The Rapture Comes Early
By Sandra Johnston
A battle raged around him, but the man in the luxury suite had no idea. While he flipped through the channels, the air vibrated with a fight that he could neither hear nor see.
Uriel’s wings flapped. He hovered and looked from the man to the TV to Commander Alvah. "Sir, I don't quite know how to--"
"You guard the little one there. I'll look for the enemy."
"Yes, Commander." Uriel flew behind the sofa. The man sat there.
"And Uriel, find him something to watch."
"Sir?"
"The remote control. If he finds something that's godly, just suggest to him that he listen."
"Oh, yes."
The man swore.
Uriel cringed. “Why do they always use the Lord’s name?”
“They use the Lord’s name, Lieutenant, because they do not fear him.”
When the man stopped on channel 2, Uriel whispered. "Good. Stop right there." A choir sang to a preacher’s altar call.
“Oh, no, not another phony preacher." The man followed his objection with a string of profanity.
“Listen for once, can’t you?” Uriel hit the man with his wing. He didn’t move.
“Sorry, sir.” Uriel gave his glowering commander a wan smile. “Cries go up to Heaven daily for this man’s soul.” Uriel hovered behind the sofa. His wings flapped.
“Oh, no you don't!" Uriel vaulted over the sofa as the man's finger pressed on the channel up button. The man's finger jerked off the channel up button, to land on the volume up button. He pressed that instead. "What the--? That's the volume button, not the channel--What's going on?” The choir sang louder.
"Woopsie," Uriel said.
"Lieutenant, are you playing at poltergeist again?"
"Sir, He intended to change the channel, but turned up the volume instead."
"With your aid?"
Uriel’s wings quivered but didn’t flap. "Um, well, yes, sir--with my aid. What's that?" There's something behind the sofa. There, sir, wedged in--"
"It's moving," the Commander said. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT it IS!" he roared.
Uriel jumped back, hovered, and flapped his wings.
“Pay dirt, lieutenant.”
Uriel floated to his commander.
A feminine voice squealed and yelled "Ow!" The commander pulled her out of her hidey-hole.
"ON YOUR FEET, WICKED ONE!"Since she wouldn't comply, Commander Alvah held her up so that her feet didn't touch the floor."Oh wow." She giggled and gazed glassy-eyed at her captor."Like, wow, man, I'm his girlfriend.” She pointed a glossy red-nailed hand at the man on the sofa. Let me go. I'll prove it. He knows me well."
"I don’t doubt it. Do not lie to me. You are no more human than I am," said the commander.
The preacher went on wooing, the choir went on singing, and the man went on cursing. He reached for the remote.
As he grabbed it, it flew out of his hand. He looked around, saw nothing, and shook his head. "What the--"
"Uriel, one more display like that, and I'll recommend disciplinary action. We are NOT poltergeists!"
"I'm sorry, sir. I just reacted. He was about to change the channel again. It’s not over yet. He needs to hear this.”
“I understand, Lieutenant, but you must understand that some people’s hearts are so hardened it doesn’t matter if they hear or not.”
“Commander …”
Alvah shook his massive head. “I like it no better than you, Lieutenant.”
Unguarded, the demoness stretched, and walked around to sit beside the man on the sofa. She stroked his cheek with a glossy-nailed hand. Her glazed stare mirrored the man's own drugged condition. "Coke," she whispered, "I really need some coke."
The man got up. "Hey, I could use some blow. Priorities, man. First the snort, then the TV." He walked unsteadily across the room, accompanied by the demoness.
"Where's that demon?"
"Perhaps you scared her off, Commander Alvah."
"No, don't think so." The angel's chest rumbled.
"Sir! He's going to snort cocaine!"
"Leave him alone for now."
"WHAT!"
"Uriel, we're not poltergeists. We may not interfere with this man’s free will.. We're here to secure the area. No less, no more.”
"There she is sir! With the man!" Uriel charged, but the demoness retreated to her hiding place before he could catch her. Smirking and giggling, she crawled back in between the sofa and the wall.
"Something is not right. She's too cocky." The huge commanding officer peered behind the sofa. He pulled the glassy-eyed demoness out, to reveal another, clad in leather armor.
"OUT!"
They scrambled out from behind the sofa. The drugged-looking demon wiggled her behind. "Ooh, I just adore it when you play rough." Then she tore off through the suite, laughing.
"Where's that little--"
"Uriel ..."
"Sorry. There she is. Under the wet bar."
"Who are you hiding under there?" Commander Alvah grabbed her and pulled her out. A lock of her serpentine hair bit him. She laughed and tried to writhe out of his grasp. Uriel's hand snaked out and pinned her to the floor.
Alvah peered under the wet bar, but saw no one there.
"Stand to attention!" Alvah commanded.
“Oh look, a couple of boy scouts hoping to join JCSF,” said the armor-clad demoness. The grinning skulls decorating her armor guffawed.
Uriel stared her down. “We are JCSF.”
“Jesus Christ must be getting desperate if you’re on his security forces, fluffy wings.”
The glassy-eyed demoness giggled. “Good one, Goth.”
