Lin’s Story
By: Lena Murrell
Published by WSIC EBooks Ltd.
Copyright October 3, 2011 by WSIC Ebooks Ltd.
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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The Beginning…
The term best friend between a male and a female has recently taken on a new connotation as it is used as a pre-boy/girlfriend term. I however disagree but at the same time agree. I disagree because not every male and female who are the best friends will get together and sometimes it can ruin the relationship if they do; but I also agree because the person you eventually marry should be like your best friend or else the marriage will encounter communication problems, amongst others and add to the already ridiculously high divorce rate.
Foreword
Also have you ever had a dream that seemed unattainable because of a mistake you had made? Ever had to put your dreams on hold to face up to responsibility? Ever caused your parents and loved ones extreme pain because you did not think or was under the influence so you couldn’t?
If you have answered yes to any of these you can understand the following, if you have not experienced any, then I hope you learn from me so that you never do.
I speak so boldly on this topic because me life story is a product of such….
My best friend from the time I was born was Ramano Lankly; He was a year and a few months older than me, so in a sense he knew me first. As best friends and neighbours from a small neighbourhood whose parents were close friends, we did almost everything together. We had play-dates, went on vacations to the same place and attended the same school where they thought at first that we were siblings. I was as a result a major tomboy and knew more about cars, marbles and sports than Barbie and make-up. However as I got older and puberty hit this all slowly changed, as I stopped playing as much as I did before with Ramano since I was trying to find out who I was and what was going on with my body. The same thing happened to Ramano when his voice cracked but we still managed to stay best friends; only less physical since we could no longer roll around on the grass together without it being misinterpreted. We talked about how we were feeling and that was the best thing about our relationship we talked about anything, personal or not.
We attended the same secondary school and approached this big step together, literally hand in hand; which got us into the principal’s office on the first day for “public display of affection”. However as we got higher in forms our subject choices differed so we rarely saw each other, except to get a drop home since we carpooled. As we got older our relationship took on another form but so subtle that we did not recognize it. I noticed it when we hit fifteen and mentioned it as a joke during one of our conversations and as it was brought up it ended, as a mere joke and was ignored. Ramano showed no intentions of making a move so I started dating other guys. Only then did he start to show disapproval by finding fault in all of them and yes they were a few. I found myself comparing all of them to him and although they were all great guys it never lasted long. Ramano dated a little also but not as much as I did and I was extremely jealous and secretly glad whenever they broke up.
Ramano’s dad, who was an architect, got an offer from his father, who was retiring and was turning over his architectural firm to his son. Although this was a great thing for the family, the company was in Florida and so midway in our fourth form year his family had to move to Florida. I was heartbroken because we’d always been a duo and one of the best parts of my life, was knowing he was there. However it was nothing we had control over and so he was soon gone. I cried until I stopped but due to technology - personal laptops, webcam, wireless internet, cellphones and text messaging - it was not as big a problem in terms of communication. I had to enter my fifth and final year of school alone with no one’s hand to hold and it was hard because all our lives we had planned for this year in particular but it wasn’t to be. A couple of weeks into the term I met a really great guy who reminded me a lot of Ramano who also told me of a girl he’d met and although I had someone I was extremely jealous.
One night during a telephone conversation, Ramano told me that in his Biology class they had a project where they had to look after battery operated dolls and he said that when he got older he wanted to have a child with me, and since it was late and he babbled like a drunk when he was sleepy, without sincerity I told him it’d be an honour. I reminded him of the time in second form when we had a project to do on a family and as partners we did a thorough project in which we detailed being married to each other, with three children and lived in a beautiful house, this we now laughed at as we remembered the good times.
Fifth year flew by and I was sad to be leaving school because of the many friends I’d made but at the same time glad to be free of the catholic teaching. The main topic all year was graduation since we wanted ours to be the biggest and best one in the school’s history; this was amidst preparation for CXC exams. The girls talked about their dresses, make-up and which guy they wanted to get asked by for an escort, while the guys talked about which girl they’d ask and who’d get to her first. I however had very little to worry about since my dress was already bought and ordered by Ramano’s mum who was sending it down. Also my boyfriend for the entire fifth year, my longest relationship yet, was my escort although I was not as ecstatic about it as the other girls who kept telling me, “ Lindsey you are so lucky”, because Jaedan was considered the most handsome guy at the school. The reason for my lack of enthusiasm was simple, it was supposed to be Ramano as my escort the way we had decided in Form one, and damn his dad’s job I thought. Exams finished as quickly as they had started, most of the dresses and suits were bought, the venue finalized, practices in session and Graduation was soon here!
