A Shattered Heart
Published by Iris Deorre at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Iris Deorre
Chapter one
November 2010
Kenya walked up the stairs with the completed report in her hands and knocked on Terry, her boss’s door. It was silent for a while and as she was about to try again the door flung open almost throwing her off her feet. Terry smiled as he ushered her into the office. She’d found it rather strange that his office had been shut in the first place. His gaze zoomed up and down her legs as she walked towards his desk and put down the report.
‘I’ve done the best I can, didn’t see any errors and I’ve formatted it as you wanted.’ said Kenya.
‘You are ever so kind, thank you.’ He sat behind his desk and took the report, he looked over it briefly.
‘It’s my job.’ She smiled.
‘I know but you’ve stayed longer than your normal working hours and for that I’m truly grateful. What would I do without you Ken?’ He lifted his head and a blonde curl flopped down the side of his face covering his right eye. His sea blue eyes glowed at her and she felt a forbidden twitch between her legs.
‘I guess I’ll be off then.’ She headed for the door. ‘Have a nice weekend.’
‘Doing anything interesting?’ He leaned back into the swivel chair with his legs crossed to hide the bulge underneath his trousers. Kenya halted at the door, turned and smiled.
‘Yeah, Dominique, Isabella and I are off to the Dales for the weekend. I’m really looking forward to it, to be honest.’ Her heart skipped at the thought about the relaxing weekend ahead.
‘How about you, any plans?’
‘Yeah, my plan is to be here tomorrow and Sunday. Working through the weekend; we really need to get this bid through so we can get more work in.’ He sighed.
‘Gosh, working this weekend that doesn’t sound like fun.’
‘Well it’s not like I’m missing out on anything is there. It beats being home when you’re in my situation.’ He chuckled.
‘Yeah, it’s a long story for another time.’ He heaved. ‘Right, you better be off then.’
‘Yeah, I better or else Dominique will blow a gasket, he hates being made to wait.’ She chuckled and looked at her watch it was a quarter to six and they were due to leave at half past six.
‘See yah!’ he called after her. ‘Have a nice one!’
‘Yep, wish I could say the same to you.’ She hurried out the office for her car.
The M1 South traffic had eased off and she was grateful. She put in a Jill Scott CD and sang to Golden as she exited onto the M62. The traffic suddenly came to a halt.
‘No! NO! No! Damit!’ She fiddled for her phone in her bag placed it on hands free and rang Dominique’s number. It went straight into voice mail and his ever so laid back voice came on. She smiled at the thought of him, in less than an hour they would be on a weekend away. Not as romantic as it used to be with Isabella to entertain, but there was nothing more delightful to her than family. She had a short moment of empathy for Terry alone in his office and wished she could’ve done something about it. Her mind only parked on that thought for a second while the traffic moved at tortoise pace. Kenya didn’t bother replaying her short CD. When the traffic came to a total standstill again she rang the home number.
‘C’mon, D pick up.’ It rang and then ‘Welcome to BT 1471, the number you’re calling…’ she hung up. Not even Isabella had answered which was strange. She was always an eager little beaver when it came to answering the phone. She tried again, but again it went into the message mode.
Where are you guys?
It wasn’t like Dominique to leave everything to chance.
Ah that’s it. She thought and smiled, he’d probably figured she was stuck on the motorway and planned ahead.
Dominique never left anything to chance. He was organised and never believed in accidents. This calmed Kenya’s thoughts.
He’s probably nipped out to fill the tank.
With that thought buried neatly in her mind the panic settled and she cruised slowly on the M62 until finally she reached her junction and exited.
It was exactly seven thirty when she drove up to their gate. Dominique’s car wasn’t in the drive. The curtains to the front had been drawn. She tried his mobile again from her car and it went straight into voice mail. Her heart began to gallop, had something happened to them? Shakily Kenya stepped out of the car and hurried for the front door. Her stomach churned as she fished for the keys and aimed them steadily for the keyhole.
The hall was dark and there was only the humming of the radiators in the back ground. She switched on a light expecting, there was no luggage or and sort of sign that he was close by. His work bag that was usually left downstairs wasn’t there either. Nor was his coat hanging on the rail.
She raked her mind for an answer. Was he running late, was his battery flat, was he stuck in traffic. What about Isabella, where had she gone? It had been his day to pick her up from school. Kenya’s racing heart slowed down with that thought, if no one had pick Isabella from the school she’d have had a call from the school ages ago. But as she walked through the passage Isabella’s schools shoes hadn’t been scattered on the floor, nor was her book bag or coat anywhere in sight.
‘D?’ Kenya walked into the living room. ‘Dominique?’ She headed for the kitchen. Two pints of milk sat on the kitchen counter with a receipt and some change. She remembered that she’d asked him to pick up some milk on his way home. Why hadn’t he put it in the fridge? She shook her head, took the milk and placed in the fridge. ‘That man can’t do anything right!’ She heaved under her breath. The breakfast plates still lay in the sink unwashed. Her stomach churned and she jolted up the stairs into Isabella’s room. Isabella’s uniform wasn’t lying carelessly on the floor like it always did. The bed was still unmade from the morning.
Where are they!
She opened Isabella’s wardrobe frantically as if it would somehow reveal the answer. Suddenly Kenya felt flushed, sticky and itchy. Her heart thudded in her throat and the floor begun to spin in circles. She leaned against the wall for a second to regain her balance and breath. Kenya regained her balance but her heart pounded between her temples. Something was wrong.
The room felt cold and empty despite the radiators swishing in the background. That morning the bed had been unmade, two wet towels had been left on the floor. Dominique’s pairs of brown leather shoes had been flung across the room and the wardrobe had been left open. But as she stood in the centre of their bedroom, the room felt like a ghost town. The wardrobe had been left slightly ajar and she took slow heavy steps toward it as if in a dream and flung it open. Coat hangers clanged together like musical triangles. She heaved and her knees caved in, hit the ground as her world spun round and round making no sense. They were off to the Dales. That’s what she’d told Terry about an hour ago.
