ALWAYS REMEMBER
Rita Hestand
MAINSTREAM
ROMANCE
Secret Cravings Publishing
www.secretcravingspublishing.com
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A Secret Cravings Publishing Book
Mainstream Romance
ALWAYS REMEMBER
Copyright © 2011 by Rita Hestand
E-book ISBN: 978-1-936653-43-0
First E-book Publication: May 2011
Cover design by Beth Walker
Edited by Stephanie Balistreri
Proofread by Katie Carney
All cover art and logo copyright © 2011 by Secret Cravings Publishing
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
PUBLISHER
Secret Cravings Publishing
www.secretcravingspublishing.com
Dedication
I want to dedicate this book to all the interracial marriages out there. May you find peace and love and may God bless your union. As I said in Always Remember, "True love knows no color."
God Bless and keep you always!
Rita Hestand
ALWAYS REMEMBER
Rita Hestand
Copyright © 2011
1862
Red River Valley
Texas
Chapter One
Josey gazed about the farmyard, listening to a mockingbird in the treetop. The bird sang so many songs she had to laugh. During the early morning, the dew stood on the lawn while the sun played peek-a-boo with the Earth, giving her cause to be thankful. A tall cottonwood creaked like an old floorboard as the cool breeze feathered its leaves. Two pecan trees seemed to stretch lazily for the sky.
She mopped her brown, sometimes wayward hair away from her face and drank her coffee from an old chipped mug. Coffee was a luxury these days and not to be wasted. The worn rocking chair played a soft symphony against the wooden porch, as she leaned back and inhaled the aroma once more. Josey placed her thumb over the chip, pretending the china was still perfect, unmarred by time. Familiar going down, she savored the flavor. The peaceful surroundings settled her nerves and made her smile. In the wee hours of the morning, an impregnable security wrapped around her, making her forget the hardships of life for a few minutes. She heard no cannon fire, no clopping of horses, just the sweet sounds of morning as though the world was at peace. A false illusion, but a good one.
“Josey, did you milk old Sunflower?” her mother asked through the doorway as she peeked out at her. “You know she gets a little contrary if you don’t milk her early.”
“Yes, Mama, I did take care of her. She does like early mornings, doesn’t she. I swear that old cow is almost like a woman.” She glanced at her mother, a short, slightly rounded, older woman in her late fifties, with streaks of gray in her soft brown hair, and eyes that matched. “You’re up early,” Josey remarked, enjoying the fresh crisp air of a new summer morning.
“Well, the sun comes early these days and I cain’t sleep when the sun comes peeping through my window. Feels like I’m sleepin’ too late.”
Josey smiled to herself, her mother was not one to be idle long, but she secretly hoped that today she’d take the time to enjoy the morning with her. If the breeze held, it wouldn’t be such a hot day.
“Where’s Rose?” her mother asked, her brow furrowing.
Josey smiled sardonically, feeling a sadness creeping over her sunny mood. Always Rose. Just once, she wanted to hear her own name called on her mother’s lips. Josey squashed the selfish feeling that crept upon her when her mother forgot she was part of the family too. “She’s about somewhere.”
“I want that garden picked this morning,” her mother reminded softly. “I’ve got lots to can this year.”
“I’ll pick the garden this morning, Mama.” Josey sighed, wishing she had just a few more minutes to enjoy the quiet of a beautiful morning, but knowing the garden was better tended in the early hours as the heat could suffocate in the middle of the day, and scorch the plants too.
“No.” Her mother shook her head. “I want her to do that, you got your own chores to tend to,” she affirmed, glancing over at her daughter, her face a mass of worry.
“All right, I’ll tell her.” Josey straightened in the rocking chair, glad for a reprieve. She let herself lean back once more, wishing she could wipe the worry from her mother. It was useless; her mother would worry over Rose the rest of her life. Josey didn’t understand. Why couldn’t early morning just linger until sunset?
“By the way, Leroy’s leavin’ this mornin’,” her mother said, glancing about the yard.
Josey’s heart did a quick flip in her chest. Never would she allow herself to speak of Leroy's leaving, but the very thought tore at her heart to say goodbye to him. She would keep her secret forever, if she had to.
“Leroy’s leavin’?” she repeated dully.
“Yep, he done joined the Confederate army.” Her mother looked at her with a big smile, squeezed her hand, and then with a heavy sigh walked about the porch, staring out over the land, then she turned to look at Josey and hung her head. “I don’t know about this here war, Josey. None of it makes sense to me. So many here don’t even know how they feel. I mean when the Mexicans tried to take our land and push us away, we were proud to stand our ground and protect what was ours.”
