From the author of the international best-seller “I Love Money”
On Cloud 9
Suresh Padmanabhan
Shan Chavan
Published by Suresh Padmanabhan at Smashwords
Copyright©Suresh Padmanabhan.
Copyright of all designs, inside illustrations, logo, poems with Suresh Padmanabhan.
The author assert the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. All rights reserved. No part of this document or the related files may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher and the author. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by the way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher and the authors consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchase.
Cover Design – Vinayak Gokhale
Inside Illustrations – Prashant Bhanvase
Poems – Gargi Trivedi
First Impression: October 2011
E: info@sawannabooks.com M:(0) 98452 24979
P : +91 80 2660 7011
Acknowledgements
My Heart–felt Thanks, Dhanyavad, Shukran, Arigatou, Kamsahamnid, Danke, Xie-Xie, Merci, Spasibo, Gracias
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you’, it will be enough.”- Meister Eckhart
Shan Chavan for co-authoring the book with her wonderful style of writing.
Malarvizhi Thayabaran for editing the work with precision. Vinayak Gokhale(cover design), Prashant Bhanvase( inside illustrations) & Devika Khadilkar (logo designs) for adding impactful images to the book.
Jameel Bhai for design and layout.
Gargi trivedi for the soul touching poems.
G2webs for web consultancy.
Chetan Deshpande for social media consultancy.
Mohan Sadanand who instilled the power of imagery.
Paddy for finding great resources.
And for the many readers who trust that On cloud 9 will add vibrant colour to their lives.
1. When the disciple is ready, the master appears!
5. Don’t say “No” before saying “Yes”!
22. Are men from mars, women from venus?
26. Conclusion: Another time, another day
Whoever cannot find a temple in his heart, the same can never find his heart in any temple. —The Book of Mirdad, Mikhail Naimy
“On cloud 9” means to be in a state of elated bliss and ecstasy. Women by nature are like that, flying like a butterfly in the land of paradise. Given a choice, they would like to be a permanent resident in the land of fantasy.
They are pulled down to the Earth to face some hard realities of life. It is like crash landing on a bed of thorns. No one likes it. At times, the existence pushes one to the wall and it is during these times, storms brew in the mind. One is pushed and pulled by the vagaries of life. And the best solution is to know “who you are”.
There is a wonderful dialogue in the masterpiece book Alice in Wonderland which goes on like this:
“Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I…I hardly know, sir, just at present…at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.”
At times, we are seemingly lost with no sense of direction. During these times, we need huge support and anchoring to find a foothold. We need support to find who we are.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where…,” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“…so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh! You’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
This was an amazing conversation again from the timeless classic novel written in the year 1865 Alice in Wonderland by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll.
“On cloud 9” will make the long journey short. No matter what happens, one needs to bounce back. If pulled to the Earth, one needs to find wings to fly back. Gather strength in your wings and fly back again to your home on cloud 9.
Life is perplexing enough as one meanders through the alleys and bylanes at times not sure where one is going. As you are feeling the early morning sunshine in your life, and are basking in its warmth, it suddenly disappears behind the dark clouds. At times, the dark clouds seem endless, and the hopes are dashed and shattered to pieces. In the seasons of life which we pass through, many prefer the spring time of life, with blooming flowers and a million colours, which nature seems to tease us with. But there are also seasons which we may dislike—the dark cold winters and the wet downpours. This book’s main purpose is to get back the sunshine and pep in your life.
If this book spreads its fragrance on you in any big or small way, recommend or gift it to your loved ones. You may also choose to gift On cloud 9 to the men in your life so that they understand you better.
Happy discovering yourself!
A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets —Film Titanic
This is a work of fiction, but with a difference. As you dive deep within the book, you will discover huge learning. This is like a lighthouse guiding many ships to find safety and come back safe to the harbour even in the midst of violent storms. “On cloud 9” can be your bedside companion, and on a dark cold night, be a warm blanket, under which you can feel secured.
Find a comfortable place which you love. Snuggle down with a hot cup of tea or coffee. As this book is a heart to heart intimate conversation with you only, it is preferred to read alone in the privacy of your home, undisturbed. Just as the first kiss and the first love are treasured all through life, this first reading should also give you the same cozy feeling.
Next time when you read, take a pen or a maker, preferably red in colour, and highlight those dialogues which make meaning to you at this point in life. As you read the book, suddenly many of your feelings and emotions can surface, which you can jot down immediately in the side of the book.
Each time the book will reveal something new altogether about you. Hence it is best to read and re-read a number of times all through your life. As you read; pause, reflect, and understand the higher insights.
Each setting of our life is unique. Hence at each time, the best insight, most suited to you, will jump out of the book into your life. When you feel low, just grab the book, rush to a warm place, and flip any page you like. Read from anywhere and in any order. Sometimes a potent word or a pregnant sentence can kindle the spark back in your life.
You can choose to read with your loved ones or friends and have a Satsang (discussion of truths).