‘We’re ...off… to… the Dales.’ She hyperventilated between each heave. Kenya clutched her stomach everything that had belonged to Dominique was gone. Not even his cuff links.
She jerked up and rushed to the bathroom like an escapee from a nut house, Kenya felt as though a heavy blow had been delivered to her stomach. His aftershave and cologne had disappeared. The grey wisdom toothbrush that use to sit between her purple one and Isabella’s Barbie tooth brush had also disappeared.
‘Oh my god!’ The tears prickled her throat, ‘Oh my god!’ She hung onto the door for support as her knees gave in for a second time.
In the distance there was a low ring coming from downstairs and then it stopped. Dominique? She gathered what strength she had left and flew downstairs.
‘Dominique!’
‘Ken, it’s me, ‘said Louise. ‘I’ve got Izzy with me. Dominique left her in such a rush I really didn’t have time to ask him where he was – ‘
Kenya slammed the phone down. She paced the living room, shaking, stomach in a knot. She clasped her hands behind her head and paced faster, then stopped suddenly. She looked around the living room as if it were a strange place; as if she was lost then slowly she headed for the couch.
Her body rocked to and fro and a funny howling sound escaped from her body. It went on for a while longer then with a sudden burst she picked up the phone. It rang immediately.
‘Jim’s B&B how may I help you?’ The woman on the other end sounded as if she’d just had an amazing yoga session.
‘Where is he?!’ Kenya hissed and twirled the phone cord around her finger.
‘I’m sorry Ma’am may I help you with something?’
Kenya blinked as if suddenly realising she was on the phone.
‘Urrrm, yes I’m Mrs K Devillers, I booked a room online at your B&B and was wondering if – ‘
‘I’m sorry who is this?’
‘Mrs Devillers, we booked a room a week ago online for this weekend?’
‘Devillers?’ The woman on the other end of the line typed into her computer. ‘Sorry but I’m a bit confused. I don’t under – ‘
‘Confused? Why?’ Her chest was hot like raging fire. A million prickly pins felt as though they’d been stuck into her head.
‘Hang on a minute,’ the woman said and flicked through some papers and breathed heavily into the phone. ‘Urrrm, I’m not sure I understand I thought you checked in half an hour ago.’
Her body was taken over by the emotions, all she saw was red and before the woman on the other end could finish Kenya picked up her car keys and headed out the door!
****
It was nine o’clock when Kenya parked outside the B&B. She rubbed her wet palms against her trousers, brushed down her hair as far as it would go then bolted out of the car like a woman on crack. The front door was closed so she rang the bell over and over again.
‘Open the door!’ she banged on the door again and again. This time a there was a fiddling of keys and a man with shocking white hair stood before her.
‘Are you lost, ma’am?’
‘No, I’m ... I’m Mrs Devillers I... I think there’s been a bit of a mix up. You see, I booked a room with you and it seems that someone has taken that room instead.’ She breathed out of breath, she shook like a leaf. ‘It’s just that it’s my money off my credit card and yet I’m standing here.’ Kenya suddenly realised how stupid she looked. What was she thinking, driving for an hour just to stutter outside a B&B?
‘Well come in and lets see if we can’t fix this.’ The gentleman led her through a cosy living area. A television blared in the background. They went into a dining area and he motioned for her to sit while he disappeared. A couple of minutes later the man reappeared with a sheet of paper.
‘Right!’ He put on a pair of glasses and glanced at the list. ‘Devillers, yes there it is. Checked in about an hour ago.’
‘Sir.’ Kenya tried to sound as calm as possible but was finding it impossible. ‘My card paid for this room, I have proof of the print out.’ She pulled out the piece of paper from her bag and showed it to him. ‘Whoever you’ve got up there isn’t me and I’m not prepared to pay for a room I’m not sleeping in. The room had been booked for my husband, my daughter and myself. We were planning to come here to work on...’ She took a deep breath. ‘Sir someone has taken my room could this be sorted please?’
The man looked at the online receipt and then at his paper then sighed heavily.
‘I don’t know how this has happened. Please wait here for a moment while I get our guests.’
Kenya sat nervously, wondering who had taken up their room. What was going on? Why had Dominique done this to her? She rocked gently on the seat and took in the surroundings. This was supposed to be their weekend away, a time for them to work on their marriage. The brown carpet looked as though it had been newly fitted. The cream walls also had a new lick of paint. The B&B had a warm and cosy feel to it a homely atmosphere that made her eyes glaze over. Her heart knew what her mind didn’t want to accept.
The man returned with a woman. She has long dark brown hair, was medium height and about a size twelve. She smiled kindly but Kenya refused to return the smile.
‘So sorry about the confusion,’ he said. ‘We think our receptionist made a bit of a booboo.’ He laughed lightly but Kenya couldn’t see what was so funny.
‘Where is he?’ she asked Kenya the woman. The woman looked at her confused.
‘Sorry but I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said in a foreign accent Kenya couldn’t quite place.
‘I’ve just come down to sort out payment and you can get a refund.’ She smiled at Kenya but Kenya couldn’t bring herself to smile back. This made no sense. She’d driven all this way to be told a mistake had been made.
‘No, this isn’t right; I was told that Mr and Mrs Devillers had checked in. Where is Mr Devillers?’
‘Ma’am – ‘
‘Sorry, I have to take this.’ Kenya poked around in her bag for her mobile. ‘Hello?’
‘Ken it’s me, what’s going on with you guys? Izzy is asking when you’ll be picking her up I’m not sure what to –‘
‘I call you back.’ She cut the phone then directed her attention back to the man and the lady standing before her. ‘I just need to know where my husband is and I’ll be on my way.’