She shook her head in a despairing way, eyes going even darker with fear. “But this war…I don’t know… seems somehow wrong to me. Brothers fightin’ brothers, fathers fightin’ sons. Slavery…yeah…that’s what started it, that and the greed of the people. Wanting to fine us for growing and shipping to them, then using the money for their own greed. But think Josey. If your father hadn’t taken Jacob in when he did, where would the poor fella be? His ma auctioned on the block that very morning.” Her eyes went distant with memory. “I stood there,” she continued, “watching in horror as his sisters were sold to some rich farmer in Louisiana, his brothers bought by a ship merchant. And Jacob stood there in the yard at the auction, with tears streamin’ down his little cheeks, callin’ for his mammy. Saddest thing I ever seen. Were your father and I wrong to take him in and feed him and give him a home where he could work the land like he knew how to do?”
“No Mama, not wrong…but I guess the North don’t think it’s right to keep people without askin’. Jacob’s never lived in a house like most folks. He’s lived in our barn all these years, growin’ up.”
“Didn’t have no room fer him in the house. Where else would he be? You think slavery is what caused this war?” Her mama shook her head. “Slavery is merely an excuse to go to war. Not by a long shot it ain’t. Still, as good a reason as any, I reckon. They’ll use slavery as an excuse, because Lincoln don’t believe in havin' slaves. Lincoln is a good man, got a good heart, but he’s got ideas about things he cain’t know about. ‘Course he don’t have a farm that’s so big he needs more people to pull the cotton either. If he did, he might reconsider.”
The old woman studied her daughter a minute. “I been thinkin’ of givin’ Jacob his freedom. He’s more than earned it. That way he can choose…I mean, course I want him to stay forever if he wants, he’s become family to me, I truly believe. But I understand his need to be set free too.”
“You want to…Oh Mama, I think that is wonderful,” Josey said reaching to grab her hand. “I’m so glad. He certainly has earned his freedom.”
“He’ll be free to stay if he wants,” her mama said softly, looking down at their hands clasp together, smiling. “And free to go…if he wants.”
Josey rubbed her hand with her thumb the way she used to when she was a child. Her mother seemed content. She sighed as the special moment passed between them.
“Given the choice is what matters.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “But you are right, Mama, I can’t imagine him not being here. He works so hard. Never a day of trouble…”
“Better than two men, I’d say, and since your daddy passed away, I don’t know what I would have done without him. That man backs me no matter what I say to him. I think…I think he’d die for me. I’ve meant to do something about this before now, but I’m determined to set him free. “
Josey smiled, gladness in her heart that her mother appreciated the man for what he was worth, a little sunshine crept inside.
“I-I guess Rose is pretty upset about Leroy leavin’?” Josey asked out of curiosity as they grew quiet again.
Her mother waved her hand and shrugged. “Who knows about Rose.”
Josey glanced at her mother for the first time, noting how thin she was getting and how gray. Ruby Anderson was once a fine looking lady, but age had finally caught up to her, that and losing her husband too early in her life. She still had the warmest brown eyes Josey had ever seen.
“Come sit down a minute Mama.” Josey offered the other rocking chair. “It's so pretty out here in the early morning dew, let’s enjoy the beauty of the day for a spell.”
Her mother shrugged and joined her daughter quietly. “Always did like the early of morning.”
“So peaceful, you wouldn’t know a war was going on, would you?” Josey sipped her coffee and glanced at her mother. “Not a cannon booming this morning.”
“Your pa and I used to sit out every mornin’, after we got a few chores done and just enjoy the sunrise.” Her light brown eyes faded a little, and the flicker in her expression saddened. "But that was long ago…”
There was sadness in her voice and eyes that Josey never understood. She wished so many times her mama would share some of the good times that her and her father had. However, when she spoke of her father, she rarely elaborated. Josey wanted her mother to talk about things, not hold everything in. She felt if you held everything in you died from loneliness.
Josey noted how her mother avoided talking about the war and unpleasantries all along. She guessed the war and all bothered her more than she let on.
“You still miss him don’t you, Mama?” Josey watched the emotion float over her mother’s flawless face.
Ruby glanced at her daughter and held her head high. “I miss the man I married.” Her voice sounded almost choked and a mist clouded her brown eyes, as she turned to gaze at the tops of the trees. “Listen to that old mockingbird, he just sings up a storm. Poor thing and all for nothing.”
