop all the presses
We are
all dead inside as we've given up the things that we once loved for
some filth we will never give a fuck about
About this poem: I honestly think it explains itself, however, it’s about saying my love was done and gone for my ex, and that she had to figure out how to do things on her own because I was done.
Last Romantic Summer (2011)
Did
you think you were doing me a favor?
Or that maybe you could save
me?
We can fight, the old you versus the new me,
You can't play
a game missing all of its pieces, and I won't commit any piece to
you,
You would be better off at the bottom of a cliff with your
understandings that this was going to give you a big fucking
smile,
It was your last summer of romance, as you broke through
hearts with a dozen bullets,
I won't persist with attempts to give
you a hotline,
My words to you were riddles your ears tried to put
together,
But your mind is afraid to interpret;
So grow up,
this will be my last romantic summer,
My next mission will be much
easier,
Once you realize this truly is for you
About this poem: Last Romantic Summer/Last Summer of Romance is such an awesome title, and it’s about being done with trying to make things work, and I’d rather never be in love again if it turns out like my engagement did.
You Can’t Stop (2011)
You
look at me, in vain from all these separated nights;
I'm so
lost in your words, looking up always seemed like a waste of
time,
And I saw you from across the room;
We were both so
sheltered
In a heartbeat, you took away every word you ever
said,
Truth be told, these hands we hold are kites undone, with
ribbons pursuing the sky,
I'm out of a life,
You can stop
everything now
I don't play games, I'm useless against your
tactics,
Against your headboard, I'll hear you out
You can't
stop, as we have become lifeless
Everything we've become, just a
shudder in the terms we looked up for
About this poem: This poem is about domestic abuse and angry sex.
Lost Lovers (2011)
so
into second intermission,
so impatient with ending our
confessions,
we can't ever change with all of these dollar bills
we'll never earn
just in case you thought you knew,
you had me
held up with you stalling lines
"I just don't know
if..."
games are not things I have time for,
let me
interfere with your plan, you're just as good off if you just leave
now
you'll never get love if you always throw it away
you'll
get the lost one's biggest treasure, a heart modified for loving like
no other,
don't fear for what you'll lose out on is
this magnificent trailer home built from scrap metal,
but I
can promise you better nights than the words you lose in fights,
so
scream at me for taking you out of the game you set me up with two
months ago,
you can't keep what you dreamed up, when you wake up
it all vanishes.
this time around, I won't let you let me
down, I'll keep you head up to the fan,
so I can hear you scream
for me to stop the pain, at a level so much lower than where you put
me
as you threw me up against the walls, with your legs around me,
and lips dangling on mine,
I will never let this one down, I can
keep up with those who've been waiting for a shot
you've kept
your promises bleak and disappointing, as I promise to keep on
leaving
I will look your way and pray for you to come around one
day,
and I won't look back on you, leaver, non-believer, because
true love was never love in the first place,
it was just me
getting used as always,
we played patty cake on the simple fire
that lit up nine hundred miles of lies
and I always walked to
you, when you were on your way out, I knew you had nothing left to
give,
except another lie, and we all know that's all you're good
for, lying
face first into the pillow, screaming - stop hurting
me;
oh, you are my heart, soul;
you are me.
As I have thrown
the game to show the world how willing I was to lose you,
I've
always been losing myself, but I'll never leave
About this poem: This poem is about my hope for my ex that she will get back onto her post partum depression medicine. “So into second intermission” means it’s over, and the fights we had because we both had issues fixing our relationship. Again, it’s about fighting with the person you love, and hating yourself for allowing it to happen.
Hopeless Romantic (2011)
There
are these elements to life I lose faith in
Like I'm sure you
know, I'm not ready to be this broken,
Like others words, I
just can't taste you
nothing without this who I am from you
Scary
eyes and broken nights,
I felt like this was never what I needed
it to be,
So call me out and tell me I'm worthless,
you'll
never see this again and I'll know who lost,
I'm bound to your
lies and I won't believe you again,
So where I find myself I
know I'll be glad it won't be next to you,
the liar and whore you
try to think that you aren't,
I refuse to believe you ever loved
me
Start with how we ended and figure out how long we
pretended
Such a loser you came to leave was two years
ago,
when you met me in the corner and I'll never let you
forget
how you felt that day,
Believe me, I'm going away because I
don't care anymore,
when you stop calling, you stop caring -
so
quick, be found out from many fish need these lies,
so wet from
rain, they feel safe inside,
a destroyed shelter, I know where we
will wind up,
far from here on out, I know you are missing,
As
I hope to never know what it's like to feel lost in you again,
and
dreams are unreal for me now -
they won't be that close to true
again is it insanity that sparks craziness?