The man scratched his head uncomfortable and the woman stood without expression or emotion.
‘It’s late and we have other guests. Please accept my apologies for the misunderstanding. We can put you in another room and you can have a free breakfast on us,’ he said.
‘I don’t want a free breakfast! I want to know where Dominique is?’ she addressed the woman through gritted teeth.
‘Sorry but I do not know who Dominique is. Please lady let me sort this out and we go back to sleep, yes?’
‘No! Not yes! I want to see who you’re with?’
‘This is not necessary please can we resolve this now,’ said the man.
‘Yes please,’ said the woman and they walked to the reception area and she handed over her card. Kenya did like wise and the man made the refund and took money off the card.
‘Problem sorted. I’m really sorry you came all this way, are you sure you don’t want to –‘
‘No I’m fine! It was my choice to do this. I just thought, I just… I don’t know what I thought,’ Kenya said defeated feeling like a complete idiot. ‘It really just doesn’t make sense.’ The tears rose to the surface and the woman advanced to put her hand on her shoulder.
‘Thanks for your help anyway.’ Kenya directed at the gentleman. ‘I’ll leave you in peace. I’m sorry I spoiled your evening.’ The woman watched as Kenya left then she too made her way back to her room.
Kenya’s mobile rang, deep down she hoped it was Dominique calling to let her know that everything was alright, that he was at home waiting for her to get back. That he had an explanation but it was Louise’s number on the caller display, her heart sank.
‘I’m on my way Lou,’ she said and hung up.
****
Louise opened the door with Lisa on her hip, her breasts almost bursting out of the tightly fitted Goldigga top. Kenya brushed past her frantically and into the living room as if expecting to see Dominique watching a game with Martin like they always did. But the living room was empty except for the noise of the news in the background.
‘Is everything alright?’ Louise followed in behind. ‘You guys are acting really strange, where’s Dominique. I thought you – ‘
‘Yes!’ She put her hand to her forehead. ‘Where’s… where’s Izzie?’ She walked out into to the hallway and towards the steps.
‘Girl what’s up with you?’ asked Louise.
‘Nothing! I just need to get home. When… when Dominique left Izzie did he say where he was going?’ asked Kenya.
‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Louise frowned at her puzzled.
‘Did he say where he was going?’
‘No why? Should he have done? Don’t you speak to your hubby anymore?’
‘Izzy!’ Kenya called up the stairs. ‘Izzy!...Isabella!’
‘Yeeees.’ Isabella stood at the head of the stairs still dressed in her uniform with a Barbie doll in her hand.
‘C’mon we need to get home.’
‘Awww, I still want to play with – ‘
‘I said get down here now!’ Kenya could feel her heart pounding against her chest with no idea what her next move would be.
‘Kenya? What is going on with you?’ Louise put a hand on her shoulder but Kenya brushed it away. Slowly Isabella walked down the stairs taking every step mindfully and with great effort.
‘Hurry up!’ Kenya rattled her keys but Isabella continued her silent rebellion.
‘Kenya, what’s going on? We’re friends and I know you like forever. Something’s up I can tell.’
‘Nothing’s up Lou, stop asking me that! Just a really bad day at work that’s all. C’mon lets go.’ She dragged Isabella by the hand out of the house. ‘I’ll ring you.’ She yelled behind her and headed straight for the car.
They rode in silence part of the time until Isabella began to kick at the chair from behind but for the first time this didn’t annoy Kenya. Her mind was spinning through the events of the last two hours. Had she missed something? Earlier that afternoon when she’d spoken to Dominique he hadn’t mentioned a thing. Why now and why when they’d planned to go away? It didn’t make sense. If he was out on a business trip he would’ve rung to let her know. This was so out of character of him.
As they turned onto their street she hoped to see his silver Hyundai parked outside but there was nothing. Only a bare road with a ginger cat scattered past. Her heart sunk, her hands felt sweaty and clammy and the knot in her throat made it impossible to swallow.
Her heart began to pound again as she opened the front door almost expecting to see him standing there, but they were greeted by the same empty dark hallway.
‘I’m hungry!’ Isabella whined. ‘I’m really, really, really hungry.’ She looked up at Kenya but Kenya had already begun to press the keys on her mobile.
‘Really hungry, hungry, hungry.’ Isabella’s voice got a tad louder.
‘Not now!’ said Kenya half aware as she listened to Dominique’s voice message kick in. ‘Honey it’s me. What’s going on? Please let me know what’s happening. Where are you? This is really confusing me. Ring me; we have to talk D. Please.’ She hung up then leaned against the wall deflated. What had happened, why was he doing this?
‘Mummy, I’m hungry.’ Isabella stomped her foot.
‘It’s late Is, Louise fed you.’
‘I’m still hungry,’ she whined.
‘Fine I’ll make you a cheese sandwich.’
‘But I don’t want a cheese sandwich; I want fish fingers and beans!’
Kenya turned to face the whiny child before her wishing she’d shut up. Wishing she could put a stop to her high pitched tone. She clenched her fists behind her back and tightened her jaw.
‘Then I guess you’ll starve!’ she said and headed for the kitchen to make the sandwich anyway. Her hands felt slippery and she felt light headed. The dilemma spun round and round her head, trying to get to the bottom of the dilemma.
Dominique had taken all his belongings from the house. Dominique who hung on her every word, who gave into her every whim had taken everything that belonged to him and had disappeared and she didn’t even know why.
‘Mummy, where’s Daddy?’ Isabella said between mouthfuls as Kenya tried his mobile again for the fifth time and left yet another message.
‘Don’t talk with your mouthful!’ This time Kenya told him that Isabella had broken her finger but later regretted the lie. It was hardly believable.
‘Mummy where’s Dad?’ she asked again.
‘At a friend’s house. Finish that sandwich then go upstairs and brush your teeth.’ She began to press the phone buttons again but this time she tried his friend Paul.
