Pretty Please
Ciera Cunnda
Published by Ciera Cunnda at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Ciera Cunnda
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Dedicated To:
My Mr. 2AM. <3
1: Liberty
“You know I hate it when you drink,” I said to Alex, snatching the cup out of his hand just as it reached his lips. We were standing outside on the porch, our backs to the dull party visible through the screen door. He looked at me, only mildly surprised about what I had done. Everything about him was mild.
A smile played on his lips as I smelled the alcohol and wrinkled my nose. He sneered, “Does Liberty want a sip?” I shoved the cup back into his hand as a response. He laughed, knowing just how real my anger was- nonexistent. I didn’t like being mean or mad. Sure, there were times when I wanted to take somebody out, but I always managed to squash it before something bad happened. Everything about me had a way to be, and doing bad things wasn’t it. Of course, nobody told me what to do or how to do it, but I felt the unspoken expectations that they had. I spent my life trying to please people. It wasn’t a bad thing to do. Not like some of the wannabe perfectionists at my school. They spent their lives acting like something they weren’t. For me, I simply was. Was smart, beautiful, kind. A good girl. I looked and acted like a Barbie doll, and I was fine with that. Without making people mad, my life was drama-free.
Except for the drama that Jonah created for me.
Alex’s attention drifted to the blazing stars and chirping crickets, so I knew our conversation was over for now. Glancing inside, I could make out Jonah sitting on the couch, just inches away from a position that only I should have been sitting in. Some girls would get jealous if their boyfriends ditched them at a party to flirt with other girls. I didn’t. It was just the way that Jonah worked, and I couldn’t do anything to change that. No amount of fighting would make him feel bad. Anyways, he always came back to me, at least for a day or two. Jonah liked the thrill of playing hard-to-get and then ditching the girl altogether. It was probably what was happening at this very moment. Whatever. The situation worked for both of us- he got his reputation, I got to please my mother. She liked the idea that I was dating a football hot-shot, and preferred my social life over my academics, unlike my father. Little did she know that my and Jonah’s relationship was nothing more than a title. Alexander was more of a boyfriend to me than he was.
I met Alex when I started going out with Jonah, but we didn’t really become close until a few months later when I vented my relationship frustrations to him. That was before I changed, before I realized that everything would be better without disappointing anybody. Nowadays, I wouldn’t say that anybody knew me better. He alone knew all the little things about me- how I loved routines, hated nicknames, and was completely nocturnal.
But no matter how nocturnal I was, my father expected me home my one each night, and tonight was no exception. Especially with school in the morning. The weekdays were one time I slept normal hours. “Time to go,” I said to Alex, smoothing my hair down and making sure my braid was still in place. It was. Like always. Even if I wanted for my hair to frizz or fall out, it wouldn’t. Somehow I got blessed with the beautiful hair gene. The golden locks fell straight and shiny, setting against my tan skin to make it seem as if I were always on a vacation in Florida instead of our small town in North Carolina.
He groaned. “Don’t you want to stay? It’s so nice out tonight.” Alex was right- the night was surprisingly warm and comforting. The crickets were less annoying, too. As much as I was a sucker for nice weather, I wouldn’t let down my father.
“No,” I said stiffly and put my hand on the door handle to see if Jonah wanted us to take him home. As soon as I walked over to the couches, I regretted it. He sure as heck wasn’t happy when I deliberately sat between him and a girl named Jane, but, then again, I wasn’t exactly happy to be kissing lips that had been spread around. I considered us even and moved on.
“Hey, Lib. I was just telling Jane about the time you forgot our date. Man, that was a riot. Like, what kind of girlfriend forgets their own date?” Never mind the fact that my dog died that day, I thought bitterly before shutting the thought down. He had already said it and I couldn’t change that. Forgive and forget. I wasn’t going to disappoint Mom and fight with Jonah just because he was being his usual self. I couldn’t possibly do that. Besides, in one more year, I’d graduate and be off to college. It was just a little bit longer before I could find somebody else.
Except that I already knew who I wanted, and I couldn’t have him for two reasons. One, Alex wasn’t in to me like that. To him, we were just friends. I, on the other hand, fell in love with our friendship somewhere along the way. I’d hate to throw that away for a two week fling. Two, Mom didn’t like him. He was too reserved and, well, normal for her.
“Yeah, don’t know what I was thinking,” I said in response, smiling slightly. “It’s almost one, Jonah. Do you want Alex to take you home?”
He rolled his eyes at me and snorted. “I’m a big boy, Libby. I don’t need you treating me like I’m four.” Jane laughed, and it was like a slap in the face. My pulse quickened and I could feel myself getting fidgety. We didn’t like each other at all, but no matter what, we always played the role. In private were the only times he said stuff like this to me. I hadn’t meant that at all, and he knew it, but that was Jonah. He would take any opportunity he could to look cool in front of a girl. I couldn’t understand why he was doing it this way, though. Usually it was just a very public show of what he had and the other guys didn’t. Nothing like this. Not publicly.
I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. My cheeks were flushed. Why did I even care? Oh, right. To make somebody else happy. “Okay, then. See you tomorrow at school, Jonah.” He turned back to Jane without saying anything back. Alex, who had stood in the corner and witnessed, followed me out to his rusty old pick-up truck. Sitting inside of it, I felt much better. There was a faint smell of pine-needles and the seat I usually sat in molded perfectly to my form. Like nothing had happened at all.
Or, it would have been, if Alex hadn’t picked that exact moment to impart his opinion. “I really wish you would do something about the way he treats you, Liberty.” The voice I heard now wasn’t impassive- it was full of concern and love. Friend-like love, that is.
