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Published by W. Addison Gast at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 by W. Addison Gast
By W. Addison Gast
Charlie S and Lindsay L meet Lady Ga-Ga
It was a great evening started early at Planet Hollywood in Los Angeles. The limos were in line at the front entrance but that was not the way to really enter this palace of glittering faces and stars. Some stars, some wanta-to-be and still chasing the dream—right into their 70's. Like Sidney M over there. Sis came to Hollywood when they were still making westerns in the San Fernando valley. He started by following Roy Rogers and Trigger around scraping up the poop left behind. He did three walk ons for Roy and that got him a Guild Card. After that he coasted until he had a chance to do another line in "Texas Chain Saw Murderers" as a corpse laying in the house when detectives arrived. But tonight it was special time in the making. A special time would be when Charlie finally got to meet Lady Ga-Ga. She was the main act here tonight. Program was to be short but her manager said that he would see that she came to Charlie's table after the act. As Charlie had come in the back way, no one knew he was at the top corner private area. Full view of the stage but very private. Planet H always had a person watching the table where Charlie was just to keep the fans at bay so he could do whatever he wanted to do ....in private.
Charlie had just arranged the seating so that the four young actresses that he brought that evening could all sit on either side of him but be within chatting distance above the music and background noise when He looked up to see the table bouncer extending his arm out to restrain a cute blonde from entering Charlie's area.
"Hey Lindsay!!---its ok Henry, she is on the guest list---someplace."
He turned to his cheering section and introduced her. "This is Lindsay L, girls, she is the media queen of the last 120 days—even outlasting yours truly but we are closing."
Laughter and chuckles around the table.
"right Charlie. I saw your latest on late night. You don't do well without writers or a script---do you?"
"Lindsay, invective cuts won't get free drinks at this table---you know that."
"Ok Charlie—not-a-problem, I mean like, it's been a bummer day and stuff."
"Jewelry shopping again Lindsay?"
"Funny Charlie"
"Sit down and watch Lady Ga-Ga kiddo. She is due,.....in thirty seconds. Get your drink order in and I have to excuse myself and will be right back."
Charlie picked up his backpack and put it over his shoulder and left for the john. He stopped three times on the way to talk to guys on the dance floor and they all fell in behind him and the group headed to the men's room.
The music had not started and Lindsay felt obliged to say something to the four girls sitting beside Charlie's now empty seat.
"So, do you guys live in the area?" Was her opener.
The Punkie with the multicolored hair fielded the question. "I live , like, close but then again not really what you'd say in the area to this place you mean like, Studio city?"
"Whatever" replied Lindsay.
"I met a girl from the valley that said she knows you." Chimed in the blonde with the hells angel tattoo on her forehead and the silver nose ring.
"Everyone in the Valley knows me honey. I went to school there."
"She goes; I played volleyball with Lindsay L"
"And I Go; Who won?"
"She goes; we were on different teams"
Lindsay was now confused and barely got out a weak "oh...." for a reply.
The music started the entrance blast for Lady Ga-Ga and the curtains parted. The audience could only see the first part of a large platform that looked like a giant tub of rose pedals as they came onstage. Whatever was in or on the platform ---which was painted gold to appear like it was something that Cleopatra would be carried in or on. It was being brought onstage by six large black guys—evidently dancers for the act but they were having trouble holding the platform straight . the occupant of the gold tub was moving around and starting to scream and jump up and down making the platform impossible to carry. They dropped the platform and in the collision with the stage, a figure jumped from the tub and started slapping her arms and legs and all the time holding onto the microphone. The Planet audience came alive with cheers and yelling and applause. The blonde that was riding on the tub was now jumping around on stage and screaming as she tried to swat something on her legs and back. The rose pedals were flying in all directions and she tried to take off her clothes---brief as they were, as she now rolled on the stage. The audience again went wild with cheers and applause. Off came the bra and she continued to jump and scream as she ran around the sage from stage left to stage right all the time without losing grip on the wireless microphone. About this time Charlie was returning to the area with his gang that had been in the men's room with him. Charlie got to the edge of the stage just as the entertainer pulled off the last of her attire which now made the audience start stomping on the floor and cheers were rocking the entire building. The lights dimmed as the dancer regained her balance and ran backstage. The music stopped amid a thunderous applause for the act that lasted ---at a maximum for seven minutes. Charlie went backstage and then returned to his table.