‘Paul, hi it’s Kenya. Do you have any clue where Dominique is he’s kinda just disappeared and not sure what to do.’
‘Urm…gosh no. I’m not sure what to say.’ His voice sounded shaky.
‘Why is he at a friends?’ asked Isabella.
‘I’m on the phone! Sorry Paul you were saying?’
Paul apologised that he was of no help to Kenya and that he was sure Dominique would be back soon. What he didn’t realise was that Dominique had taken all his belongings.
‘Thanks, if you hear anything from him, tell him to call me.’ A new rise of panic entered her mind. Was he dead? But how could be; he’d taken time to pack his clothes.
‘So Mummy why is Daddy at his friends?’ She chewed her sandwich slowly.
‘I don’t know Izzy. Now finish that sandwich and go and brush your teeth like I told you!’
Kenya headed for the kitchen and opened the cupboards. There was a bottle of Rose and the Chardonnay they had bought for the weekend away. Kenya picked up the Rose with shaky hands, it would do, She took a big gulp and sighed briefly as the wine massaged the nerves in her body.
‘Why are you drinking that bad drink Mummy?’ Isabella’s voice startled her.
‘Go upstairs and brush your teeth.’ She took empty plate from her daughter but Isabella didn’t move an inch.
‘Is it because of Daddy?’
Kenya put the glass down and knelt to her level.
‘Why would you say that honey,’ Kenya asked but Isabella only shrugged her shoulders. ‘Dad’s fine, he’ll be back soon. Now you go upstairs brush your teeth and put on your pyjamas.’
‘Will you read me a story tonight?’
‘Not to night honey.’ Kenya rose from her knelt down position.
‘Not fair!’ Isabella stormed out.
‘No it isn’t.’ Kenya silently agreed and gulped down the rest of the wine. She looked at the bottles in front of her sighed then poured herself another glass. Then she remembered Dominique’s stash of Jack Daniels and Vodka in the cupboard under the sink. She raided it and for a second felt comfort seeing them all lined up in a neat row. Dominique hadn’t taken them. But that feeling quickly disappeared and with it she chose the bottle of vodka and headed upstairs.
Chapter Two
Kenya felt two little hands nudging against her. She opened one eye and managed to focus on the tiny figure with big bushy hair and bright pink pyjamas. She lifted her head but it flopped back down again like piece of lead. Her head felt like a chain saw had been rammed through it. The two little hands shook her again and this time she managed a single ‘Huh.’
‘’I’m hungry, really hungry!’ Isabella continued to shake her mother.
‘I just fed you!’
‘A cheese sandwich? Oh don’t be silly Mummy, we’ve had one sleep. It’s cereal time again.’ She shook a little harder.
‘Go downstairs and get yourself something in the kitchen.’ She muttered. Isabella stopped for a second and thought this instruction over.
‘Like what?’
‘Anything.’ She heard the tiny footsteps disappear down the stairs. Kenya turned to her left and noticed the wine glass in her hand. Next to her lay half a bottle of vodka. She couldn’t recall when she’d opened the second bottle. The mobile sat besides her, she eyed it from a distance but then quickly closed her eyes again, the light was too much to bear.
Isabella came back into the room rattling a plastic bag. ‘Can I have these for breakfast?’ she held a box of chocolate fingers. Kenya raised her head slowly and looked at the blue packet.
‘Sure honey, sure you can,’ she said and flopped back down. As Isabella began to dive into her unhealthy breakfast Kenya eyed the room again. Her bathrobe lay on the floor and so did an extra two towels. Isabella’s red checked pyjamas also lay in a pile next to the towels.
‘Yummy. I’m so lucky. I’ve never had chocy fingers for breakfast.’ Isabella giggled and Kenya eyed her cautiously.
‘Who said you could have those?’ asked Kenya.
‘You did Mommy. Just like you said I could watch Desperate house wives last night.’ Her six year old daughter giggled. ‘Mummy you’re so forgetful. Silly Mummy.’ She munched into another biscuit. Kenya rubbed her head cautiously and tried to raise her body slowly. Her mobile rang.
‘Dom…’
‘Mrs Devillers, this is the school secretary from – ‘
‘Urm who?’ She rubbed her eyes and tried as hard as possible to raise her head and take in what the woman was about to say.
‘I’m the school secretary at Isabella’s primary school. Isabella didn’t show up for school today and we haven’t heard anything so we were wondering what has happened?’
‘What! School?’ She panicked the blood rushed to her head. ‘Urm yes oh yes sorry, I should have called but got caught up she’s not very well today.’ She managed.
‘I’m not poorly Mommy!’ Isabella piped in the background but Kenya hadn’t the strength to stop her.
‘Oh the problem? Urm she has a high temperature so I just thought it were better keep her at home for a day or two.
‘Thanks for telling me. I hope she gets better soon.’
Kenya put the phone down and took a few deep breaths, what day was it? How had she got from Friday night to Monday without recollection? The room began to spin and her heart thudded so hard that she thought she would pass out. For a moment Kenya sat up and then with lightening speed rushed for the bathroom only to bring up yellow smelly slime.
‘Where the fuck are you Dominique!’ she screamed into the toilet bowl and another uncontrolled spasm brought up more yellow stuff. Her insides threatened to come up as well at any moment. She sat for a moment next to the toilet bowl and another wave of nausea hit her forcing her head back down the toilet. Half an hour later Kenya crawled back to bed.
Isabella entertained herself with a colouring book and later took the colouring to the walls, which kept her quiet for longer. She only whinged once to which Kenya put a quick stop to it by offering more high refined foods. In the midst of her turmoil her mobile went off again, this time she recognised the number. Shit She let it ring three times then answered.
‘Hello?’