Chapter 1
Graduation
Jaedan's grandmother who was sick for a few months, unfortunately died two days before graduation and her funeral was in Trinidad where she resided. As a result, he and his parents had fly down there and the funeral happened to be on the same day as graduation; so I showed up alone but silently happy at how things had turned out. The boys received their certificates first, since as our escorts their role was to as the name suggests, escort us to our seats. A friend volunteered to replace Jaedan and I turned him down but being the determined fellow he was I had to give in. Having received my certificate, I turned and was making my way towards the stairs to meet my replacement escort, when my heart stopped. I thought for sure my eyes were failing me but when he ascended the stairs, in his suit that matched my dress and our hands touched, then I believed he was really there. The rest of the ceremony was a blur but from the dazed and disinterested looks, I knew I didn't miss much. After the ceremony, while pictures were being taken, I went to find him to ensure it wasn't a dream. There in the crowd I saw him talking to my replacement escort and some old friends but I had to intrude by asking, "Ramano Lankly, what are you doing here?" With his familiar chuckled he simply replied, “You look surprised, didn't I promise to be here”? My parents left after the ceremony to take home my two seven and nine-year old neighbours who I'd invited so Ramano told them he'd bring me home. The after-party which was a dinner at a new five-star restaurant was simply magical, as Ramano and I hung out with our friends enjoying the last time we'd all be together and the first for us in almost a year. After we'd had our dinner, a local performer came and sang his most popular song, “Beautiful Surprise”; Ramano and I joined with the other graduates on the dance floor as I told him that just his being there, was a most beautiful surprise. It was then he told me that he'd arrived the day before having been in contact with my parents who'd helped plan the trip and that he was visiting for a month.
After the dinner some of our friends invited us to another party at a popular club but we hadn't had time to ourselves yet, so instead bought a six-pack of our favourite beer and drank it in his rental car as we stared at the stars and talked. When the six-pack was done, I was a little tipsy and ready to go home when Ramano reached under his seat and pulled out what he introduced as my graduation present, my favourite wine. Hesitantly I ignored my tipsiness as he popped it open and we toasted to mine having graduated, his a month earlier and us being together again. The wine was so good, that before we knew it, the bottle was empty. Senses numb and judgment tainted the dangerous combination which aided in what happened next! It began I think with someone leaning in first and this time when our lips touched, it was unlike the first time when at age seven, fueled by curiosity we tried something we'd seen on television. No, this time was much different because back then we were totally grossed out but this one felt magical as the seats reclined and safety and sensibility got discarded in the form of clothing. Stopping was a want but since emotions were high and hormones racing, they as a need took over. My recollection of that night is vague other than the fact that I know I lost my virginity to my best friend in the backseat of his car while we were both drunk. The most striking memory however is the morning after. Regret consumed me like a thick fog since I awoke first, with a hangover that made my head pound so badly that it took me a while to realize that we were in a rental car, naked, in a public park, in broad daylight. Gathering what was left of my former self, I quickly woke him up and when he caught himself we quickly drove away. The silence was so stifling that I had to roll down my window so I could finally breathe. A mixture of thoughts were racing through my mind but what stood out most was shock and fear because I did not know what I was going to tell my parents since it was 9a.m. and I already had ten missed calls from them, any longer and they'd report us missing.
I finally found my voice and asked him to stop by the nearest pharmacy so I could get something for my headache and attempt to think straight or at least be able to think. At first I just walked around the pharmacy, still in denial and hoping that it was some really messed up dream and not reality. Having stalled for as long as I could, before looking suspicious, I bought a painkiller the pharmacist suggested for hangovers and a pregnancy test. The latter got me a strange look since I was sixteen, but since Ramano had not planned to have sex until he was married, there had been no form of protection the night before. Back in the car was, again, total silence as Ramano dropped me off and proceeded back to the hotel he was staying at. Hearing the engine my parents had the door open before I even reached the steps; having checked to make sure I was unharmed and giving me a hug, their tenderness was short-lived as they began to demand in unison where I'd been given that it was now 10a.m., an exact twelve hours since I was a virgin! It was then I lost control of my emotions and quickly said that I'd made a thoughtless mistake in that Ramano and I had on our way home bought some drinks and passed out in his car until a couple of hours ago. My parents had been through too much, especially with the sudden death of my older brother, Kevin who'd been in a fatal car accident due to a drunk driver three years earlier; so I knew that hearing that I'd reached that point had really hurt them and so I could not tell them the full story. They all but hit me as they took turns venting their anger, all this while I was still in front the now shut door but I did not mind because God forbid that I came out of this pregnant, their reactions now would be trivial to then.