As you read this book, watch your levels of consciousness rise in the body, mind, and soul. This book will stir and make you alive. And forever you may be transformed.
“On cloud 9” is written in an extraordinary way, because the meaning of the book is not only in the words, but also is in between the words, sentences, and the silence in between. The saddest is when you read the book and miss its essences.
Lastly, read the book with your heart and not your mind.
The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer is “What does a woman want?”—Sigmund Freud
God was working very late on a Friday.
An angel came to Her and asked, “Oh! You are still working on that same model since such a long time. Why such special treatment?
You created the last model in just a few days.”
She said, “This one is my masterpiece, hence it is taking time.”
“What is this form going to be called?”
She smiled and said, “Woman.”
“I have taken a lot of time to create her soul and her heart, in which I have poured in the essence of life.”
The angel touched the woman and asked, “She looks soft and fragile. Isn’t she weak?”
She laughed and said, “Do you think a flower is weak in comparison to a rock?”
“No, the flower has its own strength and grandeur. The rock is stronger than the flower only in terms of its crushing abilities. The flower is strong in its own delicate beauty.”
She continued, “I am making her strong mentally so that she can withstand all the storms that she may have to face in her life. I have given her the ability to feel more than the capacity to think. She will undergo many roles in her small lifetime.”
The angel asked, “Why are you spending so much time on her physical beauty?”
“She will add charm and beauty to the earth. She will be noticed and want to be noticed. I have chosen with care the rare ingredients because she will make many heads turn.”
The angel touched her cheek and said, “Oooh! What’s this? Lord, it seems this creation is leaking. You have put too many burdens on her.”
She said, “It is not leaking; it is called a ‘tear’. Tears are her way of expressing grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering, and her pride. Tears will be able to cleanse many issues and remove the heavy burdens in her heart. She will be able to wash away her pains and hurt.”
The angel continued inspecting the new form. “God, I also see you are working on a secret compartment.”
She said to the angel, “Good, you notice the details. This is called the womb. This is my most precious gift to her. Here she will be able to support and nurture a new life. I have taken care to ensure the extra durability and safety features of the womb to ensure the cushioning of a newborn life.”
This made a big impression on the angel. “Lord, you are genius. You have thought of everything. The woman is indeed marvelous!”
“What else can she do?” asked the angel curiously. She answered, “She can care, nurture, and carry heavy burdens. She can cry and laugh at the same time. She can forever be in a fairy tale. She can sing, dance, and celebrate every grand moment. She holds happiness, love, and opinions. She fights for what she believes in.
She stands up against injustice.
She doesn’t take “No” for an answer when she can see a better solution.
She sacrifices herself so that her whole family can prosper.
She cries when her kids are victorious.
She can cry for ages when she loses her loved ones.
She finds the strength to get on with life against all odds.
She knows that a kiss and a hug can heal a broken heart.
She will be strong as a rock and soft as a flower when required.
She will have lots of patience, but when pushed against a wall she will fight back.”
However, the angel had one more question.
“Lord, are you not doing injustice to the other forms by giving more attention to your so- called unique creation?”
The Lord looked at the angel with a smile. “No, not really! In spite of all my efforts, there is only one thing wrong with her…
SHE FORGETS WHAT SHE IS WORTH.”
When the disciple is ready, the master appears!
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.
—Helen Keller
The golden rays of the sun pierced through the misty morning fog, touching the earth like a magic wand. The darkness slowly slipped away as the brightness of the new day cast its presence over the grey blue-landscape.
A shadowy figure emerged from the semi-darkness. In the half-light of the dawn, she could not make out who the mysterious stranger was. It was not clear whether it was a man or a woman. Out of natural curiosity, Maya walked towards the surreal figure, to see who it was and what it was doing there, floating in the dimness. The figure beckoned her with a hand gesture. Did the stranger have an important message for her?
The face of a familiar friend,
But not yet revealed.
The face of a muse,
Not yet encountered.
Who could it be?
A welcome prophet
Bringing tidings of joy
A Glimmer of Hope?
Maya woke up with a jump as the alarm clock trilled on the bedside table. She rubbed her eyes and stretched her hands. She saw the sunlight filtering through the windowpanes and realized it was time to get up. What a fantastic dream she had seen. She wondered what it meant. It was said that early morning dreams always came true. She shook her head and laughed at the widespread belief.
The early morning household sounds engulfed her—the tinkling of the teacups in the kitchen, water gushing out of a tap, children rushing down the building’s stairs to catch the school bus…she also heard the familiar rustle of the newspaper being pushed into the apartment beneath the front door.
Alighting quickly from the bed, she went to the kitchen and made the tea. Nothing like a hot cup of tea to wake oneself up. She picked up the newspaper and scanned the headlines. It was the daily dose of scams, scoops, misfortunes, and murders. She flipped idly over the pages. An advertisement caught her eye—written in big, bold letters:
“ARE WOMEN REALLY THE WEAKER SEX?”