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I said with my arm stuck out the window to catch the breeze. I’d learned a long time ago that trying to be perfect in Alex’s eyes wasn’t going to happen- he saw through everything. Which meant that he knew just how much I agreed with him. I hated it too, and I wished that I didn’t have to be with Jonah.
“He was acting like a complete—“
“Please don’t swear.” There were plenty of other words that could be used to describe Jonah’s behavior.
“Fine. A complete douche bag,” he amended, and I rolled my eyes. As if that one was any better. “Point is, you just stood there and took it.”
The car never seemed to move slower than it did during this conversation. Ugh. I was there. I knew what happened. No need to recap. “Nothing you say to me will change anything,” I said with authority, fully knowing that everything he said to me would have an impact.
“You’re such a tree,” was his murmured comeback. I pulled my eyebrows together. Trees were beautiful things that provided us with chemicals we needed to survive. But, judging by his tone, he had meant something different.
“What?”
“You’re stiff, breakable, and when you come crashing down, you’re going to fall hard.”
I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night.
2: Liberty
I was sitting in homeroom on Thursday morning when Alex plopped down next to me, acting as if nothing at all had happened. “I’m still mad at you,” I clarified before he could get the wrong idea.
Alex just laughed. “No you’re not.”
“Oh, but I am. You’re out of the equation, remember?” And he was- nobody really cared whether I was a friend with Alex or not. The only time he became somebody under the no-fighting category was if we were dating. And we weren’t. I could scream at Alex all I wanted to, and the only person it would hurt was myself. It felt good knowing that I didn’t have to swallow my feelings around him.
“Lucky me,” he said sarcastically. “What, exactly, am I apologizing for? I’ll write it on the cake that I’m baking for you, right before I get on my knees and beg for forgiveness.” He acted as if all this was a joke. And maybe it was. Another reason not to fight- sometimes, you lose.
“Ha-ha, Alex. What you said last night was mean. I would expect a little bit more support from my best friend. You know exactly why I can’t do anything about Jonah.”
His eyes narrowed in disgust. “Yeah, why can’t you break up with your boyfriend that practically abuses you? Right, because it would disappoint your parents. How silly of me to think otherwise. Wouldn’t want to make your own decisions, based in what you want. That would mean that you couldn’t make everybody happy. Oh, wait. You can’t. Get over yourself, Liberty. You’re always hurting somebody.”
I knew he was right, but that wasn’t how I knew how to live. I didn’t want to be just another bratty teenager who had to be told to do things, whose parents secretly hated some days. Good, successful, happy people started out by making their own rules and being responsible people.
“Okay, Alex, listen to me.” I turned sideways in my chair to look him dead in the eye. “A, Jonah doesn’t abuse me. He’s just mean.” Alex snorted, not believing my lie. Yes, sometimes Jonah would squeeze my wrist or something, but it always went away before the next day. “B, it’s called being responsible and setting my own standards. C, I’m not hurting anybody. In fact, my behavior seems to be making everybody but you happy.”
The muscle in the side of his neck twitched with frustration. “As long as we’re playing court, I have counterarguments for all of those, Your Honor.” Now it was my turn to smirk. Everything had to be a joke for him. He was so…arrogant. “A, you’re lying. I’ve seen it. B, you’ve taken it beyond that, Liberty. It’s an obsession now. It’s hurting you. Refer back to point A if you need proof. Why are you doing that to yourself? I hate watching you do that. And, finally, C. I can see by your face that you don’t care about hurting yourself. But what about me, Liberty? It hurts me to watch this and know that nothing I say will make you stop.”
“I’m making my parents happy, Alex, not committing suicide.”
“If you really want a medical name, I’m sure I can find one. It’s called Real Life OCD.” I rolled my eyes and moved my hair behind my shoulder to that I could pick up my books. Neither or us were budging.
“Don’t sit by me today, Alex. This is how it is. Accept it or leave.”
It hurt my heart to see the look on his face, so I left for first period. It was going to be a long day. Walking through the halls, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said- that I was hurting myself by doing what I was doing. Alex was never wrong about anything, and he never gave up on what he thought he had to do. Did that apply to this situation? Maybe. By pleasing people, I denied myself the chance to express certain emotions, and that, in turn, made people think they could push me around. It also gave the impression that I was always going to go along with everything they said.
Could I really stop that cycle? It’d be too difficult of a change to be adjusted to. And my parents…they’d have a fit if I broke up with Jonah or stayed out later than they thought I should. But if I didn’t break up with Jonah, then I could never be with Alex. He was the only one making me have these thoughts in the first place.
So it was settled. Disappointing Alex was a lot better than Jonah and my parents. Yes, I cared about Alex a lot more, so it hurt me a lot more, but I’d rather take that pain on then inflict it on somebody else.
By lunch, Alex was still obeying the order I’d given him- to leave me alone. I sat down with Jonah, making sure I didn’t sit alone while simultaneously calming the waters. After last night’s fiasco, people probably thought there was some kind of a drama between us. I couldn’t risk us breaking up- besides Mom being upset, Jonah would take action. He needed to keep his ‘taken’ status so that his game with the other girls would work. I worried about what he might do if I broke up with him…last time I turned down a public movie night with him, he had grabbed my wrist and squeezed it until I screamed out in agony. I didn’t tell anybody about times like those, but Alex always managed to silently pick up in it. Right now he was probably somewhere in the cafeteria watching me. The stalkerish actions weren’t unusual for him. He always meant the best in what he did.