Thirty minutes later I was sent to my room so they could cool off and discuss what they'd do with me. . I took off my clothes and had a long warm bath as the last twenty-four hours flashed through my mind and the tears mixed with the water. Sitting on my bed in comfortable clothes and staring down at the pregnancy test in my hand, my only thought was how I wished that I could reverse the clock. A knock on my door jumped me out my sorrow as I threw it under my pillow and got up to unlock the door. My mother came in looking drained and refused to look me in the eyes as she said that as my punishment, they were taking my car and that until they were able to trust me again, I could not go anywhere without an adult they both knew and were comfortable with. It was harsh since my friends and I had a host of summer plans and it was during this time that I for the first time in 24 hours remembered Jaedan. I put him quickly to the back of my mind and asked her for my father, she said that he'd gone to take Ramano to the airport and this meant an addition to my punishment because once again he was gone and I was left alone with a terrible secret. Ramano called a week later but I avoided it as best I could without drawing suspicion from my parents, I could not talk to him after having so blatantly lied to my parents who had done so much for the two of us. If only Kevin was still alive, this would not of happened because he'd of been the driver and even if it did, he would of scolded me and then help me figure things out and tell my parents, but he wasn't! I cried myself to sleep for weeks because my dad had stopped speaking to me and when I could take it no more I went to visit the one person who I could vent all that I was feeling and tell the whole story knowing they wouldn't say a word, mostly couldn't, I went to Kevin's grave. I sat there and spilled my whole heart as the tears streamed down my face and when I was finished and was staring at the sky, someone said, “I thought I'd find you here, he's the one person you always went to,” I turned to see my mother standing there, that was the most she'd said to me since that day. She sat next to me and I could see she was still hurting and I felt terrible for having added to it by my carelessness. Thankfully I’d already told Kevin everything so we just sat there in silence before my mum said, "Don't worry Lindsey, your dad will soon come around; just give him time. Come, let’s go home,” she touched Kevin's tombstone before getting up and giving me space to say my goodbye.
Chapter 2
The Truth
Four weeks soon passed and the saying “Time heals all wounds” was partially true but for it to fully comply I would have to add, “once they are properly taken care of in the beginning” and ours started with a lie so it was far from healed although my father was beginning to treat me like his daughter but I still didn't return Ramano's calls. After a month and I missed my monthly trial, I finally took out the pregnancy test I'd bought “that day” and with trembling hands, urinated on the stick and waited for it to turn “+” or “-". It turned “+” and I nearly fainted because this confirmed all my fears and a month pregnant at that, only two months or less before I'd start to show. Now I was in panic, how could I tell my parents and Ramano, life was finally getting back to normal? Not to mention I was supposed to be going college in two months, how would I be accepted now?
The timing could not have been worse since it was the day of my father's law firm awards. With all the strength I had left, I got dressed, applied make-up (as if that'd hide my sins) and painted on a smile. That night I mingled and played my part as Mr. Anderson's perfect daughter, smiling until it hurt. To calm my nerves, I normally would have gone to the bar and had a shot of vodka, a habit I inculcated from Kevin, but I couldn't because I was pregnant I reminded myself; no alcohol for nine or more months, my punishment was now extended! I went outside to get some fresh air and my mum came to see if I was alright, I told her I had period cramps, another lie seeing as that's one thing I wouldn't have for a while.
Ramano was in Florida continuing his life while I headed to the doctor to see how mine would have to change. The doctor did the test and he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and suggested abortion since I was so young but I just glared at him and left the office. I was a month and a day pregnant, this was Ramano's and my decision, the baby should not have to suffer and I promised my child then that I would always be there and give it the best care I knew how.
Talk about bad timing! I mean I had been accepted into my dream college in Florida, where I was going to pursue an associate degree in architecture while doing Photography as a minor; was that dream now dead due to the new life I had in me? I had less than a month before I was supposed to be heading off to Florida and I had some confessing to do before then so it could all me sorted out. My appetite increased and my morning sickness began so in a house of three it was not long before my parents became suspicious. One morning at the table as I returned from chucking up all my breakfast my father put down his newspaper and demanded to know what was going on with me because they thought I was bulimic since I was eating a lot then bringing all back up. I was tempted to say yes but I had lied to them enough, I thought about sitting them down and telling them but the time for such formalities had gone, so I just said, “no dad, I'm not bulimic, I'm pregnant!” My mum who was washing dishes dropped the glass in her hand but luckily it didn't break, my dad now folded his newspaper, giving me his full attention, “what'd you just say?” he asked, obviously in shock. With tears I repeated myself remembering how I'd told myself that the previous time they had looked at me like this was now trivial because it was as if they were looking at a stranger. “You'd better explain yourself Lindsey”, I knew he was angry because he never called me by my full name, I told them the whole story starting where I had before but this time continuing right up to when I went to the doctor. My mum sat down at the table next to my dad and held his hand as if searching for strength. My dad demanded to know how I could go to the doctor without letting them know, a few other unpleasant things and then asked if I had told Ramano, I told him no and he sent me to call him while he and my mum came to terms with the reality of what I'd just told them. Ramano answered the phone on the second ring and the jovial way he said “hey”, made me want to retreat but I had to tell him now. He was shocked, was silent for a while but trying to be mature said that'd he'd be there for me and somehow he'd ensure I still went to college; before I put down the phone he said, “We're going to be ok, I promise Lin!”