To find out more, attend the lecture by “Guruji _______” on Sunday evening, 5 pm at the YWCA Auditorium. Interested participants may collect passes at the following outlets…
Maya’s first reaction was, “Oh God! not another one of those lectures on controversial topics. And what an outrageous title!” She wondered who had the impudence to insert this advertisement in a national newspaper. And who was this Guruji, who thought he was an expert on women’s issues? She had never heard of him.
She continued to read the text below
“Women are the creators of this world, yet they have never been given their due status. They are still struggling to find a foothold in this male-dominated planet. What should they do to establish their own rights?”
The phone rang. Her colleague and good friend, Jyoti, was on the line.
“Did you read the newspaper today?” she began, sounding heated. “Can you believe it? In today’s modern world, it is advertised in the papers. ‘Are Women Really the Weaker Sex?’ He’s holding a lecture on Sunday evening. Hasn’t this debate become so passé? I mean…it’s so completely out of sync with today’s times.” Jyoti laughed loudly.
Maya said, “My feelings exactly!”
Jyoti replied, “Why don’t we go and take a look? I mean, at least we can hear him out. It might turn out to be entertaining?”
“Not a bad idea. It will be a good diversion.”
Maya skimmed over the advertisement again.
Somehow the text reminded her of her dream, although there did not seem to be any connection whatsoever between the two?
The dream remained with her as she readied herself for her daily schedule. It seemed to cling to her like a raincoat dampened by a light summer shower, leaving behind a cool, tingling sensation. As Maya boarded the bus to go for work and took her seat, she wondered whether it was a premonition of some kind. The feeling became stronger as she entered the staff room of the college and went through the notes she had prepared for her lecture.
In her mind’s eye, she once again saw the shadowy, mystical figure emerging from the dim landscape with a smile on his face. He looked like a spiritual healer, who had all the answers to her troubles. She wished it came true.
She had reached a state in her life where she was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. She seemed stuck in a groove but saw no way out. Did everyone feel this way? Or was she the only one who felt out of sync with what life had to offer?
After her separation from her husband, she had tried to forget about the past and concentrate on the future. The traumatic estrangement had shaken up her life. For the past three to four years, she was trying to come to terms with the aftershock. Grief, humiliation, suffering; she had been through it all. But now she felt the need to get rid of the shroud of sorrow and move on.
What had happened was unfortunate, but she still looked at the future with hope and promise. She just needed a gentle push, a helping hand. Maybe, a guiding spirit?
The hands of the clock showed that it was time for her lecture, her class would be waiting. Maya got up hurriedly and gathering her notes, she made her way to the lecture hall.
First Glimpse
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
—Joseph Conrad
As Jyoti and Maya made their way to the venue on Sunday evening, little did they know that this journey would be a life-changing one. As expected, the place was choc-a-bloc with people, mostly women, curious to hear what the self-appointed sage had to say for himself. It was with difficulty that they found seats towards the rear of the auditorium. The dais was decorated with garlands of yellow and white flowers. A high chair was placed in the centre with a mike placed in front. Everyone waited eagerly for Guruji. When the disciple is ready, the master appears... A figure wearing jeans and a crisp khadi kurta entered and sat down on the chair. He was fair, young-looking, and wore rimmed glasses. From a distance, he appeared a little indistinct to Maya and Jyoti, but he looked more like a computer engineer than a spiritual guide.
He reached for the mike and began to address the gathering.
“You can all see the power of women—you have come in such big numbers. Yes, I did think that the provocative title might get us results. Now that you are here to agree or disagree, please do listen to what I have to say. Let’s come straight to the point:
Shockingly many women problems start with men, for example, Menstruation, Menopause, and Mental. Women think that Men are the source of their problems. Because of this perception, women started jostling for space with Men in every area of life. Which is why, out in the west, the Women’s Liberation Movement was about competing with Men. The west has a much narrowed approach to view problems. They only look at the problem from a logical perspective. Hence logically speaking if men are a problem, let us become better than them, was the approach.
Hence after years of the so-called women’s liberation, women, especially in the west, started behaving like men.
The east always had a great complete approach: It is to sink into our own Essence, our own Being. In God’s creation, the essence of the woman is the heart and in men it is the head. Actually, the women have to move deeper within the heart and connect to the feminine energy within. It is unwise to be someone else. Being someone else is always moving from the essence of who you really are.
It is always prudent to follow Nature. The higher divine made men and women different. Period. So why fight with men on all fronts. Why not synthesize the beauty and grandeur of being a woman?
Let me tell you a wonderful story:
One day God decided to descend to Earth and check out on the bird kingdom. She wanted to decide on a prize winner and that bird would be crowned as the King or Queen of the Bird Kingdom. It was the grandest honour and all the birds started gathering at the appointed time and place. They were all eagerly waiting for Her to arrive and for the competition to begin. The birds started discussing the competition with their fellow birds.