“Shut up,” said the armor-clad demoness.
"What are your names, and who is your superior?". Said Commander Alvah.
"Poppy Poisondeath," said the glassy-eyed demon.
"Gothica Redblood. We report directly to Lucifer."
Gothica attempted to stare both angels down. She stood ramrod-straight, her lithe form ready to lean away from a surprise punch, while delivering a kick or two.
"Let's see," slurred Poppy Poisondeath. "Oh, hi-ya, cutes." She shot a fanged smile at Uriel. "Where ya been? Haven't seen ya since--"
"Enough, Poppy," Gothica said.
"What are you two doing here?" Uriel said.
"Kicking your behinds, for starts,” Gothica said.
Poppy raced off around the suite. "Come on, ghost busters, I'm haunting the kitchen. Wooooooo."
When Uriel cornered her in the bathroom, she was staring woozily at the rows of bottles. "Look at them pills, angel-cake. Maybe I'll get the human to take 'em all."
“Silence, you horned viper. You’re not going to do anything to the human. Not if I can help it.”
Uriel tackled her. Punch followed punch, right cross after left hook. He grabbed her hair. One of the serpents bit him. He rubbed his bitten hand, and Poppy got away. She went "wooooooing" around the suite. Uriel chased after her. As he looked around, someone strangled him from behind. "Miss me, angel?"
"Blast you!" He released himself from her grasp. "I'm sick of these games. No more games!"
"Stop writhing, Redblood," said Commander Alvah. Uriel looked at his commander in time to see Gothica pivot, and shoot the commander a well-aimed kick that would have sent lesser angels sprawling backwards. Alvah merely winced and gained a stranglehold on the demoness.
"Get off me, pig!"
"Freeze," Alvah said, "in the matchless name of Jesus."
Uriel met his commander's gaze. Gothica Redblood stood still against Alvah's restraining arm, her face a mask of hate.Uriel subdued Poppy Poisondeath.
Poppy whimpered. Gothica shot her a severe look.
"We gotta split, Goth. They just used the J word on us."
"Aaaaah, people've been yelling that name at us for a couple thousand years. Move one toe and I'll tell the master."
She produced a flaming knife out of thin air, and pointed it at Uriel. "Backs against the wall, you two, or Johnny Angel there gets it. We got business here. Changed my mind. Johnny angel gets it right now." She threw the flaming knife.
Poppy giggled.
Uriel reached out for it as it came, flaming blade first, toward him. He flicked a finger at it. The knife somersaulted. He caught it by the hilt. It disappeared. "Not likely."
Poppy's terrified gaze went from her hard-faced cohort to the two thunder-eyed angels, and back again.
“Hey there, I thought y’all could use some help”
“Captain Sauda. Sorry we can’t salute.”
“I see why. Here’s your sword, Uriel, in case you need it.”
Uriel caught the hilt of a brilliant sword. He pointed it at the two demons. “Backs against the wall. We have business here.”
“Report back to headquarters, Poisondeath. I’ll handle things here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The glassy-eyed demoness disappeared.
She glared at Uriel. “Want to get down, do you?”
She produced a flaming sword.
Uriel held his sword low. She went for his sword with a slicing motion. At the last second, he raised his sword and jabbed her arm. She lunged, trying for his chest. He thrust his sword upward and easily disarmed her.
Her blade spun away, shooting flames and smoke, before Uriel flicked a thumb at it. It disappeared. Uriel’s sword hand relaxed. A slow smile stretched across his face.
“I think this has gone far enough,” said Commander Alvah. “Lord, would you care to …”
The demon departed before he'd finished speaking.
Uriel’s sword disappeared. “Thank you, Captain Sauda.”
The mahogany-skinned angel nodded. “My pleasure. Look what I brought for y’all to see. I’m guessing you’re ready for all this to end. Now, I don’t know the day or the hour any more than you do.” She held up a thin notebook. “Captain Sauda’s calendar. Things are going on above. Haven’t you felt the excitement?”
Uriel and Alvah shook their heads. “Well, when you get back home, try sniffing the air. You can just about smell the excitement. I tell you, something’s coming down. That’s why Captain Sauda’s calendar’s so thin. See you there.” She disappeared.
Uriel beamed. “Something’s coming down. I wonder.”
"Perhaps, Lieutenant. In the meantime, we have work to do. And, Uriel, if you encounter any more enemy soldiers, Be ready for them, but focus on him.” The angels peered into cupboards, under tables, and in the luxury bedroom.
“Oh dear,” Uriel said as he gazed at the magazines. “Playboy, Penthouse, and all these occult magazines. I’d be surprised if there weren’t more enemy soldiers about.”
“My thoughts as well,” said the commander. A thorough search revealed no more evil spirits.
They returned to the living room to find the man watching porno. Uriel gasped and covered his eyes.
"Oh, no. Those blasted demons ... While we were fighting them, this man was ..."
"Yes, it was a diversion," agreed the C.O.
Uriel’s wings drooped. “Then we’ve done nothing.”
“No,” said the C.O. “We’ve done what we were sent to do.”