Jonah greeted me with a kiss, making a show of us. Several of the jocks at the table hooted and I knew that my cheeks were going to be flushed when I pulled away. “Hey, babe,” he said with no kindness. I watched as he dug into his French fries. Some of the other, more kind guys greeted me as well. It was so obvious that they were trying to get dibs on me for when Jonah and I broke up- the things that scrolled through their minds at this age were disgusting. Still, I didn’t blame them. It’s not like I was conceited, but physically I was quite the catch. I had all the features of an athlete without doing anything- sun tinted hair, perfect skin, long legs, perfect weight. And I capitalized on it, too, to make Mom happy.
“Hey, guys. What’s going on?” I started picking around my majority brown salad. Nothing in this cafeteria was truly food- the salads were old and the sloppy Joes probably weren’t even real meat.
Jonah answered me, “We were just talking about that new movie that’s out today. You wanna get a group together and go? Seven-ish?”
“Sounds great,” I replied easily with a smile. It sounded horrible. Going to a crowded movie with a bunch of sweaty jerks and their anorexic girlfriends, eating food that was practically a breakout in a bag. Ugh. I’d much rather go to, say, a park, or downtown. Heck, even staying home sounded like a better idea. Often times Alex and I did stay home, just talking and eating Butterfly’s. The cookies so smooth they melted right in your mouth were our secret addiction.
“Jane,” Jonah called from down the table, “do you want to come tonight? I can pick you up after I get Libby.” Jane nodded her head eagerly. Was it supposed to make me feel better than he was coming to get me first? No. Was it going to make the others think we had relationship issues if he was going to invite other girls? Yes.
I swear, every minute I was with Jonah I got more agitated with him.
“It’s too bad you left the party early last night, Libby. Things got crazy around two,” Bear said. He was a football player who had earned his nickname because he was like a bear when playing and like a cub any other time.
I shrugged. “It was curfew.” As if I would want to stay and watch people getting drunk anyways. I could only imagine the damage that had been done to that house when the football team showed up. Poor boy was probably grounded for eternity.
“You left because of curfew? Man, Jonah’s right- you really are a goody-two-shoes, Lib.”
Okay, that was enough. If Jonah was going to talk smack about me behind my back just to look cool, then we had some issues. I didn’t care if he went around cheating on me, but he wasn’t about to start mean rumors about me. That affected what other kids thought about me. “Really, Bear, that’s interesting.” I turned to Jonah, looking him dead in the eye but still speaking to Bear, “Jonah said that about me, did he?”
I watched his facial expression, knowing fully well that he wasn’t going to look like a butt in public to his girlfriend. He wasn’t going to fight back, either. He was going to pretend to beg for forgiveness as I walked away, and we would make up, and then later, in private, he would have words with me. “I would never say something like that about you, Libby,” he said desperately. Everybody within a three-table range was listening to our tiff.
“Whatever, Jonah. Let me know when you want to start being honest, okay?” I got up and swung my bag over my shoulder. “Maybe this time you’ll actually learn how to respect your girlfriend.”
He knew just as well as I did how this was going to end.
The same way it always turned out.
3: Liberty
It started as soon as we drove away form my house. From personal experience, I knew that there was no use trying to avoid the conversation. Jonah started. “You made me look like a jerk today, Libby. Did you think that was cool, what you did? Huh?” I flinched away from his loud, controlling voice. Nothing stopped Jonah when he was like this. Still, he wasn’t the only mad one. Anything I said right now wouldn’t change the fact that we would still be boyfriend/girlfriend in ten minutes when Jane crawled into the car.
“I don’t want you spreading lies about me. Hit me, be a jerk to me, fine. I don’t care. But don’t be saying mean things about me, okay?” He was silent, pondering this. “Besides, our fight just shows that no matter how much of a loser you are, you’re loyal to your girlfriend. I did you a favor.”
He snorted. “Yeah, Libby, you did me a favor, right after you pointed out how horrible I was. Don’t do it again. Ever. Or we’re over.”
My anger flared. “You don’t control me, Jonah. Shut up.” I was looking out the window, which is probably why I didn’t see his hand come out towards my face until it was too late. I shrieked. Pain swelled through me and my hand flew to my ear, feeling liquid there. I struggled to keep my breathing under control and the tears from falling over. Slowly, I picked up my dangly earring from the floor and looked at Jonah through blurry eyes. “Pull over and let me out.”
He snorted. Did he even care about what he had just done to me? “What are you going to do? Walk home? We’re two miles away.”
“Tell the others that I wasn’t feeling well. That’ll protect your stupid dignity.” I removed my hand from my throbbing ear, pretending to not see the blood there. He pulled over to the side of the road while I got out and walked back the way we came. Seconds after I got out I heard the car rolling away and knew it was safe to pull out my cell phone. I carefully dialed with one hand while the other felt around my ear for damage. It seemed as if he had pulled it down to almost the very bottom of the lobe before pulling it out. Either way, I had no clue what to do about it.
Alex answered after a few rings. “Liberty?” he asked, not quite believing that I would be the first to give in. He was always the one who couldn’t handle us fighting.
“Are you doing anything really important right now?” I asked, trying to keep the pain out of my voice. You would think that the throbbing, searing sensation would fade. It didn’t.
I spotted the park across the street and went to go sit on a swing. It looked slightly less inconspicuous than walking around feeling my ear up. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the movie with Jonah?”
“Yeah, not so much anymore. You didn’t answer my first question.”