There was a jet black crow that was also part of this crowd. The crow looked around, and started feeling very awkward and depressed. The reason was that every other bird looked so beautiful. The peacock had the most colourful feathers. The dove had such a pure, divine appearance. The parrot had such bright green feathers. And there were birds that had come all the way from Africa and South America and they were the most exotic of the lot. Even the crow was seeing them for the first time.
The disheartened crow thought, “Why did God make me so ugly.” The crow actually wanted to run away from the competition. As the crow was planning to fly out of that place, it suddenly had a great idea. It went to the peacock and borrowed two colourful feathers, it went to the dove and requested for some white feathers, it went to the parrot and cajoled it to give him three green feathers, then it went to the African birds and requested for some of their colourful feathers. All the birds happily obliged. The crow now became very happy. It started sticking all the feathers that it had borrowed on its body.
God finally arrived and now started inspecting all Her creations. She looked at each bird and finally came upon the crow, who was now standing very cutely in the line with the most amazing plumage. She stopped on seeing the crow and was confused, “Who is this funny-looking bird?” She scanned Her memory and realized that She had never created this bird in the first place. She could recognize every other bird except the crow. Anyway, She moved on to inspect the other birds.
After the inspection, She took the dais to announce the winner. All the birds were eagerly waiting with baited breath. She spoke, “It is impossible to judge any winner. I have created each one of you in my own image. All of you are so perfect and beautiful. All of you are winners. But for the first time there is a loser. There is one bird that I just cannot recognize.” She then pointed at the crow and said, “I do not recognize that funny-looking bird. I never created it.”
On hearing this, the crow became very sad, teardrops started falling down from its eyes. “Why did I try to be someone else?” thought the crow to itself. It plucked all the borrowed feathers and flung them away. It now started to discover its own beauty. It realized its own essence. She noticed this and said, “Now there are only winners. All of you including the pretty crow whom I now recognize.” All the birds danced and celebrated together.
I hope you all will treasure the moral of this story. Each one is so perfect in the higher divine order. Celebrate your womanhood. Celebrate this gift of you being chosen to be a woman. Develop and enhance this potential. Out in the wild, the rose and the lily dance daily together exploring their own potential.
Ladies and gentlemen, I know you are very curious to know why I am sitting here to give a lecture on such a sensitive topic. I agree, women have been talked about for centuries.” He paused to gauge the reaction of his audience. The majority of women were quiet enough, which meant that they were carefully analysing his words before forming any opinions.
Guruji raised a hand, and spoke in a louder voice. “I am not a self-styled champion of women’s causes as many of you may be thinking. No, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to supply any new-fangled theories on women. Believe me, I’m not that brave as to take on the anger of this female contingent.” He laughed with good cheer.
“What I’m here to say is that women are different from men and should remain so. Nature has bestowed men and women with different software programmes. They have different DNAs, different sets of chromosomes, so how can they be expected to be similar?
“Women are a highly evolved species, you know. They are spiritual, strong, and sensitive. Yet women have to struggle harder and have to prove themselves all the time. People are so ready to slot them into different compartments that affect their acceptability in society—married, unmarried, mother, divorcee, widow, career girl, housewife, etc. Their social roles override every other aspect of their lives.”
“This perception has to be changed,” he emphasized.
Emotional quotient
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
—Author Unknown
The women in the audience relaxed a bit and some even clapped. Although it was too early to tell, they felt somewhat reassured that here was a learned man, who had no hidden agenda. Nowadays, there were too many reports in the newspapers of maharishis wearing white or saffron robes with dubious backgrounds who duped innocent people, even going so far as blackmailing, stealing, and raping their devotees. Guruji could also sense that the audience was not as wary as it was at the outset. He continued, “Women are very expressive, spontaneous, and open. Their reactions are swift and instinctive. They are not inclined to introspection. They speak as it comes without filters. This is because they are more heart-oriented; which is why they are so highly skilled in the arts, music, dance, poetry, and literature. They have a high emotional quotient. By emotional quotient, I don’t mean that they are emotional. Women are strong and resilient. They can take great emotional upheavals in their stride.
They have tremendous faith in God; it’s almost a blind faith in the Almighty. Because of this, they never question. They are action-oriented. They just DO. And yes, they can laugh and cry at the same time. They can be sad one moment and happy just the next moment. They can scream at small things and suddenly ask for forgiveness. They can constantly babble and suddenly go silent. Their moods can radiate like sunshine and within no time it disappears amongst the dark clouds. All their beauty lies in these contradictions.
But because of this, they can go to the other extreme and can also be obsessive, fanatical, and over-imaginative. Men are generally more subdued. Men inherently think with their head, women from their hearts. How many men do you know who would slash their wrists in a fit of agony? How many men do you know who will scream and shout in the presence of the entire clan? Because men think with their heads, they do not overreact to things. They try to think over things rationally, before taking any steps. Men think and then speak whilst woman speak and then think.