His parents called as soon as he had told them and they spoke to my parents, our mothers cried, our fathers quarreled and expressed their disappointment in us but in the end it was mutually decided that I would go to Florida in September as planned. This was because as much as my parents loved me, they came from affluent associations so sending me away would buy them time to decide what they’d tell their friends and save us all scorn, mostly me because their friends could be cruel about such. My father was friends with my college principal so he would get me in college, summer of the following year when the baby was six months and we would have all adjusted by then. My mum went with me to another gynecologist who was much more professional than the first and as a Christian she did not even consider abortion but gave a me a brief idea of all the changes I’d experience and the new diet I’d have to adapt. I had an ultrasound done and it amazed me how much they could tell at just two months, frightening too because the doctor told me that there were two heartbeats. It took me a few seconds to understand what that meant but it only registered when she said I was having a twin! I knew it was going to be hard with one but two, I mean I’d be seventeen with two babies who were be due in March, close to Ramano’s birthday so I knew he would be happy about that, but seriously the next few months and year were definitely going to be hard on us all. I called Ramano when I got home and he was ecstatic that the due date was close to his birthday, worried about being a father and extremely nervous about having a twin. “Lin our project is coming true, not in the right order or right timing but we’re going to make it,” he said, referring to our form two project and the fact that I had always wanted a twin.
Chapter 3
A New Home
The day for me to leave soon came as I packed sixteen years into suitcases and boxes, said goodbye to my hometown, familiar surroundings and sense of security. We sent some ahead and I gave some away since I was going to need a new wardrobe for my twin and myself, the remainder I took with me. My parents could not get vacation therefore I traveled alone, so with tears my mum finally let me go and my dad gave me a kiss as he whispered, “Remember, you’re all we have left, please be careful”. Three hours later I awoke on the plane in my new “home country” and after collecting my luggage I finally got outside to where I met Ramano and his parents. I hugged them because I had not seen them since they’d moved and then we made our way “home”. It wasn’t as warm as previously since I knew that mine presence only brought to reality the fact we were all adjusting to but they masked their emotions well. Their new house was much larger and I had my own room which resembled my old one as Mrs. Lankly told me they had aimed at. I thanked them and soon began to unpack the remainder of my stuff so as to get accustomed to my new surroundings, it was during this time that I realized that I may never get to sleep in my bed again because the life I was about to partake of was a permanent one. Raising a child was cheaper and more options in terms of education were available so my move was not just to study and go back home but to begin a family; I really missed my parents and my childhood then. When I was finished unpacking the Lankly’s came and told me that they had a surprise for me, I closed my eyes as Ramano guided me to a room next to mine that I had not even noticed when I had come upstairs earlier. When I entered and opened my eyes, I could not believe what I saw; it was a baby’s room with wallpaper, a crib big enough for a twin and some toys.
It was decided that while I was able, I would work as an assistant to Mrs. Lankly in her floral shop so as to get money to help with the babies because our parents told us that they’d help but it was mainly our responsibility. Mrs. Lankly took me shopping and we got some maternity clothes and material so I could make some because it was hard to find my size. I had to take a lot of vitamins and make sure my health was constantly in peak condition. The four of us went to visit another gynecologist, this time a permanent one at the closest hospital who’d be in charge of the delivery. She was kind and told me that the babies and I were doing fine; she offered to tell us the sexes but Ramano and I had already decided that we wanted it to be a surprise.
Ramano soon started college and work on evenings, as I also began work with his mum from 9-3 on weekdays and thankfully not Saturdays. It was hard on us but dedication and the strength of each other helped us make it through each day. On some evenings when we both got in early, because he had Thursdays off, we’d go to the park and walk around or go shopping for baby supplies as we slowly adjusted to soon becoming parents. Mr. Lankly bought us each a book on becoming parents, it was indeed helpful and prepared me for what laid ahead in my pregnancy and afterwards. I began to get bigger and my breasts began to as I put it “swell”, and so I put my dressmaking hobby in use and made myself maternity clothes. Society was not outwardly cruel but their silent stares and whispers cut deep when I was out in public. I was walking the street one day with Mrs. Lankly and I apologized for being an embarrassment but she simply told me not to worry because she’d knew this would happen and had promised herself to protect us and not worry about what people said or thought because it was of no help to her psyche; I took this to heart and walked with my head held high. When I was eight months pregnant, I was extremely heavy and so I went on maternity leave then. During my time home, I spent it mostly ensuring that everything was ready for when the babies were born. We had a dual pram, matching white, cream and green vests since we did not know their sexes; also we had diapers, towels, bathtub, the latest baby gadgets and stuff that we’d probably never use. Time flew by and I enjoyed every moment of it. My parents had bought us a camcorder as a gift and Ramano used it to take videos of when the babies would kick and that was often as it got closer to their due date.