“Do I ever do anything important? No. Why aren’t you at the movie? Jonah’s going to be so ticked off if you ditched him.”
I sighed, knowing that I had to tell him eventually if I wanted a ride. Alex would freak out, though, and we would end up fighting again. I had to wait until I was already in the car, at least a mile closer to my house before I told him. That’s what any smart person would do. “I’ll tell you if you come pick me up. I’m over by the park, two miles from my house.”
I heard his car keys jingling in the background. Thank God. I had no clue what I would’ve done if he refused. “How’d you get there?”
“Nope,” I said. “That’s part of the story, and you don’t get to know until you’re here.”
“I’ll be right there.”
4: Liberty
“What happened?” were predictably the first and second words out of Alex’s mouth when his truck rounded the corner. The third and fourth were, “Holy frick.” Those were announced when I pulled down the small mirror and started inspecting damage. My earlobe was covered with blood, making it hard for me to see anything. “Liberty, talk to me.”
He made it look like he was going to pull over so that we could have a conversation or something, but I really just needed to get home and clean the thing up. “Keep driving, please. I have to clean this up before it gets infected or something like that.” Did earlobes get infected? Alex obeyed, speeding up slightly and leaving me alone with my medical attempts.
My parents were out doing something or other, so I was able to get to the bathroom without an interrogation. Alex followed, making himself at home. “Jonah did that to you,” he guessed from his seat on the edge of the bathtub.
A sarcastic response would have been so appropriate right then, but I kept myself in check because he was being so nice. I accepted another cotton ball from him, drowned in a mixture of hydrogen peroxide and water. I tried to keep myself from wincing as I cleaned it out. “Yeah,” I replied. “He was upset with me so I said he didn’t control me and to shut up. Obviously, that was a bad move.”
“So you broke up with him and left, right?” Was I imagining the sliver of hope in his voice?
“I left…”
“So, wait. Let me get this straight- the guy abuses you, for, what? The fifth time, maybe? And you still won’t break up with him.” The new shift in his tone made me afraid. He had probably already been imagining taking Jonah out, but now I was on that list too. I could see where he was coming from with his frustration, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Why couldn’t he understand that?
Why couldn’t I understand?
The confusion grew so intense that I started shrieking at Alex. “Stop! Okay? Just stop, Alex.” My heart started pounding and my ear hurt more than it had before, but all the anger was instantly gone the minute I looked at Alex. Some part of me refused to yell at him like this. “I’m hurt, and upset, and I don’t know what’s right…You think that I should think about me, but what about everybody else, Alex? That’s my family. I can’t hurt the people that I love.”
I could tell that he felt guilty for yelling at me in the first place, which made me feel bad about yelling back. Funny how tied together our emotions were.
He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. “The people that love you don’t want to see you getting hurt, Liberty. Watching you in pain is unbearable for me. What’s worse is that I know it’s going to happen again and again.”
“But my mom…she’ll be so disappointed…”
“I’d bet anything that she’d be even more disappointed in you for letting him hurt you. Or, at least, your dad would be. Pretty please, Liberty? Nobody deserves what he’s giving you.”
“’Pretty please?’” I mocked, pulling back but still keeping myself in his arms. It made me feel safe, knowing that Alex was there, warm and safe.
“With a cherry on top.” He smiled at me. Our heads were so close together that I thought this was finally going to be the moment we kissed, the moment I had wanted to happen for two and a half years. But then, without breaking eye contact, he nodded towards my ear and said, “We better finish taking care of that.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding and spun around, trying to hide my disappointed expression. After a few seconds of fiddling with the cotton ball, I looked up at the mirror and found Alex’s eyes staring at mine.
“You know, when you break up with him, maybe we can finally have the kiss I neglected you back there.”
I smiled. Nice to know that he wanted it to happen too.
5: Liberty
The sky was gray the next morning as if foreshadowing what was about to go down. I had texted Jonah to meet me early before school at my locker, that we needed to talk. He didn’t reply, but I knew that he would show. Since I was still too growing more and more scared of what he might do, Alex promised me that he would stay around the corner and watch. Just in case. Still, as I approached my locker and saw him waiting there for me, no sense of safety came. My heart was practically beating out of my chest. Breaking up with somebody was never easy. Even though Jonah had never held a special place in my heart, he defined my way of life for two and a half years or so, and I was going to be lost without him telling me how to life. Before, it was always very clear and planned out, what I should and shouldn’t do. Now it was like throwing those guidelines out and just going on the whim. I hated it.
But I had Alexander. My blooming relationship with him was the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t wait to be able to call him mine forever, to kiss him and know that he would always be there for me. I just hoped that dating wouldn’t affect our relationship at all- the Alex I had right now was the one I wanted.
“Hey, Jonah,” I said as finally reached him. Nobody was around so I made it clear to him that I wanted a safe distance between us.
He didn’t reply, so I tried to keep going, but the words kept getting lost inside of my head. I found myself stumbling for ones to put together. “Let’s be honest, Jonah- we never really liked each other. We were just doing this for our own personal benefit. And I was fine with that, but then you started hurting me, and that’s not okay. I can’t pretend anymore, Jonah.”
He reached out and grabbed my arm, squeezing it hard. I flinched. “Do you realize what this’ll do to me?” Jonah asked menacingly.
“Let. Go. Of. Me,” I managed as I pulled him off of me, finger by finger. Alex was probably jumping out of his shoes ready to deck Jonah. “You’ll manage. You always do.”