Women cry very easily because they feel trapped by all the restrictions imposed on them. Nature has also bestowed on them a fragile constitution and their hormones react in such a way that if anyone says a harsh word at home or office they either burst into tears immediately or go to the bathroom and cry. If anything goes wrong, they take it straight to the heart. And because they spend too much time crying and lamenting their fate, it becomes even more difficult for them to cope. Yes crying is a good outlet for women. It is God’s gift to women to vent their stuck feelings.
But when overdone, it becomes a habit. Women will get trapped by their own tears where they would cling for support and will find it difficult to stand on their own legs. It also develops a victim behaviour which is disastrous in the long run. As a habit, it becomes so deeply embedded that women also start enjoying that feeling. Because of this, they will rarely be able to gather strength to stand on their own legs. This is like a spider trapped in its own webs. Women should be vary and guard themselves against being a victim.
In our unfair, male-dominated social structure, all systems are arranged in a way such that a man can regain his equilibrium fast. You know what I mean—if a man faces financial problems, the parents, in-laws, or friends will give him a loan; if he is bereaved, he gets a lot of sympathy and immediately starts getting marriage proposals, etc.; etc. All his problems are accepted and don’t dent his social status.
But men are not directly responsible for women’s problems. I repeat, men are not directly responsible for women’s problems. This is a myth. Yes, there are a lot of men who treat women worse than dirt, but there are an equally large number of men who respect their mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters.
No! As mature adults, women must accept the blame of their own standing. Women have to learn to face the realities of life with a calm mind, instead of reacting immediately or by crying or by getting cowed down by her social duties. Woman need to be responsive rather than being reactive. Otherwise, life will put them in situations again and again, where they will be forced to face the same problems over and over again.
After a while crying becomes an inherent habit. However, women don’t realize that this trait irritates people around them and causes constant friction with family members and colleagues. They are then labelled as troublesome. Sorry to sound so derogatory, but in general, women also lack a sense of humour. They become uptight and defensive when a joke is cracked, especially at their expense. But they love to bitch about their friends, gossip about relatives and neighbours, and laugh at the foibles of others, especially their own husbands.”
Guruji grinned. “I know nobody likes to hear home truths about themselves, but how many of you disagree with me. Please raise your hands.” The women of the audience laughed. But only a few raised their hands.
“Good, I think I’m getting to you. From the female point of view, marriage, menstruation, and pregnancy and the entire cycle of procreation are perceived as very, very important occasions in Indian families. For example, every community has its own set of rituals designed specially to celebrate a pregnancy. On these occasions, they meet, pray, sing, and dance together. Should these rituals be given so much importance? They have been cleverly woven into our social fabric for a very good reason.
Events such as these are very important for women because they trigger reactions in other women to follow the same. It’s a kind of ‘trickle-down’ effect. Women tend to follow the herd. Women rarely are good leaders but become good followers. Having said that, I am glad to see that trends are changing and women are taking charge of things.
The biological structure of a woman is such that they normally need a role model or a motivator who has already paved the path. Which is why, they many a times submissively accept all decisions made by the family elders. But these days you find a new breed of woman who will set her own terms, her own goals, and achieves them. And women who do that are labelled as Rebellious and have to face many a criticism from family and society.
Women have a tendency to cling, especially to people who pay them some attention and are kind to them. They look for security in everything. Maybe they are born that way, but it is this inherent insecurity that leads them to do many things. Think about what I’m saying carefully,” he said.
“Let me give you an example. As far as the money factor is concerned, women are good at saving. Because of their innate insecurities, they will always save a bit of what they get. However little you give them, some portion of it will be saved. Since prehistoric times, when men went to hunt for food, women saved a bit of the catch. She was always worried about her children not having food on days when her man would not be able to hunt. A woman’s natural instinct is to save because she is basically insecure. This is a very good characteristic unless taken to extremes. Some develop a tendency to hoard things and become very miserly in the bargain.
Men are not great at saving and hate to be questioned about money, because they know they can go out and raise money by working. They are confident about their abilities. For men, money is a personal territory and it’s a touchy topic with the wife. Women can’t keep money secrets. They take pride and talk about money all the time. Men keep their money matters to themselves; it’s not for public consumption.
What I am driving at is that women must hold the reins of their lives in their own hands. Even today, they have made great strides in life, but sorry to say, I can name only a handful of women who have made it without the financial and moral support of their fathers or husbands.” At this juncture, a lot of women in the audience made some noisy comments. “How can he say this? Does he really understand women and their problems? Did he think it was so easy to survive in a male-dominated society?”
When the commotion subsided, Guruji continued, “You don’t have to agree with all I am saying. It is good to provoke you for the best in you comes out during these times. Just try to keep an open mind and evaluate the points I have made. Let me end with a very powerful story:
A group of people with their caravan were travelling from village to village through the deserts of Rajasthan. When the sun was going down, they decided to pitch their tent before the cold night set in. As the men were busy tying their camels with a rope, they realized that they were short of one peg and a rope. They were worried about losing the camel in the night and so decided to go to the village headman to ask him for a solution.