"You left your backpack in John I think Charlie" Said Lindsay.
"Yeah. Well, its empty now anyway Lindsay Babe. What did you think of Lady Ga-Ga's act? I only got in on the best part of the strip. She has a really cute butt you know."
"I had not noticed Charlie. You in to astrology Charlie?" She asked.
"Yeah, I have this rabid water sign crossed with a fire thingiee being held by two Eunuchs ---you know—Greeks and a guy in tibet where I went when I was 16—my Dad told me to get a ticket to anyplace but our house and so I bought a plane ticket to tibet—anyway that guy said I had a magnetic karma because of the signs he charted."
"Whatever." Said Lindsay.
"Why you ask?'
"I had this cellmate last week end that tried to tell me about the sun and the moon. She said that actually, they were the same planet"
"No way!"
"Yeah, I go; So what happens at night when the moon comes out? And she goes; That is the other side of the sun. I go; totally rad"
"I thought everyone knew that Lindsay." Said Charlie.
"Heads up everyone—here come our honored guest of the evening—Lady Ga-Ga." Chimed Charlie as he raised his glass of Dom Perrione to the figure approaching the table. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and she made room beside Charlie's seat and sat down.
"Some performance Ga-Ga" said the multicolored punkie who was already toasted from the Champaign.
"Damn fire ants. Little bastards almost ate me alive before I could get them off my bod.!"
"Fire ants? " Said Charlie in a slurred voice.
"Yes dammit—they were in the freeking rose pedals when they poured those bucketsful over me backstage. My manager does some freeky stuff for an entrance but I have never, ever had to take my clothes off to get applause. Before tonight."
"They said that you don't want to have sex with anyone because that would detract from your creative motivation—you actually said that on an interview?" Asked charlie.
"You are telling me You are surprised what I said on an interview Charlie? You ever watch any of your interviews when they play them back at night on national TV?"
"We have room for one of my friends at the table Charlie? Asked Lindsay.
"Always Lindsay—s'long as yer fren is female." Replied Charlie.
Lindsay waved the guy over to the table and leaned over Charlie to give him a peck on his cheek.
"I know you". The young man blurted out ignoring the multicolored and the blonde desperately trying to make room by their side for the new arrival.
Charlie looked over at Lindsay and said; " W-T-F Lindsay?"
"Charlie—this is Kato Kalin . We met at my yoga class in Redondo a year ago."
"Kato—did you know that the Mon is actually the opposite side of the sun? It just turns around when it comes time to get dark?"
Lady Ga-Ga got this puzzled look on her face when she heard Charlie say that.
"Whatever." Said Kato.
"What are you doing now Kato?" Asked the punkie.
"I'm working on a comedy routine."
"Really? Tell us a joke Kato."
So there is like, this guy that is selling vacuum sweepers door to door in this impoverished neighborhood. He goes up to this house and a very elderly lady answers the door, opens it and sees him the vacuum sweeper and says "Go away sonny, I have no money and don't want a sweeper." Slams the door in his face. The guy knocks on the door again, she opens and says, Dammit, I told you I don't have any money." The guy then opens this sack and pours these big horse terds on the floor in front of her and says "Lady, if my sweeper can't pick up every bit of this horseshit before you here, I'll eat it myself." The lady looks down at the pile of horse manure and then back at the salesman and says; "Well them let me get you a fork sonny, I told you I don't have any money---and they turned off my power this morning!!!"
Kato looked at the blank faces looking back at him. The multicolored was the first to ask ;
"What's impoverished?"
Lindsay said; "Whatever."
Charlie said; "Wanna dance Lindsay?"
"Where Charlie?" She asked.
Puzzled, Charlie replied; "How about on the Venice boardwalk? Where'd you think-right here."
"There is no room. I don't like being that close to people I don't know."
Kato started to walk away and looked back remembering he had not said goodbye to the group.
"I think I'll go now" and walked away.
The conversation turned to a lighter topic and then the group closed the nightclub and started for home. As they were standing outside in the early morning air, Charlie looked over at Lady Ga-Ga and asked; "What is on your mind Ga-Ga?
She was looking up at the stars and the moon when she replied to him.
"I thought that we sent some astronauts to the moon recently didn't we? What if they got there and the moon like, turned all of a sudden and became the sun for the daytime. Wouldn't they , like burn?"
"Whatever" Said Charlie.
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