Or does He leave
it up to us to become other way around?
I'm just someone’s
sand castle, so well built
abandoned and waiting for
your recklessness,
to destroy me, kids at bay arrive and wait
to play,
and while we wait for the sun to set, your lunar pull on
me awaits these sunsets to make it's presence known,
Oh how I
plan to be your last impression,
your last everything,
how I
know damn well I was never meant to be your forever after,
so rip
me a new broken heart
About this poem: I sent out a text message about being a destroyed sand castle, and asking whether or not it was God that destroyed me, with the moon, or if it was the reckless who decided to end my importance, and that spurred the thoughts behind it. Hopeless Romantic was tattooed on my right arm shortly before I wrote this poem.
A Desolate Soldier (2011)
You
could've lied at any moment,
Or laid there in the middle of my
thoughts,
Instead you stuck around to make sure I'd be ok, while
you got ready to leave (me behind)
So goodnight, girl;
I could
be next to you, and that still wouldn't be close enough
(I
could die right here and you'd never know)
So bless these drunken
thoughts, I'm right where I met you
You've been hiding from these
loving eyes
I need you this time
I'm on the brink of a break
down
I've been looking for you,
the angel that saved
me from darkness
like a soldier on the battlefield
who's
brother needed their love
I'll never die, if you're
around
since I noticed your presence,
I knew I could make it
out alive
and I won't ever ask you for another thing
as long as
we both shall live,
except just stand tall and next to me
as
I bleed out,
I know I will see you again
About this poem: Written for Susan, how she must feel dealing with every thing she goes through every day.
A Former Sense of Security (2011)
What
ties me down? Am I limitless without gravity?
Having you here,
finally, I've found the person we never knew
What
lies have we found? Are we everlasting without property?
Having
you there, finally, I've gained the person I was afraid to find
Who's worth it in the end? Someone amazing, maybe? Someone able to make each day pass without effort?
Discovering
who I can be found me lost in your eyes,
This time away from you
has only shown me unknowing strength
And its him babe, and I know
its for the best
When
the best side of me met the worst side of you,
I knew that my
former sense of security has nothing on how strong you are
About this poem: I wrote this poem inspired by a brilliant woman who I got the chance to meet, and how she pulled together her life before it continued to fall apart.
User of None (2011)
Retract
me, as blades cut through these lines,
Keep me warm, silver
spoon,
Just this morning, I woke up this afternoon
As dawn
falls to morning,
I'll keep this
Believe the lie you love to
be, the liar inside so forced to see,
My heart has no intentions,
of being left alone
And if you take me, than don't let go,
I
want you to feel loved again, and not through guessing
Because
second guesses or second chances, kill us in the end
So if you
want this complication, the come take me from the dead,
Hold on
babe, you're spinning around my head
I'll bleed out from
these eyes, with words I want to say,
I'm falling in love,
And
I'm afraid you won't be there to catch me,
I'm falling to
death,
And I know you're waiting for me to get scared (but
babe, I ain't no bitch, and I'm not afraid of the consequences)
Cause
all I want is you
About this poem: User of None, the title in itself should ensue that I don’t use drugs for any reason. Then the poem should prove that statement right in the first “retract me, as blades cut through these lines”; however the second truth is about cutting, self-inflicted pain. I had allowed myself to be put through hell and back, and I blamed myself for everything I went through.
Of The Same Way You Cross Lips (2011)
Cute
girl, something more than just and unjustified, let me keep you;
This
is lust in your eyes, but I see nothing less
The girl over there
screamed save me, and so I came to; opened my eyes like 12 packs of
blue moon,
I won't waste a drop of you (so don't drop the ball)
Cute
girl, but with him in your life.