The village headman who sported the longest beard and moustache was considered a very intelligent man. They reached him and said, ‘Sir, we are here to ask you for a solution for our problem.’ The headman then keenly listened to their problem and said, ‘Go near the camel and just pretend as if you are tying it down though you have no peg or a rope.’
The group of people thought it real stupid to tie the camel without any rope or peg. But they were simple folks. They trusted the headman and did as they were advised. They just acted it out and virtually tied the camel.
When they got up the next day, they just ran fast to check on the camel. They were surprised that the camel was safe and standing silently. For them it was a miracle.
They untied the other camels and tents to move ahead. But another funny thing happened. The camel that was not tied acted very stubbornly and just refused to move. They pulled and pushed but the camel just refused to move even an inch. They panicked and did not know what to do. So they again ran to the village headman to ask him for advice.
The village headman asked them, ‘Did you untie the camel?’ For which the group replied, ‘Sir but we never tied it in the first place.’ The headman said, ‘Last night as you had pretended to tie the camel, now go and pretend to untie it.’
They again went to the camel and pretended to untie the rope and remove the peg and were amazed that the camel got ready to move. They were amazed and wanted to know what had happened.
The village headman said to them that the rope and peg was just an illusion, but for the camel it appeared real and hence it did not move.
Likewise, all of us may be bound by our thoughts, which are actually not real but appear to us to be real. We are conditioned and unable to experience complete freedom. As a woman, all throughout your life, you have been conditioned by many factors. Though you have been born free, many chains bind you. Look into your own life and you will see how much you have been conditioned. The realization of being conditioned will help you to break free from the artificial chains, which only to our mind appears real. Break free from all the limitations and conditioning that limit you.
Life is a precious gift. Do not waste time by being in self-pity. Take the reins of your life and become the captain of your own ship. Use this small talk as a mirror to discover more about yourself.
And for all those who want to jump deep into your own self, please feel free to come to our prayer meetings and lectures, where we discuss many useful subjects in small groups. Thank you and God’s speed in all your endeavours.”
Maya and Jyoti went to catch the bus. They discussed the ideas they had just heard.
“What do you make of him?” asked Maya.
Jyoti pondered. “Well, Thank God he’s not one of those stereotypical saffron-clad Swamis. He seems very simple and down¬to-earth. He appears sincere.”
Joy and sorrow
A woman’s whole life is a history of her affections.
—Washington Irving
Maya’s had been a fairy tale marriage. She recalled those idyllic days, as if it had all just happened yesterday. When she looked at the wedding albums, she could hardly recognize herself—a laughing 23-year-old with a radiant, happy face, smiling coyly at the camera in a pink silk sari, and laden with bright jewels. She recalled the day well. The stars had twinkled in a clear sky as the wedding party arrived amidst music and dancing at the marriage venue, which was decorated with flowers and fairy lights. Everyone turned out in their silken finery and enjoyed the food and celebrations. She had looked forward to life and all that it had to offer, with not a care in the world. Maya had met Prithvi at her cousin’s wedding in Bangalore. Prithvi was the proverbial knight in shining armour—tall and handsome; and what’s more, a highly qualified, well-to-do computer engineer.
Maya was a pretty, petite girl with long, black tresses. Her almond-shaped eyes reflected a sincere friendliness, which instantly made a person feel like getting to know her better. Prithvi was drawn to her unaffected manners and smile. Romance blossomed amidst the yellow–red marigolds and the soulful strains of the shehnai.
Thereafter, he came to stay in her hometown (she was in her last year at college) for a project from his office. They met regularly for cozy dinners and talked for hours, exchanging views on everything under the sun, and went for walks in the park. The two families were delighted that the couple was bonding so well and decided to fix the marriage date, as soon as Maya’s examinations were over.
Maya was ecstatic. She felt that things were falling in place, as if a divine hand was guiding everything. Although she had earlier decided to pursue her doctorate and then go in for teaching, those plans were forgotten for the time being. She was too busy dreaming of a beautiful home and a rosy future. Settling down into matrimony with the right man—what more could she ask for!
After the wedding, she shifted to Bangalore, where Prithvi’s company had its headquarters. They bought a spacious two-bedroom flat and a nice car. Maya had decorated their snug little flat with love and care. She and Prithvi had spent many happy hours selecting the furniture, upholstery, and drapes in the city’s shopping malls. She had handpicked the accessories to match the décor. She was very well pleased with the effect and accepted the compliments for her lovely home with contentment.
On long weekends, the couple would drive down to a resort and swim, laze around, chat, and laugh. The first year whizzed by like a dream. The world looked so bright and beautiful, alluding to exciting events in the future. Every moment had seemed so precious—sipping the sweet, early morning tea, packing the lunch boxes, watching the sunset after a hectic day. Her environment was secure, fulfilling, and confident. She couldn’t have asked for a better husband.