‘Kenya, is everything alright?’ Terry’s concerned voice came through. ‘Are you sick, I thought something had happened on your way to work?’
Kenya pushed herself up slowly feeling woozy as she did so. She cleared her throat of the bile that crept up so often.
‘I’m fine it’s just…’ She noticed Isabella’s artwork on her cream walls, her mind and body couldn’t connect as she focused on the long green line that stretched right around the four corners of the room and stop at the closet.
‘Just what, is something the matter?’ The concern in his voice was even more. She sat with the phone in one ear and her forehead pressed against the other. No. She thought, everything wasn’t alright but she didn’t know what to say. Her husband had disappeared out of the blue and she had no clue how to go about tracking him.
‘Terry I’m fine, just a bit of a migraine. I won’t be in today. I was going to call you.’ She lied. Terry remained silent at the other end of the phone.
‘Hmm you do sound a bit off.’ He sighed disappointed. ‘I hope you at least had a great break in the Dales.’ He joked lightly; the memory of why she had a splitting headache came flooding back.
‘What day is it?’ she was suddenly confused.
‘Are you sure you’re alright? It’s Monday Kenya.’
‘Yes, yes of course. Just spoke to the school. Of course it’s Monday.’ She slurred. ‘I’ve got to go Terry, I’ll let you know if I’m not in tomorrow.’ She cut her mobile before he could say a thing and jolted from the bed only to fall back down from a heavy head.
‘Izzy! Izzy!’ she called. It was deadly silent, her heart felt heavy. What had she done, had she left her daughter to fend for herself?
Kenya pulled her heavy body up from the bed and dizzily walked into Isabella’s room. Her bed had been made. Her uniform lay on the floor as it always did and the green carpet had been dosed in yellow paint.
‘Izzy!’
Kenya used the wall to keep her balance and slowly walked downstairs.
‘Isabella!’
She halted at the kitchen, milk covered half the floor, empty sweet wrappers made a neat pile in the centre of the kitchen, bits of peanuts were added to the mess and tomato sauce had been splat across the fridge.
‘Isabella!’
She could feel her heart in her throat as she walked towards the living room. Had she taken the keys and left the house?
‘Isa...’ Kenya stood at the living room door. Isabella gazed at the television hypnotised by Sponge Bob burping in the background. Kenya’s heart beat dropped and with it she dropped to her knees relieved.
‘Oh Izzy why didn’t you answer when I called?’
She crawled over to where she sat. Isabella shrugged but Kenya didn’t mind. All she cared about was that her angel was safe.
‘I’m hungry Mummy.’ She muttered and Kenya chuckled. ‘Can I have some fish fingers and chips please?’ Her eyes didn’t move from the television screen.
‘Course you can honey
There were five missed calls. Her heart leapt and she wondered how much more of this it could take. Dominique had called and she’d missed him. A part of her was furious for his irresponsible way of his departure but another part of her was happy and hopeful that he’d be calling to let her know he’d made a mistake. That he wanted to come home. She wouldn’t let him off lightly. She dialled his number and he answered on the third ring.
‘Dominique!’ she burst into tears. ‘Where have you been? What’s going on?’
‘I’m picking Izzy from school this afternoon.’ He sounded cold and not like the man she knew.
‘What?’
‘I’m coming for Izzy this afternoon. I’ll take her for the day and bring her back by six.’ He said again stone cold and her stomach churned.
‘Who the hell do you think you are?! You up and disappear without explanation, now you demanding to see Izzy! How da – ‘The phone went dead.
Horrified and with trembling fingers she redialled his number but it went straight into voicemail. ‘How dare you!’ she threw the phone across the room and burst into tears.
****
Dominique put the phone down on the kitchen counter of his temporary and possibly new home. Halina stood by the stove as she fried an egg, mushrooms, spam and brewed coffee. He smiled and walked up to the woman with long dark brown hair. He wrapped his arms around her and snuggled into her neck. A smell of citrus drifted pass his nose. A smell he’d come to know. She sighed
‘Is this really the right way to go about it?’ she asked. He tightened his squeeze around her.
‘How else was I supposed to untie myself from her tight claws? This was the only way trust me.’
‘Maybe, but I think it’s cruel. No one deserves this no matter how bad you think they are.’ She emptied the contents of the pan into the two plates and handed him a plate.
‘And work? How long are you going to hide from them?’
‘I’m not hiding. I’ll go back tomorrow. It’s Paul I’m avoiding. He’s getting all up in my business. I know he’s my mate and all but he told me that Kenya had called and he knew what I was up to. He made me feel like a criminal.’ He clicked his tongue.’ He doesn’t know a thing about my relationship.’ He shook his head angrily.
They headed to the living room. The maroon settee in the centre looked as though it had been taken off a skip. The huge boxed television blurred the one o’clock news and the tatty carpet reeked of dog piss.
‘I needed to see Izzy today and explain to her what is going on. For that I feel guilty. She’s my girl and that isn’t ever going to change.’
She rubbed his shoulder, ‘You are a good Father but I’m sure that Kenya won’t give her up without a fight. Today I mean.’
‘That’s why I’m going to the school. It’s neutral ground. You see, even though she’s a strong woman she’ll never display bad behaviour in public. I’m safe in that sense.’
Halina glanced at the man she’d fallen head over hills for and wondered if this was the right thing. Had she torn a family apart by her selfishness or was the marriage already broken. Either way she couldn’t help but have deep feelings for him.
‘Don’t blame yourself,’ he said as if reading her mind. ‘This was a long time coming. I just got the courage when I met you.’
‘Would you like me to come with you?’ she asked as she bit into her toast.
‘No but thanks. I don’t think it would be fair on Izzy.’
‘Of course, you’re right.’