You complicated things, in ways
so much better than I could count on (so I am running low)
I'm the one, who in theory could do no wrong (other than let you go)
Someone
save me, I thought I had it all,
But none of it was mine;
As
you stay in lust with flirting with me, I just want you to love me
(oh, eventually)
You're
what I can handle, girl
With my hands around your hips,
I pull
you closer and say I love you, just like we cross lips
And
disturbed you blow me up, like sinking ships
I'm sinking, I'm
hoping, that you will let me take his spot
It's
your sure that complete this broken man
Just like the way you
cross lips, tongue in cheek
I'll be your flavor forever, not just
for the week
About this poem: This poem, is about falling in love. It’s about falling for someone, anyone. “Of the way you cross lips, I couldn’t stop crossing mine” was about making out with someone so beautiful; questions wander.
Dreamscape, Just In Case (2011)
Don't
just cave in, you're (not) a sorry wreck,
She says, look away, I
can hear them coming to get you,
Oh, dear how much holding you
fixes me
Insanity is the cure to everything, he says, and just how
insane I want to be,
I can only feel crazy if I let you go;
Maybe
I should say, I'm falling
Maybe I should mention, I'm failing
Your
phone calls are like car alarms (I just want to run, and make sure
you're still ok)
Who am I to be a thief?
Your eyes are like
tires, so tired of looking, going, searching in all the wrong
places
Oh how many nights I've laid alone, in this bed, wishing
you were here just next to me
We can walk around the park,
And
I'll take you back to my dreamscape, just in case you know
How
many tears I've lost in prayers
About this poem: Like other poems of the period, this poem is about falling in love, or falling for someone. It’s desperation, and saying I’ll steal you if you let me.
I Don’t Want To Lose You (2011)
Oh
pull me
Oh pull me, in...
Let's make believe,
That you won't
leave;
You're a beautiful girl
Close your eyes,
Pray for
this,
When the oceans subdue
Or forever folds over
You can
see,
Underneath, swims a man,
Who has an empty mantle,
My
only sin was your impression,
I'm not going wasted, you're
afraid
I'm missing,
I've missed you,
Hope for this,
When?
Now.
As my eyes reveal,
She's amazing, maybe almost nothing
that has anxieties
Compares to this weather,
I don't want to
miss out on you
So don't run,
I don't want to lose you,
although you're not mine
Oh pull me,
Pull me closer,
Me
closer now,
Closer now farther;
I will hold you,
As
you cry, as you smile, as you do
I can't contain myself;
I want
to have you
About this poem: A second serving title was “I Don’t Want To Love You”
She’s Amazing (2011)
Given
the moment, I'd sky dive into the deepest oceans,
With the
pressure you're under, I don't know how you live (breathe)
Beaten
by the punch, the man at the time clock doesn't know if he's coming
or going (starting this, I'll help you end it)
The sweetest words
I would love to say,
So loud it hits your ears, but leaves a mark
on your heart,
In the heat, I'd make (it) out with you, oh I would
rip you to pieces, like a procedure perfectly manicured,
Hand
made, in clay I'll spin you alive
So scream, scream, (whisper, I
love the way you make me love me)
I love the way you find me
at the bottom and your plan is to save me (I'll sit here at your
bottom and let it ride, my mouth says you have words of nerve, and
words of steel)
I want to steal you, and let this save your life
and prevent all of your pain (I'm under the impression you're happy;
without it)
Believe I'd die at his hands before I let you die in
his arms
With all you have left to discover, these oceans (of
words) are so deep you can barely breathe (let alone live)
Blue,
blue, blue, blue, blue
Don't let death grab us (because I'm
vulnerable)
Who do you think you are?
I'm underneath you,
knowing you can see, a man like me ready to be
Ready to be, so
much happier than you are willing to let (too bad, too bad)
I'm so
amazed by the way your lips move, and I can't hear a thing
About this poem: I had a crush on a girl, and this is about me wanting to “save her” from her life.
Pills (2011)
Depending
on you, I'm fucked now
inside, you took it all away from me in
forms of white pills
and told me I cannot live like this
anymore;
I'll throw it in your face
waiting alone inside,
the corridors swing
the birds sing songs of death, my ears start
to ring
and I cannot tell you how much you mean to me
on
these tree branches,
I keep kissing myself to sleep
never
looking back, but looking down
this just won't do
how can I
hold myself together when I am not?