“You know, Libby, I always knew that you were a wuss. Whatever. Gonna go cry to Daddy? You’re such a prissy little tease.” I wasn’t going to reply, because that meant giving him another reply. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he finally gave in and walked away. I took deep breaths as I watched him go. Alex came over to me and I let him inspect my arm. My eyes never left the place I had last seen Jonah walking away from me. I couldn’t believe that I was actually upset about this- there was nothing to miss.
Alex asked me, “Are you okay?” I knew he was asking about my arm, which was throbbing painfully from the temporary lack of circulation, but I didn’t really care.
“It’s strangely…liberating,” I said, ignoring the pun. “I’m scared to death about whatever comes next, but…right now, I just want to enjoy the fact that I don’t have to play his game anymore.” I smiled like I was drunk and sunk down against the lockers. Alex took his place next to me. For the next lifetime, he was mine. We didn’t have to say or do anything for it to already be official.
“Your parents?”
“Later, Alex,” I said, twisting my head around to look at him. “Can I collect on that kiss now? Pretty please with cherries on top?” The saying was becoming something of an old joke by now.
We didn’t have to be standing in the rain for it to be the most amazing first kiss I’d ever had. Just the fact that it was us, finally together, made it pretty perfect.
The cloud of euphoria hovered over me until seventh period, when the relationship settled in and I could think straight again. I began to worry about what came next- Alex was still Alex, but he was somehow different to me now. I hadn’t thought that anything between us would change if we started dating, but it did. For me, at least. Everything for me was changing.
Mom would be so disappointed when she found out that Jonah and I broke up. I could only stall the conversation for so long before the questions started rising- why Alex was suddenly everywhere and Jonah was not. I doubted that she would understand my side of the story. There was always going to be a grudge hanging between us because of this.
I snuck a glance at Alex, who was sitting next to me and still fully unaware of everything going through my brain. If I told him what I was thinking, he would shoot me down. It was the same argument we kept going back and forth on, unable to ever make a final decision. There was always that one piece of evidence missing to prove the case his way or mine.
Alex was right- I had to live my own life. This was what I wanted, and I could have it. My mother and father had to understand that. They would understand that, because there wasn’t another option. I had to keep repeating this to myself in an effort to make it my own opinion.
I saw my phone light up out of the corner of my eye and sighed in relief that the ringer was off. The text was from Alex- somehow, he had managed to sit right next to me and text without my knowing. I looked at his face and saw the faint smile there- he obviously knew what I was thinking. Was I really so caught in this whole issue to not notice things? I really had to stop.
dinner at eighteen hundred hours, captain liberty?, the text read. I cracked a smile.
affirmative, commander alex. where will the ship be headed??, I sent back. The teacher glanced over at us and I switched my smile out for a serious face. I still had no clue how Alex was managing to text me back- his phone was nowhere in sight.
that’s top secret information, captain. im afraid i cannot disclose our destination. Of all the qualities Alex possessed, I had never known him to be one for surprises.
as you wish, commander. should the vessel point east, west, north, or south? The cardinal directions were code for the main streets in our town- Alex and I came up with the idea a while back, so he probably didn’t remember them.
He glanced over at me and raised his eyebrows. I shrugged, fighting a smile. I watched as he pulled his phone out from his sleeve, where he had been keeping it. No wonder I hadn’t seen him when he was texting me before. Sneaky little child, Alex was. nice try, liberty, his text said. I didn’t reply, more excited about our date than receiving a detention for texting in class.
The cloud of euphoria was back, keeping me in line until whatever was about to go down at my house.
6: Liberty
The drama went down as soon as I walked in the door, Mom being the instigator in this particular situation. “Why didn’t Jonah bring you home?” she asked me. I dropped my bag by the couch and slipped my shoes off. If anybody else besides Alex had been driving the car, she wouldn’t have said a word to me. At least Mom understood that being in a relationship didn’t mean you were bound together by super glue.
I contemplated my response- if I was going to do this, I should get it over with before I talked myself out of it. It definitely had to happen in the next two hours, before Alex came back for our date. “I broke up with him.” There was no hint of passion or emotion in my voice. We were over, and I was ready to move on to Alex.
“Oh, Libby, honey,” she said, getting up from the couch. “Why would you do that? Jonah was such a nice gentleman. A football player, smart, gorgeous. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted.”
He was everything that she had ever wanted. Unfortunately, she was stuck with my dad, who turned out differently than he was in high school. Anybody else would’ve been happy. Not her. “He hurt me,” I said. “More than once.” As proof, I moved my hair behind my shoulder and bared my torn earlobe.
She moved in to inspect it. “Jonah wouldn’t do that, Libby,” Mom stated. She was so sure of everything, and me tearing that comfort away from her just wasn’t going to settle well.
“He did. I’m not a liar.” I’m not sure what I expected to come from this- an apology, maybe, or a hug. Heck, I would’ve been okay with a change in the conversation. Anything but the hard calculating look I received. Downstairs, I could hear some shuffling and creaking of a desk. Dad must’ve been home. At least there was comfort in knowing that this wouldn’t get too bad. Dad never cared about what I did with my life- as long as I was above and beyond academically.
“Did you try talking to him, Libby? I’m sure you could have gotten past this. Men always think they can push women around- you just need to tell him it’s not like that. Sometimes they don’t even realize what they’re doing until somebody points it out.”