Three weeks before they were due I went for my final doctor visit and she said that for a teenage pregnancy we were healthy and that I was doing a great job. March finally came and my parents flew in for two months so as not to miss their first grandchildren’s birth. I kept a travel bag packed so that when my water broke we’d just grab it and run, we were all so excited that my dad invented “the baby drill” where I’d pretend my water broke and to have contractions and then we’d practice what we’d do on the actual occasion. Two days before the due date, it was a clear and slightly windy afternoon and we were all at home practicing “the baby drill”; as we were about finished and heading back inside for lunch, my water broke and by the time I got everybody to realize my contractions started as my mum grabbed the travel bag from the front door where she’d just put it. We piled into the van as my mum and Mrs. Lankly sat in the back with me trying to keep me calm and breathing properly. My dad was on the phone with Dr. McHinks the gynecologist to tell her we were headed the hospital, Mr. Lankly tried to get us there fast but without speeding and poor Ramano was silent for the whole ride not looking back once.
Chapter 4
The Second Beginning
Dr. McHinks was already at the hospital when we got there and they put me on a stretcher and rushed me into the delivery room as my contractions were now less apart. My mum filled our my various forms as Ramano who'd said he wanted to be in the delivery room, he came in with me and held my hand the whole time. Period cramps could not compare to this pain as I tried to follow the doctor’s instructions to breath easy and push, Ramano let me take out the pain on his poor hand as he kept saying, “You can do it Lin, we’re almost there”. One baby is hard but when they tell ok now the next one it’s the same thing all over again! However when Dr. McHinks said after the first baby it’s a boy, joy instantly replaced the pain but for a short while because there was still another one to come. After what seemed like eternity it was all over and Ramano and I got the opportunity to meet our two sons. I held my two baby boys still covered in blood and gooey stuff but as their innocent eyes looked up at me all I could do was thank God for them. Ramano and I held them briefly before the nurses took them and I was taken to my ward to sleep; since my body wasn’t supposed to of had to go through pregnancy yet and physically it had taken a toll on me.
When I awoke Ramano was holding one boy and my mum the other as Mr. and Mrs. Lankly and my dad looked on with awe. Mrs. Lankly asked us what we were going to name them. Ramano and I looked at each other and I told him to do the honours. We had chosen several names since we did not know the sexes but just before I fell asleep Ramano and I had decided on Lance and Lucas and so with pride Ramano announced to our parents the names of their two grandchildren, Lance Stephano Lankly and Lucas Antonias Lankly. It was strange but I could tell them apart already, Lance was quieter like his dad but Lucas was most feisty like me. I learnt quickly how to breast feed each of them without giving them too much or too little, how to burp them, how to bathe them and their sleeping patterns. We spent three days in the hospital since the doctor’s wanted to make sure that every single thing was good with them and me. It was good to finally be going home as we excitedly took the boys home to see their new surroundings.
My parents who had gone shopping while we were in the hospital had bought them a high chair each which they were too small for at the time. I was amazed by their every movement. Ramano and I were there on their first cry, Lucas’ mostly because he always wanted attention and to be held but Lance didn’t like to be held by strangers, so at first he only stayed with his dad and me. The hardest part of this new transition was the nighttimes when I’d have to get out my bed and feed them at early hours of the morning, especially since their cries for the first few nights caused me to jump up out of my sleep. Thankfully they didn’t generally get up simultaneously and Ramano normally stayed up with me as we marveled at the two beautiful babies we’d created. Ramano’s college was close to the house so every chance he took he’d be home playing with his sons, we had to learn in the early how to play with both of them so that one did not get more attention than the other. I was enjoying my time with them so much that I was hesitant about leaving my children in someone else’s care and going college, but as always Ramano told me not to worry. Almost every sound they made and move they made we had on video. When they turned a month we had a little party for them just before my parents reluctantly left. With my parents gone that meant that most of the time I was home alone with the boys but I was glad because that gave me more time to spend with them and learn from them how to be a good mother. We went for walks on the morning, strolls in the park on evenings, I read them stories, I played with them and on evenings we’d lie down on my bed and rest until the others came home. Then it was Ramano and his parents time with them and I usually used this time to relax by myself or got something to eat.