I keep losing you, in sleep or
in pills,
as I am addicted to taking you when I feel lost in
myself;
someone as beautiful as this should not be so dead
inside
if I could, I would show you everything I believe
in,
if I would, I could show you who I am,
but you are not
to love me, as I am the kind you needed
four years ago,
and
these years have yearned long nights with infinite tears
so I die,
in these orange bottles,
I'd rather be lonely in my senseless mind
of being than being accompanied
you're so deaf to me,
you're
so dear to me,
you're so dead to me,
I'm learning as I go how
close I can cut it with out bleeding out,
(my skin is not thick by
any means)
as I loved you, I can't keep myself from feeling
like a dying star,
when I explode, I won't kill you, I will pull
you in
I will pull you closer than you hope
and leave you
watching the rope
About this poem: This is written from the perspective of a guy who was constantly doing drugs to get by with a life he didn’t appreciate.
Ghosts of Eleven Kinds (2011)
go everywhere kid, she
said,
go down so far you can hear the rivers starting to flow
go
everywhere kid, she said,
through the rivers, you can find what
you are missing
go everywhere kid, she said,
I'm nowhere
and I hope you can carry me there
go everywhere kid, she
said,
you're just a law and I hate to break you down
go
everywhere kid, she said,
stay the hell out of my way, I'm afraid
of people like you
go alone, get out of dodge,
here;
everything amazes, there has every regret
ran through every
barren street with the bleeding feet,
under my nose runs rivers of
blood, as I need not to smell you
I cried for these days you've
wasted, and question our time lost
if I ever mattered, you never
would've done this
go everywhere kid, she said,
I'm hoping
like hell you'll stay out of my way, I'm petrified of your
life
constantly ordered, rest ever young,
you just know not
how lucky you truly are
bleed eyes second days, broken bats
with corners missing from these rounded surfaces
blind ears see
not your perspective you try to force me to face,
your life is a
lie, as far as I am ever concerned, if you were ever concerned,
torn
to believe, that these tears roll down my cheeks, where your lips
should be
new woman with such a beautiful face,
I want to
love you, I'm just petrified of falling for you if you have no
clockwork in shape for me,
and in this shape, I need some classic
fixing up
I need some of your words to touch me until I can't feel
again
get away girl, you ruined everything,
ghosts of
eleven kinds, my heart is supported by your key
go everywhere
kid, she said,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I
love these lies
keep calling, you're the reason I love losing
sleep
About this poem: GEK is one of my favorite poems of the summer, it’s about learning how to fix myself. The number 11 represents two people looking forward.
Any Deserving Nightmare (2011)
For your hazel blue
eyes, what was there is dead and gone
For your oceanic blue eyes,
the past has come back with a bat in its hand to rip tides into your
soulless being,
Hate me for fucking
this one up, throw all the China at me and cut me to pieces, I don't
give a shit anymore,
Abandoned the way you've always wanted, these
lines progress to fade into the streams that move in,
I'll move on
(again and again)
I know you and all the
lies you fed me, did I look starving?
Fuck I must've looked
pathetic walking through those storms to have you looking at my
back,
Seems like he has you back, but you're just a casket.
Killed off like a true
victim,
Your lies stole sweet venom from me, for leaving me I
won't ever be back or give a damn, so row your own boat, you don't
want me, you want pathetic nights with someone who learned while you
were born,
You'd never see these symbolic shadows, you'll burn
your captcha as I capture your life in a phrase,
You're a fake, and she's long gone, I'm a liar and I'll always say I don't want this
About this poem: This was a second piece to ADM (A Damn Mess/A Desolate Martyr)
This Is Not An Average/Tina Alright (2011)
mixed drinks leaving airlines broken dreams different views
left this way right side different views
broken mirrors second hand smoke leaving airplanes different times
your synchronization is
broken left without
this is not an average way of
thinking,
it's the worst way of being
you should have stayed
the night
and began to begin this fight
you insist it's
love with him
I insist it's beginning to begin with
me
slept over, hung over, hung out,
nothing-ness
despair
in despite of these words we say
you hate me again, starting last
night
decide your eyes, reflect your intentions,
no matter
how intense they may get
make me girl,
break me girl,
make
me who I longed to be
and then leave me at the alter, (my heart in
your hands)
in a moment, you shaded my arm in sleeves, with
memories of
who I'm glad I'll never have to be again
so far
away, you'll be fucked in heart and soul,
this is not an average
start, it's a typical way to sleep in a car,
naked on top of each
other; with no intentions to be who we always thought we'd be
About this poem: Tina Alright is: This is not an average lie, reliving; I got her thoughts. It’s about trying to figure out the cause of the break up between me and my ex. “Make me girl” the poem titled “Maker” is about Jessica, whose last name ends with the German equivalent.