Chapter Three
Kenya showered and changed, threw away the bottles that had caused her to abandon Isabella and a whole weekend, then tried Dominique’s number for the sixth time. It still went into voice mail. She hesitated whether or not she should call Martin and Louise to let them know what was happening. She thought about the last time she’d shared a crises with Louise and how it ended up that all their friends knew about her secret crush on her boss Terry. She shuddered at the thought, the embarrassment she’d felt when they had all ganged up on her about infidelity. She couldn’t tell Louise. She thought about ringing her mother in South Africa and telling her how her beloved son in-law had abandoned her and her granddaughter. But then she knew what her Mother would say, she could almost hear her loud voice say ‘What did you do to him?’ it was always her fault. Like the time she’d held off having Isabella he had sneakily reported it to her Mother who put an end to her so called selfishness.
Kenya felt alone in a world full of people and she had no idea what to do about it. She looked at the time on her mobile, it was three thirty. Dominique would be at the school or on his way to the house after he realised Isabella wasn’t at school Kenya made her way down to the living room and joined Isabella on the couch. Her heart drummed against her chest and her stomach was in the tightest knot, she felt anger, sadness all in one and each time a minute passed the knot grew tighter. The shrill of her mobile made her jump.
’Mummy?’
‘Sorry honey.’ She gazed at the number, it was Dominique. She switched it off and a slight smug appeared on her face.
Ten minutes later a there was a loud knock on the door that sounded like a police raid. Kenya knew Dominique had arrived. She rose from the couch, straightened up her trousers and slowly headed for the door.
‘Who is that Mummy?’ Isabella followed behind as Kenya opened the door.
‘Daddy!’ Isabella sprung for her Father before Kenya could put a word in.
Dominique made no eye contact with Kenya.
‘My little spider! I missed you.’ He kissed her on the check and she giggled.
‘Where have you been Daddy?’ She clung to his neck like a little monkey.
‘I will tell you that as soon as we get to McDonalds,’ he said.
‘McDonalds, yippee!’ She jumped down and he sent her to fetch her coat. He stood outside the door as if afraid to go in.
‘Why wasn’t she at school?’ he asked.
‘Are you at least going to explain this to me?’ Kenya asked her arms folded. She could feel her heart beating rapidly.
‘You know our marriage was in trouble. Please don’t pretend as if this has come as a surprise to you,’ he said under his breath.
‘How dare you Dominique! How dare you pretend that what you’ve done is excusable? You weren’t even man enough to tell me you coward!’
‘That is exactly why I …oh look at you my angel.’ He looked up at Isabella who looked frightened. ‘Are you ready?’ he asked and she nodded.
‘This isn’t over Dominique!’ she said but he chose to ignore her and walked away to his car.
****
The following morning Kenya dragged herself out of bed. She struggled as she combed her woolly hair to keep herself together. She didn’t recognise the woman who gazed back at her with the vacant look. Her caramel skin looked yellow and her cheek bones protruded out as if she hadn’t eaten for months. Kenya looked up one more time at the mirror then burst into tears. She looked like a panda as the mascara trailed down her eyes.
‘Am I that ugly?’ she asked her image in the mirror. ‘So ugly you couldn’t even tell me that you didn’t love me anymore?’ A new set of tears surfaced and she washed her face again for the third time.
‘Mummy?’ Isabella startled her. ‘Are we going yet?’
‘Yes, yes in a minute. Mummy’s just going to do her makeup and then we’ll be off. Pumpkin.’ She dabbed her face and attempted to reapply her makeup but this time without the mascara just in case she watered up again.
‘You’ll have to go to aftercare today, okay?’
‘Isn’t Daddy picking me up?’
‘No honey not today. He did explain that to you. Things are going to be a little different now.’ Her eyes glazed over again and she fanned herself. ‘No more tears, you.’ She whispered to herself in the mirror.
‘Well I don’t like different! I want Daddy to come back home!’
‘I do too darling.’ She bent down and took Isabella in her arms. ‘But at the moment he has to take a break, we have to work some things out.’
‘But why?’ Kenya sighed. She’d explained this to her the night before. ‘Honey because sometimes adults do some strange things. Like I said it has nothing to do with you so don’t ever think that.’
‘I hate adults!’ she said then stormed out the bathroom.
‘Me too,’ said Kenya and starred back into the mirror to apply her lipstick.
****
Kenya was half an hour late thanks to the traffic on the M62; another lorry had done something and had slowed down the entire workforce. She could hear keyboards tapping fiercely at the door and she knew Christina was in. Her heart sunk, her life was in turmoil and the last person she wanted to see was nosey Christina. Christiana had been away on holiday and Kenya thought it was another week yet before she was back. Christiana lifted her head from the keyboard to face Kenya. Her glasses half way down her nose like they always were when she gazed at other people.
She was nearing retirement, loved her Velcro shoes, knitted cardigans and dull grey trousers and tops. Her hair was in a short bob, partly grey and partly black but always neatly trimmed. Kenya forced a smile and headed straight for her desk.
‘Look at you! Late night?’ Christina asked as she swirled her chair right around.
Kenya felt the bile rising to her throat. She clenched and unclenched her hands as she sat down. Her world felt empty and unkind. Christina had no idea what she was talking about nor did she have the right to say anything. Kenya wanted to pounce on her or wrap her hands around her turkey neck but instead she took a few deep breaths and opened her Outlook.
‘No, not a late night.’ She browsed through her emails with a rapid heart beat. She needed to get out of the office, to talk to someone before she exploded.
‘Well it sure looks like it! You youngins’ she chuckled under her breath. Kenya felt every nerve in her body pulsate.
‘I’m thirty six not sixteen.’ She spoke at her screen.
‘Never know when to keep off the bottle, eh.’ She laughed and swirled back round, pushed back her glasses and began typing again.
‘I’ll be upstairs if anyone needs me.’ Kenya rose from her desk and rushed upstairs for Terry’s office. The office opposite his was empty; Lucas their ecologist was out on a site visit.