Chapter 5
Getting On Track
One evening as Mr. and Mrs. Lankly were on the back porch relaxing with the twin and I was resting, Ramano came into my room; this was odd because he rarely came in my room other than with one or both of the boys. I got up and asked him what was going on as he came in and shut the door, “Lin,” he said, “I’ve been thinking lately how fortunate I am to have you, Lucas and Lance in my life and I’ve discussed this with my parents and well ( he got down on one knee) Lin, will you marry me?” I was in total shock because we had discussed marriage before the boys were born but having been so busy with them I forgot, “With pleasure,” I said as I got up and as he did also we met in a kiss, something we hadn’t done since that night, “careful now, we don’t want anymore children yet,” he joked as we went downstairs to meet and tell his parents. Ramano announced our engagement and Mr. and Mrs. Lankly embraced us in a hug of definite approval and support. We told the boys who just looked at us with their bright eyes unaware of what it meant. I called my parents who were twice as excited as us and my mum who was an event planner wanted to plan the whole thing, which I consented to but warned her not to take it overboard.
Ramano’s semester was almost finished so I told him to wait until May when he’d be on vacation so we decided on the second Saturday in May; that date was also my birthday so it was a dual celebration for me. My parents flew down for the weekend with some of our close friends and my other best friend, Analina who I hadn’t seen since I’d left. Our friends arrived a week before the wedding and assisted in the final preparations. They were all excited to meet our sons who received more attention than the two who were getting married, but it was an unforgettable occasion of joy. Analina was my maid of honour and she along with my mum and Mrs. Lankly helped me to pick out my dress. We wanted it all to be simple, so I chose a dress that was elegant but not quite as extravagant as a traditional dress.
The day finally came and our sons looked so handsome in matching suits that their grandmothers had chosen. It was a beautiful, sunny day I’d never forget and my mum had done an awesome job at planning the ceremony and reception which she kept as a surprise for Ramano and I. The ceremony was held in a garden at the back of an old plantation-like house that Mr. Lankly’s friend owned and the decorations had the place looking perfect. My bridal party and I dressed in one of the rooms upstairs the house, which was as beautiful as the garden, while Ramano, his best man and our fathers dressed in a room downstairs. It all felt like a dream as I put on my dress and Analina helped me adjust it, put on my veil and gave me my bouquet as my mother looked at me with pride in her eyes. The bridesmaids, flower girl and maid of honour were all ready so my mum went to help Mrs. Lankly with the boys. My dad knocked on the door to signal that everyone was ready; he looked at me with tears in his eyes as he took my hand and told me how beautiful I looked. The music started and as I turned to go up the aisle with my father. It was the first time I’d seen Ramano in the tuxedo he’d chosen, so I was unable to take my eyes off of him as he looked at me with more love than I thought it was possible to show with just eyes. Close friends and family stood as my dad and I walked up the aisle, it felt like eternity before my dad finally put my hand in Ramano’s. The priest began the proceedings and when he was finished, he gave us an opportunity to say to each other and to our guests the vows we’d written for each other. After that he made us say our “I do’s”, then we signed the book, during which the best man sang a solo. When this was finished the priest said the best part, “You May kiss the bride”, Ramano lifted the veil and it was a short but unforgettable kiss as the priest announced us as Mr. and Mrs. Ramano Lankly, husband and wife! I’d never thought I would of gotten married so young or in such circumstances but if I had to live my life over I’d do the same thing. Normally it is just the bride and groom who walk down the aisle but we got Lance and Lucas and walked down the aisle not only as husband and wife but as a family. A limousine took us to the reception and instead of time for ourselves then, I spent most of the time feeding both of the boys and when I was feeding one Ramano was changing the diaper of the other, but this was the choice we’d made so it wasn’t a hassle. When I said the wedding was simple I was sincere because the reception was in a rented room at our favourite Chinese restaurant where we’d frequented so often that we’d invited the owners t the wedding and they offered to cater for free. Toasts were given, pictures were taken and we shared the first dance as a married couple. Since our first responsibility was to our children we intended to leave early to get the boys home for some rest because in all the excitement they tried to stay awake but Lance went sleep first and Lucas followed soon afterwards. However our parents said that this was our night so they took them home and told us to be responsible and not to stay out too long.