“No, not for nothing, Mama. I enjoy listenin’ to his music.” Josey smiled whimsically. “Why every mornin’ he’s out there chirping away with his beautiful music. Filling my heart with gladness knowing he’s up there. Knowing he’s there is like one of the few things you can really count on.”
“Just foolishness. I’ve got a stew cookin’ and I laid a ham out so we could cook up a mess of beans later.” Her mother leaned back in the rocker and relaxed for a few minutes. Josey glanced at her, seeing a cloud of pain in her eyes from all their talk.
Josey closed her eyes with a sigh and let her feelings wash over her. “We should do this more often.”
“Do what?” her mother asked as though she’d lost her mind.
“Relax on the porch in the early morning.” Josey smiled at her mother. “Together.”
“Fiddle-faddle, there is too much work to be done,” Ruby said, her gaze going over the property with a weary smile. “Gotta get all that corn shucked and canned.”
Josey wished she could enjoy this kind of morning every day.
“Here comes Leroy, go fetch Rose,” her mama commanded, as she sat up in the rocker.
Josey’s glance flitted to the dusty road where two riders approached. She could make Leroy out anywhere with his straight back, and thick head of dark hair waving in the morning breeze. However, it was the long rifle strapped to his horse that caught her eye and made her heart plummet.
Hank was with him, his younger brother.
Josey waved and went to find Rose.
Rose was still in bed, and Josey had to roust her out to meet her beau. “Leroy’s leavin’ this mornin’, don’t you want to say goodbye?” Josey scolded lightly.
“No. He’s a fool for goin’ and I told him so.” She huffed pulling the covers up around her neck and watching Josey set her clothes on the bed. “If he really loved me, he wouldn’t go.”
“I don’t think he’s a fool.”
“I’m not wearin’ that old thing. I want my silk. After all, my fiancé is leavin’ for the war. He’s got to remember how nice I looked. Don’t you agree?”
Josey glanced over at her and put the plain dress away. She got out her peach silk and laid the dress on the bed. Josey had loved this dress on Rose. She looked like a princess going to a ball. The material alone took a summer's income, but Mama insisted Rose should have the best. Josey agreed.
“Hurry now, he’s outside this minute,” Josey instructed as she closed the door.
She looked down at her frumpy gray dress and winced, he wouldn’t be remembering her. She batted her hair from her eyes, wishing she braided her hair instead of letting her hair fall about her shoulders. She shrugged and went to the porch once more, eager to see Leroy.
Leroy and Hank were talking to her mother when she opened the door and greeted them with a smile. “Mornin’ Leroy, Hank.”
“Josey.” Leroy smiled, his glance sliding up and down her lazily. Josey lost her breath when his eyes met hers for an instant. She always read more in his eyes than was there. What an imagination she had.
Hank glanced about the place. “Where’s Rose?”
“She’s comin’.” Josey frowned at the boy who was surveying the land about him.
Hank wasn’t as good looking as Leroy, with his red hair and freckles, but he had grown into a well-built man, with a husky voice and attitude that leaned toward snobbish. She didn’t like Hank that much, but since he was Leroy’s brother, she remembered her manners. Perhaps they were too close in age, or maybe the way he stared so at Rose, but Hank irritated her. After all, Rose was Leroy’s girl, everyone knew. He’d come callin’ this morning to tell her goodbye. Josey thought that sweet.
Leroy’s glance strayed to her, his lips formed a fast smile as he caught her eye once more. “You’re growing up fast, Josey.” His voice held a sudden huskiness that she hadn’t expected. She’d learned a long time ago to put his sweet words in the corner of her heart, and treasure them always.
“Am I?” She smiled back.
“Looks like the young men will be beating a trail to your door soon.” He chuckled.
Josey’s smile faded as she settled against the porch railing. “I guess…”
He came closer. “Well, Josey, I’m off to the war this mornin’ and I won’t be seein’ you for a while. I suppose you’ll be fully grown by the time I get back.”
If Josey didn’t know him better, she would have sworn he was flirting with her, but she knew not to go there. She couldn’t flirt, if she even knew how.
“I expect so. I do hope you’ll be careful,” she said breathlessly as he leaned toward her a bit.
Flustered, heat crept up her cheeks at his nearness. Why did she have to blush so? She hated blushing.
He closed in, his lips grazing her cheek softly. “Goodbye, Josey.”