She knocked lightly on the door; she could hear his voice in the background. He’s probably on the phone, she thought. She pushed open the door slightly and poked her head round, he waved her in. She stood in the middle of the room as if she’d never seen it before. The memory of her interview in that very room flooded back. Kenya remembered how nervous she’d felt, not about the job but because the golden blonde, blue eyed man with a body that obviously spent a good time at the gym had made her body feel like jelly. Had that been it? Had her marriage already been in trouble then? Even though she’d not acted on her feelings she couldn’t help but feel like putty each time she was in his presence.
He ran his fingers through his hair; Kenya felt the sensation tingle through her body. He smiled slightly at and she couldn’t help but notice that a part of the suede on her shoes had been scrapped off. She kicked about then looked up again, his gaze still on her. This time her heart felt a lot more excited. He laughed into the phone then said, ‘Yep, that’s great Mike. Let’s make that the Friday then. Bye.’
‘Kenya, good to see you’re back. You look – ‘
‘I know.’ The emptiness returned; the reality of her world flooded back. ‘I just – ‘
‘Is everything alright?’ His voice was calm and mellow it made her feel safe. All she wanted was to be in those arms.
‘Yes, everything’s… oh god no!’ She burst into tears.
‘Kenya?’ He rushed from his desk and took her in his arms, she collapsed grateful that it was warm and safe.
‘He left me! He left me!’ She jittered as if she where having a convulsion. ‘The bastard left me!’
‘Who left – ‘He pulled away and searched her eyes.
‘We were going away and he just up and left. No warning, no note he just left. And…’ She sniffed into his shirt and took in the musk scent of his cologne. ‘He took her with him instead!’
‘Who?’ he asked
‘I dunno, I just know he left me for someone else. I know it’s a she! This is a mess.’ She wailed even harder. This time he tightened his grip around her and she couldn’t help but put her arms around him. They remained silent and only spits of tears broke the silence.
‘Do you need time off to work to sort this out?’
‘No, no. I need to work as a distraction.’ She tore herself from him when she realised what was going on in her head. ‘I better get back down and do some work.’ She wiped her eyes and wondered how she looked. Terry smiled tenderly.
‘I’m here if you need me’’ he said softly then reached out his hand and stroked her check lightly. He moved forward towards her and she found herself moving in towards him.
‘Is everything alright in here?’ Christina pushed opened the door and Terry stepped back panicked like a little boy who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
‘Is there something you needed Christina?’ he asked as he went back to his chair.
‘Yes, your ten o’clock appointment is here. I’ve shown him to the meeting room.’ She piped very satisfactorily.
‘Right, thanks let him know I’ll be with him in a second.’
Chapter four
Three weeks later
From: fancyterry@hotmail.com
Subject: What now?
Hey Kenya,
I know what happened between us must have come as a shock, more so to me than you. I think we always knew there was an undercurrent between us but I never acted on it because Dominique was in the picture. It was so hard to resist you, I guess it isn’t the best time but I can’t get you out of my mind. You looked so beautiful in your gown I just had to have you. I hope that you can forgive me for coming onto you this strong but if you ask me if I have any regrets my answer would be no. No regrets. I hope you feel the same way too.
Terry x
Kenya took a deep breath and ran her eyes over the email several times, each time she felt his hands caress her body. It had happened so quickly, so sudden, so unexpected. Why had she opened the door to him in her dressing gown? She remembered the way he’d looked at her, how he advanced towards her like a lion to its prey, hungry, breathless. How she’d stopped him and breathed, ‘You’re married.’ How he’d ignored it and pressed her hard up against the wall, locking her in like a prisoner. How his hands explored the bare parts of her legs and crawled up into the forbidden part of her flesh. She’d weakened, willing to be taken. The sudden thickness of his member it’s wetness, the panting, a ringing phone in the background, the sound of tyres over gravel outside only heightens their pleasure. Footsteps? A child’s laughter? Then the knock on the door had brought her to her senses and to a sudden halt. Dominique had brought Isabella home! How could she have been so stupid?
She loved Dominique and wanted her family back this was not the way to behave. But Dominique had been so distant and his refusal to talk had made it impossible for her to cope. Kenya had called Terry the evening before because she needed someone to talk to, someone other than a gossipy friend to let it loose all the demons that seemed to torture her very being. Instead she’d let other things loose, she’d let herself be swayed from reason and into the arms of another man. She took one last look at the email and then decided to reply.
From: snikylips@hotmail.com
Re: What now.
Now we do nothing. You’re my manager. How awkward is it going to make me feel now? I can’t bear to walk into the office and be in the same room with you. I love Dominique and I don’t want to jeopardise any chance I many have with him for a foolish fling. I know we can work it out. I spoke to him today. He’s coming for Izzy and said he wants to talk. I’m hopeful and know that what I did with you was a big mistake.
Please understand that this is a very hard time for me right now and would really appreciate it if we didn’t discuss this again.
Kenya
She pressed the send button and logged off. She had to get ready she didn’t want to see Dominique in her night dress. Even though he’d seen her like that for seven years she had to make the effort. She rushed upstairs to take a shower. Isabella whispered quietly in her room to her dolls.
‘Now you sit there young lady!’ she ordered. Kenya laughed as she watched from the door way. Isabella stood before a row of dolls and teddy bears and pretended to be their teacher.
‘Now, we’ll do wake up shake up!’ she said and began to sing and dance. Kenya smiled then left her to it.
She decided to go with the pair of jeans and her blue polo neck. She combed down her long bushy hair and managed to get into a tight bun. She chose her silver stud earrings and put on mascara and a dash of light brown lipstick. Kenya smiled at herself in the mirror and thought that she looked good and that Dominique would remember why he’d married her.