Maya was keen to pursue higher studies, but Prithvi discouraged her. He wanted her to look after him and the home. Maya was disappointed, but she put aside her wishes and concentrated on looking after her new home. She felt that if Prithvi was not comfortable with the idea, maybe he would change his mind later— right now she did not want to upset him.
For another year, life rolled along but the chinks had begun to appear. Prithvi did not get along well with his new boss. According to him, the new boss was overbearing and prejudiced. He neglected him and nobody appreciated his work at office. Sometimes, Prithvi would leave work aside and come home without informing anyone. He also felt that his colleagues were conspiring against him.
The real trouble started when Prithvi resigned in a fit of anger. It was a bolt from the blue. He had not discussed it with Maya. It was a shock that she was unable to digest. Prithvi also went into a severe depression. A highly qualified, talented, sincere, and hardworking engineer—How could they treat him like this? What harm had he done to anyone that he was made to suffer such humiliation?
Maya tried her best to console him, but Prithvi slowly became a nervous wreck. Prithvi’s family and friends also tried to get him out of his dejection and told him to look for another job. For six months, he was unsuccessful, but finally he managed to find employment with a smaller company, for a lesser salary. Prithvi’s condition, however, remained unstable. He took to drinking heavily and picked up fights with Maya. He told her that she was unlucky for him and everything went bad because of her presence.
Prithvi’s new job was not as exciting or challenging as the previous one. He constantly talked of leaving it and starting his own enterprise. Maya was alarmed by these ideas. Given Prithvi’s mental state, she knew he was incapable of running his own office. And with their dwindling finances, she knew that they would have to take a huge loan, which did not seem right for the moment.
Prithvi felt he had a flair for the stock market. He started trading recklessly his savings in the stock market without having a really in-depth knowledge of the market. Some of these gambles led to disastrous results. He started borrowing money from friends and relatives. Within a very short time, he lost all his savings and also the borrowed money.
However, like a good wife she felt she should encourage and support him. She even offered to sell the jewellery, ornaments, and other expensive wedding gifts. She did not even think twice before offering the flat for resale. When things were better, they could always acquire these material possessions again. But Prithvi took it the wrong way. He felt that his wife had lost confidence in him and was being patronizing.
They fought more frequently, mostly about money. They were barely able to pay the installments of the house loan they had taken for the flat. They could not afford to take frequent holidays as they had done in the past. Maya tried to tell Prithvi that things would look up. They just needed to be patient and to fight it out. But to no avail! It was the last straw on the camels back when Prithvi resorted to violence during some of their marital arguments. He would lash out at her and sometimes hit her. Maya had to bear the brunt of all his failures.
It became unbearable for Maya. Her wonderful dream had turned into a nightmare all too fast. She could hardly believe that the Prithvi she knew could behave like a hostile, cold stranger. She tried to brave it out and initially kept quiet. When she could not take it anymore, she put her pride aside and telephoned her parents, explaining the situation to them.
They came to Bangalore to confer with the couple. Prithvi’s parents also tried to reason with him. Prithvi remained implacable and once again displayed a stubborn, mulish attitude. Moreover, he began to blame Maya for all that had happened. He said that all this had happened because of her and wanted a separation. The bubble had finally burst.
Maya returned home to her parents. At the young age of 25, she felt she had lived a100 years already. She slowly tried to pick up the bits and pieces of her life. Fortunately, she had not conceived a child. The only silver lining was that she was still young and resilient.
Prithvi and Maya could well have been templates for opposites. Prithvi was intelligent and hard-working, but was also authoritative and arrogant. However, he crumbled when things didn’t go his way. Maya, like most women in her situation, remained submissive and dependent. But when the dark, thundering clouds of trouble arrived, she displayed her inner resilience. She was prepared to fight tooth and nail to save her secure sanctuary. Status, education, social standing, and other peripherals didn’t bother her.
She cared most for the wonderful marriage they had created. But it was not to be. Like a powerful cyclone that capsizes a boat at sea, their marriage had crumbled under the weight of bad luck.
With the help of some friends, she was offered the post of a lecturer at the college and started teaching. Gradually, she began to put the agony of the painful past behind her.
My Plight
Behind my smile lie secrets and fears,
That not even my closest will ever hear.
I try and try to hold it inside,
My emotions are strong and I lose the fight.
As the day comes to an end,
My tears and my eyes befriend.
I feel my eyes fill with tears,
They roll down my cheeks nothing they fear.
Tears are my ultimate companions,
They are with me in hell and in heaven.
All in the world and in heaven and hell,
I searched and searched but I must tell,
Where are all my dear ones?
Where are all my cheers?
Everywhere I go, it’s just me and my tears....
Don’t say “No” before saying “Yes”!