“Yes, but what good did it do? He’s spewing filth, watching filth, snorting cocaine …”
Uriel’s wings began to flap. “Commander, might I have permission to do something about it?”
“As long as it doesn’t resemble in any way a poltergeist.”
Uriel laughed. His wings stopped flapping. “I promise. I have in mind a little malfunction. Thus.”
The filth was replaced by a snowy screen and white noise.
The man cursed and threw the remote at the TV. It hit the floor, scattering batteries everywhere.
An invisible thread tugged at Uriel’s mouth. It tugged harder. Uriel smiled.
“Nicely done, Lieutenant.”
“Commander, do you feel God’s presence here?”
“Yes.”
The angels turned to see a dove circling the man. “Holy Spirit, sir.” They worshipped.
“Evening, boys. Well done. You may return to heaven now. Uriel, Jesus wishes to see you.”
“Oh oh.”
“Why ‘oh oh’?” cooed the dove. “Congratulations. You’ve made it.”
Commander Alvah bear-hugged his subordinate. “I knew it! It was a privilege serving with you. I know you’ll be more suited to your new endeavor.”
“You mean I can let my heart lead the way, without getting into trouble.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” said the commander.
The angels shared a smile and disappeared.
When they'd gone, the Spirit looked at the man on the couch. He brooded over him. The unaware man walked outside for a breath of fresh air. He stood on his balcony and looked up at the stars.
"You have sinned very badly," the Holy Spirit whispered to his conscience, "but all is not lost." He replayed the preacher’s words and the choir’s singing in the man's mind. The man slammed his fist on the balcony and swore.
"Look up there," the Holy Spirit whispered. "Think there's anything more up there besides stars? ... Empty ... So empty. Could the preacher be right about Jesus?"
"Yeah, that'll be the day," the man answered the inexplicable thoughts in his head. "One minute with black Billy Graham, and I'm gonna get religion? No way. Not in this life."
"What about the next?" asked the Holy Spirit. "Suppose ... just suppose ... that this is ... your last night ... on Earth."
The man looked at the stars, and trembled.
Chapter One
Timeless Instant
Heather looked out the window. “Look at those clouds, Pat. I wish they’d make up their minds. Looks like a storm, only it can’t make up its mind.”
Pat massaged her shoulders. “Same thing I just heard on the news. Global warming keeps getting worse. The Muslim world wants to wipe out Israel, and Israel’s gearing up to respond.” He looked out the window. “And here in beautiful Maui, the clouds can’t make up their minds. They look mighty thick, though, and I don’t envy hikers.”
He continued to massage his wife’s shoulders. “How’s that?”
She flexed her neck. “Better. Thanks.” She sighed. “Well, we’re not hikers and we don’t live in the Middle East. I guess we’re lucky.”
“I’d say, more like blessed.”
“You would.”
“Hey, parents.”
“Hey, kiddo,” said her father.
“Good afternoon, Nattie.”
“That’s funny, Mom. Anyway, it’s Saturday.” They laughed.
"Hey, Dad," she said, as she poured milk on her cereal. "Can I get Emcee Jeff Hunt's new CD?"
Dad looked up from his paper. "I don't know, honey. I'm not sure he's good for you."
"Aren't you a Christian, like your father?" Mom asked.
"Sure, Mom. Wish you were."
"What, with your fine example?"
"Heather ..."
"Well, c'mon, even an unsaved SINNER like me knows you shouldn't listen to rappers. They swear, they sing about casual sex, drugs, and gangs and all that."
"Okay, Mom, Emcee Jeff uses a lot of bad words, but I don’t use them. Besides, he doesn't sing about casual sex or drugs or crime. Well, there was this one song where he sang about … well, he was really mad at some guy for treating his girl wrong. If I’d been that girl, I’d know for sure he had my back."
“What about that Cross Movement group? You like them, don’t you?” Dad said.
"Sure, but a girl can't do praise and worship all day and nothing else."
"What do you think we'll be doing in Heaven?"
"Dad ..."
"Well?"
Natalie grinned. "Worshipping God. And playing Monopoly, I hope. In my glorified body, I'm gonna get Park Place and Boardwalk--and all the moola you got off me the last time we played. Plus, Jesus'll be standing there watching you so you can't cheat."
Thunder rumbled.
“See what I mean? He’s on my side.”
Dad assumed a hurt look. "Cheat? Honey, I never cheated. I've
simply lived longer, and know how to haggle."
"You call
that haggling? C'mon, Mom, help me out here."
"Oh no," Mom shook her head. "I'm staying well out of this.”
“I.e., you don’t have my back.”
“No, but I could use your hands. Help me with the dishes." she said when Natalie had finished eating.
"Okay, Mom."
The clouds lowered. A slow drizzle started.
After she wiped her hands, Natalie went to her room. Emcee Jeff's toothy grin reflected from every surface. She put on his first CD, since the really bad swear words were beeped out, and logged on to his fan site. Shoot. The same old message from him, with his usual tag: "And stay off drugs, off the streets, and in school, yo." A flush of pleasure surged through her.
"Do you, Jefferson Hunt, take this woman Natalie Myers to be your lawful wedded wife?"
"I do."