We had a blast with our friends as we reminisced on old times, shared jokes and then Analina said for all to hear, “I’m really proud of these too because I mean at our age we generally think only about ourselves, what we’re going do in terms of college, parties and just having fun but they have sacrificed all this, Lindsey especially, to take full responsibility not for a mistake made but a choice. Lance and Lucas are too wonderfully handsome and lucky boys to have parents who are as dedicated as Lindsey and Ramano are, so cheers not for the bride and groom now but for the parents and may they learn how to balance both”! I was so touched by this that I got up and gave her a hug; Ramano was behind me and gave her one also. As much fun as we were having, we headed home around 10.30p.m because Lance usually got up around 11.30p.m/12a.m and I intended not to miss this so he’d be fed on time. We got home just in time because just as I had finished changing, I heard Lance cry out and I headed into their room, took him up in my arms sat in the rocking chair and fed him, it was different somehow because this time I had the ring on my finger.
Ramano came in a little while after while I was burping him and stood over the cradle watching Lucas sleeping. “What’s on your mind?” I asked him because I knew him for seventeen years and his silence told me there was something on his mind. He turned and took Lance from me since he was now sleeping and put him in the cradle before he spoke. “Lin I was just thinking that since we’re married that we should be in the same room, but I’m not pressuring you into anything, just think about it, and let me know what you think.” I got up and put my arms around his waist, “Do you think we can sleep in the same bed without yielding into the temptation again?” He looked into my eyes and with a kiss he said, “ All we can do is try it first and see what happens,” and so Lucas soon got up and after I’d fed and gotten him back to sleep I headed into Ramano’s room but he wasn’t there, so I headed back to mine only to find him sleeping in my bed with his hand on my pillow and I wandered to myself how many nights had he slept in that position. I got into the bed and fell asleep in his arms and it was the best sleep I’d ever had because his arms made me feel secure and reassured.
My life was now almost complete, I had the husband I dreamt of, the twin I’d never could of imagined, a home, my husband had a car and all that was left now was to get my education finished so I could pursue my own career. Life as I knew was going by quickly and the new life was taking a toll on me since I was now a wife and mother of two at only seventeen. My me time which I used to have in the privacy of my room at night when everyone was sleeping was now also invaded since Ramano now slept in there; I talked to him about it and told him I needed a break and the more we talked about it the more I realized that wouldn’t be possible anytime soon because I was soon going into college and I couldn’t leave the boys since they were still being breast fed. It was a hard reality to face up to but I slowly accepted it.
The twins were getting bigger and bigger and were soon turning over on their own and beginning to crawl so we had to be careful with them and the stairs. Mr. Lankly installed a gate at the top of the staircase so that they couldn’t get down. Also to assist me, he knocked down the wall between mine and the twin’s room and put in a bi-fold door so when they cried I just opened it and went in and it was much easier. Lance also started a habit of liking our bed(mine and Ramano’s) better than the cradle and so most night’s he slept between Ramano and I; this wasn’t a problem until Lucas caught on and started doing the same thing; so we had to buy a king size bed to accommodate all four of us. I mean at three months these little boys were trying to outsmart us by insisting on what they wanted and where they wanted to sleep, many a night we’d look down at them sleeping and just laugh. With only three more months left with them before I go college, Ramano and I started discussing care for them while I was at classes; Mr. and Mrs. Lankly also assisted us in the decision. We began to interview prospective nannies and that took a while because I did not want my children in daycare but preferred them to stay home in an environment they knew; finding the right person to look after them, challenging. After about a month we finally decided on a lady in her late forties who had experience previously as a child-caretaker before her former employees moved to another state; she was a Christian, responsible, loving and gentle and she was the only person that all four of us agreed on but the final decision was left up to the boys. They gravitated to her well and so we told her that we’d hire her a month before I went college so she’d get used to them with me there because I didn’t just want someone to come when I’m not there and confuse the boys. Ramano and I took the twin to a theme park and petting zoo one weekend and they enjoyed it despite there age, it was a fun evening as a family; we went shopping afterwards and this soon became a once a month tradition for us.
Chapter 6
Home Again!
When the boys were five months old, we all took a summer vacation trip to Barbados my old homeland. I was really excited to let the boys see where their family originated from and hoped that maybe as they got older and visited, they'd come to value it as home also. The Lankly’s never sold there house that was next to mine so accommodation and transportation wasn’t an issue since my parents had three cars. One was mine but I never felt like exporting it to Florida, because it was in a sense something I’d always have a reason to come back for. We arrived at the airport and I ensured that before the suitcases were sent off that I had all the supplies for Lance and Lucas since the trip was three hours long. They were both sleeping since we were on the morning flight and were at the airport around 5 a.m; I was a little skeptical about how they’d take the plane ride especially since when they woke up they’d be in the sky in a strange place but at least I wasn’t alone.