My turn. Slowly, our voices were rising, becoming more passionately angry. No matter what I said, she would always find a way to turn it around, to come up with a solution. Except that I had already fixed the problem- my way. “It’s not like that, Mom. This is serious. We’re over, and that’s how it is. I’m sorry if you’re upset about that, but it’s my life, and my boyfriend. I’m done living by your standards.” Her mouth parted slightly in awe. I’d never dared to say anything like this before. At least the subject was closed. “I have a date tonight with Alex. Dinner, at six.” I wasn’t able to run up all the stairs before she started yelling up at me.
“People won’t treat you the same, Libby. Alexander isn’t worth your time- he’s below you. He’ll bring you down to his level and you’ll never be the same.” I, of course, knew just how stupid and exaggerated this was, but it made perfect sense to my mom. She figured that my school was a gigantic pyramid full of vicious people. Except that it wasn’t- my high school wasn’t nearly as bad as everybody made it out to be.
“I’ve never been different from this, Mom. That’s just what I let everybody think.” Everybody including myself. With that, I ran up the stairs, away from her, away from everything I’d never actually wanted. Deep down, this was where I belonged. It was good to be home.
“Where are we going?” I giggled, trailing after Alex. Even from behind, I knew he was smiling. “Alex!” I laughed. Walking down East, actually named Cumber Road, was beautiful. The trees were all in bloom from the rainy spring that had just passed, and flowers perfumed the air.
“C’mon, Liberty! We’re almost there,” he called over his shoulder. For some weird reason, we had left the car over by the park. When I asked why, Alex just shook his head. This night was obviously supposed to be a surprise of some sort. We had walked crazy routes that could’ve easily been made simpler, but because we were together and I was away from everything else, I didn’t complain.
With my sundress blowing in the breeze, I caught up to Alex, who had stopped outside of Thaitanic, a popular restaurant almost completely deserted because of its lame name. The place had next to no dignity. I was about to ask what we were doing there when he held open the door, gesturing in the least Alex-like fashion. “After you, ma’am,” he said with a fake accent. I laughed but walked in, trying to hide my surprise. He sat me at one of the tables like a true gentleman. We could’ve been middle-aged for the way we were acting.
“Why thank you, sir,” I said in the same tone, holding back another laugh. The smile was inevitable. “Might I ask how your evening has been?”
“Jolly well,” he replied, and I broke. There weren’t words to describe how happy and…free I felt around Alex- it was as if life has never been good until I was with him. My smile felt plastered onto my face and I knew I probably couldn’t stop. Nothing would ruin my mood. For now, all I wanted was to be together with him.
Since our little theme was already broken, I picked up the menu and skimmed through it. “We’re eating here?” I asked, perplexed. I wasn’t sure that I particularly wanted to try any of the dishes- almost all of them sounded as if I was going to have food poisoning afterwards.
“No,” he said simply. I raised my eyebrows. Another field trip? “We’re having appetizers here.” He leaned back in his chair, resting his hands on his lower stomach like a true guy. My facial expression must have said it all, because he continued, “I can’t tell you where dinner is.”
Oh, God. There was no knowing what he was going to put me through for the rest of the night- but, then again, did I really care? No. Anything to keep away from my mother and her glares. Or my father, who had to have reminded me eleven times about my curfew. They were family, though. There was only so far I could push them before it was crossing the line. “Alex…”
“Don’t worry, Liberty. I promise that you’ll love it.”
And to shut up the rest of the questions for the rest of dinner, he kissed me.
I couldn’t do anything but love it.
We talked and joked endlessly through appetizers. During the walk over to the next place, I pestered him endlessly. Alex never gave in- the down side of him knowing me so well was that he knew how to divert my attention. We ended up arriving at Cheezus Chrust- obviously, our town liked coming up with stupid names. They thought it attracted tourists. Personally, I had never seen a vacation take place in the town. But, you know, whatever. It made life amusing, having so many restaurants with horrible food. I was seriously beginning to question Alex’s newfound taste in food when we came up to Nikki’s. I stopped short outside of it- Alex and I hadn’t been inside the place in forever. For a while, I doubted he even remembered the significance of the place- turns out, after all this time, he did.
Nikki’s was not only a great, homey place for food, but it was the place that Alex and I had met. After Jonah and I’s fight, I ran over to Nikki’s, looking for comfort food. Alex ended up sitting next to me at the front strip of chairs, and I vented. By the end of our time together that night, five ice cream sundaes had been consumed, he was seventeen dollars more broke, and he knew all the details about me. Or, at least, my state at the time. I swear, he was probably picking out my asylum later that night.
He tossed me a smile and I caught it, returning one of my own. We sat in the same spots and ordered the same things as before, but somehow it was nothing like last time. We had managed to take that recording and tape over it with something happier- us. “Are you thinking about…” I asked him, and he nodded. Finally, at the end of the night, it was coming to the romance rather than jokes and laughing. “So it turns out that I have something to thank Jonah for after all.” My voice was soft, serious in a loving way.
Alex laughed lightly, taking my hand in his own. I loved the warmth there, how neither hand could be perfect on their own, but together they worked. He looked down at our hands and then back up at me with innocent, loving eyes. “I knew, that first night.”
“Knew what?” I managed, trying to keep my breathing normal. I’d never been nervous with Alex before, because there was no reason to be. I wasn’t about to start with that habit now. He was still Alex. True, Alex didn’t talk like this. But this was just a layer I’d never seen before. That’s why I was feeling like this- jittery, kind of.
He smiled. Again. “I knew that you and Jonah were never going to work. I knew that you’d still try for it, anyways. And, most importantly, I knew that we were going to be together, one day, because I knew that you were the most amazing, perfect girl in the world.”
