CheapLit: Free ebook sample of "Waiting" by Wendy Coleman

I find myself waiting for you; waiting to see the man that you'll grow up to be one day. They say you're blessed and I believe it, but blessed by whom? You’re so smart, so handsome and perfect, but it's your very perfection that frightens me. The unusual flawlessness with which you perform all things is perhaps your only blemish because it singles you out and pushes you far away from the very definition of human. Despite your youth, you radiate a unique calmness that can turn any room silent and your indestructible fortitude has allowed you to walk this world completely unshaken, free of any fear or uncertainty about your future. Even as a young child, you act as if your destiny has already been prepared and you carry with you the confidence that only ancient wisdom could provide.

Every mother before me has hoped their children would grow up right, with a moral purity that would bring about goodness. I am no different. I once prayed for this benevolence as well but I often found myself pondering, what if you’re not? What then? Would God then demand my bond with you to be broken, my love for you to be extinguished? To me, committing oneself to love only a moral child would show a devotion with limits and mine has none, not for you.

I had a dream last night. It was of you. You were all grown up; so smart, strong and handsome, just like I had imagined, but you weren’t what I thought you’d be. I saw your perfection manifest into a phenomenal power, an incredible force that exploded into something that couldn't be controlled. I watched your strength become a virus that plagued the weak and struck fear in all that was good in this world. I saw you use your intelligence to destroy human morality and I watched you re- invent it to your liking.

I hear your voice; it's as dark as sin and as masculine as armies. It speaks destruction but when it sounds, millions listen. You're up on a pedestal. The skies around you are stormy and in creepy chaos and with the clouds gathering, the wind whirling and the lighting crashing, it's as if the very sound of your voice shakes the heavens and makes the angels cringe. The people are afraid of these black skies as they represent an inevitable doom so they flock to you in herds like frightened cattle looking for an escape, for a salvation; yet they don’t see it, they don’t know that it is you who has blackened the very skies they fear.

I see you up there, declaring war on your enemies and I see your adversaries crumbling with just a point of your finger and you celebrate with screams of victory, your sinister smile void of any pity. And the hellish blaze of war and suffering, that which seems to follow you everywhere is not a fearful glimpse of your eternal doom, but rather the very color you were destined to wear. Only the frightful, grayish shades of charred earth, wreaking with the stench of cooked misery and death are the only things that seem to occasionally free people from their trance allowing them a brief glimpse into a soul so sinister, that they can only wish you were completely void of one, but you’re not; your darkness worse than the void that would have been. Like a monster that you were told didn’t exist but who’s eyes would glow in the closet at night, your evil is pure and it is real, uncontaminated by second guesses and without a trace of self doubt or personal torment; for the horror that you have brought upon humanity has made the very mention of your name a sound of terror. You had long since crossed that invisible line and walked so many miles past it, the very demons who came before you, who had dropped mankind to it’s knee’s, would now tremble in your presence, for their darkness looks as bright as the sun next to you.

And in the midst of all this mayhem, I see myself beside you and I’m not unhappy; I’m not ashamed of you and I haven't abandoned you, but instead I am proud. For my immense love for you has long since poisoned and killed any values or beliefs that would have ever opposed you. However, I know in my heart that your only true weakness is me. I know that I am the only one, who could ever put a halt to this wicked reign that has become your legacy, but I don’t and instead, I sinfully embrace the very unique destiny that I have brought into this world. Every innocent life you take and every drop of pain you administer is easily justified in my mind without a second thought, because you are my son, you are everything to me. I see myself riding alongside this deranged soul of yours through this life and the next, no matter where it went, for Heaven without you would be my Hell, and Hell with you would be an everlasting cool breeze.

Whether this was just a nightmare or a premonition of things to come, I want you to know, son, my morality is a blank canvas, a fresh piece of clay that I put in your hands. My very soul’s destiny and the side that I choose . . .waits for you.

The End