This Stress (2011)
Somehow numb from all
the stress;
How many lies have I heard from you?
Confirmed, I
know who you really are
I disregard every word you say, as you
say, I'm broken, its too late
Don't let my past cause
you riddles,
Don't dissect my life, don't break me down again
You are every single thing I ever hoped for, when I noticed you, I found the world (I found it) in you
Petrified of what I am,
no monsters hide in my soul
So endure me as I have your tall tales
of short days
About this poem: I had a hard time balancing everything I was dealing with, and this was my way to convey it.
What Lies Between. (2011)
You've seen my ghosts,
you've danced in circles, so do as you wish,
Dream up a new
world,
Pray for this, hope for this, whatever it is
What lies
between us are broken glasses and fragile hearts
So you should've
known better
But eyes lead on, into the soul
Away you wear your
visionary supplements to complement who I'll show you I'd hardly
become, if became ever shows
Thrill her with your glass stained
lies, or how you're into too much shit sin stories,
Ignite the
flames that flare up on what I will ignite instead of or in place of
love
Between, lies you.
Oh four, how much more are you than
nine or less than three?
Murder, she wrote, murder he
screams,
Your shallow gallows swallow another life,
How deemed
will unredeemable be when there is this little left to see?
Your
stories daily take her away from me,
Into the depths of a broken
heart, I'll go, in chance the face of love may show,
The pioneers
never came home,
Hidden from views of the love, the mines shower
gold, in your arms I'll stay in hold, nothing for the world burning
down
Your feet are the branches to the room you envy,
Six
years, three years, two years, none,
This life won't go wasted if
I will blast out profanities, words like those? I need these.
Die
for this, what lies between depress these eye lids, so break me
lover, my hearts not available to break
Break these lines that cut
rust from small knives
Destroy me so I can hope we meet in
different lives,
And forever knows what lies between us, is your
eyes for someone else's sins
About this poem: The next few poems incorporate this theme about being destroyed, fucked over, wasted time and life.
Forever Destroyed (2011)
Until next hour, I will
keep saying these things you'd hate to hear,
I will keep my heart
strings around your voice,
I'm strung to on how you want to give
up
Now I'm destroyed by
the loss of your words at my sight
So dream something fucked
up,
I'll keep you here until you hear your way out,
Nothing, oh
shall I say, I destroyed this myself the moment I let you come into
my life,
So will you keep on forging your path around his town one drink at a time?
You've taken too much of what you should've had, when you stopped talking
So fix me baby, I'm destined for a life where I'm always getting destroyed.
Sincerely (2011)
What is it about me,
that always winds up this way?
How many times can I fade away?
I'm
gone, so far away
In this life, I lose everything I have,
Broken
by you
I hope to regain
These words you say, are not
everlasting,
My vote of confidence has become
Nothing but a
joke to you
What happened?
These dreams are fading for
you
These illusions keep dreaming of you
How Come Everything Seems to Me Like Everything It Shouldn't Be? (2011)
lost
a child blinded
by the starlight
forgotten
every dream we ever had
destroyed
we have every resource at our hands
when it comes
to this, reach for my hands,
and pull me out of this rut
you
said I'm slowly getting my pieces back together
pull me out of
this rut
I love pain, it's my addiction
that's what a
friend once told me
I try too hard,
all I want is the
results
you leave when it's time,
but you never left
here
where is the circle at, that I once placed in my mind?
I
began this shadow, in hopes you would see what's coming next
I'm
not afraid to begin again,
I'm afraid to end it all
you
bleed me dry
say there's nothing left out there that can hurt
me
as you have; there is nothing
what is empty?
a
ceiling or dry wall?
throw some color into it, and suddenly, it's
home
what is everything?
a collection of what is relevant
at the time?
a phrase we use to get us past a moment?
when I
say you are my everything, it's not just a lie,
or ever just a
word,
it's you that gets me beyond getting by
I try too
hard, and press too hard,
I don't want to push you away
farther,
away than I already have
you look at me with closed eyes,
a
saturation of what you think I am trying to be
with closed
eyes and an open heart,
there is so much to see
how come
everything seems to me like everything it shouldn't be?
will I
play the character in your movie today, and not end up in the final
cut?
where is the sky that I look up to?
you led me out in time
to sing out loud one ridiculous line
on this train, you
left me hanging
when I wanted to see you
you just wanted to
leave