It was a compliment, and he meant every word, but I couldn’t help not deny it. “I’m not perfect,” I smiled, probably even blushing a little bit. My Barbie-girl look begged to differ, and so did everybody else. But, as I was learning, I wasn’t perfect, and I didn’t have to be.
“No,” he agreed. Some girls might have been offended, but I knew of exactly all the flaws running through his brain at the moment. “But you are beautiful, selfless, empathetic, smart, and, most importantly, you’re real, Liberty. There’s nobody else I would rather be sitting here with right now.”
I remained silent for a moment, trying to search my vocabulary for a word that would work. Alex smiled. Raised his eyebrows. “For lack of thought process, ditto,” I said with a smile.
My mental state didn’t improve any after he kissed me.
“I love you, Liberty.”
“Forever.”
7: Liberty
My happy-go-lucky, drunk-with-love attitude was wearing off the next morning. Replacing it was a feeling I hardly knew. It was one of annoyance and frustration. I knew I couldn’t see Alex that day, as he was out of town, which meant that I would have to face everybody alone- the downside of giving up all my ‘friends’. Mom picked up on my attitude as I stalked into the kitchen.
“Did things go bad with Alexander last night, Libby?” she asked, hopeful assumption ringing through her voice. I scowled. Why did I have to deal with her, too?
“No, Mom, they didn’t. Alex is substantially better than Jonah,” I said. My point was clear; she, however, didn’t drop the subject.
The scent of coffee filled the air and I heard my father coming into the kitchen. He greeted us, as oblivious as ever. They joined me at the table. I suspected that Dad was listening to our conversation despite the newspaper he laid out. “Now, Libby, don’t be mean. Jonah was a great man, one of the best. I can’t understand why you split up, honey.”
“Libby and Jonah broke up?” Dad asked.
Ignoring him, I quipped, “Then why don’t you date him, Mom.” She looked like she wanted a chance at rebuttal, but I didn’t give her it. “And when you come home with bruises on you, I’ll be sure to deny it and make you stay with him. How about that?”
Mom looked down at her coffee cup. “Jonah couldn’t have done that to you, Libby. He wasn’t an abuser.” She was calm, I was furious, and Dad was confused.
“He abused you?” Dad asked, peering over at us. I didn’t bother to craft my answer to fit the standards- Jonah deserved fatherly punishment.
Mom shook her head and I rolled my eyes. “Asking me, who spent two years with him and had personal experience, yes. Asking Mom, who only wants her child to have the best popularity status, no.” I remembered Alex’s words- “It isn’t worth it. I thought you would understand that.”
“Now, George. I said that she should try talking to him and work through it instead of charging off. Jonah could be The One.” The One- as if Prince Charming was coming around to pick me up for the ball, and I was refusing to wear the glass slippers.
Dad saw sense, just like I knew he would. “Emily, she’s right. Nobody hurts my little girl- especially not her boyfriend. Never liked that Jonah kid, I didn’t.”
“But, George-“
“No, Emily. This is Liberty’s decision. All we can do is hope that she makes the right one.” His look said more- stop trying to push them together. Jonah will never be forgiven in my eyes, but I’m not going to hurt him. Yep, that was my dad. I shoved away from the table before Alex came in to the conversation. Now that Dad knew about the violence with Jonah, he was going to be ten times more hesitant about my dating Alex.
No matter what, everything seemed to turn itself around and backfire.
8: Liberty
My bad mood was absolutely heinous by lunch. I sat alone with my thoughts, free to glare at Jonah the entire half hour. Somehow I had guessed that hating on him would help me, but it didn’t. Anger was quickly building inside of me for more reasons than I could process.
I couldn’t understand why Mom wouldn’t give Alex a chance, why she automatically assumed that I couldn’t be a popular person. I hadn’t been popular because of Jonah- I had been popular because of me. It hurt to think that she cared more about my social status than the fact that I was being abused. I knew that she had her own reasons for doing what she did, but that didn’t erase the fact that it hurt. I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise for the sake of her feelings- everybody needed to pay the consequences of their actions.
Across the room, Jonah laughed. He was the reason that I was feeling like this- had he never existed, never hurt me, then I wouldn’t have had to face the truth about Mom and I’s relationship. If I was going to get my anger out- I needed to get my anger out- then he should be the recipient. We weren’t together anymore, but he somehow was still managing to screw up my life. An eye for an eye.
Before I could talk myself out of it, remind myself of the penalty I would pay, I got up and strode over to Jonah’s lunch table. I stood behind him and waited for him to turn around. As soon as he did, I clenched my fist and allowed all my emotions to empower me. His nose didn’t break when I punched it, but the thing started bleeding pretty bad. “What the frick, Libby?” he sputtered. Every eye in the cafeteria was on me. It didn’t matter- somebody had to dish out the punishment. It might as well have been me.
“You hurt me, Jonah, so I hurt you.” My eyes changed from squinted anger to being a sarcastic jerk. “But, then again, I’m a- how did you put it- ‘prissy, goody-two shoed tease’, so it probably didn’t hurt at all. Right, Jonah?” I turned on me heel and started walking away. “Have a nice life, loser.”
In the hallway, the full impact of everything hit me. It wouldn’t be long before the principal caught wind of our scene, whether it be through gossiping in the halls or Jonah himself. I didn’t doubt either way. Things were going to be ugly no matter which way they were sliced.
But, as the saying went, sunshine was bound to come after the storm.