After Isabella was ready and packed and waiting for her Fathers arrival, Kenya put the kettle on. Dominique loved his tea and he was due any minute. She kept glancing at her watch. It was twelve twenty five and he had said he’d be there at about half past. At twenty five to one Kenya re-boiled the kettle and at twenty to she decided to make herself a tea. At quarter to one the bell rang.
‘It’s Daddy!’ Isabella rushed toward the door. Kenya smoothed down her jeans took a deep breath and opened the door.
‘Hey!’ She smiled nervously and he came in and she closed the door behind him. Kenya could feel the tears prickle behind her eyelids. He looked handsome in his blue jeans and white shirt. His six foot frame looked muscular as usual and she felt a slight pang as her eyes did a quick glance over. Her throat tightened.
‘Daddy, Daddy!’
Dominique gathered her up into his arms and planted a wet kiss on her cheek.
‘Yuk!’ she wiped it off.
‘How is my spider doing?’ he asked.
‘I’m not a spider.’
‘Oh yes you are, look at those long spindly legs.’ He tickled her and she squiggled in his arms. Kenya watched uneasy, her heart beating at double speed made her fell light headed. Dominique glanced over at her and noticed that she looked troubled.
‘Why don’t you go upstairs and get your bag. Then we can be off sweetie?’ He put her down and she ran up the stairs.
Kenya ushered him into the living room as if he were a stranger. He sat at the edge of the couch as if ready to run away. He gazed over at the television like he’d never seen it before and then around the room. Kenya wished he would focus on her and look her in the eyes and tell what was going on.
‘Dominique, what’s going on?’ she asked as she sniffed.
‘Kenya.’ He huffed. ‘I’m not sure how to say this.’ He entwined his hands together.
‘Just say it!’ She felt the anger rise suddenly. ‘Just say it!’
‘I want a divorce.’ He looked away as he said this then looked back at her. ‘I’m not happy in this relationship and I can’t go on like this. You’re not the woman for me and I pray that one day you’ll find a man that will – ‘
‘Look at me! Look what I did for you! Do you think I got dressed up like this for nothing? Don’t do this!’ The tears streamed down her face. ‘Fuck you Dominique! Who the fuck do you think you are!’ Tears increased. ‘How dare you!’ she flung her hand at his shoulder. ‘Why, why are you doing this to me? Don’t you love me? How can you do this to me?’ She burst into fits with tears. ‘You said you loved me, we were going away on a weekend and then you disappear and now this. Please don’t do this?’ She looked up into his eyes and saw a hint of a tear in his eyes.
‘I’m sorry this is hard for – ‘
‘It’s not fucking hard for you! How is this hard!’ This time she rose from the settee, ‘After all I’ve done for you and this marriage! All I’ve given up!’ Isabella walked into the room looking terrified.
‘Why is Mummy crying?’ she asked.
‘Mummy’s not crying, Angel. You go with Daddy now and I’ll see you on Sunday.’ She smiled bravely at her daughter who wasn’t sure whether or not to believe her.
‘Let’s go.’ Dominique took her hand. ‘I’ll talk to you on Sunday.’
Kenya walked them to the door, he paused for a second and opened his mouth to say something but she turned away and shut the door in his face. She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear his poor excuse for leaving her the way he had.
She returned to the living room and begun to pace, pace as if she were about to go mad. Every cell in her body burned within her. She couldn’t tell whether she was coming or going. She pulled at her hair, chewed on her finger nails as she walked up and down the living room floor. She knelt, she stood, she paced again. The walls around felt as if they were physically caving in on her. Her mobile lay on the floor she took it and rang Terry’s number. It went straight into voice mail.
‘Hi it’s me. I got your email, ignore it. Call me. I need you I really need you.’ She hung up and burst into tears.
****
Kenya raised her head from her pillow, it felt heavy and all she could see was darkness. She fiddled for the night lamp that sat besides the bed and switched it on. Half an empty bottle of JD lay at the edge of the bed and a glass was carelessly lying on the bed. She patted around the bed for her phone and brought it to her eyes. It was eight- thirty and there were no missed calls. Her heart sunk, she thought Terry would have at least called by now. Or had he read her email and decided she was a waste of time. She quickly reached for her laptop and logged on. An email envelope sat in her hotmail box.
From: snikylips@hotmail.com
Subject : Sorry I missed your call
Hi Kenya
I understand how you feel about us and it’s totally understandable and I’m sorry I missed your call. I just thought I’d write you to let you know I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready to have me. Perhaps we can go out for a drink sometime. It would be less intimate. Please don’t stress too much about Dominique. I know it’s hard but it will come to an end. I’ll see you on Monday then.
Take care
Terry.
She cried again for the millionth time that day. Why couldn’t he have just rung her and told her this instead.
Chapter Five
February 2011
Kenya sat nervously outside the doctor’s office. It had been a nerve wrecking few days. How could this be happening to her? She hoped in her heart of hearts that it wasn’t what she thought it was. She hoped that the doctor had good news to tell her. It had been Terry that had urged her to go to the Doctor. She hadn’t seen the need herself at first. It had been something she’d always seen as normal. Dominique hadn’t called in a few days either and she was worried that the news she might receive would get Dominique involved unless of course Terry offered to be of help. He had been a really good support the past month. She smiled at the thought of him but always felt guilty for somehow being disloyal to Dominique. Kenya hoped and prayed that Dominique would come to his senses and return home but he had shown no signs of changing.
The hands on the clock rotated slowly but it felt as though she’d been there a lifetime even though only ten minutes had passed. After another slow five minutes and uncomfortably sitting next to a woman who made weird clicking sounds with her false teeth Kenya heard her name. Her heart pounding between her ears as she slowly headed to the door and placed her hand on the handle. In slow motion she twisted the handle and opened the door to Dr Saunders seated in front a computer screen with a folder in his hand. He smiled and gestured her to sit down. Kenya took a seat and clutched onto her bag as if from a mugger.