If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
—Mary Engelbreit
Maya was soon ensconced in her regular routine. She engrossed herself in her work. Time went by. It was a humdrum morning at college. The staff room of the department was busy as ever. Lecturers came in and out from their respective classes. Others relaxed with a refreshing cup of tea or coffee and discussed the forthcoming examinations. Some got their notes ready. A nice, congenial atmosphere prevailed in the room. The students’ essays had piled up and Maya was sitting at the far end of the table, busy checking them. Her class was still an hour away. Jyoti was sitting beside her and making notes for the next lecture. Just then a couple of senior teachers came in and sat down. After a while one of them, Saraswati, came up to greet Maya and Jyoti and said with a warm smile, “Hello girls! Hope you are coping well with your work load?”
Maya and Jyoti said, almost in chorus, “There are so many papers to check and so much of the course yet to be completed.” Saraswati laughed, “Don’t worry; I’ve been through all this. You both are intelligent girls and will be able to manage.”
Maya noticed that Saraswati was looking very fresh and in high spirits. She was wearing a pretty blue sari and her hair was tied in a neat bun. Was this the same lady who had lost her beloved husband some years ago? It was well known that Saraswati and her husband had been very attached to one another. Especially after their only son settled in the United States, they had only each other for company. The intimate twosome regularly went for movies, plays, music concerts, and enjoyed long walks and holidays together. They were called as made in heaven couple.
After her husband’s death from a fatal heart attack, Saraswati found herself very alone and helpless. She withdrew into her shell and although she never missed her classes and remained dedicated to her work, it seemed as if she had lost the will to live. Her charming face had turned ashen pale and her pleasantly plump physique had suddenly shrivelled. She took to wearing insipid saris and hardly bothered to even comb her hair. But today, Maya noticed that she was looking her old self again. Her face had regained the former healthy spark and she had even put on some weight.
“Saraswati Madam,” she asked, a little hesitantly, “You are really looking so relaxed. Is your son back from America?”
“No,” replied Saraswati, “All this is because of my Guru.”
“Your Guru?” asked Jyoti. “But you never believed in all that did you? You always said that all these religious organizations, spiritual masters, must be done away with. All spiritual leaders are frauds. They just sway the people to achieve their own ends. Spirituality is just a commercial industry today.”
“Yes, I had said that,” said Saraswati. “But I have to confess that not all of them are like that. Some are genuine and work for the welfare of the people.”
“But how can you be sure that the one you have found is The Right One? Is there some formula with which you can measure the genuineness of one Guru against the other?” asked Jyoti, still looking sceptical.
Saraswati remained quiet for a while.
Then she sat down beside them and said, “Take a look at me. I am a rejuvenated, transformed person with a new lease of life. I was ready to die when my husband passed away. I missed him so much and found no reason to live without him. There were times when I seriously contemplated suicide. I cursed the Almighty for taking away the one person that I cared for the most. ‘Why did God do this to me?’ I asked myself over and over again. It was a horrible situation. But today, I find a new energy within me because my Guru has opened my eyes.”
“Since when have you been visiting this Guru?” asked Maya with curiosity. “Does he live in this city? Can I also meet him?”
Jyoti looked at her with surprise. “What do you need a Guru for? You’re still young and strong and live with your loving family. Surely, you don’t need a Guru.”
Saraswati understood why Maya was interested. She knew of Maya’s case. And although Maya behaved in a composed manner in public, she could guess her inner turmoil. At a young age, she had met with betrayal and tragedy and her dreams had been shattered. She had lost confidence in herself. She approached life with diffidence.
Maya’s parents supported her, but nevertheless she felt guilty for causing them such pain and social embarrassment. And though her parents were of modern thinking and were trying to find a rematch for her, she knew Maya was not ready for another commitment. She was scared to take a gamble and lose a second time. The scars had not healed fully.
Saraswati said gently, “Look friends, it’s all about taking the control of your life in your own hands. That is what my Guru teaches. This is why I was able to detach myself from the past.”
“I still cherish those wonderful memories of the delightful times I spent with my husband and will do so all my life. I miss my son but I realize that he has a duty to pursue his own goals. So I do not want to stand in his way. Life dictates that I have to live for myself. For that I have to take care of myself and earn sufficient money for my needs. Fighting with life is like banging one’s head on the wall. The whole game of life is to ‘Flow’. ”
Maya looked thoughtful. She realized the significance of those words. But how does one do it? She asked herself this potent question silently.
Jyoti said, “But what is so profound about what he says? All of them eventually say the same thing. And they all take it from the same source—our Ancient Scriptures—or so they say. Look at all the religious channels on TV, they repeat the same things everyday. But I don’t find the people any wiser.”
Saraswati had to smile. She said, “Jyoti, you are right. Each person’s nature is different. However, not everyone is as tough as you are. Some of us need help and one should not be ashamed to admit it. And believe me, most people just listen and don’t apply the advice given to them. You and I are ordinary professionals and do not have the time to delve into our rich and diverse Ancient Scriptures. But there are some who have spent a life time studying them and would like to share the knowledge with others.”
Maya agreed with what Saraswati was saying. And she had come to the stage where she felt the need to make a change in her life—to come to terms with her problems and to move on.