The plane ride was a smooth one, thankfully; I had the window seat, Ramano sat next to me and a teenage girl, about our age or younger sat next to him. Lucas woke up first and Ramano gave him the milked I’d pumped into a bottle but since it was the first time using a bottle he cried and so we decided to switch babies so I could breast feed him; when he was finished I held him on my lap so he could see the through window; they were now able to sit up by themselves. I was going to change his diaper just before we landed but Ramano said he would do it in case Lance woke up before I got back and so he took Lucas to the bathroom to change him. By now we were accustomed to the stares of curious persons wandering is that their child or their sibling? While he was gone the girl that was sitting next to him asked me if the boys were ours and I told her yes, she looked shocked and then apologized but I told her that it was okay. She asked me if she could hold Lance but I told her to wait until Lucas came back because I didn’t want to wake up Lance; Ramano soon came back and she asked him and he looked at me but I nodded so he let her hold him. She held him as if she was experienced and so I told her just that and when she looked at me I realized she had tears in her eyes as she said, “I wasn’t as strong as you and my baby’s father wasn’t ready for a child, so he bailed on me when I was fourteen and so I had an abortion which I regret daily, especially times like now.” Ramano gave her a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder and I told her that she could hold Lucas as long as she wanted; I was glad that I hadn’t made that unfortunate choice because although my life would have been much easier, it would have been less meaningful and rewarding because I wouldn’t trade the joy I got whenever I look into both of my sons eyes! Lucas stayed well with Cassie, which she told us her name was, as she played with him, using his favourite rattle. The air hostess soon announced that we’d be landing and Cassie gave Lucas back to Ramano as we put back on our seatbelts and held the twin tightly as we landed, home once again. Mrs. Lankly held Lucas as Ramano and his dad took care of the suitcases; Lance slept for the whole time since he’d gone sleep late the night before.
My parents were there waiting for us as we exchanged embraces and they marveled at how big the twin was getting. The drive home was refreshing, it was good to be at home again but couldn't help but remember that the last time I was there; I was heading in the opposite direction, towards the airport. The only thing Ramano and I had to decide on was where we were going to sleep since we usually slept in the same bed and now we had to choose between houses; my parents would insist on mine staying there and his would want him as well. We finally reached home and it seemed like everything had remained the same; that is until Lance awoke crying and I went inside to feed him. My dad took our bags upstairs and the Lankly’s went into their house to get settled; Ramano came inside with Lucas and joined us on the couch. “About our sleeping arrangements,” he said, I smiled because one of the best things about my husband was that he almost always said what I was thinking, “I know you’ll want to be with your parents and catch up so I don’t mind if you stay here with the boys.” I knew Ramano wouldn’t want to stay at my house because he was not really comfortable around my dad since the incident, so I agreed as we took the boys upstairs to change them; it was a good thing the boys loved sleeping on a bed because we didn’t have a cradle for them, my parents had wanted to get them one but we told them it wouldn’t make sense since we were only staying for two weeks, but being their stubborn selves they still bought one. When the boys were changed and everyone was changed and settled we all met in our joint backyard and had lunch. Feeling a bit jetlagged, Ramano slept for the rest of the afternoon so while the adults chatted and mingled the boys and I were upstairs in my room where I read to them; I shut the door so they could crawl around on my room floor and play with each other while I unpacked.
The boys went to sleep around seven, a little after dinner and so with them sleeping we all met in the gazebo with the baby monitor and discussed the plans for the next two weeks, when the planning was finished it turned out that we really only had a few hours a day to relax and one day free. I went sleep early since the next day was going to be a long one. I was awakened around elevenish by a hitting on my window and I wandered who was the crazy person up at this time by my window so with my pen-knife handy, I approached the window and as I pulled back the blinds I saw Ramano outside in a boxer pants and vest. Only he could make such casual clothes send a shiver down my spine! I pushed up the window, leaned out and was about to whisper and ask him if he was mad to be out this late, but what he said stopped me, “ I missed you guys and I can’t sleep so I came to see if you guys were alright and to ask if you’d let me in.” There was a lattice gate at the side of the house, next to the first floor roof so he climbed up that and came in through the window; secretly I was hoping he’d come. My bed was against the wall so with the boys between the wall and I, I fell asleep in his arms as I often had since we were married and slept peacefully ‘til morning. Mrs. Lankly was in charge of breakfast so around 4a.m. Ramano snuck back over so that when his mum came to wake him up to help her, he’d be there. The boys were both up by six so I quickly fed, bathed and dressed them before putting them in the playpen so I could bathe and dress myself. By 7.30a.m we were downstairs waiting on my parents, as my mum came and took one of the boys so we could go across for breakfast; she said with a sly smile, “ I came to check on you last night but I saw that you were well secured”! I just blushed and hoped she didn't tell my dad because I knew he wouldn't approve.