“Liberty Martine Sanders! Get down here right now, young lady!” Dad boomed from the kitchen. I winced. How ironic that all of our confrontations occurred in a place full of knives and other such tools. No doubt thoughts of using them were running through my parents’ minds. Cautiously I opened the door and came down. Any sympathy I had gathered this morning from him was gone. Mom’s logic now took its place.
In the kitchen, we stared each other down from across the table. Mom and Dad sat together signifying their alliance in the issue. I waited for the debate to begin, but it never did. Our house was just like a courtroom- everybody playing a part, defending themselves, trying to prove the other guilty. Except I’d be willing to bet that I couldn’t get parole on my punishment this time. “You have sixty seconds to explain yourself, Liberty,” Dad began.
“As if you’ll listen,” I muttered, though it came out louder than I had planned.
Dad huffed. “Why, Liberty, would you punch Jonah? Where do you get off thinking its okay to hurt people? We didn’t raise you like that.”
I couldn’t really counter with the whole ‘raising’ thing because any decisions I made in my life had been exactly that- my decisions. It was my decision to please people, my decision to be this perfect person Mom and Dad and Jonah wanted. But I wasn’t going to do this change thing halfway. Rebelling now was probably my best chance to show them I was different. “Okay, Dad? I didn’t hurt people, I hurt Jonah. And do you know why I hurt Jonah? Because he hurt me. You should be asking him these questions instead.” Maybe I was overdrawing the abuse, but it’s not like you can have a relationship like that and forget it the next day.
Mom decided to pop her head in on the conversation. It seemed as if my parents weren’t so upset about the punch as they were about my behavior in general. The cafeteria incident was just a final stepping-stone towards personality renovation. “This isn’t you, Liberty. You were never this angst, rebellious, underachieved child before.” I hated how my breakup made me an underachieved child in her mind. As if that were the only thing I had to offer. Why couldn’t my parents understand that I wasn’t that person in the first place? I had always just pretended to be what they wanted.
“Before, Mom? Before what? Before I started deciding to stop pleasing people? Before I started dating Alex? Oh, wait, I’ve got it. Before I became in charge of my own life.” The sarcasm dripped off my tongue at a steady rate. Besides our voices, the house was silent. Not even the tick of the clock could be heard.
She groaned in frustration. “What is with this attitude! You were never pleasing people, Liberty. You were being everything you could be. I hate that Alex has put these insane delusions in your head!”
“It’s real, Mom, not a delusion. I never wanted any of this. Do you know what I want? I want two parents who love me and care about me. I want friends who I know won’t turn around and tell lies about me. I want a boyfriend who is loyal. I want myself to be a good person- not the Queen Bee, not the math scholar, just me. And I could have it. All of it. But I see the unspoken expectations in your eyes, and I know exactly how much you want a different life for me. So that’s what I did. Except now, I’m putting myself first. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but guess what? It hurts me to think that my parents aren’t happy with who I am.” Tears were starting to well up in my eyes and threatened to fall over. “I’m sorry, but get used to it.”
Dad had a deadly calm. “This behavior is unacceptable.” He spoke in a slowly, soft voice, looking me straight in the eye. “You will go nowhere for the next two weeks except school and your bedroom. You will speak to no one. I will give you five minutes on the phone to end your relationship with Alex, but that is all. You may not be with him. Your mother and I can’t help but think you’ve acted this way since you’ve been with him, so it has to end.” Hot, wet stickiness was on my cheeks. They couldn’t do this, there was no way. Except that they already had, and there was no way to change that. Dad meant every word that he said- there was never a road to go back with him. “There’s a line, Liberty, between being your own person and being uncontrollable. You’ve crossed it. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.”
I saved the hateful words and went to collect on my phone call, knowing that anything I said now would only prolong the punishment. Slammed doors, stomped feet, days of crying over it- it didn’t mean a thing to them. I was just another troubled teenager having another teenager-ish fit. This was the behavior that they had missed out on for so many years. “Alex?” I said when he picked up. I was trying to hold the sobs back in my throat so that he could understand what I was saying, but they came out anyways. Out of all the punishments in the world, I would have taken almost anything instead of breaking up with him.
“Liberty? Hey, what’s going on? You sound upset,” he replied soothingly.
My breath came in big gulps and I was afraid that my heart would explode. Right now, hearing Alex’s voice and knowing what I had to do, was like throwing a dagger into myself. Or, you know, at the very least, eating food from Thaitanic. “I…my parents…punched Jonah…not allowed to be with you,” I managed to sputter. What was with my brain not being able to come up with full sentences around him?
“Your parents punched Jonah and so you can’t be with me anymore? Take a deep breath, Liberty, so that I can hear you this time.” I wanted to scream at him, anything, to let him know what was about to happen. That the worst moment of our lives- or, mine, at least- was about to happen.
“I was mad, and I punched Jonah, but then I got in this huge fight with my parents and they said I can’t be with you anymore. I tried, Alex, I tried to fight them, but they won’t budge. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.” I couldn’t even imagine what this was like for him. He was silent for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to me. “Please don’t be mad. I love you, Alex. But you have to understand what’s happening.”
“So this is goodbye?” he asked softly. I almost started bawling again at how impassive he was beginning to sound. Obviously, he was thinking something about me and my parents and my life. He was coming up with things that I could’ve said or done that would’ve changed this situation. But he was also probably realizing the truth about me- I would always, always have a limit to what I would do. I’d reached the limit with my parents and Jonah- no matter how bad I wanted something now, I wouldn’t have it.
“Yeah, I guess so. I love you, Alex. Always.”
There was a pause. “Goodbye, Liberty.”
He hadn’t said it back.
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