She would never wash her face again. He had kissed her in the blink of an eye and she squirmed. Had she imagined the huskiness of his voice? She imagined before that he said he loved her, but that would never happen. She needed to separate the truth from her daydreaming. Her inner most self wanted to jump into his arms and never let go, but good sense had her backing away just in time as Rose stepped outside.
“Well, good mornin’ Leroy, Hank.” Rose looked almost out of place in her ballroom gown on the porch in the middle of the morning.
Josey saw her mother sigh a little too heavily.
Leroy raked her with his eyes, his smile flashing quickly in her direction. Josey fidgeted restlessly. She didn’t want to watch him say goodbye to Rose, but for lack of manners she stayed put.
“Rose.” Leroy climbed the steps to look at her. His eyes lit and his smile was engaging. “You look especially beautiful this morning.”
Rose smiled; seeming satisfied she had captured both men’s glances. Hank stood from a distance, his mouth open, his eyes ablaze, Josey observed.
“Thank you for noticing.” Rose chuckled gaily.”I knew you were leavin’ and I wanted to look nice so you’d remember me.”
“Remember you? How could anyone forget you, Rose?” Leroy laughed.
“Well, I’ve got to check my stew. Leroy, you hurry and come home from the war boy, we’ll miss you. You be careful…hear?” Their mother walked over to Leroy and grasped his arm. She tiptoed to kiss his cheek.
“Thank you Mrs. Anderson. You take care.” Leroy reached out to touch her mother as she was about to go inside. “Oh, by the way, I almost forgot, could you use another hand here on the farm?”
Josey watched as her mother turned to look at Leroy with interest. “Another hand…who?”
“My brother, Hank. As you know, I got four other brothers at home that run our place so as not to be shorthanded, Ma figured you could use the help,” Leroy explained with calm assurance.
“All right, I could use him.” Her mama eyed Hank for a long minute, her practical side showing. “I cain’t pay much, but he could bunk in the barn with Jacob and George, and take his meals with us. Thank your ma for thinkin’ of me.”
“Yes ma’am. You just lay the law down to him and he’ll work just fine,” Leroy added, as his eyes slid to Josey once more.
Ruby shot Hank a quick once over and nodded keenly. “I’ll do ‘er. Hank, you talk to George, he’ll let you know what needs doin’ around here.”
“Yes ma’am.” Hank nodded, and then cast a quick grin at Rose. She smiled and batted her lashes at him.
Josey knew she should go in the house, time to leave Rose and Leroy alone, but his leaving created a void in her heart that she couldn’t explain. She looked from Leroy to Hank and then mumbled as she went inside. “Goodbye Leroy.”
“Bye, Miss Josey,” he called after her, roughly. Her heart did another flip. Miss Josey.
Josey bit her lip, forcing the tears she held in check. She wouldn’t watch them. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from gazing out the window. Even Hank seemed to hang back and stare at them. She studied him. Did Hank have feelings for Rose too? The way he kept eyeing her and Leroy.
Rose tiptoed to kiss Leroy on the mouth, long and leisurely, and Josey saw how Hank reddened. It had never dawned on her that Hank could be sweet on Rose too. But why not, Rose was the prettiest girl in the county, maybe even in all of Texas.
Her heart did a flip-flop when Leroy kissed Rose back. If he ever kissed her like that, she’d die right there in his arms, she was sure.
“You’ll wait for me, won’t ya?” Leroy asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.
“You know I will.” Rose waltzed around him. “I’ll miss you so…why must you go, Leroy? We’re not part of this ugly ole war. I don’t understand.”
“I’ll miss you too, Rose. I’ll carry the memory of you in that dress forever. You look so lovely, with your cheeks burning, your eyes sparkling. I-I don’t know exactly how to answer your question about the war. Kinda complicated for a woman to understand much less myself.” Leroy hesitated, his expression serious. “But as for going…I don’t know. After much thought, one day I made a decision. The South needs its men, and…a man must face his duty. I go for Texas, I guess. No other reason. To protect her, and see she don’t get run over by the spoils of war.”
For Texas, what a noble thought. Josey sighed.
Josey couldn’t stand another minute of their goodbyes though. She shut her eyes and moved away from the window. She didn’t want to hear them. Her heart was breaking and no one would ever know how much.
Finally, after several minutes of quiet, Josey heard the clopping of Leroy's horse, and she peeped out the window once more. Leroy rode out of the yard, his shoulders squared, and his back straight, his head held high, he rode out of their lives and into the biggest, meanest war of the century.
Josey hung her head and forced the tears down so hard her stomach hurt.
He was gone…and she knew she would never feel complete again, until he returned.